Roam with Me

I know I am not the best girl out in the market. I am practically a walking disaster. I make terrible decisions in life. I am not street-smart. I decide based on instinct and usually I don't think twice. I just live the moment. Decide for my life. I choose to be happy most of the time. And when realizations came in. When everything start to fail and slap me on the face. That's when I'll see how bad things went. How sometimes living the moment won't give you long term happiness. But then, atleast I can say that I enjoyed those times. I enjoyed my life even for a second. Whatever comes next will become lessons for me to learn.

Belated Happy Birthday Babe! Pasensya na kung na-late ako. Pa-special lang eh! 😊 Kanina habang tinititigan ko yang lapida mo, feeling ko nakatitig ka din sakin. Tapos inoobserbahan ko yung libingan mo. Parang may humihila sakin, parang gusto kong humiga sa tabi mo. Kung hindi lang madumi at mainit yung sahig e. 😁 Gusto kong maramdaman uli yung cuddle mo babe. Gusto kita uli makasabay kumain ng kumain ng kumain hanggang sa magpalakihan na tayo ng tyan. Gusto kita uli makatabi sa bus tapos babyahe kung saan saan. Gusto kita uli makausap tungkol sa kung anu anong bagay. Gusto kita uli i-kiss at i-hug ng mahigpit. Gusto kong marinig uli yung tawa mo at mga pang-aalaska mo. I miss you sobra. I pray every night na sana mabuhay ka uli. Kahit isang araw lang. Kahit alam kong imposible, ipinagdarasal ko pa rin. Tuwing mananaginip ako at nandun ka, palaging ang eksena e, buhay ka tapos joke lang daw lahat. Nagtago ka lang daw sa malayo. Tapos bumalik ka at happy na ko uli, okay na uli ang lahat. Ganun! Tapos magigising ako. Panaginip lang pala. Anyway, hope you had a blast dyan sa heaven. Alam ko naman tuwing birthday mo, dapat may kaganapan. Kung hindi man bongga, basta may paborito mong lutuin na pancit. Pampahaba ng buhay. Pero hindi naman pala totoo yun. Kasi bakit yung sayo maiksi lang? haha! trying to laugh here kahit walang nakakatawa. I love you babe. Always. Super duper miss you na. Hays. (at Barasoain Cementery)

dayuhan sa sariling bayan.

kumusta ako? so, hindi ko napanindigan yung video diary kaya eto susulat nalang uli ako sayo. lately, ang dami kong emotions na naramdaman. hindi ko maexplain pero para akong nakasakay sa roller coaster ride. yun lang. sulat uli ako next time.

Send my love to him up there 💓 #02112018 #PIHABF22

I was working on my wardrobe when I came across this jacket of Mark. Actually one of his most used and favorite jacket of all. Then a song played from my neighbour's stereo with a lyrics of "here in my heart there's a picture of us, together forever, unfaded and unbroken" I suddenly felt like I wanted to just stop whatever I'm doing and cry in a corner. It still hurts, up to this day really. Whatever I do there will always be moments like this. That emptiness and longing. Sometimes I dream that everything that's been happening on me were just a prank.

Super Blessed 💓

I miss you 💓

Ramdam ko na ang Christmas spirit dito sa tahanan ng mga Magtubo 😊💓

11.20.2017 In less than an hour 4 months nang wala si Mark dito sa earth. 4 months na pala akong walang nakakayakap at nakakausap tungkol sa kung anu-anong bagay. 4 months na kong walang Mark Louie sa tabi. 4 months! Na ang pakiramdam ko e 4 years na. Sabi ko noon, nung nag 4th monthsary kami we were so lucky. Kasi nalampasan na namin yung 3 months na snsabi nilang crucial stage kasi puro saya lang kayo don kumbaga wala pang kaseryosohan. Ngayong ika 4th death monthsary mo naman, should i say na lucky din ako? Maybe because I'm still alive? To tell you honestly, I've been through severe depression. Some say na loneliness lang yon. That it was normal pero hindi eh. There were days na ayoko nang bumangon sa higaan. Ayoko nang kumain, ayoko na sa lahat. Naging papansin ako. Nag seek ako ng attention. Pero know what? Walang pumapansin sakin. Until the day na nagdecide akong lumabas. Meet up with old friends. Matuto uling mabuhay. Umattend ako ng The Feast, nagkaron ako ng rason para magpatuloy, natuto akong lumanghap ng sariwang hangin. Maglibang, kumain magi-isa. Natuto akong iappreciate ang sarili ko. At patuloy ko pa ring ginagawa. Salamat babe, at alam kong tinutulungan mo pa rin ako kahit wala kana. Hindi ko alam kung anong magic ang kaakibat non pero naniniwala akong nagtatag-team kayo dyan nila Papa para ilapit ako kay God. Salamat kasi ramdam ko pa rin til now kung gano ako kaimportante sayo. At kung gano mo ko kamahal. Sorry kung may mga nagawa ako recently na alam ko, kung andito ka baka pinag awayan na natin. I neglected myself. I tried to be isolated. Sorry din kung naghanap ako ng attention mula sa ibang tao. Mali yon alam ko. And i realized that already. I know, 4 months is not enough to mend all the wounds. Its not enough to close all the holes in my heart that kept on gushing blood. No amount of time is enough for me to forget all those priceless memories we shared. All the love you made me feel. There's no enough time babe.

nakakamiss naman tong tao na to. 😊 yung smile na yan. aynako! I don't think magmamahal pa ko ng iba. 💓

All you need is that one friend who'll laugh on your silliest joke. That one friend who'll understand all your dramas and doubts in life. That one friend who after all the years of being apart will guarantee a space for you in her life. That one friend who doesn't care about being herself in front of you. No pretenses and no guards. And that one friend who will immediately take the place of your lost partner just to help you get through all the pain. Just to make sure that you're not alone while dealing with that seem to be endless pain. That one friend is God's instrument to pick me up from the ground. And that's you @caballerojnila thank you so much!

Last night i did a really weird thing. I felt weird so i did something weird. Ang gulo noh? I think something is growing inside me na hindi ko maexplain. At hindi ko rin mapigilan. Hindi ko alam kung pano kasi hindi ko nga alam kung ano ba to. Maski ako naguguluhan sa sarili ko. Basta ang malinaw lang... ay walang malinaw sa buhay ko ngayon. Magulo ko? Ang dami kong iniisip na hindi dapat eh. Hindi ko maintindihan. What the hell is happening to me. I think i need help.

Hey tumblr, Sobrang dami ko pa ring iniisip ngayon. Mga bagay na feeling ko hindi pa naman talaga dapat isipin sa ngayon. Pero ewan ko ba, siguro nalulungkot lang ako at kailangan ko ng makakaramay. Kelangan ko ng pagbabago sa buhay ko. At yung mga naiisip kong gawin ay hindi naman fair sa tingin ko. Kung ikaw ang nasa sitwasyon na naglolong ka sa isang bagay na nakasanayan mo, gagawa ka ba ng paraan para maranasan uli yun? Kahit sa paningin ng iba ay medyo mali? I have asked some of my friends but still hindi pa rin ako makapag decide. My mind and heart continuously fights. Naguguluhan talaga ako.

11/8/17

bagong tabas ang magkumare.