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I'm not religious but I'm a very emotional scientist and I've been thinking about this a LOT lately. I love the earth enough to be its steward. and I have the necessary tools for the task. a complex brain. dexterous hands. legs made to walk long and far. millions and millions of years of Chance and Opportunity shaped me into something that can give back to the planet that has been a life-sustaining home for every person who ever lived. it's enough to make me teary eyed sometimes
"humans are pests that should be exterminated" I don't think that's true. the ecological niche of humans has shifted from persistence predation to stewardship of entire ecosystems. we've done a lot of wrong. but we have incredible potential to do so, so, so much good.
this post speaks very broadly! I know a lot of us have brains that find some tasks very difficult and hands that struggle and legs that hurt. you're a wonderful person if that's you. I'm more than happy to do enough for us both. we're stewards, but we're also a cooperative species with an incredible capacity for kindness. rest well for me. [:
role model is crazy troy barrett goes through like 20 different actualization phases including the plane crash and comes out having shed his old bro asshole persona to be the first out player on the gayest team in the league and kisses his boyfriend who rocks in front of the whole team in the locker room in the span of like two months and every now and then you get a glimpse of ilya and you KNOW that guy is two steps away from killing himself over it
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Some more Age Gap AU (Older Ilya/Younger Shane) and a silly conversation. It's a long one...
“Yes, Captain,” Ilya replied with a little salute.
Hollander chuckled, shaking his head. He had his hands wrapped around the water glass, tapping his thumbs against it. Ilya took a sip of his coke.
“I have a question,” Hollander said slowly.
“Okay.”
“How do you like to be referred?” he asked and Ilya gave him a quizzical look. “Like, what do you like people to call you?”
Ilya considered the question, a little confused by it, but willing to entertain Hollander. “Roz is good. Rozanov.” Ilya gave Hollander a little wicked smile. “Daddy.”
Hollander choked on his water, throwing himself into a coughing fit, his entire face red. He turned away, coughing into his fist. Ilya felt kind of bad but he was also absolutely delighted. Hollander was so easy to rile and tease.
“Easy, Hollander.” Ilya reached across the table, thumping a hand against Hollander’s back. “Was joke.”
“I’m fine,” he wheezed and Ilya pressed his lips together, fighting a smile. “I know. Totally.”
Hollander shook his head, taking a few deep breaths, and Ilya couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Okay?”
“Yeah. I’m good.” He huffed and Ilya watched him, surprisingly fond. He hadn’t expected to be so endeared to Hollander so quickly.
But he was incredibly endearing. So earnest and serious and sort of awkward but sweet and genuine.
Ilya was intrigued.
He’d learned so much in such a short amount of time, pieced together from all the other little glimpses he’d gotten of Hollander over the years.
Ilya chuckled some more, unable to help it, and held out his hand. Hollander looked at it.
“Ilya,” he said. “Normal guy.”
Hollander smiled, huffing a soft laugh, and shook Ilya’s hand. “Shane. It’s nice to meet you, Ilya.”
we’re having a conversation about the closet elsewhere and honestly i get the vibe that a solid amount of people in this fandom basically feel like ilya is throwing one long temper tantrum in TLG compared to shane’s actual fears. it’s not like being closeted is agonizing for queer people or anything, or that he feels like he’s living a lie and can’t form any true connections with others when he’s concealing a huge part of his life, or that he can’t get as close to shane as he wants because they’re apart all the time and always have to worry about keeping their secret in public, or that he has to watch other queer people around him come out and be celebrated. and i think it’s because you guys don’t see him as being actually queer as much as making an exception for shane <3
Some more Age Gap AU (Older Ilya/Younger Shane) and a silly conversation. It's a long one...
“Yes, Captain,” Ilya replied with a little salute.
Hollander chuckled, shaking his head. He had his hands wrapped around the water glass, tapping his thumbs against it. Ilya took a sip of his coke.
“I have a question,” Hollander said slowly.
“Okay.”
“How do you like to be referred?” he asked and Ilya gave him a quizzical look. “Like, what do you like people to call you?”
Ilya considered the question, a little confused by it, but willing to entertain Hollander. “Roz is good. Rozanov.” Ilya gave Hollander a little wicked smile. “Daddy.”
Hollander choked on his water, throwing himself into a coughing fit, his entire face red. He turned away, coughing into his fist. Ilya felt kind of bad but he was also absolutely delighted. Hollander was so easy to rile and tease.
“Easy, Hollander.” Ilya reached across the table, thumping a hand against Hollander’s back. “Was joke.”
“I’m fine,” he wheezed and Ilya pressed his lips together, fighting a smile. “I know. Totally.”
Hollander shook his head, taking a few deep breaths, and Ilya couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Okay?”
“Yeah. I’m good.” He huffed and Ilya watched him, surprisingly fond. He hadn’t expected to be so endeared to Hollander so quickly.
But he was incredibly endearing. So earnest and serious and sort of awkward but sweet and genuine.
Ilya was intrigued.
He’d learned so much in such a short amount of time, pieced together from all the other little glimpses he’d gotten of Hollander over the years.
Ilya chuckled some more, unable to help it, and held out his hand. Hollander looked at it.
“Ilya,” he said. “Normal guy.”
Hollander smiled, huffing a soft laugh, and shook Ilya’s hand. “Shane. It’s nice to meet you, Ilya.”
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Thinking thoughts as per usual... with some true crime flavorings
Speaking into the ether because no one will see this...
Shane Hollander is a lawyer for the Innocence Project (or Canadian equivalent?)
He is handed a case for suspected police tampering/conspiracy that led to the false imprisonment of a 25 year old NHL player for murder.
Ten years prior, Ilya Rozanov was arrested under suspicion of murdering his father.
Ilya is indicted, tried, and arrested for the murder, while maintaining his innocence.
He's been in prison and has nearly exhausted all of his appeals.
The organization Shane works for is his last hope.
Shane is on an investigative team with Rose and Brandon Wiebe. Shane visits Ilya in prison.
Ilya isn't what Shane thought. He's polite, well-spoken, put together. He's a model prisoner besides a week when he was first sent to jail that he spent in solitary confinement.
Shane interviews him, finds him to be reliable, though understandably distant. It's hard to have hope when no one seems to believe you.
Shane and his team really start digging into things. Shane and Ilya build a rapport, bonding over hockey, and maybe flirting a little, but Shane keeps things professional.
The team finds that Ilya's brother, Andrei, a police officer, is most likely the actual culprit. Reviewing all the original discovery shows tampering with evidence. There are dead-ends and missing pieces of evidence everywhere.
Ilya was absolutely framed and they uncover police corruption.
Ilya gets an appeal. His conviction is overturned and vacated. He's a free man.
Andrei ends up being prosecuted.
They don't have much outside of some circumstantial evidence to connect him to Grigori's murder, but they can definitely get him for money laundering, sex trafficking, and tax fraud.
Ilya is now a free man. He and Shane had talked about maybe pursuing something together if Ilya ever gets out.
Ilya tells Shane he meant being with him but wants to get back on his own feet. "Being someone who's deserving of you."
Shane promises to wait.
Two years later, Ilya has righted his ship. He and Shane kept in touch and Ilya asks Shane if he still wants to be with him.
Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Second Chances, POV Alternating, Hockey Coach Ilya Rozanov, Hockey Coach Shane Hollander, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Falling In Love, Older Characters, Fluff, Slow Burn, Food as a Metaphor for Love, Anxiety, Depression
Summary: Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov haven't spoken in fifteen years. After an emotionally charged hookup at Ilya's penthouse in Boston, the two hockey phenoms stop talking. They meet again as coaches for the struggling Ottawa Centaurs, both of them still harboring feelings for one another, but can they overcome the hurt that was caused on that day in Boston to try again?
Excerpt:
November 2030 - NHL Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony - Toronto
Shane Hollander stood at the bar in the Allen Lambert Galleria at the after party for the Hall of Fame induction class of 2030, ordering a light beer.
He was in a tailored suit, a dark navy that his stylist had said looked amazing on him, and he had taken his word for it.
He was surrounded by his peers and had never felt so alone in a crowded room.
Shane had only recently retired from the NHL and was still adjusting to his new status.
The transition had been a little bumpier than he had anticipated but he was trying to ride the wave, even if change made him anxious.
He’d been hoping to make it to thirty-nine or forty to retire but one too many injuries had put a stop to that.
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