Lexi Unplugged

i just want to be normal.......today my aunt and sister told me things that i shouldve known at my age.......sometimes i wonder why god made me this way........i had more sense when i was 10 than i do now at 19 why???????? did i do something god that my sister who is 17 has her shit together more than i do........what is wrong with me??? everytime i think im moving forward i get knocked back my my own do by my mind being on overdrive all the time by me constant to think hink think of everything, everyone, i freak people out, and myself , i self sabotage myself......thhe list goes on........why cant i be like my aunt or sister........i think that when the one person in the world who has always been my biggest supporter died i died too cause ive been on a downward spiral since and now im approaching adulthood and i have no semblance of where i should be cause im so far back.......

so todays entry goes like this i liked someone else while in a 1yr relationship i was honest with my boyfriend and we broke up so i can figure my shit out............ i told the boy i like that i brokeup with said boyfriend because i have "unresolved feelings for him", which is not the only reaons......anyway i thought he would be happy but instead a got once again a indecisive person..... so im confused and suprisingly my now ex boyfriend is taking all this well and wants me to figure it out. eventually everyone in my immediate family finds out including my sister who is the best friend of the guy i like and shes mad everyone thinks i should get back with my boo and my head is spinning. honestly i wanted to break up for a couple reasons and 1 of them i cant tell my ex cause he will be so hurt and he deserves way better than that