Writing here because itβs like a diary and I need to get the thoughts out. I havenβt felt like myself for the past four months because of stupid cosmetically related health issues that seemingly have no end or fix. I havenβt felt this type of anxiety or depression for years. I donβt ever feel excited to hang out with people or do new things. I have an amazing boyfriend who Iβm scared to be with because I just bring him down and donβt want him to leave because of the way I canβt help but present myself to the world. I feel like I have such a small circle of friends, and I donβt feel like I can open up to any of them about the emotions and anxiety I have been feeling. I feel like these emotions and this anxiety is coming from such a stupid place that itβs embarrassing to talk about with anyone, even doctors. My parents, who have been 20 minutes down the street my entire life, have moved to a completely different state and I feel the absence. The smallest things that Iβve always been able to feel anxiety, but quickly shake it off and move on, I canβt do. I blow up in anger or sadness or hopelessness at them. Itβs the feeling of hopelessness that I canβt handle the most, and Iβm afraid to seek out therapy because I donβt believe it will help. I just want to feel confident again and like myself again, but I donβt believe it will happen. I compare my own stupid issues to other peopleβs and feel shame about them. I just want to get past this.
