what a faff!!

i am so in love with the concept of life. abiogenesis is so fascinating to me. what makes our arrangement of atoms so fundamentally different from that of any inanimate object? how did all of this spring up under the light of a celestial body 150 million kilometres away?? why do i get to experience the world in a way that no one else does? why was i born in the same lifetime as all of you? why is it in human nature to look for answers that don't exist? everything about me seems so very finite. it is very difficult for me to comprehend scales. how does anything limited exist in an infinite universe? we are so very fickle. we have only so much capacity for living and breathing and feeling emotion from one moment to the next. i feel like we're a teeny tiny patch of mold growing through the cracks of an incomprehensibly large wall. sometimes i think we shouldn't exist at all, but can anything really be unlikely in a constantly expanding world? how does something that is infinite expand? space travel is so mind blowing. how many generations of people looking up at the moon did it take before someone decided we'd go up there and touch it. and how many generations of earlier forms of our species than that. i think about the last universal common ancestor a lot. i can't comprehend the idea of nonexistence either. it's not like I have ever known what it's like to not be alive. logically i know what will happen to me when i die. consciousness will end and that's it. i like being alive. i like thinking about all the cells that make up me as a person. all these self contained complex systems working to keep me here. i like to stare at myself and move my hands around and imagine all the muscles moving in tandem and visualise the currents running through my neurons and synapses. it's all so efficient. how does any of this happen. why am i me and not a table. what separates me from a table if we're made of the same things. Why am i a quintillion times more complex than a table. i know that a whole lot of science is more of an attempt to make sense of the world than objective truth. i don't really think the world can be made sense of. but we try anyway. Please don't turn me into a table when i die. HEY HAS ANYONE EVER THOUGHT OF MAKING DND DICE WITH THE ASHES OF LOVED ONES i need to google this at once i feel like it would have been done

smth smth that quote about how our ancestors looked up to the same moon that we do, and that feeling when you look up into the stars and are met with the realisation that we are so much smaller than we think we are, and that there are so many answers to questions that we cant even fathom like what gives us the privilege of life? how blessed are we that we can feel and run and jump and look up to the stars!! what a burden it is to live and know that we cant learn everything, what a beauty that we can try anyway!! i love you bro

sometimes you have to wonder what kind of friends you make you know?