my cocaine dealer fell in love.

(3) I don’t feel like killing myself but if you do then please hang on for a little longer - there’s so much happiness love that’s waiting for you…

I don't feel like there's someone who I can call family. I don't have a family. This isn't family. Family doesn't hit you. Family doesn't... Maybe family does hit you. Maybe family does curse you. Maybe you are supposed to be scared of family. Maybe you are supposed to feel alone when you're with family. Maybe you are supposed to find every opportunity you can to stay out of your house. Maybe you're supposed to be criticized, yelled at or have disappointed looks/comments waiting for you. Maybe your mother is supposed to blame you for her life failing. Maybe your parents are supposed to never trust you. Maybe your father is supposed to make you feel like you'll never, ever, be enough. Maybe sisters do yell at you for every little mistake you make cause let's face it, you're not a child are you? You became an adult when you were 10 and lost your childhood and now you're an adult with crippling anxiety and 0 will to live.

And betrayed cause my mom was supposed to be on my side

no man this isnt done. im already running VERY low on energy. jitni energy hai sab jeene mei laga rahi hu because suicidal thoughts are too much right now. when you're suicidal and hate disappointing people, someone you love dearly and probably the most in the world comes to you and tells you that they are disappointed in you and hey you should be I made a mistake. But it was an honest genuine mistake. I'm in an environment where my energy is continuously sucked on and now you're like 'I didn't expect this from you' and that 'what your parents are doing should be done' Thank you for making me feel it's all my fault. Thank you for making me feel that the length of my clothes do define my character. Thank you for validating everything my misogynistic homophobic slut shaming abusive parents did. Thank you for making me feel like I should not make mistakes because they clearly won't be forgiven and I'll roam around with the weight of my mistake and instead of learning from it I'll be cursing myself for existing. Thank you for unknowingly accelerating someone's suicidal thoughts. Thank you but you might be the reason (including a lot of other people) if someone kills herself.