cherry

I preach so much about how much I despise alcohol. How much it goes against my morals. Every shot I take, every sip I'm offered, all I do is make a disgusted face and say, "Ew how can people enjoy alcohol?" The truth is, nothing reeks of home more than alcohol does. Shelves lined with every alcohol you can imagine, pretty pretty glasses carved for special occasions, whiskey-flavored kisses, alcohol-induced conversations, and just enough tipsiness to hug people you claim to despise. I've never known love without the contribution of alcohol. My parents—who would either turn very affectionate or very violent after drinking or my first love, who gave up alcohol for me, but stumbled right back into it when we separated. The truth is, I've never been loved sober. I don't know what sober love is and frankly, I don't wanna know either.

Because for me, home looks like my lover slumped on our couch, surrounded by glass bottles, looking up at me through half-lidded eyes and a guilty smile. "I'm sorry sunshine."

Home feels like our shared shelves lined with bottles of alcohol whose names we can barely pronounce, delicate glasses hidden in our cabinets, drunken nights ending with us dancing together in our kitchen.

Home feels like his whiskey-flavored kisses, his flushed skin against my pale one, and just enough tipsiness to hear a slurred "I love you so much"

I'm homesick for a home I don't even have yet. I'm homesick for you.

Being a good person to feel worthy of having a partner and then realizing LITERALLY NO ONE VALUES A GOOD PERSON????

I don't drink, smoke, party, hook up, NOTHING nor do i ever want to. DOES ANYONE CARE? NOPE. WHAT DO THEY CARE ABOUT? OTHER SHIT THAT MAKES ME A 'slut' LIKE WHY DOES MY COLORED HAIR AND PIERCINGS BOTHER YOU??? IM NOT A FUCKING WHORE LIKE YOU'RE ASSUMING I AM????

When sobs are racking through your body and you're just so desperate, "some human contact, please", and you just want a hug so tight because suddenly the world feels to be weighing down on your shoulders.

Absolutely nothing can defeat the high of falling in love. Especially if it's reciprocated.

Suddenly the world seems to appear tinted with pink, food starts to taste heavenly, every song on the radio sounds angelic, and those normal day-to-day inconveniences just don't annoy you as much anymore. Cuz something else makes you SO much more happier.

And it's better than actual substances—it actually lasts. A lifetime. You come home and it's just there—your drug, your high. That euphoric state that makes you forget everything else.

And really, not getting that high? It does make you sad right? Makes you feel like you'd anything just to taste that high once? To feel that euphoria?

And when you do get that high? The possessiveness of never wanting anyone else to experience your high. The selfish urge to keep that euphoric state to yourself and only brag about it to others.

STOP I DIDNT EVEN RECIEVE THIS MESSAGE BUT THANK YOU SM 😭😭😭😭💞💞💞💞

whoever u are, seriously, I appreciate this more than you know ☹️☹️☹️

mwuah thank you so much !! I'll try posting again just because of this message :3

But damn it, I love you more.

How do I sing hallelujahs when they aren't devoted to you? How do I recite prayers that aren't for you? How do I read holy books that don't worship you?

You're my faith, and I'm your most loyal devotee. I would fast for you, I would pray for you, I would beg for your forgiveness, I would write books on you.