The occasionally original blog.

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

where's that native meme that's like "lol you worship the sun lmao" and they respond "ok. the sun is real"

I make the same face every time theres some documentary talking like "the ancient Egyptians believed the Nile river was sacred" and i'm like....well yeah? Its kind of like, the only reason their entire society exists? Seems pretty reasonable to me

if i was a soccer player i'd simply kick that ball in the goal instead of wasting everyone's time

I'm still thinking about the guy who saw me realize my wheelchair wouldn't fit in the elevator because he (also a wheelchair user) was already inside it and immediately quipped, "This elevator ain't accessible enough for the both of us."

THE FRENCH FUJOSHI: and you will put ze tips of your penise togezher, oui? and you will insert yourself into 'iz boyhole, oui?

washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes

can I get a job as an editor but the only thing I do is correct when someone uses the word "prone" when they mean "supine"

You are an unreliable narrator because your coping mechanisms for your deep-seated trauma forbid you from acknowledging the reality of the situation. I am an unreliable narrator because I sincerely have no idea what the fuck is going on.

no no, I realise it, I’m just still driving despite the check engine light being on

U