Monologue

Compare to the good memory and the bad memory , bad memory would win. However I realized that I love this school and I wish I could attend this school again and try many things.

Even though I couldn't make close friends that I can stay together all the time , the people here is super nice and funny.

One girl cried for me, I never expected things like that so I was happy and cride together.

The hardest thing is saying good bye for me. I said goodbye to my japanese friends and family about 1 year ago. and now, it's time to say goodbye to the people here.

Without noticing, time is gone, time waits for no one. I regret little bit because there was definetly something that I could do better each time. I decided that I will do whatever I get interestred in, no hegitation. That chance might not come to me again.

I feel like I'm still 15 years old. But I'm already getting turn to 18. There's no time to use for negative feelings.

Many people say that I'm a kind and good girl. I always want to be like that and try to be nice but still being me. I'm happy that people tells me just like that but that makes me feel not uncomfortable sometimes and feel cramped.

It makes me feel like I have to be always good, nice, conceal the negative feeling and be positive all the time.

I know that I need to appericiate more than I do now, but I can't stop thinking "what if." oviously it is my fault because apparently if somebody was here instead of me, she/he would do better than me and I know it. so it is not the fault of this environment but I always think that if i was in the different environment... moreover there was different possivility of my life here. sigh... I dont wanna think like this anymore.

lots of struggling, suffering.

can't stop thinking "what if..." it can't be helped how much i think and daydream the different life which could be mine.

time goes by. do you think i have the time to just stop and thin about useless things? the answer is NO. definitely not.

it is important to use own time to ease and calm down thou.

how much you dont like your life, time waits for no one, you need to walk forward, look the path which you've come and encourage yourself that you can do better than that.

you need to accept yourself if you do something wrong or bad things . denying yourself kills you.

lil bit weird when i read them back thou.

I want A on American history so im gonna study harderrrrrrrrrrr

My mind dropped to very bottome of my heart.

I'm anxious because my end of the study abroad is getting closer but I feel like I haven't acoomplished anything. And I don't have friends to hang out with. I was jealous to the other students.

Normally, when I feel that way, I become to feel empty and lose the energy to do anything. At first, I became like that as usual. However! the feelikng which came next was "I CAN NOT WASTE MY TIME!"

I know I won't be able to catch up with the others from now, but if I do nothing, the distance will expand. Then, I should do something rather than do nothing and feel depresed.

Actually I was impressed by myself because I thought that way . It means at least I could grow a little ! lol

That's it !

now playing.

about 6 monthes have passed since I came here

still, I cant unedrstand the lectures.

I just finished to read the text book of US history.