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Jude 1:7 ~ Just as Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding cities, which likewise indulged in sexual immorality and pursued unnatural desire, serve as an example by undergoing a punishment of eternal fire.

And yet every Sunday you were willing to disregard every last word.

The verse repeats in your head like clockwork.

There was nothing comforting about the church you and your family stepped into once a week. While the beauty of the richly detailed glass murals certainly caught your eye, it never seemed to make you feel at ease, at home. What was once a fun activity as a child had now turned into a reminder of your future in an eternal fire.

It hadn't always been this way,you had always considered yourself "normal" as a child, finding boys in your classes attractive and even dating them in your younger years. As you grew, however, you began to experience puberty and its atrocious and ungodly side effects, and your emotions flamed as you battled a newfound tingling in your system. Lust.

While your sex ed classes had preached that it was normal to feel the desire to touch yourself (and others), your parents and elders at church had always denounced lust at its core, calling it "an abomination before our savior" and commanding abstinence amongst your youth group. That very youth group however, was the one to send you down into your spiral for longing.

Your closest friend since childhood at church, Karina, was always praised for her beauty by all. Glowing brown eyes, soft porcelain skin, and long black hair delicately concealed by a pure white veil. An angel walking amongst the earth, putting even saints to shame. And yet, always kind and gracious to all, and she seemed to have a special spot for you, a mere peasant in her presence.

What started as an innocent friendship between the two of you in your youth had turned you into the very monster your priest warned against since day one. In the blink of an eye, every detail about her made your heart soar higher than the heavens. The way she looked for you while sitting at the bench by the altar and smiled everytime your eyes met when you walked in and how she always got up to sit next to you. The way you could hear the choruses sing in your heart as she looked into your eyes when you spoke. The way nothing else in the world mattered as long as she was with you. The fire in your heart burnt, truly.

No one else could ever come close to her in your eyes, no man or woman. 

Karina also had her fair share of innocent relationships with men, and who wouldn't jump at the chance to be with divinity? But it was never innocent to them, she was a mere prize to be won for them, an object. They never understood her for her true kind nature, they never truly knew your Karina. No amount of ignoring or diving into other relationships could take away the sting of watching her look at a man the way she looked at you.

_______________________

It was still a Sunday like any other, your brother fussing about the early wake as usual as your parents dragged you to worship. You didn't seem to mind, to them you were just happy to be in the presence of God, but you were looking forward to seeing Karina again. Walking towards the old rusted doors you make the sign of the cross and enter, making it a point to fake a smile to anyone who greeted you. You rushed over to the bench where Karina sat, sliding in with ease as she turned and smiled.

"Y/N, you came!" She said with a bright smile.

"Of course I did silly, I always do. Not like I have a choice though." You giggled

"Listen, I've been trying to improve my cooking skills since I burned the last batch of cupcakes I've made. Can you taste this and tell me what you think?" She says as she hands you a small bag of cookies with "Y/N ♡" written on it.

Your heart fluttered at even the smallest gesture, the heart next to your name in the most beautiful handwriting, it was exactly why you endured this agony daily.

Karina watched attentively as you took a bite. It was surprisingly delicious and soft, you smiled at her warmly as you chewed, not caring about the crumbs all over your lap.

"It's delicious Karina! You outdid yourself with these.”

Her eyes lit up as she smiled. "Thank goodness, I worked all night on these! My dark circles must be showing" she said as she touched the skin under her eye.

"You spent all night working on these Rinnie?"

"Of course! I wanted to make them perfect for you."

Your ears rang at the words as heat crept up on your cheeks.

"F-for me? Rinnie you didn't have to do that! I eat enough as it is, I promise!"

"Well why wouldn't I? You're special to me, I wanted to." 

Just as quickly as your heart began to flutter, the bells rang and the priest began to walk down the aisle with the altar boys following quickly. You opened your book of hymns and attempted to sing alongside the rest of the church. Karina's voice sang next to you, her voice was truly beautiful, like a songbird of the heavens.

As the priest made his way down, you noticed one of the altar boys and long time friend, Felix, stumbling slightly while carrying the cross. Karina giggled as Felix laughed at himself slightly. He shot a look at the two of you in embarrassment. 

"He's always so clumsy, I hope he doesn't trip and break the cross" she whispered in your ear as you smiled in his direction. He pouted and looked the other way quickly.  

The rest of mass went about exactly how you'd expect, the priest droning on about sin and temptation as you tried to make sense of your emotions. It seemed as though that the priest's monotone voice and Karina's lack of sleep caused her to doze off, a rare sight for such a devout listener like her. Suddenly, you felt a slight pressure on your shoulder, turning your head slightly to see Karina delicately resting on you. 

This was heaven. Nothing in a promised afterlife could compare to her warmness and beautiful sleeping figure. You leaned your head on top of hers as you thanked the stars for this moment.

__________________

Your moment in bliss was too short lived as mass concluded and many church members gathered downstairs for the brunch. You still felt on cloud nine, but your head was still spinning. You couldn't keep this facade of normalcy up for much longer, especially since you were days away from deciding your college of choice. Would you and Karina go to the same school? Could you finally see her more, or would she pursue other endeavors and leave you forever? Your heart ached at the thought, unaware of the tap on your shoulder from a familiar face.

"Yo, Y/N! Have you finally decided where you're headed to? You seem conflicted about it." Felix asked.

"Oh, well, to be honest I'm still not sure. I'm too worried about the future." You responded

"Like what? You can tell me anything, I won't judge." He noted.

"Felix..." You paused. "...do you think that gay people deserve to die? Or burn in hell?"

His eyes widened at the brazen question as you hurried to retort.

"Well I'm just asking hypothetically, it's nothing serious!"

Felix sighed as he spoke. "No Y/N, you're not burning in hell for eternity. You're still my friend no matter what."

Your eyes widened "W-wait ME?! I'm not gay, I was just wondering!"

"You're a terrible liar." He retorted

"Nuh-uh! I had a boyfriend in 6th grade!"

"Yeah... in 6th grade. Where's he at now?" 

You stood still like a deer in headlights, how were you supposed to defend yourself now? He had caught you red-handed.

"Look, Y/N, I'm at the altar every Sunday. I KNOW you have feelings for Karina, and I honestly don't blame you. Karina is kind no matter what and knows to love everybody regardless of who they are. Besides, God is forgiving. I'm not ashamed of you." He said.

"So...you think she'll like me no matter what?" You whispered.

"I think so, yeah. Why not give it a shot, she might like you back! Besides, she doesn't seem too keen on any of my mates anyway." The freckled boy chuckled.

"But what if this ruins everything? What if she never sees me the same again? What if she hates me fore-" 

"Y/N, hurry! The line for the pumpkin pie is getting longer!" You heard Karina shout from behind you as she grabbed your hand and hurried you to her spot in line. 

"Ughh, I've been dying for some since November! I need some sugar badly before I fall asleep on the floor." Karina noted.

You had to know. You had to know if this was all for nothing, if you should move on forever with no regrets, even if it meant her potentially outing you to your family. It wouldn't matter to you anyway, you could leave and never come back, and yet, you would always think of her.

 "Rinnie, can I ask you something? And be honest with me, please."

"Sure, what's up?"

"Do you think gay people deserve to die?"

She paused for a moment, as if having a war in her mind at the mention.

"...No, of course not. Everyone deserves God's love."

A safe response, you thought.

"So if you had a friend who came out to you, you'd still love them?"

Her eyes widened. "Y/N, are you saying you're-"

You couldn't take it anymore. You grabbed her hand and rushed her into the girl's bathroom. You had to free the demons consuming you.

"Karina, I know you put your faith before anything else, and you have every right to never talk to me again after this, but I have to get this off my chest." You spoke as you felt the tears welling in your eyes, as if pleading to a savoir. You took her hand gently and placed it on your chest, letting her feel the rapid heartbeat pounding in your chest.

Her eyes met yours with a worried concern in her eyes, a rosy red blush creeping on her face.

"...My heart, it beats for you. It always has, and no matter how hard I try and repent, nothing can ever replace you in my heart. You're all I've ever wanted."

At this point, the tears were pouring as your lip quivered. You were about to lose it all, but you were prepared.

"I love you Karina. I always have, and I always will."

A sob escaped your lips as her breath hitched, looking at you as if you were a soaked puppy lost in the rain.

"I know I'm g-going to burn forever, and I know that I'll never see you again, but I had to tell you before I left."

You let go of her hand as she slowly retracted from your chest. Your heart was screaming to stay but your feet were dragging you back out into the world that hated you so.

Your attempt back was stopped by a swift grab of your hand, turning your head finding Karina with tears in her eyes as she moved closer.

"Y/N...do you mean it?" She said with a wobbly voice.

Was this real? Has heaven finally granted you access through her?

"Of course I do," you said through tears. "How could I not? You're everything I've ever dreamed of, nothing else I love comes even close to you. You're a blessi-"

Your speech was cut off swiftly by a pair of soft lips meeting yours.

You closed your eyes, cupping her face gently as you took every moment in. There's no way you would ever need access to heaven, when heaven was right here with you, kissing you with buttery lips and soft hands on your shoulders.

Your lips parted ways ever so slowly, as if being separated by Atlas himself, but not even Atlas could have the strength to keep you away from her. 

"Karina..." You muttered, feeling her warm breath on yours. "You don't have to do this. You don't have to burn in hell forever because of me."

She paused before smiling once more. "To me, Y/N, you're worth burning for."