«That’s a lonely place to be»
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«That’s a lonely place to be»

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Yet, there’s no place in this world for us to grow old
Just in case you want this, here’s a September 2024 wallpaper for your phone - Rafayel’s studio
Rafayel gave me a flowerbed that doesn’t exist anywhere else AND I can name them
My bar has been raised
I look at Rafayel and then at my boyfriend
*shakes head in dissapointment*

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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You will never love me like you once did
He’s not there. Neither am I. The long awaited moment that materialized differs from the one I, we, onced dreamt of. What changed? Everything in between the wait and this very moment.
I remember back when I used to close my eyes, all I could see was the green meadow in front of me. The sun was shining and I felt its warmth on the tip of my fingers. The scent of a mixture of grass and flowers filled the air. The wind, blowing, was soft against my skin. I felt embraced. I could breathe.
Today, when I close my eyes all I can see is the endless ocean. I’m standing on the edge of the cliff. I’m soaked in the stormy rain and I can see the thunder far off the shore. My body feels heavy. I can barely move my legs. It’s cold. It stings. I can’t breathe
How is it that Love can look and feel this amazing without any thorough thoughts. Loving love is so easy, yet loving and being loved is so tough. The cloud of happiness dissipates on a whim. The storm which follows feels unbearable. The pain fades too slowly. The longing turned sour. I want to bid it farewell
I feel miserable. The pain doesn’t go its way. I’m stuck in a never ending see-saw of ups and downs. My energy is draind. My motivation is low. I find no joy in my violin. I find no joy in my paintings. I find no joy in composing. I struggle with concentration. I have no appetite. I want to sleep away my life. Is this worth it? Even if it ends the way I want, everything was wrong to begin with. How can the future be bright? I’m exhausted. I don’t want this

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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What I really need right now is someone to walk along side me. I don’t need anyone to save me. I don’t need anyone to carry me. Just watch my steps. Every last one of them. Please tell me I did a good job when I reach the end. Please be there to embrace me at the end.
*Me window shopping*
Seasonless bottoms
More like seasonless depression
When all has been said and done, there’s really nothing left. Nothing can be undone. Nothing can be mend. All that is left is what have come to be.
Here I am. Glueing the damn puzzle you helped to complete and, damn, am I impressed with how strong this glue is. It would be great if it can glue our relationship back together too
A sense of goodbye
What would make me feel better? A sense of confident coming from you. Something along the line “we’ll figure this out together”. I wanted it so badly that I’m confused as of what I should be doing now. I wish, so immensely, for you to be the one. Somewhere deep in my heart I’m still holding on to the little hope that you’ll come around. Yet, somehow I already know that I’m incapable of opening up for you again. Somehow, I know deep down that we’ve already lost it all. The moments were nothing more than some mere experience for you and for me they were the most precious memory engraved. In this limbo I now reside, not being able to let go and wanting to let go, my heart is bleeding out. The patches won’t hold and it continues to beat in misery. I wonder, am I the only one grieving over the lost past and unrealistic future of us? Not even a miracle is enough to reset this anymore.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I fell in love
It’s not the way he made me feel. Or the way he treats me. Nor the way we interact. I genuinely love him. Just the way he is.
He was cute the first time I met him. I also liked the way he shook my hand. I like the way he talked and he never really seemed intimidating. I always noticed him from afar just from the way he walks. I like how dedicated he was with his studies. I also found him interesting since he didn’t do whatever other people were doing. His love for his family fascinates me and I’m constantly envious of his intelligence.
His voice is soothing and I always yearn to hear more of it. He smells freaking great as well. Always neat. I find it incredibly funny how much time and how obsessed he is with his hair, haha. He’s adorable when he talks about his blackheads and pores as well. I like how charming he is when he drives and I can never take my eyes off of him. He’s good with words and I like his humor. I like that he has a big appetite, which surprises me every time, and isn’t a picky eater. I also find him cute because how obsessed he is with his savings. His introverted side reminds me of myself, so relatable and adorable.
His smile alone makes me happy. I love watching him eat snacks and sweets because of his happy face. I like his response when he had enough of me. And I hate playing badminton with him, way too good at it, haha. I love playing video games with him because he’s a good carry, but at the same time he sucks at reading. I love his shy face, incredibly cute and adorable. Makes me want to hug him and tease him even more. He enjoys dancing and watching him dance while brushing his teeth is a blessing.
I fell in love for the first time. It took me 30 years and I don’t know if I can survive this.
Looking at others’ love story makes me happy