hyper

CG: OKAY DAVE, I KNOW WE CAME TO A TRUCE ON THE WHOLE FOOD WARS SHTICK, I'M NOT ABOUT TO HURL TWENTY MORE INSULTS AT YOUR EARTH CUISINE, BUT.

CG: BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT.

TG: man

TG: ok look i was kinda preoccupied with the seven minute voice message i left you about the infinite jump glitch in sonic 06 and it turns out i cant measure water and talk at the same time

CG: DON'T SLOSH IT!!! THAT'S DISGUSTING!!! IT LOOKS LIKE BILE!

TG: yeah well its the last pack of mac n sheese and im gonna eat it whatever viscosity it decides to have

TG: i can make this work

TG: is cheese soup a thing

TG: nah theres no way in hell

TG: k so what is your cooking proficiency like what are we dealing with here

CG: OH, I DON'T KNOW. I WOULD SAY I CAN PROBABLY FOLLOW BASIC INSTRUCTIONS, POSSIBLY LIKE THE ONES THAT WERE ON THE BACK OF YOUR SALIVATION-INDUCING SLOPFEST YOU'VE GOT GOING ON HERE.

TG: alright cool i got a pitch

TG: might work might dont

CG: THAT ISN'T SO MUCH INSPIRING CONFIDENCE IN ME AS IT IS TAKING WHAT MORSELS OF FAITH I HAD IN YOU OUT BACK AND THRASHING THEM IN A DARK ALLEYWAY.

TG: alright so im basing my operations on like the core features of water im talking the ten commandments of h2o-logy

TG: as the component responsible for the shlop of my shlock presented before you

TG: it can evaporate right

CG: … YEAH?

TG: ok but cheese doesnt evaporate does it you cant get a cheese mist

CG: OH NO.

TG: cheese doesnt evaporate it just like melts

TG: or dries

TG: so my theory is if i jam this shit in an oven or maybe the microwave

CG: NEITHER OF THOSE WERE IN THE INSTRUCTIONS AND YOU KNOW IT

TG: but the problem is the pasta is already cooked and all up in there so if i microwave it the pastas gonna go soggy and i cant have that

CG: DAVE.

TG: so microwave is out of the picture im assuming oven heat will keep the pasta dry while also evaporatin the water without removing the cheese

TG: that checks out doesnt it

CG: CUT THE BULLSHIT. STOP EMBARRASSING YOURSELF.

CG: YOUR INSISTENCE ON UPSTAGING YOUR OWN STUPIDITY IN FRONT OF ME ISN'T CUTE OR ENDEARING. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO PULL AND I'M NOT FA--

CG:

CG: WAIT… NO… WOULD-- WOULD THAT…?

TG: real brain wrinkler huh

CG: OH SUCK MY FAT FUCKING SHAME GLOBES

TG: dude you even pointed out the tripwire and you still went ahead and threw yourself over it what kind of troll are you

CG: I DIDN'T FALL FOR SHIT! OBVIOUSLY MY ATTEMPT TO HUMOR YOUR RAPIDLY DETERIORATING SENSE OF "INTELLIGENCE" WENT CLEAN OVER YOUR NUGBONE! YOU'VE PROVEN YOUR POINT, MY FAITH IN YOU IS COMPLETELY MISPLACED.

CG: WOOPS! SILLY ME FOR BELIEVING IN YOU! WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER?