Treble ahead

flutist: to be paid to spit into a metal tube

interviewer: . . .

Violin: do you hate being ignored? Want to be a child prodigy and have all the solos and love to back stab people for that first chair?? Want nothing but melodies and egos??? The violin is just for you!!

Viola: if you were bad at the violin, fear not! The viola is waiting with open arms!

Cello: if you have expressive facial expressions, like to rock back and forth, and if you have been called "overly dramatic" in the last five days, the cello is for you!

Double Bass: want to do nothing but play tonic and dominant notes all through the piece????? LOOK NO FURTHER!!!

Harp: never want to be heard?? Do you have an extra $30,000 to spare???? The harp is for you, my friend!

Oboe: DO YOU LOVE DUCKS???? YES!!!1!1 PLAY THE OBOE!!

Bassoon: If you excelled at oboe, level up to bassoon! If not, stay there.... In the oboe section,.Please

Flute: want to make grown men cry and shriek with terror at your high notes?? flute gives you all the power you could ever want!

Clarinet: do you like hardly ever being heard in the orchestra??? But you want a lot of solos?? Is cappricio espagnol your dream clarinet-orchestra piece?? Make that dream a REALITY!!!1!1!

Bass clarinet: Clarinet.... But with more OOMPF AMIRITE YES!?,,??2!

Trumpet: play as loud as you can, whenever you can!! Want your lips to fall off as well??? Come join the trumpet cult!

Trombone: If you like long slidy things that go woo-OOO then this if for you. Or if you like alcohol. If not, don't think about it.

French horn: Silent, yet do you secretly judge everybody??? Play this, and you can judge everybody WHILE PLAYING AN INSTRUMENT!!! 10/10 IMPROVEMENT!!

Tuba: If you are a double bassist wanting to expand your notes that you play by three more, come to the tuba section!

Percussion: want killer biceps??? (Jk not really) join the perc section!