ᴀʙᴏᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴀɴᴅᴀʀᴅ

Oppa, are you and Miranda still together? I have to confess something to you. I had a crush on you for a really long time, since you were with Youngshimi. I knew I didn't have a chance but when you were single again, I thought maybe I did and when you started dating Miranda, I really hated her. I wanted her to die. I told her she should die. I sent her a lot of the hate she got. I called her a slut and told you to break up with her. I learned a lot of things about her from her best friend. He

Now this is a true stab it the heart. The ones that hurt like fucking hell. I know I have no right to upset but I'm human. Like any other I get hurt. I may show a cold exterior but you are fully aware how I truly am inside because of what I have had to live the entire time I've been here. Like I have always said I don't blame you. I wasn't a perfect boyfriend. I was filled with flaws. I wasn't and still not fully capable of giving all the attention and gifts you deserve. I try the best I can but I know it's not enough and I didn't want you to go through it. You didn't deserve this. That's why I constantly asked you to be truthful with me. If this is what you were really okay with. Time and time again you would tell me one thing and I believed you.. maybe because inside that's what I wanted to here. I was being selfish and I knew it but those words made me the happiest that I believed in them. But no. Damn it was the complete opposite. Shit again I don't blame you or am I surprised but how I always had myself finding out. That's what pisses me off. The manner in the way you decide to let me know... or more like let everyone else know except me. Why you weren't able to pull me aside and let me know face to face every single time you did I don't know. All those words I've read they do hurt and it gets me mad... my mind knows I have no right but my heart doesn't think and that's what it feels. This is enough. . . for you to be in a situation where it's taken you to a point where you decide to speak in such a harsh manner.... where now it hurts the both of us so much.