forget to live

Absolutely, definitely yes! Nothing to thank me for, I’m the one who should thank you for being strong enough to move forward! Don’t worry baby, okay? You got this. You can do it. I’m always, always, always gonna be on your side. Thank you for being here in spite of how hard it is. You’re braver and tougher than you think, always keep that in mind. Again, thank you.

Akashi doesn’t find out per se, but he does experince an odd feeling… eerie, even. He hasn’t heard from you in a couple of days - which is alarming enough - but you being off the radar isn’t a new occurrence. It’s something that’s happened quite a bit, mostly because your life could get a bit hectic sometimes - he’s learned not to lose his composure over things like lack of texts or scarce updates long time ago, so honestly, he wouldn’t be standing on your welcome mat at two a.m. if it wasn’t for that bothersome feeling sticking needles of fear into his stealth composure. He knocks once, twice, three times. When you finally open the door, you find him standing there with his fist frozen in the air: a clear indication that he was about to knock again. You tilt your head to the side with concern written all over your features, not really knowing what to say.Oddly enough, Akashi doesn’t seem to know where to start either.  “I apologize for bothering you at such an ungodly hour, _____. I–” he starts, but stops as soon as he lays eyes on you to take a proper look. Your orbs are glassy and distant, but what really confirms his worst concerns is your lips. They’re not simply trembling, they’re shaking.“Sei, I… I did it. Again. I thought I’d finally won and I just, I haven’t. I haven’t won. I’m sorry, Sei–”Akashi’s arms are around you in a second, warm and protective and safe. He effortlessly keeps you from falling on your knees, refusing to let go even when you start pushing him away. “You haven’t won yet, my love. It’s a simple matter of time,” he whispers, stroking your hair with slow and regular movements. He takes in your scent and thanks every deity he can think of for the air still filling your lungs, for the blood still being pumped through your veins. “You will win this battle, ____. Someone as remarkable as you is destined to rise and stand proudly, never forget that. Please.”

insipred by this

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First, I’m undiagnosed but been displaying some severe anorexic habits for 5 years on off

And just fucking saying, these are really gross.

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Sometimes I hold food in my hand, go to the bathroom, wet it and crumble it up in my hand? I call it “external digestion”

After chewing and spitting sometimes I get paranoid and have a bowl in front of me and I just continually spit for minutes

After I got caught purging in the toilet I began purging in the shower so I had to cut big chunks up with my nails and sweep and smush it all into the drainage

Told my psychologist (for depression) I have BED so she’d help me stop eating

On that, I convinced people I had BED just to justify how much weight I was gaining since I got into a quite bad depression episode for a few months (and convincing them convinced me too)

Cook the sweetest, greasiest, stickiest, unhealthiest shit and make people eat it so I could just….watch them…..eat it…..

Addicted to purging, like I’d eat a fruit the entire day and just run to the toilet and get it out, it hurt tho bc it was mostly acid because I hadn’t eaten anything else

On the note, sometimes I purge in public and once I didn’t realise the bathroom didn’t have soap so I just walked around smelling like puke and people just knew

Also on that, one time I purged in school and the toilet didn’t flush so for a while everybody was ranting about how the “vomit cubicle” stank up the whole bathroom and I just kinda went…oops

More, taking a shit right before purging, doing it with the shit in the toilet just to get more nauseous. I didn’t wash hands.

And no idea if this is normal but from being able to throw up once I stuck my fingers in, now I can feel my epiglottis and I have to scissor my fingers and tickle my throat or really fuck it just to throw up

Faking breakfasts meant cutting up food, dirtying the plate, then shoving all of that into some tissue that I’d stuff into my schoolbag and throw in school (or leave it in my bag for a week until it smells)

The amount of food I’d leave or purged or spat out or thrown out, especially food prepared by people I know really love me? More than gross, it’s just heartbreaking.

Convince myself I wasn’t sick at all bc I’ve never been underweight, or because some days I eat, and some days I binge, and some days I don’t care about it

When I was 9 (idt I had an ED yet) I made a whole rulebook similar to yall’s posts

Feel proud about how my grandma finally stopped fat-shaming me, instead called me an example for my relatives to follow.

I’d wear revealing clothing or corsets or tight stuff so I’d constantly bodycheck and not want to eat because bloating

So at some point I wouldn’t shit maybe a week and when I would it was a fucking stone and I would bleed, but that also meant it wouldn’t flush, so I’d fish the shit out of the toilet (bare hands) and wrap it in paper and throw it in the trash

Also on constipation, at some point shit wouldn’t come out sitting, I’d have to go to the shower and squat to do it, and I’d pick up the shit and wrap it and throw it.

I would snort other people’s food, like I was slurping ramen noodles or some shit, Like I’d sit at the table and grab all the food and snort that shit like drugs

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Okay that’s about all I can think of so far, but I’m pretty damn sure there’s more.

But the reason I’m telling you all this is because this shit is not pretty and it is disgusting and it is cruel, not only to yourself but to everyone around you — and they do care for you, whether or not you feel like they do.

I’m just glad our paths crossed

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