Dog: WAT DOING

Me: Nothing. I just stood up.

Dog: WHERE GO

Me: I'm literally walking 3 feet away. I'm not even leaving the room.

Dog: CAN I COME

Me: I mean sure but I'm literally just-

Dog: I COME TOO

Dog: WAT DOING

Me: I need to open this door.

Dog: I HALP

Me: No but you're in front of the door. Move please.

Dog: I HALP

Me: Sigh.

Dog: WHERE GOING

Me: I am going right back to the exact place I was sitting a second ago.

Dog: CAN I COME

Me: Sure.

Dog: I SIT IN LAP

Me: No please don't you are-

Dog: I SIT IN LAP

Me: No there's no room and-

Dog: LAP

Me: No, sit on the floor and I'll pet you.

Dog: RIGHT HERE

Me: That's literally on top of my leg.

Dog: IT'S PERFECT PET ME

Me: I am petting you. One second, let me just grab my glass-

Dog: PET ME PET ME PET ME PET ME

Me: I literally am petting you, I just needed a drink-

Dog: PET ME PET ME PET ME PET ME

Me: I AM

Dog: I SIT IN LAP

Dog: PET ME PET ME PET ME

Dog: HOLD SLOBBER TOY

Dog: SNEEZE IN UR FACE