Here I am 26, languishing in anguish
This is the first year of time upon this world that I will grow a year older without my mother I still have moments of utter trauma and I smell gunpowder filling my lungs There are times when I feel the life exiting her on staining my hands My miniscule amount of happiness or light I had of my life utterly vanquished and absolutely assimilated I feel so permeated by dejection I feel the light and warmth from recent days completely utterly forcefully asphyxiated from every atom of my being Such as if my soul was whiplashed from my mortal husk
I absolutely loathe myself Having someone recently give me such light and warmth in a completely devoid confinement I have been bound to I am thankful for the brightness no matter how ephemeral it shall ever be Its the cruelest thing I can ever experience The darkness produced by the light Far exceeds and is ever endlessly consuming This darkness is a blackhole inside myself This world inside me is constantly under this depletion of any form of happiness I just wish for someone to be my lighthouse To guide my lost and forsaken soul that is stranded so far from a shore Buried so deep in the depth of a shipwreck at the bottom of this sea The bottom of this abyss Burying and holding my happiness in this heart in this nothingness I just want you to take me away You arent just the first person You help me feel something I crave more than the continuation of my own life
