Inside a Juju Goddess's mind

I need to keep true to whatever I advise people

i miss the security your presence brought

i loved how i can be with you, and i’m home

i loved you. when i thought i could never love anyone. i loved you the most... when i can’t even begin to imagine how to love myself.

here i am.. a year later...

I search for a face

I search for a soul

Not as damaged as yours, but just as vibrant

Not as beautiful as your despair, but just as poignant

My love, I fail to look

My love, I fail to try

As I put my efforts forward, my soul drags me down

As I will myself to start, my heart turns away

I do not long for praise

Nor do I long for a stranger’s embrace

I long for sense of acceptance

I long for sense of belonging

I long for the home I found in your arms

My love, this journey without you has been too long

My love, I wonder if I can ever truly come back home

Looking back at my posts... I felt free. After all that hurt, I didn’t know I can ever get out of that fog. It is so painful to read all the words I typed in, knowing the fact that I was probably sobbing like crazy during that time.

This inspires me more to improve myself. A year without you, my love, I achieved the following:

1) Went to Singapore with one of my bestest friends

2) Transferred to a university

3) Became closer to my friends, knowing who the real ones were

4) Saw a new side to my mother, making me love her more

5) (SUPER RECENT) Pledged to TRY and STAY in a Gluten free and Dairy free diet

6) Drove to LA and SD 3 times for 2017

7) Booked myself to 5 More concerts this year (2018)

8) Moved on

These do not look much, and people do this everyday. It is, however, a big deal for me. I lost myself when I loved you, and I was dooming myself for life. 

True to Swifty wisdom, this was proven true:

My happy place is still the thought of me in your arms.

Because I still hang on to a happy thought you once told...

Hi

I'm starting to be okay now.i don't feel like hurling anymore. But please .. I don't want to see you. I pray that I won't see you. I pray that our paths won't cross.

I'm okay. I don't hope anymore. But I feel like.. deep inside me...

I still will say yes if you show up one day.. and ask me "let's go somewhere ?"

I wish you happiness. I wish you love .

So long my love.

Hi honey..

I miss you. How was exam? I know you did well. And if not , it’s still okay. You did what you can.