free as a bird

Lately the idea of a child has been bouncing around in my head. I don’t know if it’s from my books I’ve been reading or the fact my friends have children/are expecting. Which makes these thoughts very confusing if I really am feeling like I want a child or if it’s just because of what’s going on around me. I think about how scary and exciting the experience could be. I also think about how much pregnancy freaks me out and how terribly hard it is to raise a child. I think about how I don’t want to expose a child to the military life, and how unfair it would be to them. I also can’t help, but envision Ben & I snuggling a little one on the couch. How even though he thinks he’d be a shit dad how wonderful I know he’d be at it. I don’t know though if it’s what I really want. I’m not sure how to be sure, and I’m not sure how I’d even tell Ben what I am thinking.