Toni!!

It's hard having one of your personality traits be "annoying"

I do want your pity, actually

Why does it seem like everyone is trying to prove themselves?

It is a different kind of dehumanising feeling when a group of people collectively decide you are bad/to hate u/that you're wrong even when you're showing proof

Most humans (the people around me) are slaves to their emotions. If a person seems miserable they dislike them more because that negative energy/emotion is passed onto them, which they obviously dislike. Instead of actually thinking about what's with that person they let their body decide to just avoid them because they don't want to feel that way.

Is it bad that the last time someone opened up to me was 2 years ago and a pathological liar

During work experience yesterday and today I felt my words not wanting to come out for the first time in a while, when I was supposed to be telling kids off. I really thought I could forgot about this but every time it comes back to haunt me!!!!!

Sometimes I wanna look at my friends and say "I am very sad" and be told it's ok

You ever talking in a conversation and think "what tf am I doing"???

Yes I will ignore it until it eats me up inside

My life is just a chain of interlinked paradoxes tangled up

I fucking love lying on the floor I feel so grounded

Waiting to get picked up for half an hour with bugs crawling on me by myself because no one cared to wait for me because they "just wanted to go home". I don't understand I think I'm insufferable because I would wait for my friends if I lived near by.

Everytime someone compliments me I for some reason consider if they're actually making fun of me

We are loosing what it means to be human: to care. Productivity and practicality is being overly focused on in the new age, art is being destroyed. Art has no real purpose but to exist and because we care that it exists (unless as decoration) we give it purpose by caring. We are loosing the our main purpose: happiness, art, helping others in pursuit of technical advancements that aren't even for humanity but for money where greed links to sloth in trying to live the most easily with no care for other humans!!! We are becoming awful unempathetic and most importantly uncaring!!! We are no longer human!!!

On Tuesday, I went to the city centre because my buses go through there, I only brought bubble tea. Which I then spilled on myself and whilst trying to sort it out the barista lady came out and gave me 5 pence I had dropped (twice) and I then saw my brother's friend's older brother. I forgot about this story and never told anyone, because although funny thought it would make me look to embarrassing. But I digress, I felt like I was doing something all wrong during that. I walked there, watching people's individual sets of eyes on me and thought "what am I doing? Girls my age don't go out for boba at my age in school uniform, they do it with their friends on a Friday, ofc how could I be doing this anymore wrong". I myself don't even know why it all felt so wrong. I didn't buy anything like my mum told me I should, I practically thought "I want my mummy so that I can do that", that's how pathetic I am caring too much because a few people were looking at me and I was feeling sweaty and ugly. Even typing this is embarrassing!!