ʎǝlsɐǝʍ ⅋ ʎǝlsɐǝʍ

“Picture, if you will, a lovely English spring day. The weather is not exactly warm, but at least it’s not raining. 

“It’s Maundy Thursday. Hot cross buns and creme eggs abound. But more importantly, it’s also the first of April, when all the world unites in merriment upon the anniversary of Fred Weasley’s nascence. Incidentally, a much less handsome and interesting man was also born on the same day in the same year, but he hardly merits mentioning.

“Imagine that on such a day, and in honour of such an occasion, one rather pathetic chap unearths long-forgotten passwords to once again gain access to this very blog. The year of our Lord two thousand and twenty-one marks nine years since he first roled the play in this strange land with its ever-shifting shades of blue. Seven since he sold his soul to us. And long has it been his tradition to pace these dusty halls upon an April, to greet old friends; to chuckle at his own jokes; to reminisce, but not to regret. Never to regret.

“He checks his messages. What does he find, do you think? Close your eyes and picture it as you continue to read this post. Sweet messages from friends? Yes, a few. Things he’s long neglected to respond to? Aye (and Gomorrah). But what else? What arrests his breath? What flutters his heart? What grips his spirit, his very loins with that heady concoction of revulsion and elation which has so long eluded him?

“Wonder no longer! For I tell you that what greeted him, as unasked and unexpected as a stiffy in class, was his first—and our first—hateful anonymous message.

“This situation, dear readers, is the one in which our mun found himself today. And on his behalf, I would like to thank the venerable tosspot who sacrificed those precious seconds of their life to bless us with this singular honour. We feel important, we feel relevant—undeservedly relevant for a blog that posts twice a year, tops. We can think of no better birthday present.

[Heya, the boys and I would just like to drop a friendly reminder to cyberbully JKR for seeing the state of the world and thinking ‘You know what this needs? Me to once again weaponise my considerable influence against an incredibly marginalised group of people!’

Also, if you’re able, consider donating to trans-supportive charities such as Mermaids, which I know has been struggling during the pandemic. Donate in her name for extra petty points.

I have legal custody of the Weasley twins, they said trans rights, and you can quote them on that]

“Terrific, we were just needing a new doorstop.”

“Pretty sure you’ve made that joke before.”

“Pretty sure she’s sent us this cake before. ’S like the world’s slowest game of tennis.”

[Oh you thought I’d miss an April 1st, did you? jOKE’S ON YOU

A few things... well, many things, but a few relevant things have happened since last year. 

I rather suddenly got the opportunity to move back to England, so I did, annnnd now I’m on lockdown in London. It’s pretty weird around here but I’m healthy and fine and not in imminent danger of running out of food or money, just loo paper holy crap

JKR continues to be a worse and worse human being. Disappointed but not surprised; I’ve known about her dodgy TERF-y tendencies for a while and it was only a matter of time before she used her influence to push an outright transphobic cause. Ngl, the further she descends into the gutter the more I reconsider my participation in this fandom.

“Asher you barely even log on” ok but I have a (SHAMELESS PLUG) cosplay instagram now and sometimes the boys are on there so yeah. Maybe cosplaying alive!Fred is itself an act of rebellion? :P

“Aw, bless y’.” Shaken though he was from the bang, cake was always a sure way to George’s heart.

“I’d say I wouldn’t be surprised but that I also don’t trust you either way on the truth today.”