if jean-luc was known for anything, it was his complaints, and they were always numerous. one arena, though, where there had beenā probably to many peopleās surprise (anyone who cared to notice anyway) ā remarkably few complaints was when it came to kaz. had things changed in their time together? yes, of course they had, and in some incredibly unexpected ways ā¦. but through it all jean-luc had never been made to feel insecure enough to act out, or up, or cause any more problems than what had already been laid on the table. and the reason for that, though there was no one there to see it because of the way the self-admittedly guarded man tended to push people out, and definitely had tried to push jl out, though, here he stubbornly remained, aiming what should have been an inappropriately large smile back at man before him, was how sincere he was with every word he said. the truth in everything kaz said was in his eyes, and his touch, always, and jean-luc never had reason to doubt him, whatever the other might have feared. and though he wants to tease the workaholic man he loves, and playfully call him a liar, and remind him that his mind is, in fact, frequently on work and not on him where it rightfully belongs, he chooses not to, because instead, heās chosen to focus on the rest of what kaz is saying, and the way heās pulling the words straight from jean-lucās own heart, practically. it always felt wonderful to feel so understood, so the frenchman remained silent, basking in the affection and the sweetness. he moved, of course, ready and anticipating the manās reaction to such public teasing, but still, jean-luc had no complaints, even when kaz pulled away, sliding his hands right back down into his boyfriendās where they belonged, and just in time to squeeze them with reassurance.Ā āI do a lot of things iām not supposed to, cherĆ, and donāt do a lot of things iām meant to. you know me, mon amour, chores are one of my least favorite things, and nothing about you is a chore, not a single thing. patience is not my strongest suit, but I do my best, because i love you for who you are. and those stories are important yes, but they are in the past, and while perspective might change, the stories themselves will not. youāll tell them to me when you tell them to me, kaz, iām not pushing, iām not asking ā i want to know, one day, to understand, but iām not askingā¦ and they wonāt change anything. you know me, cherĆ, you have to know theyāll change nothing. because those stories are a part of what made you who you are today, and again, I love this man that you are very much. it matters, but it doesnāt matter. and for the record, I already know why you were adopted. you were adopted because your parents love you, and knew when they met you that they wanted to love you forever. just like i did.ā but of course only kaz, truly, only kaz, could have topped a long winded ramble like that ā and took jean-lucās breath away as he accused the man of doing similar (and he hoped it was still true after his babble, because already, there were tears in his eyes, just from the look he was receiving alone, sensing, but not fully comprehending yet the emotional precipice they were really standing on, bless all of our hearts I hope youāre enjoying this read I know i am). but the first words he manages to form āĀ āforever, yes.ā ā in answer to the most easily answered question ā would he like to be young and stupid with kaz?? but the next question .. jean-luc didnāt have words. he didnāt have thoughts, even, not really. things had changed over the last several months, and in a lot of ways, that had really been like a roller coaster, or a blur, or somewhere in between, and some days, it seemed he barely remembered what all had happened along the way. what jean-luc did have, though, and in overwhelming abundance, was a surge of emotions; relief, love, reassurance, unadulterated joy, to name a few. and, what seemed a million years later, but was really less than a full minute, the crying man did finally find words, and more of them than expected .. though, still, none was anywhere even remotely near a complaint.Ā āI would be crying a lot uglier if you asked me anywhere else, kazimir mac cionaoith. I donāt need rings, i have rings, I have everything I have ever wanted, and I always have. i donāt need more things, I donāt need any of that. I just need you, and itās been like that since the moment i met you, kaz. youāre all I was missing. of course i want marry you, as if iād ever say anything other than yes. I told you you were stuck with me, et maintenant tu es coincĆ© avec moi pour toujours.ā he paused with a grin, a chance to steal (happily) more kisses, then continued,Ā āand the next time bertito decides to get smart, and ask if I donāt have a boyfriend I could be bothering, iāll be extra annoying when I tell him that I donāt. I have a fiancĆ©ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā kaz Ā had Ā always Ā been Ā one Ā of Ā those Ā people Ā that Ā prided Ā himself Ā on Ā being Ā a Ā steady Ā type Ā , Ā careful Ā , Ā cautious Ā , Ā not Ā one Ā to break Ā the Ā rules Ā heād Ā set Ā up Ā for Ā himself Ā or Ā let Ā someone Ā in Ā without Ā careful Ā consideration Ā . Ā when Ā heād Ā met Ā jean - luc Ā , Ā he Ā hadnāt Ā expected Ā their Ā relationship Ā to Ā become Ā what Ā it Ā currently Ā was Ā , Ā he Ā hadnāt Ā expected Ā much Ā of Ā anything Ā at Ā all Ā . Ā but Ā there Ā was Ā no Ā denying Ā that Ā their Ā relationship Ā was Ā something Ā special Ā , Ā that Ā it Ā had Ā been Ā for Ā a Ā long Ā time Ā and Ā as Ā much Ā as Ā he Ā tried Ā to Ā talk Ā himself Ā out Ā of Ā loving Ā jean - luc Ā , Ā he Ā couldnāt Ā and Ā wouldnāt Ā deny Ā that Ā the Ā frenchman Ā brought Ā him Ā stability Ā that Ā he Ā severely Ā lacked Ā . Ā he Ā had Ā tried Ā to Ā convince Ā himself Ā that Ā jean - luc Ā was Ā better Ā off Ā without Ā him Ā , Ā better Ā off Ā falling Ā for Ā someone Ā new Ā , Ā someone Ā emotionally Ā available Ā in Ā a Ā way Ā kaz Ā couldnāt Ā be Ā right Ā now Ā ā Ā but Ā he Ā didnāt Ā like Ā thinking Ā that Ā way Ā , Ā he Ā didnāt Ā want Ā to Ā give Ā this Ā up Ā . Ā kaz Ā , Ā with Ā every Ā inch Ā of Ā his Ā soul Ā , Ā wanted Ā jean - luc Ā and Ā he Ā didnāt Ā care Ā if Ā it Ā was Ā selfish Ā or Ā not Ā . Ā the Ā smile Ā on Ā the Ā otherās Ā face Ā , Ā wide Ā and Ā alluring Ā , Ā melted Ā any Ā ice Ā he Ā had Ā left Ā in Ā his Ā heart Ā . Ā he Ā adores Ā this Ā man Ā more Ā than Ā he Ā can Ā admit Ā to Ā anyone Ā , Ā because Ā words Ā always Ā fail Ā him Ā when Ā he Ā tries Ā to Ā articulate Ā how Ā much Ā jean - luc Ā means Ā to Ā him Ā and Ā the Ā way Ā his Ā heart Ā beats Ā like Ā itās Ā going Ā to Ā fly Ā out Ā of Ā his Ā chest Ā whenever Ā theyāre Ā together Ā , Ā even Ā after Ā all Ā this Ā time Ā theyāve Ā been Ā together Ā . Ā the Ā man Ā standing Ā there Ā in Ā front Ā of Ā him Ā fit Ā perfectly Ā with Ā his Ā life Ā . Ā theyāre Ā both Ā good Ā for Ā each Ā other Ā because Ā they Ā both Ā understand Ā each Ā other Ā ā Ā and Ā kaz Ā has Ā never Ā had Ā that Ā before Ā , Ā not Ā even Ā max Ā understood Ā him Ā . Ā his Ā brother Ā had Ā always Ā complained Ā about Ā how Ā much Ā kaz Ā couldnāt Ā let Ā go Ā and Ā how Ā it Ā wasnāt Ā healthy Ā that Ā he Ā acted Ā the Ā way Ā he Ā acted Ā .Ā Ā Ā Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā it Ā had Ā taken Ā kaz Ā a Ā long Ā time Ā to Ā realize Ā that Ā the Ā way Ā his Ā birth Ā father Ā treated Ā him Ā was Ā not Ā a Ā reflection Ā on Ā who Ā kaz Ā was Ā as Ā a Ā person Ā . Ā there Ā was Ā something Ā wrong Ā with Ā his Ā father Ā , Ā not Ā kaz Ā , Ā that Ā made Ā him Ā an Ā angry Ā and Ā vicious Ā man Ā . Ā it Ā had Ā always Ā made Ā him Ā feel Ā like Ā there Ā was Ā something Ā wrong Ā with Ā him Ā , Ā for Ā so Ā long Ā . Ā no Ā amount Ā of Ā convincing Ā him Ā otherwise Ā did Ā the Ā trick Ā , Ā but Ā eventually Ā he Ā realized Ā that Ā he Ā was Ā not Ā a Ā reflection Ā of Ā his Ā birth Ā father Ā , Ā he Ā wasnāt Ā cut Ā from Ā the Ā same Ā cloth Ā . Ā he Ā was Ā like Ā his Ā mother Ā , Ā her Ā soft Ā words Ā and Ā gentle Ā laughter Ā and Ā love Ā drove Ā his Ā heart Ā . Ā nothing Ā like Ā the Ā vile Ā anger Ā in Ā his Ā birth Ā fatherās Ā black Ā heart Ā . Ā kaz Ā had Ā always Ā thought Ā the Ā past Ā was Ā important Ā because Ā so Ā much Ā of Ā the Ā past Ā drove Ā kaz Ā to Ā be Ā the Ā person Ā he Ā currently Ā was Ā . Ā he Ā knew Ā that Ā it Ā was Ā important Ā in Ā every Ā faction Ā of Ā his Ā life Ā to Ā remember Ā why Ā he Ā was Ā afraid Ā of Ā anger Ā , Ā why Ā blood Ā on Ā his Ā hands Ā terrified Ā him Ā , Ā why Ā he Ā fought Ā so Ā hard Ā to Ā protect Ā the Ā people Ā he Ā cared Ā about Ā , Ā and Ā why Ā when Ā he Ā felt Ā like Ā he Ā failed Ā he Ā shut Ā people Ā out Ā . Ā it Ā he Ā told Ā jean - luc Ā about Ā his Ā past Ā , Ā this Ā reaction Ā to Ā maxās Ā death Ā would Ā make Ā more Ā sense Ā ā Ā and Ā it Ā wasnāt Ā that Ā he Ā didnāt Ā think Ā jean - luc Ā wouldnāt Ā love Ā him Ā anymore Ā , Ā kaz Ā just Ā didnāt Ā want Ā to Ā have Ā to Ā deal Ā with Ā the Ā sadness Ā in Ā the Ā way Ā yet Ā another Ā person Ā looked Ā at Ā him Ā . Ā it Ā always Ā felt Ā like Ā it Ā was Ā a Ā reminder Ā that Ā he Ā was Ā a Ā broken Ā person Ā , Ā reminded Ā him Ā that Ā he Ā was Ā the Ā person Ā who Ā had Ā always Ā seen Ā thestrals Ā and Ā didnāt Ā know Ā otherās Ā couldnāt Ā see Ā them Ā . Ā there Ā was Ā too much Ā blood Ā in Ā his Ā past Ā . Ā more Ā than Ā he Ā wanted Ā to Ā admit Ā , Ā and Ā more Ā than Ā he Ā liked Ā to Ā think Ā about Ā . Ā ā it Ā might Ā not Ā change Ā how Ā you Ā feel Ā about Ā me Ā . Ā or Ā i Ā know Ā it Ā wonāt Ā change Ā that Ā . Ā but Ā it Ā will change Ā the Ā way Ā you Ā look Ā at Ā me Ā . ā Ā and Ā he Ā knew Ā that Ā was Ā just Ā as Ā terrifying Ā . Ā really Ā what Ā person Ā wanted Ā to Ā hear Ā their Ā significant Ā other Ā had Ā witnessed Ā a Ā murder Ā at Ā the Ā age Ā of Ā six Ā ? Ā be Ā it Ā through Ā not Ā fault Ā of Ā kazās Ā own Ā , Ā he Ā was Ā touched Ā by Ā death Ā . Ā and Ā as Ā much Ā as Ā heād Ā sought Ā to Ā protect Ā max Ā , Ā the Ā other Ā was Ā gone Ā as Ā well Ā . Ā so Ā maybe Ā kaz Ā was Ā just Ā cursed Ā to Ā love Ā those Ā who Ā would Ā eventually Ā die Ā . Ā too Ā soon Ā , Ā too Ā young Ā , Ā taken Ā before Ā kaz Ā had Ā the Ā chance Ā to Ā love Ā them Ā properly Ā . Ā ā no Ā , Ā they Ā met Ā max Ā and Ā loved Ā him Ā . Ā i Ā was Ā just Ā part Ā of Ā the Ā deal Ā . ā Ā even Ā saying Ā that Ā out Ā loud Ā , Ā kaz Ā knew Ā it Ā wasnāt Ā true Ā . Ā his Ā parents Ā loved Ā him Ā the Ā way Ā they Ā loved Ā max Ā .Ā Ā Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā this Ā hadnāt Ā been Ā the Ā plan Ā . Ā words Ā were Ā just Ā tumbling Ā out Ā of Ā his Ā mouth Ā without Ā actually Ā thinking Ā about Ā him Ā . Ā it Ā was Ā uncharacteristic Ā of Ā him Ā , Ā felt Ā more Ā like Ā something Ā jean - luc Ā would Ā do Ā or Ā say Ā . Ā but Ā they Ā felt Ā right Ā to Ā say Ā , Ā to Ā think Ā . Ā what Ā was Ā the Ā point Ā of Ā all Ā of Ā this Ā if Ā thatās Ā not Ā the Ā future Ā theyād Ā been Ā working Ā towards Ā for Ā the Ā last Ā year Ā . Ā and Ā the Ā more Ā kaz Ā learned Ā about Ā his Ā boyfriend Ā , Ā the Ā more Ā awestruck Ā he Ā was Ā by Ā the Ā man Ā , Ā the Ā more Ā he Ā wanted Ā a Ā future Ā with Ā him Ā . Ā they Ā werenāt Ā just Ā compatible Ā physically Ā , Ā they Ā were Ā perfect Ā on Ā an Ā intellectual Ā level Ā . Ā kazās Ā lips Ā curled Ā upwards Ā in Ā a Ā loose Ā smile Ā , Ā happy Ā knowing Ā that Ā he Ā wasnāt Ā the Ā only Ā one Ā that Ā felt Ā this Ā way Ā . Ā the Ā two Ā of Ā them Ā happy Ā with Ā each Ā other Ā , Ā regardless of Ā how Ā difficult Ā things Ā were Ā these Ā days Ā . Ā kaz Ā reached Ā up Ā to Ā start Ā wiping Ā the Ā tears Ā away Ā , Ā but Ā realized Ā it Ā was Ā useless Ā , Ā they Ā were Ā going Ā to Ā keep Ā coming Ā anyways Ā . Ā he Ā waited Ā for Ā the Ā tears Ā to Ā start Ā forming Ā in Ā his Ā own Ā eyes Ā , Ā but Ā they Ā werenāt Ā there Ā yet Ā . Ā he Ā held Ā the Ā frenchmanās Ā gaze Ā , Ā holding Ā his Ā breath Ā . Ā some Ā people Ā didnāt Ā need Ā the Ā promise Ā of Ā forever Ā , Ā but Ā he Ā had Ā always Ā been Ā the Ā type Ā to Ā want Ā it Ā eventually Ā . Ā it Ā had Ā felt Ā like Ā an Ā unspoken Ā thing Ā between Ā them Ā , Ā but Ā now Ā kaz Ā needed Ā to Ā know Ā . Ā ā you Ā absolutely Ā need Ā a Ā ring Ā . Ā donāt Ā be Ā like Ā that Ā . Ā we Ā can Ā go Ā get Ā one Ā , Ā i Ā promise Ā . Ā itās Ā just Ā as Ā much Ā for Ā me Ā as Ā it Ā is Ā for Ā you Ā . ā Ā still Ā he Ā couldnāt Ā help Ā the Ā smile Ā on Ā his Ā face Ā and Ā how Ā finally Ā the Ā tears Ā were Ā sliding Ā down Ā his Ā own Ā face Ā at Ā the Ā confession Ā . Ā how Ā perfect Ā was Ā all Ā of Ā this Ā ? Ā even Ā if Ā it Ā hadnāt Ā been Ā what Ā heād Ā planned Ā for Ā today Ā . Ā he Ā kissed Ā back Ā softly Ā , Ā not Ā caring Ā that Ā both Ā their Ā faces Ā were Ā wet Ā with Ā their Ā tears Ā . Ā kaz Ā was Ā too Ā happy Ā to Ā care Ā about Ā that Ā . Ā he Ā was Ā too Ā happy Ā to Ā feel Ā guilty Ā that Ā he Ā was Ā happy Ā . Ā ā oh Ā , Ā no Ā , Ā i Ā should Ā have Ā asked Ā your Ā family Ā first Ā . ā Ā kaz Ā blinked Ā and Ā hid Ā his Ā face Ā in Ā his Ā fiancĆ©ās Ā face Ā . Ā ā so Ā much Ā for Ā a Ā nice Ā museum Ā outing Ā , Ā but Ā i Ā think Ā you Ā need Ā to Ā take Ā me Ā home Ā and Ā fuck Ā me Ā senseless. ā
