every now and then, you catch yourself in the past, hung up on the memories or the events that led you to where you are here and now. the arrangement of thoughts stem from a good place, preceding an even better situation. the thin sheet of sweat on your bare skin cools you down completely. with your temple resting on firm muscle, you hear taehyun’s heartbeat against the shell of your ear. it winds down little by little. your cheeks still run hot and your parted lips let loose the flow of your lingering panting. it had only taken three rounds to get you to where you are now. somehow, as much as your limbs feel like gelatin, deep down, the hot magma of arousal still rolls like a tide in your core, burning hot and unsatiated. it might take more than that today. unbeknownst to you, taehyun’s eyes are fixed on you, like always, lifting a hand to rub up and down your naked back. with the way things are now, including the way taehyun intends on keeping them in his own, secretive but planned way, you couldn’t imagine not being with him now. 

back then, however, the existence of you and him together seemed eons into the abyss of impossiblity.

the only reason his presence was even in your orbit was due to the undeniable crush you had been harboring on him since your second year. 

it was not until a year later that you were actually introduced. the night you two met was at some party that your friends went to. your friends were beomgyu and kai, who comprised the other two roles of your trio that had been going strong since your freshmen year. you had met beomgyu at orientation. within the first few weeks, you also met kai, who had been dual enrolled. it was a perfect friendship. the chemistry between you all was undeniable with the overlap of shared interests, compatible personalities, and charm, but the main thing that glued all three of you had to be pot. it was clear from the start that beomgyu was well connected and great with people, every single kind, including his plugs. kai on the other hand was less social and more laidback. you fit right in with their little group. there was also soobin and yeonjun, but you were still a bit shy around them as they were both upperclassmen. 

the social butterfly beomgyu was, it was inevitable for him to befriend anyone. he knew better than to formally introduce you to every single soul he encountered with you running a hyperbolized take on kai’s personality in terms of timidity and inept socialibility. but whenever beomgyu did introduce someone to you, you knew they were important. and this certain individual he was about to introduce to you just so happened to be –

“y/n! come’ere! come! come!” beomgyu’s chipper voice bled through the bass of the music that rattled the walls of which you were leaning against. it was a packed night. the air ran thick with humidity, sweat, and the breaths of too many people. outside, you, kai, and soobin were taking dabs with kai’s cute, little rig. all you’d wanted to do that night was get high anyway. everything ran slower after you smoke, as did the anxiety that came with being among so many people that you did not belong with. 

beomgyu was a bit more persistent than he usually was, not to mention the fact that for once he wasn’t high. this current state of your friend certainly warranted your attention. with all the fuss, soobin swatted his hand, grumbling to himself about something, unmoving, but it didn’t phase beomgyu what with his gaze that was set on yours. 

it meant something. it meant someone new. sharing a look with kai, he and you followed the elder, who all too eagerly led you back into the crowd, cutting through pairs, swiping past big groups before you had all ascended to the pleasantly quiet loft at the top of the stairs.

your eyes had grown heavy from that one hit, but it wasn’t something you hadn’t experienced before. what was new had to be the face that you were taking in this closely. one of the ceiling lights was broken inwards, a shard or two reflected the light starker than intended. the glow that surrounded this person pierced through the sleepy weight on your eyelids. it was your campus crush. 

as formalities exchanged, the weight of his eyes got to the point where they were too much for you to handle, so large and sharp. he’d changed his hair since the last time you’d seen him. it had been longer and chestnut, but his hair had not been the only thing that had transformed. his bulky build was far more prominent than you would have ever thought. you didn’t move your eyes away from him once or utter a single word. 

to your friends, you wore the same look that you would have when you were high and hopelessly trying to pretend that you weren’t. yeonjun and kai giggled into each other. you see, all four of them knew him, still so fresh in the friendship, but it was clear from the start that he would be a friend for life. beomgyu just couldn’t wait any longer to bring his two worlds together.

his silver chain disappeared into his thin shirt. his pretty skin was sun kissed. his raven hair was trim with an undercut, all so brand new in comparison to the last memories you’d of him. the past instances had all been sightings from around campus. the corner of his lips lifted with this smirk that you didn’t catch, all too focused in his eyes. 

it was last semester when you’d last seen him. that late night at the gym led to you encountering him and for some god forsaken reason, you could never get away from him – not that you really wanted to. his muscle shirt revealed his muscles flexing. his back was turned to you, but the mirrored walls only fueled the instances of eye contact you’d make. he smirked, watching you watch him. his hair had been a faded out gray or smoky blue. it seemed he changed just about every time you saw him. 

but, you were somewhat oblivious, and even now, high as ever.

“holy shit, kai, how much did she take?” beomgyu was baffled, waving a hand in your face that finally ripped your red tinted gaze from your crush. kai was a mess, falling into yeonjun, who had a sloshing beer in his hand. chatter was whizzing and zooming over your head as your mind fought to keep up with the messy pace of it all. your sheepish heart followed behind from its own distance.

“huh, what?” you said, quick as ever (not). the man before you chuckled at that. a cold rush of anxiety shuddered down your spine at this introduction. 

“i said i’m taehyun, and you are?” he inched close for this interjection. your heart pounded in your ears, swallowing a dry lump borne of your cotton mouth. so, you answered him. 

in acknowledgement, he blinked before closing in a little more, tilting his ear to you, so you could repeat yourself. 

when you did just that, he grinned. and this time, you met his dimple. the one. oh, he instantly had you. you were done for. down by your sides, your palms grew clammy. just like that, that sweet moment of proximity died. he moved back just one step, standing up straight, but the notes of woods and amber, something richer far beneath them, lingered in the air. it only made you all the more entranced.

“sorry, tae, didn’t know she’d be this zooted.” you heard beomgyu apologize on your behalf, and everyone laughed again. you laughed, too, even if you didn’t feel like it. taehyun’s close proximity to you fucked with your heartbeat. was this all a sick joke? was everyone in on the fact that he was your crush? you’d never even said a word about it, but you were at a level of high that petered towards paranoia. 

“you guys want any drinks before we go?” yeonjun asked, which perked your attention towards him. you never left this early. “huh, where are we going?” you ask.

“to the gas station. maybe get some snacks. we’re stopping by to visit my guy~” beomgyu answered gleefully. kai’s ecstatic squeal rang distantly. 

something in your stomach flipped, and it wasn’t just the butterflies from being next to the hottest guy you’d ever seen. the lights above your head dangled, as though they were ones that hung down, when the reality was that they were in the ceiling, fixed ones, at that. your head was spinning slightly. a whirlpool of nausea turned in the pit of your stomach. oh, so it’s not just a crush. it’s –

“hey, you don’t look too good.” taehyun spoke from somewhere beside you, in a direction unknown, since your eyes shut. him saying that hurt your feelings a little bit. thanks, you wanted to say, but instead of pushing him away or turning, you accepted the arm he offered. his muscles were more than definition: firm and taut. 

it certainly wasn’t your first time greening out. that’s the conclusion you come to. you’d taken a short break from smoking, about a week or so, since your grades had dropped and you had to work your ass to get caught up. it was a short, depression period anyway. it explained why taking a dab felt like more than you could handle. 

“i feel kinda sick, you guys.” you managed, trying to salivate, but it only fueled the tide in you. your skin had paled yet flushed with sweat. taehyun let you lean on him more, welcoming your weight onto his side. his hand on the small of your back did wonders for you through the haze.

the guys moved around you, talking amongst themselves, trying to get you to further communicate, asking what would feel better, accommodating each movement with your responses. you were maneuvered down the stairs and helped onto the couch. with them helping you, the crowd parted and gave you room to breathe in. and through it, somehow, taehyun remained by your side. it threw you off.

he’d administer water that one of your friends had fetched for you. you mumbled for him to help you lay down, so he did. you asked him to move your hair, so he did. 

after an hour or two, clarity broke through and you no longer were outnumbered by your symptoms. the music refocused, bass aligning with the treble, and you were back. when you sat up, the crowd had lessened, but the party was still unfurling.

“damn, what time is it?” 

from the other side of the couch, taehyun’s chuckle jolted you, earning your attention. a bud light was in his hand, the can wet from the condensation, and damn if that smile didn’t make you wanna swoon. he turned his upper body, bringing his arm over the top of the couch. in the dim light, the shine of perspiration became more pronounced. after all, the packed room and the humidity made it warm in here, but he was by far the hottest. this was the closest you’d been to one of your crushes. 

with his undershirt hung low on his chest, the inked edges of a tattoo peaked out. the pattern and fine lines of the ink piqued your curiosity too much. taehyun easily caught you eyeing him, biting his tongue with a smile. 

he had a fucking tattoo. 

“i have another one, if you wanted to look at them,” he said. of course, you didn’t catch that. you blinked at him before asking him to repeat himself with a “huh?” why did he find that so funny?

“i said i have another tattoo. did you wanna see them?” you almost wanna look around to verify that he’s talking to you, but you know damn well he’s intentional with every single word, look, and thing he says or does. even in the gym, he’d waste no time and burned through his routine efficiently. your weeks of “innocently” watching him proved so. but, it wasn’t stalking! 

he stretched his arms up over his head and you caught the way his hem lifted over his abs. you remembered a few beads of sweat trickling down his torso when it would happen, lifting weights high up over his head like clockwork. okay, maybe it was.

taehyun wasn’t stupid or heedless. oh, he was highly observant, not to mention amused by your reactions. 

“could i actually?” his grin widened. his canines were practically fangs. wow, he kept surprising you. he nodded, rising and reaching a hand out to you. you swallowed the lump down in your throat. 

“i think i’m okay to walk on my own.” you said, still taking it and letting him gently pull you up. he snorted, enjoying your developing antics around him. it was a nice change of pace, going from watching you dreamily steal glances to welcome him, even if you were still shaking off your nerves. “all better?” he asked, tone teasing. 

somehow, you both had wordlessly decided to go out on the porch. the bass reduced down, as did the number of partygoers. it was just you two out here.

“yeah, actually. you did a great job taking care of me, like you knew what to do, and it worked. thank you, by the way,” you smiled at him, leaning your back against the glass, sliding doors. the cool air ruffled through your hair and clothes. it hit the sheen of damp sweat on your skin, wracking a shiver or two out of you. he nodded, reciprocating your gratitude.

“it was no problem. i mean, i take care of beomgyu every now and then. you’re a piece of cake compared to him,” you understand the context, which is nowhere where your mind went. still, it was childish, feeling so giddy to hear him call you that. 

taehyun, on the other hand, knew what he meant. he chose his words incisively, smirking to himself as he finished the last of his beer. you really were a piece of cake with how you smelled, lovely aroma wafting in the air every time you moved, sweetened with your sweat. it piqued his attention. you made him curious. would you taste as decadent as you smell? 

maybe even more. 

when he had helped you down, your weight pressed into his body and his eyes could have fluttered. the shape of you, your plush body, flesh so pillowy and supple pressing into him. to think what that would feel like around his head… your thighs. those thick, luscious thighs. oh, he felt like a dick. he’d just met you for the first time. 

well, sorta. he remembered you from all those other times around campus and had known you from all the stories beomgyu and the guys would tell him. 

“yeah, but we just met. so, i wouldn’t call that easy,” you grieved, sighing a big sigh. taehyun set the can down on one of the spare tables that was across from you, leaning back onto it to maintain his eye contact with you. 

there was this immense gravity in between you, something you had not found before. something worth noting as a discovery, settling down to carefully understand the traverse being made around, and preserving with awls, chisels, brushes, maybe a rock hammer, and cameras, even. 

“what would you call it then?” he posed, less rhetorically, but more teasing. taehyun’s button up, which incidentally was being worn as the opposite of its name, slipped off his shoulder, exposing one muscular shoulder, warm against the cold backdrop of the pale porch behind him. 

your own zip up jacket seemed to like the idea enough to mirror him, sliding off your own shoulder. your jacket was zipped up, stopping at the swell of your chest, just below the neckline of your lacy top. it occurred to you that your outfits were similar. 

“i don’t know,” you stated, plain and simple, tilting your head and shrugging. that cocky smile of his softened with a snicker. “um, if you don’t mind me asking, where’s your other tattoo at? it’s not somewhere gross, is it?” 

he chuckled, shaking his head, fluidly moving towards you from his seat. 

“it’s on my back, don’t worry. you can get a close look if you want though.” he was ready to shrug off but stopped himself, hands at the buttons, watching you. his hesitance and patience put you at ease, an ooey-gooey kind that did a lot more than calm you, perhaps doing the opposite. a fire ignited in the pit of your tummy.

“could i see the one on your chest actually?” he obliged, nodding, and settling at an arm’s length away from where you stood. tugging down a bit on the neckline, his fingers slowly exposed the tattoo: a cyber-sigilism star with each point extending into flame imitations. it looked like it was on fire, long and pretty, on his skin, right above his heart. his pectorals were defined, chest muscular. the ink was dark as the night, pigmented so nicely against his tanned skin. 

full of outward nonchalance, you nodded. his eyes rested on you and drifted across your entire face, maybe dipping down, but those must be delusions. 

the chain sat so pretty on his skin. the way he presented himself to you, even in this minute way, did things to you. 

“like what you see?” the question came out teasing, but you registered the cadence with lightheartedness. you snickered and nodded, like you weren’t drooling.

“does it have a meaning? or is it just an accessory?” he let go of his shirt, letting it take its natural place over the ink. 

“when you put it that way, i guess you could call it an accessory, but yeah. it’s pretty. i think so anyway. it doesn’t mean anything, so, i’d figured that my mom and sister had less room to question me for it,”

“what? they don’t like tattoos?” he immediately shook his head, laughing. 

“absolutely not. my mom and dad were upset. my sister thought it was weird, but they both don’t care for it now. my other tattoo though… they hate that one. they think it’s stupid,” his smile faltered, melting bittersweetly on his warm face. 

“i’m sure it’s not. do you like it?” his eyes flickered back up to you, after his gaze had dropped briefly. 

“yeah. it’s just, it looks like a tramp stamp except it’s on my upper back. it’s got a heart in the middle. i like the look of it. i like the sex appeal. i like the statement of it.” you nod along to every word. it’s too late to go back and actually ask to see it, your random bout of anxiety tells you so. 

“then, that’s the only thing that matters. sounds cool. i think your first one is pretty. i’m sure the other one is, too.” you noted that taehyun’s smile was a constant throughout the night. 

“you’re also pretty.” taehyun said, getting closer and practically enclosing you against the door. you swallowed hard, a big lump in your throat, and a knot in your tummy.

“you are, too.” you said, sounding so sure, with your own smile. watching his eyes get big with a shatter of his cool resolve. it made you all too giddy. you were giggling into each other before it died down. his hand came up to lean against the wall beside you.

taehyun must have forgotten that you were still high because in response, you giggled really hard about it. it was like you couldn’t stop! you wanted so badly, but it couldn’t be helped. the muscles in your abdomen were getting worked out basically. he joined in on the infectious fit of laughter, before the moment resumed back, silence surrounding your atmosphere. 

“may i?” he asked, face ghosting over yours, and his ginger voice just above a whisper. 

“yeah. please.” was all you’d gotten in before he finally moved in for the kill, pressing you against the cold glass. 

fuck the excavation of whatever this moment was. all you knew was that he was kissing you, and you were more than okay with that. 

one of his hands lifted up to cup your face and the other rested on your waist, pinning you to the cold surface behind you. everything about him invaded you. the weight of his pillowy lips, the taste of him, his hands on you, the drag of his mouth on yours, hot breaths teetering onto soft sighs from his throat, it all electrified you. everything already felt nerve deep because of the drug, but when it all became taehyun, you craved more and more. you pressed a little more on him. your senses were tingling. every brush of him against you had you preening, you gasped into his mouth. his thumb worked at your skin in motions. could he hear how loud your heart was beating, too? it was humiliating how shameless you were.

your hand was on him now, yanking the front of his undershirt to pull him closer, because this – whatever this was – wasn’t close enough. the fire in the pit of your belly swirled something harder, more tangible that you bucked your hips for. you needed him. that cologne of his only made you more intoxicated, body heat so warm it radiated and doubled your own, the other hand settled on his hip. when you felt the seam of his hot tongue on yours, your own unrestrained arousal, which was clearly goaded on by the high that sought more of this gratification, you realized you were shaking. drool began to collect around your mouths, a bit of it running down your chin. taehyun slurped at one point, and you made a sound you’d never made before in this kind of situation.

“ahh, fuck!” your voice was muffled. the exchanges were so hot in contrast to the cool of the night. your heart pounded in your ears. distantly, your noises grew more frequent, stuttering, and soon, the brief instances of trying to catch your breath were not enough. here, like this, it must have been minutes, you didn’t know. you were panting so hard.

taehyun parted from your lips with a grunt in the space between. in slight, deep breaths, they filtered across your now swollen lips. his round, wide pupils were dark with the night and lust that coursed through his veins. his hand drifted down your neck before he drew up one of yours, bringing a sweet kiss to your knuckles. 

your knees wobbled so bad you had to lean against the glass. how did he do that?

“you alright there?” he had the gall to ask. 

“mhm.” was all you could manage. assessing all that had occurred, without any idea or measure of the time, the connection between you, the fire he lit up within you, you easily were overwhelmed. the attraction was something however you didn’t feel quick to question. your curious eyes caught the tent in his pants. in fact, the very-much-there shape of it wasn’t something you could ignore, but you had to, looking back up at him with widened eyes.

“how about we sit down, hm?” meekly, you obliged, taking his hand and letting him steer you to one of the short, flat ledges on the patio’s margins. 

nearly every part of your body seemed to have a heartbeat, thrumming, so you welcomed the change of pace. it surprised you. you observed that taehyun was not uncomfortable with your vulnerability, or maybe he hid it so well. he was calm, unthreatened by your rocky seas, even if this was your faded state. 

“are you sure you’re alright? can i get you water or anything?” his flurry of questions resonated just as softly as sleet. it was sweet. he made you smile. “no, i’m good, actually. thank you, though.” he nodded, alternating his footing. you stole a peek again; how had it still not gone down?

“of course. happy to help,” a quiet fell around you. the music’s volume had significantly dropped, but still pounded the walls of the big house beside you. a breeze filtered through your clothes and hair. “you know, i remembered you as soon as i saw you tonight.”

the thought of him recognizing and identifying you, picking you out from a crowd, having a name and face to put to the memories he’d been given… why did that turn you on? 

“you did? that’s crazy!” you burst into a fit of giggles. “where did you even remember me from?”

“well, all those times you were obviously watching me from afar, at the gym, around campus, in the student hall... who could forget those eyes? so curious…” he smirked as he spoke. his smugness curved his tone. oh, fuck no, this wasn’t happpening.

“oh… no, tae-taehyun, it wasn’t, i wasn’t, it’s not what it looks like!” he reached an arm over to settle on your other side, leaning in your face, easily crossing over the threshold that had been so close to resuming as a barrier between two people who had just been introduced to each other through a mutual friend. however, with the way his eyes practically ate you up, he hovered over you, easily shutting you up. you, who was casual and talkative. there was hardly an inch between you. 

“never said i didn’t like the attention, baby. think it’s cute coming from you.” you swallowed, nodding, trying to desperately salivate through the thick of your dry mouth. 

“okay.” you said for no particular reason. he chuckled, leaning back, looking so casual, unlike your hammering heart. the proximity he’d given you just now had ended as soon as it had started. 

“so, i’ve been at this school the past four years, and i’ve only recalled you for the last two. how long have you been going here? beomgyu says you’re a third year. can i ask what it is that you’re studying?” 

his interest shocked you way more than it needed to. from there, you realized conversation was surprisingly very easy with him. it flowed so easily, back and forth, with pauses mainly on your end when you had trouble recalling certain bits of information led to you. he was patient with you. the engagement and absorption he possessed for you caught you off guard every now and then, especially considering the fact that you two had been sucking face and feeling each other up not too long ago. he talked about how he came to know your friends, chunks of his life, which included his family and other passions, and only did so on volition upon learning about you, or at least however much you shared. 

you had started the same year as beomgyu. taehyun was the same year as you, but considering how many credits he took each semester, he was fast tracked to finish school a lot sooner than you or beomgyu. in your defense, you had taken a year off after your first, even then, you had taken a gap year. you were about two years older than taehyun. even if his accomplishments were clear as day, he didn’t make you feel bad about yourself at all, genuinely interested in what you were studying. 

“i don’t know. at the end of the day, i’m not even sure what i can do with my degree or what i actually would do,” your tone slowly turned into unease, and taehyun caught it immediately. 

“it depends on what you want to do. there’s something i know your heart must want. it’s easy to feel like you’re not sure what you can do with it. i know we don’t even know each other like this yet, but you can do it. i believe in you. we can both be confused together and help each other. does that sound good?” he asked so softly into the night, snickering at your stunned, cloudy little expression. 

“yet?” you eyed up at him, hindering the words he thought would have been most important. he laughed at that. 

“yet.”

taehyun was so easy to talk to and with. besides the ease that it took to communicate, there was also this desire that made you want to keep talking, want to know more, want to dig deeper, and that must have explained why the hours passed by within what felt like minutes. it was nearly five in the morning when beomgyu called taehyun, who put him on speaker, and demanded to know where you both were. 

you both shyly giggled, reporting that you were in the same spot. 

taehyun walked you out and with you to get in beomgyu’s cute, little car where everyone was packed in. just to hotbox. it was small and compact, meaning you had to somewhat get on taehyun’s lap, which he definitely enjoyed, considering the semi consistently under your ass. you turned your head and offered him from the roll up, to which he shook his head. you asked him one more time, and his hand found its way onto your side, clutching onto your fleshy hip. you gasped and he gave a smug little smile. he promised he was sure. 

kai was devouring his mexican pizza from taco bell in the very back. everyone was having so many conversations at the same time, only two of the windows slightly cracked open, all of them foggy. 

the implication of it all hung in the air between you two. taehyun’s hand pressed into you when you rolled your hips a little. 

when the sun started to rise, beomgyu decided to drop you all off, one by one. you and taehyun stayed chatting in the back the entire time, lost in your own little world. 

when it was time for you to go, taehyun gave you this knowing smile and kissed your cheek. “sleep tight.” he said as you hopped out the car. yeah, you were done the moment you’d collided, and it was taehyun who had solidified it. 

following that night, your regard for taehyun had changed. the events or actives between you were definitely accountable for such a shift, but how could you  not? especially when taehyun encouraged you to do whatever your heart desired with him. 

certainly, a part of of you desired an answer as to why he was so down with you, all of you. the bigger part, however, didn’t want to throw this away. you’d crushed on him for so long, and with his addition to the group, it was like everything got better. he studied hard outside of parties. he coached kickboxing on the side. he had a good, part time job aside from his paid internship for his major. 

it hadn’t intensified. your hopeless crush had loosened, letting you breathe a bit, but it only surrounded you more, this strange flurry of unprecedented giddiness, adrenaline, unfettered lust, if you could call it that. taehyun was on the same page as you, however. this bubble between you would remain that way. if people got involved, it would get messy. full disclosure: all you did was explore your attraction with each other and as you did so, you got to know taehyun better. after all, he became a part of your beloved friend group. it had been a month into your friendship when finals came around. at least at first it was the case. an open, unofficial sexual relationship that also existed on the same tangent as friendship. friends with benefits? friends who benefited from making out and sexually fantasize about each other? 

you didn’t know what you were, but you were sure you were friends at the end of the day. 

during winter break, the group became inseparable. it was one of the happiest times of your life: so carefree, in control for once, and fuck, it was like you were riding a double edged high all at once. once the group chat had been started, you and taehyun accessed each other’s numbers through there. talking about each other’s classes turned to learning each other’s schedules, gaps in each other’s schedule turned to opportunities to spend time with each other. you and taehyun would have study sessions during the day right after your classes. you learned a lot about yourself through your fun with taehyun. he helped you, actually. 

the man single-handedly made you so desperate you accepted his help studying. of course, when it all began, you were skeptical. maybe he thought you were stupid, maybe he wanted to mock you, maybe he wanted to mansplain and got off on thinking he was smarter than every girl, but then, he proved you wrong. 

when it came down to studying, he asked if it was okay for him to do his homework with you, asking if you’d taken this class before, etc. the place to study and do homework together was actually a cafe, which soon became a favorite of yours. he’d buy your drinks and let you have the booth side of the table. he was a gentlemen in every step of the way. 

one late, baked night, you were at yet another party, smoking outside with your friends. taehyun stood next to you with his red solo cup of whatever fuckass beer he always drank, over one of the beach chairs you sat in. everyone minus taehyun was super high already, you and kai were just below their level, passing a joint between the other, but that was the only thing that was keeping your semblance and sanity together. 

taehyun had been training for his boxing matches. ‘child’s play’ he liked to call it, never one to even openly invite his friends to his matches, too shy to do it. with that established, it was why taehyun had been bulking like crazy, always coming back from practice or ready to go after your hangouts. this time, he was wearing clothes he’d wear to gym, his skin flush, as he was definitely still cooling down from his previous session. only reason he hadn’t showered yet was because you picked him up straight from the gym, convincing him through text to hang out at a party first. he saw right through you. 

even on the ride back, you tugged at his shoulder, sheepishly asking, “could we do something later?” 

“like what, sweetheart?” he teased, wanting you to use your words.

(the back and forth ended with you shyly and exasperatedly telling him you wanted him, in your mouth, his mouth on you, inside, etc. his pretty eyes only grew inches, blinking, blushing, and he agreed. ‘we’ll see if you remember how much you need me then’, he said when he got off your car.)

of course, you’d remembered. hours in, you were horny as fuck, wanting nothing more than to be all over him since the moment you’d even woken up that day. his raw scent fresh from the gym, practical pheromones mixed with his cologne, were far more prevalent than needed. it wasn’t fair at all. 

“you can have the last of it, y/n,” kai yawned, stretching his arms over his head, and letting you gladly finish the joint off. taehyun smirked, watching your face light up with the roach in your hand like someone won a lollipop. 

“guys, i wanna order pizza.” beomgyu suddenly confessed, looking around.

everyone seemed to agree and plans for acquiring pizza were started. some looking at places that were delivering or that were even open at all. it was three am, so the chances of finding anything were little to none. 

you and taehyun didn’t move. you were spaced out, letting the last of your blunt fall. taehyun moved to step over it to kill it, leaning down to ask, “you alright there, baby?” in your ear, gravel whisper only detected by your sensitivity. it wracked a shiver down your spine. you met his eyes slowly, so unashamed at how you carefully inspected and gazed over his every feature, even going so far as to look at his body. 

‘need you’ was all you could mouth. the movement of your lips only stirred his further arousal, needing that mouth to be wrapped around his cock. how could taehyun resist that look?

“since we’re not finding any delivering, um, guys, what if we drove an hour to pick up the only one that’s open, hmmm?” beomgyu announced, gleeful grin on his face, directly looking at soobin, who sighed. soobin was neither drunk nor high since he arrived not too long ago to the party. yeonjun started hugging him from behind, trying to hype him up, and get him to agree to their plan that was locked in before anyone could disagree. 

“fine! but when you’re all sober, you owe me pizza when i’m not. only fair that way.” they all cheered. you laid back in your beach chair, trying to calm down, trying not to squeeze your thighs together, trying not to feel taehyun’s warmth right beside you. 

“hey, jun,” you called out since he was the second closest to you. he turned to you, inquisitively, and lowering to listen. “i’m gonna stay back if that’s okay. don’t feel like being in a car right now.” your confession made him nod. yeonjun was so kind and quick to take care of you. taehyun watched silently, starting to brood over how easily the elder was on you. 

“hey, how about i stay back, yeonjun? don’t feel like being in a car either. cool to stay and take care of y/n.”

your little friend group was already going inside to leave, but yeonjun stayed, ensuring that you and he, more like everyone, was okay with what was said. you gave yeonjun a smile. 

“alright, just make sure she gets taken care of. we’ll be back with pizza, guys~!” with that, yeonjun was off, taking a few drinks from the coolers near the sliding doors before he was gone, leaving you two out on the patio. 

a good beat of silence filled the space between you until taehyun turned to look down at you with a smirk on his face. you gulped as his hand found its way to cup your jaw. “you were saying?” he asked, curious himself as to what you could want to do. what he could do for you. you looked so pretty, makeup half smeared off and melting into your soft features. 

“can we go to the bathroom?” you mumbled and he leaned in, raising his eyebrow more. you repeated yourself a little louder, making him chuckle. 

“sure, baby.” he linked fingers with you, helping you up and leading you through the lingering partygoers to the bathroom with a hand on your lower back. you could have moaned out there if you didn’t have some self restraint. 

when he opened the door, he guided you in, so you could walk in first. taehyun was about to close the door without him inside, but then you called out his name. 

“wait, taehyun…” you spoke up quietly, standing with your legs close together. “want you in here.” he hadn’t ever seen you simultaneously shy and bold at the same time. something about you like this made him wild.

he obliged, stepping in and closing the door behind himself, arching an eyebrow. those red, heavy eyes of yours beamed with your smile. that smirk of his made you giggle some more.

“now, what, hon?” he asked, feeling you lean forward and he rounded his arms on you, arm folded over your soft supple curves. you reached upwards for a kiss, and oh, taehyun’s heart leapt out of the solar system and into a black hole. 

he reciprocated easily, so easily, leaning down to return it. it started out sweet, passionate, and fun. you were eager, as ever, but taehyun reveled with how quickly you got nasty with it. the kisses grew heavy, wet even. his hands land on your sides, caressing the skin. 

“shit, sweetheart,” his breaths were heavy, filtering through your open mouth. “what do you need, baby?”

each inhale and exhale was done so shakily. it was the slight hint of voice in your breaths that made him get harder and harder. what really did it for him, giving him a near painful erection was — 

your hand slipped under his shirt and rubbed pathetically at his abs, pawing. 

“fuck, i’ll just guess then,” he purred, slight lilt to his deep moans. it made you moan, too, from deep in your throat.

soon, the shirt was scrapped. back and forth led you to move on your knees, hushed consent, whispered into heated ears, asking if it was okay to give him head. however, on the way down, you couldn’t help but kiss down his chest, licking and moaning against his skin.

“want your mouth here, didn’t you, baby? oh, you’re so nasty it’s so fucking hot, fuck. my nasty girl. so desperate,” you whimpered as you trailed marks and kisses. your dazed eyes dreamily were stuck on his, as you moved from his shoulder to his pectorals to his abs to his side. “you just want to trace my body with your tongue. god, you’re so messy and nasty. all for me… aren’t i so lucky?”

when your hand played with his nipple, he squeaked, ears and cheeks darkening beautifully. at this rate, though, all he could do was throw his head back, knocking against the door, groaning. 

your hands played with the waistband of his gym shorts, and despite the cotton mouth, you found yourself beginning to drool all over his abs, down his hard length that you took out. 

“oh, this is what you wanted, huh? when you said you needed me… this was what you meant, right? y/n, shit… won’t keep you waiting any longer then, sweetheart. go ahead. take what you need, baby.”

you found yourself unprecedentedly excited seeing and feeling him in your hands. you even spit down the base, red tinged eyes looking up and stroking, moving to start licking at the tip. taehyun’s noises were warbled and high pitched with this throaty edge to it that only made you wetter and wetter. with every passing second that you took him in and the harder your head bounced on his cock, you took matters into your own hands, one of them literally undoing your own jeans, pushing aside your damp panties, to play with your messy self. the gagging of him deep in your throat made you moan weakly, the vibrations only made him get further stimulated. fuck. he was going crazy. 

watching from above, taehyun could only groan loudly, involuntarily bucking his hips into your mouth. time moved slowly for you, movements even more embellished and lingering. taehyun wanted to cum so badly but felt so aroused he burned to keep feeling this, trying his best to hold off. 

“fuck, y/n, oh my, fuck. you’re so fucking — ah!” he groaned into the air. “fuck, i’m gonna cum! fuck! come on, sweetheart, you gotta pull off!” his lungs seized, and it was the hand on your jaw so gently pulling you off that brought you out of your trance. you pulled back, heaving, and watching as he came all over his fist. the prettiest, quivering sounds and sight unfolded before all of you. 

taehyun leaned back completely onto the door, catching his breath, and stroked until there was nothing left to give. so pretty, you thought, the way he clutched himself. your fingers were still very much buried inside you. he looked down at you and closed his eyes shut, cursing under his breath.

“fuck, do you want me to cum again?” he asked and you laughed, as if you weren’t playing with yourself. “can i take care of you, too, baby? hmm? looks like… you need a hand…” 

taehyun haphazardly cleaned himself up, knowing he was probably going to have to do it again later. 

the bathroom was growing steamy and foggy, as if you were showering. it made you both feel filthier and filthier, but somehow you reveled in it. 

taehyun then had you seated on the counter, legs spread, face buried between them. as soon as he had stripped your lower half, taehyun groaned at the sight. your resolve was pushed to have your back against the mirror.

sweet words and praise dropped from his lips as he blew air on your wetness. those alluring, grand eyes of his stared up at you, smirk spreading. he reached down, kissing your inner thighs. he had a meticulous pre-oral ritual, but the reason you found it somewhat strange was that you had never been taken care of like this. sure, when it was just you jerking it, you knew you needed foreplay. when it came to experiences with others, they had all been careless, as if the slightest bit of wetness was the green light to be intruded. a few had even just never cared about how you felt entirely. 

taehyun knew what the fuck he was doing. sucking alongside his fingers, bringing his mouth close to spit gently, playing with your clit, adjusting to your body language and what you said felt good, making you wetter, easing his finger in once you said you were ready — at this point, you were moaning lowly, squirming, and clutching at the wall for stability. once he had your legs spread wide, he couldn’t help but start a rhythm, eyes looking up from his knees at your face. with your lip tucked by your teeth, your strained sounds remained muffled in your throat, heavy breathing, hips slightly bucking against his face, trying to grind against his mouth, nose beginning to rub on your clit with each punctuated move. 

“ahh!” it spilled out, head thrown back and taehyun groaned against you, the vibrations further stimulating. taehyun’s external stimulation was making you so incredibly wet and sensitive, you didn’t think you could last any longer. 

“can feel you getting close. fuck, y/n, so reactive and pretty for me. taste so good, so warm, shit, look at you, you like this, baby?” he spoke against your sticky flesh, the wet sounds of his fingers sliding in and out, the feeling itself, thicker longer digits stretching you far better than you ever could by yourself, making you clench and whimper at how filthy everything was. 

“mmh, love it, tae, gonna cum!” you let out a hiccupy cry, panting hard, hands trying to find purchase on the wall despite the humidity. a part of you feared he would do the thing… slow down, go faster, change rhythm, pull out, etc. they always did that and ruined the orgasm altogether. why did they always do that? 

“do it, baby, cream all over my fingers. want to see you fall apart. so pretty. i’d die a happy man making you cum so prettily and feel so good. so good, pretty girl, so good.”

but, you don’t expect for him to bring you to cum so fast and hard, very hard. it felt like a freight train hit you. your breath was stolen and instead, all you could do was muster a weak sob, gasping for air once you fell down the initial high, trembling and whimpering weaker and quieter, spilling all over his fingers, clamping on them, rutting on his fingers and the lower half of his beautiful tanned face until your movements ceased altogether. 

that was probably your first good orgasm from someone besides yourself. 

taehyun pulled away with a huge grin, lips shiny in the low light, groaning at the sight and feeling of his fingers slowly, gently pulling out. you gasped and laid back. taehyun licked what he could. as he stood up, you expected him to immediately give you a tissue or something else, but instead, he leaned in towards you, hands on your waist, breath fanning over your face. 

“wanna taste yourself, baby?” he whispered. you nodded, delirious. done for. taehyun eased in to kiss you, licking into your mouth and doing so passionately. you could taste it all. his saliva and your juices. the idea should have made you think ‘ew’ but it made you melt even more into it. 

“pretty girl, you did so good. did that feel good?” he asked once he pulled away to catch his breath. you were nose to nose. 

“yes, jesus christ.” you laughed at how he asked. did your pathetic orgasm not give away how amazing that was? he laughed with you. 

“did you like…that…? i didn’t want you to feel like you had to go down on me…” you got shy again. taehyun loved it. he sighed with a tender smile, cupping your face. 

“i loved it. watching you fall apart like that is like the cherry on top.” he said. 

“really?” he grinned and kissed your nose. “really.”

taehyun gently cleaned you up from there, helping you off the counter, sliding you, which made you giggle like crazy into his chest. he found wipes and gently cleaned you. you both cleaned, realizing this may not have been the first nor the last orgasm in this very space. as you both finished fixing each other up, beomgyu called you. over speakerphone, he notified you that they were back with the pizza and they stopped at taco bell, asking if you wanted anything. you got so excited and happy that taehyun had to take over, your unintelligible noises being deciphered out by him. 

regrettably, it must have been a lot better than you expected. your legs were wobbly and you suddenly felt like you’d been starved. so, when the guys returned with so much food, you sat outside wrapped in a blanket, seated next to taehyun, who couldn’t help the smug look on his face. you ate and you ate. yeonjun was even confused, “damn, y/n, did you get sick before we got here?” you shook your head and quietly continued feasting with a dopey grin. taehyun thought this sight, after what you could describe was the best orgasm of your life, was something he could never get tired of. 

it was a good night.

a week later, the day after you failed one of the exams taehyun had helped you study for, you told him the news, notifying him that you would be skipping class to go get a tattoo. breakdown moment. 

taehyun found the fact that you told him and let him in on this to be equivalent to the way one of the gears unlocks when a key is being turned. he was in one of his classes. his do not disturb was set, but you’re one of the few exceptions that he allowed notifications for. he pondered it, contemplated and decided within five seconds, that he would ditch his next class, too. taehyun grabbed his things and left during the break of his three hour class, the intermission in which his professor would take a smoke break. 

taehyun joined you that day. a few nights prior, while playing games on your game cube, in your room, high as fuck, you were in the midst of a ramble and you had confessed how you had wanted a tattoo since you’d graduated high school. he knew you. 

so, he turned up to the tattoo parlor you said you were at, standing in the entrance like your savior, smiling wide, big eyes gleaming. taehyun waited with you and sat with you while you got your tattoo, a spiky heart, pretty and colored, holding your free arm, fingers locked with his. 

at the unprecedented pain of being inked for your first time, all you could do was press your face into his shoulder. he had used his other hand to rub up and down in soothing motions. 

then, it was all done. a spiky heart right on your left shoulder. something that looked cute and felt right. taehyun made a friend out of the tattoo artist while he helped you from the chair, talking his ear off as he even paid for it. he ran you through the aftercare of the healing process. taehyun also made sure to be gentle with you every time you’d meet up, as well. 

every other sunday, you would help taehyun train for his matches by working out, fetching water for him, helping him do sets and counting with him, and just watching sometimes as you cooled down. taehyun chose the best times, too, so there weren’t too many prying eyes. he respected that the environment in gyms made you anxious and was quick with making accommodations. 

the less people only made it easier for you both to ogle each other’s bodies. taehyun’s tattoo on his muscular upper back rippling, sweat sliding down the one on his chest, lifting his shirt to blow air on him when he got too hot… he enjoyed too much the swells, crests, troughs of each curve on your body flexing and sometimes shaking, eager smile and funny remarks from your mouth while working out. he had to cool with how his stares lingered, not at all wanting to publicly look like a creep. the way your supple flesh jiggled, too, when it came to certain movements on the machines, oh… he felt crazy. as a joke, you even signed him up for a zumba class, but he actually got excited. 

he was just there for you in every way, shape, and form. it made you so stupidly happy, but, even with the girls you talked to, as giddy as they, too, would feel when hearing your stories and things that taehyun would do for you, there was still this part of you that wouldn’t wallow and enjoy it fully. in the end, none of it meant anything. he didn’t call you his girlfriend. you didn’t call him your boyfriend. neither of your friends knew. the knowledge of this slowly took a toll on you.

it didn’t feel right hiding and for what sake? getting dick? your heart was tired and ached. he probably thought of you as just another body. the thing that troubled you about this was what made you think otherwise. he made it known to you that you were friends, that you were cared for, that you were someone with value. 

taehyun brought food over every time he came over or would make a scheduled delivery whenever you would come by his place when everyone was out. taehyun even took it upon himself to prepare food and water for you, especially at those stupid parties you both attended. he kissed you when no one was looking, smiling against your lips, and caressing your face. 

but, you knew more than anything how boys were. you could be treated the very best, made to feel so good, do all the intimate things relationships entail, and they would still pull the rug from under you to tell you that they have a girlfriend, that they aren’t ready for a relationship, etc. you knew better than to believe any of it, but the foundation of friendship you had sure made it a lot harder to distinguish fantasy from reality. 

taehyun’s pace was unfettered, feverish, desperate. the speed and accuracy with every thrust, the grip on your hips, his hissed fuming from between his gritted teeth were all but evidence of it. your arms, flesh moistened by the  sweat across the entirety of your skin, weakly did their best to brace and hold you up against the bathroom counter. the same bathroom of the same house where all the parties took place, music so loud it bled through the crack under the thick wooded door. 

you and taehyun had only just arrived, too, after picking him up from his training at his gym. it was just like every other day. it felt like it, too. 

he had greeted you when he hopped in your car, kissing your cheek then your lips, brushing your hair back, examining you with a warm smile. you had tried not to show how much the heat and fatigue of the situationship was getting to you. you wanted him so bad, wanted so bad to be more than just a body, but to make something worth all of this, to confirm the undeniable love between you that you could only hide, like it was some painful secret. maybe taehyun caught on. maybe he didn’t. 

nonetheless, your interactions in the car didn’t change the fact that taehyun was giving you the backshots of your life. 

your own thighs trembled, doing their best to withstand such a momentum. his swollen balls snapped against your puffy clit. that knot deep inside was beginning to uncoil, so full of heat it was boiling over, “feels mmm really mm good! ahh, taehyun, taehyun, ahh!” was just about all you could make out through your clenched teeth and harsh panting. 

“taking me so fucking good, so fucking pretty! needed me to take care of you so bad? fuuuck, y/n!” 

he found the array of hickeys he left on your shoulder blades and a touch behind your neck so fucking hot he felt molten practicaly, not to mention the slightly dark tinge of color on your ass from the smacks he had not let back on. taehyun could not help himself when you were so pliant, so beautiful and wanting someone like him. feeling wanted did something to him in ways he almost couldn’t understand. 

you were even closer now, more like you had been throttled towards the finish line. taehyun could feel it, too. your body’s reactions were much louder than your pathetic cries. it was a lot, so good, mind full to the brim of him, just like your insides. shakily, taking control, through whimpers, you reached one of your hands back over your back, unable to convey what you wanted before your conscious even wanted to, but taehyun knew. his hands found yours, locking in a grip, pulling your body forward to meet his thrusts, shoving his cock deeper and deeper. 

it had reached that point where you were both on the brink of falling apart. taehyun decided to lift up one of your legs and lay it up over the counter, reaching it even deeper, ramming your sweet, worn out spot. a scream squeezed through your dried out throat at the change in angle and precision. his free hand found your clit to rub with a heavy thumb, smaller but harsher thrusts, until you came apart over his cock so violently. 

your hips bucked, thick thighs jiggling as the muscles underneath rippled, the longest, softest cry tumbled out through your drooly lips. your sounds were punctuated by each of his own, unraveling thrusts, going harder and harder, the smack of skin and his light grunts so high up in your space of sensations, your hands underneath visibly were sprawled to keep up, your weak insides, erratically pulsing around him, in a way that made every part of him want to explode. coming deep in his condom was enough. feeling the weight of his body on your lower half made you continue to clench around him.

just when you felt ready to sink down onto the clammy counter, taehyun was quick to wrap his arms around your front, bringing you up into his embrace. as he tried to catch his breath, all you could hear and feel were his hot, heavy breaths hitting the shell of your ear. such rich sounds that you could hear more clearly, not grated by the strenuous task of fucking someone, they now sounded like purrs. 

having his strong arms tightly wrapped you close into him, so intimately, almost made you feel like you hadn’t quite left that high. you lifted your head after some time, looking up in the mirror to realize you have the biggest, fucked out smile on your face. the mirror is somewhat fogged up, the light sheen of the walls and their humidity because of everything. taehyun also looked up, following your gaze, and cracked the cutest, sweetest laugh. as his hands followed to rub your hips, lowering your leg back down, he reached to give you a kiss on your cheek.

“how are you feeling, y/n? did that feel good? hm? because you were so good, so pretty for me, perfect as usual.”

“mmm, good. like, i just smoked a blunt,” that makes taehyun chuckle. “god, i could really go for a joint right now.”

he hummed, dipping down to kiss over some of the mark he had previously scattered, which made you melt even more. 

“let’s go then,” your eyes getting large were not missed at all by taehyun. “yeah?” you asked, shocked.

“yeah. that way, i can pick up some food on the way and we eat, anything you want, you can smoke, and most importantly, we can do whatever you want.” he gave you a grin, stroking your cheek with his thumb before you agreed, all too excited.

if he so much as pulled away, you and he both could feel that you weren’t quite done. even as he tried to separate and take care of you, the extra, affectionate smack on your ass made you give a short fall forward. 

from there, you and taehyun snuck out, ass still raw from the hits, even after he had kissed, rubbed, and cleaned you, giggling once the door shut behind you both. hand in hand, you went to your car, sharing messy, giddy kisses right before he helped you in the passenger seat. 

from there, you picked up food from your favorite restaurant that was open, taehyun adding an extra dessert at the pick up window.

that was how you ended up sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed, in taehyun’s room, in his and beomgyu’s apartment, sharing swipes of the dessert in between you with him, high as hell. you were dressed in a change of taehyun’s sweatpants and hoodie, sinking into the cloth, smiling dopily. he had helped you in the clothes, undressing you of your musty previous outfit, rubbing some of his lotion into your tired muscles, giving kisses all over his more prominent marks he left behind. 

all you could feel was peace, one that vibrated and thrummed just above the surface of your warmed skin. taehyun rubbed your shoulder and smiled at you.

“how are we feeling, y/n?” he laughed lightly. you nodded eyelids impossibly heavy, and clearly over the moon after having fulfilled your munchies. the biggest glass of water bottle also sat beside you, cold and refreshing. 

“like a caterpillar.” “oh. well, that’s new.”

you shared giggles and took another forkful of the sweet treat. taehyun grabbed a napkin to clean the corner of your mouth and chin. 

“yeah, hehe. like a caterpillar like the… at the fair, the rollercoaster?” you asked, tilting your head. taehyun smiled and shook his head. 

“can’t say i know what you’re talking about, baby.”

“exactly. also, i feel so good right now, like that caterpillar we were talking about earlier. you remember, right? i’m just so filled with joy and warmth like a piggy bank, like i want to get out of my crystal-my crishal-my, you know, the crysall… chrysalis but i can’t stay this way…” taehyun’s carefree smile slipped when he saw yours do the same. 

“what do you mean, y/n?” his voice was so soft. you nodded along to it. 

“when this moment ends, we have to go back to pretending and hiding. maybe it’s just me. i don’t want get back in my cocoon, i want to be out like a butterfly. i don’t wanna sneak around anymore. i want to be yours, i want all of this to mean something…” you gazed into his eyes, shimmering, and fond smile. “but, maybe the weed was a little too good and i’m reading too deep into that orgasm from earlier and the, you know, our friendship and the cooks who put their goddamn souls in the food you bought me. how do you feel? do you want to stay hiding? how do you feel about me?”

taehyun could only blink at you dreamily, eyes fluttering, time slowing down, running through the gates of this air vent of this building of life. his heart raced in his chest, pounding impossibly faster in his ears. do you even know that you were saying everything he had only dreamed of hearing?

“i want nothing more than to be yours and for you to be mine,” he whispered, eyes stinging while your smile simply grew. “did you know i like you more than a friend?” 

you blinked at him for a bit, eyes skimming his features, while he did the same for yours.

“i didn’t know that.” you answered, earning an amused, lighthearted hum.

“would you be okay if i wanted you to be my girlfriend?” he asked, that one dimple of his and his pearly fangs captivating your heart and attention. such a question, along with the very active high still in your body, made you giggle. 

“uh, i think i’d manage,” you teased, finding that all too funny. taehyun cupped your face, smiling so warmly. “would you be okay if i wanted you to be my boyfriend?” 

he snorted and mimicked your response, in the same tone and everything. soon enough, he leaned in completely to kiss you gently and passionately, swallowing down your soft, light noises. 

debuting your relationship to the guys came with the announcement via group chat: a picture of taehyun kissing your cheek, your red, heavy eyes and dopey smile, heightened by the brightness from the flash. with that, you also texted: guys guess what.

kai immediately responded with an ‘i knew it’. your relationship was met with joy and excitement, even some ‘finally’’s. apparently, beomgyu wanted you guys to get together from the start. yeonjun and soobin were over the moon for you two as you both explained that you had liked each other for some time. the girls in your circle celebrated with you, albeit with an impassioned, overdue impatience. 

taehyun was eager to be able to share the person who had been on his mind for so long, someone he had caught feelings for, someone who he was proud to call a friend and his girlfriend, someone who filled his whole being with joy. from there, you were inseparable, this time during the day moreso. 

he was just happy to be with you, wanting to bring you around everywhere, but once the first few days of euphoria washed, he eased up on such pda, leaving you slightly disappointed. it was like nothing had changed but with a bit more benefits, so you couldn’t complain. 

it amazed you how secure taehyun was with himself. sure, it rubbed off on you to some degree, but you found yourself feeling a bit opposite.

being out in the open, actually trying in school and job hunting made that vulnerability spiral into instability.

it was all fun and games until reality set in. nothing ever bothered you much since you smoked; it made you down to earth and truly instilled this barrier that prevented you from really taking things that people said about you to heart. and this wasn’t a bad thing, for the most part, but taehyun broke down such a wall. he helped you take a big step over the rubble and pushed you to get out of your comfort zone, even if that was what you were already trying to do for so long. 

it not only set up your once cloud perspective but made you hear everything a lot clearer. 

of course, taehyun paid no heed to whatever anyone said. college students, our big age, know at least to talk behind people’s back. at least most of them. when he introduced you to certain people, you recognized a handful, the ones that you’d caught showing some judgment over graduating late, not having a career plan, etc. he encouraged you not to listen to anyone, only yourself; he did this because he wanted you to not rely on him since, to him, you were laid back and always brushed off the bullshit.

taehyun liked holding your hand or linking arms if you ever walked around campus, or rather just about anywhere. his warm, round eyes possessed this glow about him every time he looked at you. this and his princess treatment for you only deepened your feelings for him. it was all good. everything was good with him.

despite that, your fears and insecurities had a little kick to them. it packed a fucking load.

it was another party night. you were actually showing up for the first time in a few weekends, either too embarrassed to leave your room or you were hanging out with taehyun elsewhere. tonight, you showed up together. 

those insecurities had reason, in their defense. you were older than your boyfriend, graduating late by a year, possibly. sure, this was the first time in a long time that you were trying, so of course, your efforts wouldn’t make you graduate alongside him.

then, you got the results of a test to get into a program you had gotten your hopes up to get into: fail. it hurt more since taehyun helped you study for it.

in fact, he was the only reason you decided to focus more on school. he reignited a passion you hadn’t seen since high school. 

you found your passion, devoted time to researching such a program that would help you achieve your career goal, paid for the entrance exam, studied for it on top of all your other classes, and the smartest person you could ever know helped you. but, you still failed.

this was why you didn’t like to try. this was why you liked being high all the fucking time, so you could ignore all your problems, your stupidity clear as fucking day. receiving such news only highlighted what more of a person you were: a sore loser with a bit of self destructive streak.

“baby, maybe you shouldn’t… not tonight…” the look you gave him was blank but indifferent, eyebrow flexing with a threat. 

“really? fine, then. whatever you say.” your last word evaporated with a lingering glare. 

on the inside, you didn’t mean any of this. you don’t know why you suddenly bite. you have every reason to be happy, albeit disappointed with yourself, not angry at the one person who had made you discover yourself and your passion, changing into a better person. he didn’t deserve this. why did you do this?

beomgyu was rolling up a joint in front of you, talking about something you could only process as words but lacking meaning, while you sat beside him, quiet and sullen. 

it was another night outside. another one. honest to god, you didn’t know how many you had left in you, living like this. at least with the way you were feeling. now was not a good time. beomgyu could sense the unease between you two, uncomfortable, so he scooted the tray forward to taehyun and gave your hand a pat, smiling. 

“i’ll be right back, you guys.” his voice came out as a lull, soft and like a whisper. he made sure to give your shoulder a squeeze before walking past you both.

neither of you continued to speak or move even after he had slid the door shut, leaving you two outside by yourselves. the silence between you two was louder than the music that bled through. taehyun’s eyes trained on you. you could feel it, but you remained unfazed. understanding the situation wordlessly, he continued where beomgyu had left off. for someone who didn’t smoke, he knew well enough how to do it.

there was a lot you wanted to say, but you kept your mouth shut. it wasn’t the right time. 

“oh, look what we have here!” your heads turned to the unfamiliar voice, multiple footsteps and guys you had only seen briefly around campus. taehyun sat up, facial expression hardening, but still smiling and trying to look friendly. he was a friend. you didn’t think you were going to like this friend. that ball of dread in your gut knew it, too. 

“damn, kang, didn’t think you were chill like that.” he continued, laughing. this guy, whoever he was, stood a few inches taller than the rest, voice just a bit louder than the others. it was just guys out here, leaving you alone like you were surrounded by wolves. taehyun only chuckled. 

“it’s not for me, actually.” he said, matter of factly. then, you felt caught by the other’s eyes, a glint in them, as you did your best to hold onto that always-there polite smile of yours. 

“oh, it’s for you, then, huh, sweetheart?” he asked, careening his head to better scrutinize you. 

“no, it’s —” 

“taehyun, this is the girl you’ve been banging? the one you’ve been ditching all our meetups and game nights for? ” this cunt cackled dryly, leaning over the chair. he eyed you as if you were nothing more than the object of a sentence. 

every girl was born with a sixth sense, unfortunately; in this case, you used it to feel his eyes linger up and down your body. you could feel another one of these boys pull out their phone, not so subtly angle the camera towards you to take a snapshot. your heart clenched in tandem of his thumb hitting the capture button, a leer on his face. why did they act like this?

“her name’s y/n, and don’t get to talk about her like that.” taehyun answered, eyes trained upwards to him, with a deepening purse of his lips.

“y/n, huh? the one that still needs tutoring? heh, not bad, i guess. didn’t peg you as someone into big girls,” the words rolled off his tongue. your eye twitched. “if i knew you were looking for some ass, maybe i could have hooked you up with someone else, and you wouldn’t have had to settle for this.” 

humiliation and rage rolled heavy as a wave, crashing all over you, sweeping you in a riptide. 

you made eye contact with taehyun, who shook his head, which you didn’t understand. something turned inside of you, rage into disgust towards him, but you had more pressing matters to attend to. even if this boar of a man spat illogical nothings at you, somehow taehyun’s silence cut deeper.

“who the fuck do you think you are to speak about me like that?!” oh, but this reaction only garnered amusement, even a flare of annoyance. 

he raised his hands up defensively, more so mockingly, looking half bewildered and amused. he turned to taehyun, pointing at you, while the others laughed.

“dude, tell your bitch to chill. you could do so much better, taehyun. she’s like a three at best. fuckin’ pothead loser!” he laughed, others jeering, the weight of their eyes and laughter practically shattering all that backbone and heart you had in you. they laughed and they laughed and they laughed. 

your heart rate pounded in your ears. the smell of blood flooded your senses. it had to be yours. everything was loud, heartbreak, shock, disappointment, fury, pain, humiliation. you couldn’t hear anything, much less anything clearly, only turning to taehyun and glowering blankly. he was standing beside you. you couldn’t read his expression. 

only his silence, stupid and open mouthed. 

“fuck you.” you hissed at them all. 

they’re all the same anyway. 

in turn, hanging on the last syllable that left your seething mouth, taehyun moved. you watched him pivot on his heel suddenly, pulling back his arm, and time slowed down, heart rate, blood pumping in your ears and vessels at a steady pace, like newton’s cradle. 

you watched taehyun, who always seemed to smile when he practiced boxing and working out, suckerpunch the guy. 

it was a hard hit. even as he pulled his fist back, he brought it back down to continue raining blows. you didn’t know the creep’s name. certainly, taehyun wasn’t even going to let you recognize him either with the way this was going. the others who watched hesitated but tried to intervene, getting tossed aside in whirlwinds. taehyun managed to knock him down and climb over him to keep beating on him. 

you have no idea how long this went on. you called his name, in shock, out of desperation, fear of the consequences, but it was the sliding door slam against the door frame and beomgyu’s yell that may have slowed him down. soobin and beomgyu ran over to pull him off, fist bloody and bruised, the figure underneath reduced to hues of purples and reds.

he stood now to the side, panting aggressively. his eyes slowly found you, looking for you even if they had only a short journey. the night around all of you was peaceful, nature seemed to be forgiving tonight, but you didn’t know if you could say the same. 

it was a bit of a circus, so many voices and movements, yelling, gasping for air, coughing, and yet all you could hear was your heartbeat. 

your legs decided to move on their own, turning to enter the house. this led you straight into the dark of the kitchen, abandoned, quieter, but the bass still rattled everything. 

the sliding doors narrated taehyun’s entrance behind you.

“y/n, are you okay?” he asked, not moving any closer. you turned on your heel to look at him. his fist was dark underneath the skin and spotty over with blood that wasn’t his.

“yeah, are you?” you asked, a hint of sarcasm in your tone. taehyun sighed at that. 

“you don’t need to give me an attitude. i’m just asking because i’m concerned. am i not allowed to be, y/n?” 

you rolled your eyes. you didn’t mean that. there was a lot in your heart and even more in your mind, impulsivity shoving your love aside. 

“taehyun, i think you should just leave me alone.” in response, he huffed, stubborn.

“no, something’s wrong. talk to me.” he got closer and you turned around again. there was a light in your eyes he had never seen before. 

you recognized that unfamiliarity. a twinge of pain wracked your body at that. 

“fine, i think it’s fucked that no matter what i do, i’m always gonna be subjected to that kinda bullshit, and  i think it’s also fucked up you allowed that to go any further than it did.”

his scoff made you something behind your eyes sting. men were so quick to change up. was it always them or was it also you?

“i beat his ass, didn’t i? a ‘thank you’ would be nice to hear.” 

“fine, thank you. thank you for being friends with that loser and all those other losers out there that you tell me not to listen to,” you definitely didn’t mean soobin and beomgyu, but it didn’t matter. “it’s just so telling that he’s your friend.”

“what are you even talking about now?”

“you’re really just a man at the end of the day. if he can say things like that out in the open, i can’t even imagine what he says in the locker room. i can’t imagine what things you say either,” he sighed again.

“i’m not like that, y/n.”

“really? then, why didn’t you let me tell him shit or why didn’t you?” 

truthfully, his only reasoning was because he wasn’t worth it. you didn’t have to fight scum like him. it was why he was there. 

“for fuck’s sake, taehyun, he didn’t even know we were dating!” you added. the look on his face was more than annoyance. you were going to make him hate you, weren’t you?

“now, i’m confused. is this all because your test or because of who i’m friends with? i’m sorry, y/n, but there’s better things to be upset about, especially that are actually what you can control. are you going to start choosing who i’m friends with now?”

“that’s not what i’m even fucking upset about! you truly don’t see how shitty this all makes me feel?”

“well, i don’t think you do either!” he raised his voice for the first time, making your tough expression dissolve. it was nothing close to what you’ve experienced from the other men in your life, even from your own father. 

it seemed like no matter how far you moved or what you did, he would always seem to haunt you, whether it was in the person you thought you could love or yourself.

“can you blame me? i’m not a mind reader, y/n. fuck, all we had said was that we wouldn’t be hiding what we did. we’re not even dating! what do you want from me?”

“oh…”

this nasty thought set in, filling your stomach. your sinuses loosened. your throat closed up. your eyes stung and grew heavy. maybe it was true, then. 

taehyun was just like every other guy.

his own eyes widened at the betrayal of his slip. he seemed to understand the gravity of all that he had said, of all that he had done, and you seemed to finally recognize the taehyun you always knew. even then, you considered him a stranger. 

“how could i be so stupid?” you whispered, practically mouthing the words, to turn completely away from him, from it all. jaunting through the crowd, shoving to get further away, it was as if no one moved out of the way for you. how could you have thought you actually mattered? 

taehyun called after you, again and again, desperately, but it drowned out with the overlapping conversations and heavy music weighing down over every single thing. it was all so loud. you caught kai’s and yeonjun’s eyes, briefly glancing at them from where they stood by the staircase. while they had held your broken gaze for only seconds, it felt like an eternity. in that moment, you dismissed them with a hand. it was a request for them to hold their places. for you to be alone. 

lucky you had planned it right. deciding to be sober in every way, you got into your car, blindly switching it on and hitting drive until you made it back, parking, trudging up to your room, crashing on the untended bed. 

your phone buzzed and buzzed, screen lighting up every few minutes with calls and texts from your friends, especially from taehyun. his were few in quantity but large in quality.

two phone calls, one voicemail, and three text messages. poignant as ever. 

you answered all except his, letting the silence speak for itself. that was easy enough for a message to grasp right?

or did he take you as easy like every other fucking man? 

the thoughts you let yourself wallow with deepened you further into the quicksand of the sallow foundation of a place you fought so hard to never hit. it was sort of the reason you were always stoned.

raw dogging these feelings was like stepping barefoot over hot coals. without the use of substances, you couldn’t distance yourself from the reality you tried so hard to deny. 

you weakly lifted yourself, shaking arms, to sit up and bury your face in your hands. 

maybe you would never be capable of being loved by a man. after all, you don’t even have a clue of what it looked like.

for the next day, you stayed in bed, drifting in and out of sleep. a splitting headache would greet you each time you would wake up. the ceiling’s reflection of the sunlight or lack thereof was the only semblance of time you would allow yourself. it hurt so bad, but you let it. maybe not smoking or eating a gummy would do you some good. at least a little break, at least.

there was a knock on your door the next night and your phone vibrated, a notification that had been sent despite the do not disturb focus set. 

soobin and yeonjun had sent over food, bagged up and in styrofoam containers; you had to eat it. the meals inside were comfort foods from their upbringing, warm stews, savory side dishes, and yummy rice, ones that they had introduced to you, when they had you over at yeonjun’s aunt’s party. everyone had been so kind and welcoming. taehyun was there. it was before you knew now that maybe you shouldn’t get out of your comfort zone. you didn’t know. you really didn’t know anything. 

kai sent you tiktoks back and forth, and you two played cookie run or roblox or among us together the entire night.

the next morning, just at dawn, you awoke to beomgyu texting you and telling you of the aftermath. he also apologized and told you that he cared about you; he would always be there for you. 

that guy fortunately didn’t press charges, but he did need a couple of stitches. he decided to take accountability by at least cutting off ties with certain people. unbeknownst to you, he had even curated alternative tests for you, so that not all hope was lost. taehyun didn’t show up for his practice, couldn’t sleep well or even stomach much, all things considered.  he and all the guys talked it out, wanting to clear up any miscommunication or misunderstandings. 

the guys did not hold back on lecturing and scolding taehyun. you were a treasure. their treasure.

at the center of your mind, you felt like you were on the path to getting past everything, moving on in your own way, accepting that all was lost, especially since he said there was nothing to begin with. 

then, your weekend of peace was put to an end when someone dared to knock on your door late in the night, just at the hair of midnight. 

you assumed it to be beomgyu since you had been in contact with him hours earlier, texting here and there to talk about everything else besides the drama. 

when you swung the door open, about three seconds of silence hung in the air before you tried to slam the door on the very person you tried to not think about. taehyun wore his glasses and sweats, looking every bit of a mess. good. 

he had shoved his foot between the crack, letting out a quiet ‘ow’. you sighed deeply before opening it and using your hand to show him in.

taehyun stayed put at the door, knowing he wasn’t welcome. 

“i’ll make this quick. promise,” he exhaled. “y/n, i’m sorry. i’m so sorry for not listening to you, for being a coward, for being harsh and unkind, for not being sympathetic, and especially for saying that we weren’t dating when that isn’t true.”

the stare you gave him was hard, eyebags tough under your tired eyes. taehyun’s eyes welled up. the sight of you and hearing you like this only made him want the dams brimming at his eyelids want to break.

“look, i’m… also sorry. i took my frustration out on you when you’ve been nothing but good to me, and i provoked you. hard. didn’t even truly appreciate you beating the shit out of some guy who gave me a hard time,” you exhaled, trying to find the strength. 

“i had been so confused and hurt when you said we weren’t dating. i still don’t know why, but i think it’s because i realize now that wasn’t what you wanted. i was high. you’re just a nice guy. we’re friends, sure, but we’re two different people. fuck, just look at me. it’s not your fault.”

taehyun gaped at you, scrambling to do something, anything, for once. 

“you have nothing to be sorry for. oh, baby, no.” he said with urgency while you brushed him off. 

“it’s fine, really. taehyun, it’s all okay.”

“no, y/n. i didn’t mean anything i said. you can call bullshit on it, but that’s up to you. i’ve never felt this way before, and feeling it so early… it scared me. i could only imagine that it would terrify you even more. from what you’ve told me, and from the men you’ve told me about, they’ve all done that. they’ve scared you in some way, and i didn’t want to feed into that. only now i see i was doing the opposite of making you feel loved, and i’m so sorry.”

a pause of silence allowed for you to calm your quivering breath. 

“feel what?”

taehyun swallowed hard, looking the most nervous you had ever seen him. 

“i’m in love with you. i’ve tried to deny it, brush it off, but it’s because i didn’t know what it felt like before until now. i… i didn’t know what to do with it. i didn’t want to overwhelm you.”

“you don’t mean that either,” you half stated and suggested, but he dismissed it. 

“please tell me that’s not true.” you begged, heart melting and burning in flames at the brunt of your ego, your pride, your stupid fucking shield. 

“i love you. please, y/n. i’ve known for so long. i don’t want to be a coward anymore. i love you.” lifting his head at the right angle, the dim lighting of your led light shined over his shiny tear tracks, one dipping into the seam of his dimple. your face betrayed you. 

“i know you feel the same way about me, too. that’s the only reason why you beg me to deny it.” he exhaled and you took two steps into your stride towards him, legs working before you. 

taehyun met you halfway and took your face in his hands to kiss you like it was a lifeline. it was. it felt like it was. it must be. his fingers stroked your skin, imperfect under his, but he did it like you’re treasure. 

“what about everyone else?” you croaked between the film of wet kisses. 

“what about everyone else? you are above everyone and everything. you shouldn’t ever have to worry about all those stupid things.”

“what about your friends?” 

“then, they were never my friends in the first place. i’m not losing anything if i’m with you. it doesn't scare me. it shouldn’t scare you either. nothing should. my brave y/n, you’re so amazing. i’ll make you see one day. in the mean time, i’ll remind you over and over.”

as he kissed you, pulling you in and in, your tears, too, gave in, leaving your kisses salty. 

“but, what if i meet your parents and they hate me?” you asked through deep breaths. the two of you chuckled, laughs feeding off another, and melted further in each other’s abundance of kisses. “they couldn’t. if they hate you, then they hate me. i wouldn’t let them.” 

taehyun kissed your forehead and held you close. 

“it’s okay if bad things happen. it’s okay if we get scared. it’s okay if we have disagreements, excluding the important stuff. everything’s going to be okay, i promise. it might not look the way you have in mind, but things are always going to be okay.” 

you held him close and felt peace restored in your own mind and heart. you felt like you believe him. maybe everything was going to be okay.

“hey… are you nervous, baby?” taehyun spoke right at the seam of your tingling lips, pulling off. his hands cupped your face so carefully. could he feel how hard your heart was pounding in your vessels? could he hear it? “no, no…” you could only manage. he gave you space, helping you sit up. this kind of atmosphere was definitely new. sure, the circumstances weren’t, but something about this was a lot for you. in a good way. 

after catching up, you and taehyun decided to go to a hotel, just to be away from everyone and everything. focus on each other, especially now that you felt more confident in your relationship with him. 

the idea was good in the moment, blushing, passionate kisses that needed to be let out. now, having made it to your room successfully, two beds, one for fun and the other for sleep, you couldn’t help but feel embarrassed… 

it was the first time he was seeing you like this. it was the first time you were pretty much not high. it was the first time you were going to do this so intimately and technically. it was the first time you were doing this since you had become official. it was the first time you were going to experience something like this with someone like him: perfect with perfect. a part of that suggested you weren’t enough. 

taehyun lovingly kissed you and undressed you, moving down to kiss the more skin that got exposed.

“so pretty, baby. look at you, all spread out for me…” he murmured to himself. he left a few marks here and there around your torso and thighs before pulling away. 

“is it okay if i take off my clothes, too, y/n?” he whispered, stroking your cheek. you nodded and he kissed your temple. “going to grab a condom, too, baby.” he squeezed your side affectionately before going to his bag you’d both left by the door. 

without his presence and warmth, you felt immediately naked. your heart pounded in your ears. quietly, you moved under the covers. you knew he liked your body, but a tiny part of you made you embarrassed about being so spread out in your nakedness. chubby girl, lying flat over plain white covers. maybe it would make you look worse. 

taehyun walked back, already having tossed his shirt behind him to find you peeking out from behind the cover.

he looked so hot, it only made you want to be swallowed up by the comforter.

taehyun unbuckled his jeans but didn’t continue. he leaned forward and touched your leg through the fabric, making you gasp. 

“being playful, y/n, or is this too much?” the question was casually said, but you knew that he wanted to know the truth of how you felt. you slowly sat up, removing the cover from your upper half, still covering your body with your hands. you sigh.

“just shy. it’s your first time seeing me like this. it’s a lot being naked in good lighting, without using weed, to calm down my nerves, and especially seeing you fully, so fucking hot…” taehyun smiled softly and took a seat beside you. 

“i’m sorry, beautiful,” he paused to kiss you on the shoulder, upwards, down your chest and soft stomach. “for the record, i’ve been dreaming of this moment with you, baby. you’ve got nothing to be afraid of. if you want to stop, we can.”

you let him kiss you and rub his arm until he pulled off. 

“nothing could make me change my mind about you, y/n, if that’s really what you’re thinking. i love you. please don’t be afraid to tell me what’s on your mind, sweetheart.” he added, but this time, you leaned in to continue. 

soft, sweet whispers were exchanged, full of love and praise to each other, breathy moans in between. taehyun undid his jeans and pulled them off, moving to take off your cover hiding your body. these were all movements that you were too busy to watch happen, hands wandering, feeling up, caressing, playing, but still very much there. 

sober but hopelessly in love, it felt like you were high. everything felt blurry and warm, so good it bound you speechless, taehyun was on you and even in you, prepping mostly, wetness, lube, and saliva coating your slit. 

you felt insane. the further it went, the more a trend showed itself. oh, you felt crazy. 

there were too many sensations all around. it was hard to decipher where taehyun wasn’t. his hands, his sounds, his scent, the sweat from his body on yours, his cock dragging in and out of you, stealing and squeezing every breath from you, it was all so much. and this was even after the hurdle of about ten minutes ago, when he had finally pushed his tip in, splitting your folds, pushing out more of your sweet essence the further he moved, and your walls had latched on. it was hard for him, too, but oh so obviously, not as hard as how you had it, with the way you gripped on his bicep, drooling, crying out. 

he never once made a move without talking to you through it, stopping, cradling your head, asking so kindly for you to communicate what you felt; if it hurt, if you wanted to stop, etc. you smiled through your tears, regaining composure and told him to give you a moment to settle. he did, kissing your face softly, sprinkling them. he murmured hums and praises as your chest progressed from harsh breaths to slow and steady ones. 

but, now, here you were, again. you felt bad, in the back of your mind, as opposed to the forefront occupied with the heavy sensations around you, on you, in you.

catching your staggering, elevating breaths was found to be quite an insurmountable task. your heart fastened in its pace and it even felt like it had been lurched into your throat, blood pounding in your ears, drool hanging down the sides of your throat. 

“relax for me, y/n. take deeeep breaths. breathe for me. yeah, that’s it. come back to me.” taehyun’s voice sounded distant in the field of your overwhelmed noises, but he guided you through it. 

he breathed in and out slowly, waiting for you to follow him, which you did. it eased him immediately. 

“that’s my good girl.” he praised, wiping a stray tear. 

“needed a second… it just all feels so good. too good, taehyun. imagine if i was high!” you managed, finding wiggle room to snicker to yourself, as if the head of his dick wasn’t kissing your leaky slit, begging to part such dulcet folds. taehyun also found that comment funny, moving some hair from your eyes to stay put with the help of the moisture all over you. “sorry, by the way, that we have to keep stopping. i… just get so excited like everywhere everywhere, and i can’t calm down. are you turned off?” 

taehyun’s face dropped when he gasped, rushing forward, eager to shush you and convince you of how he felt, which was so endeared and how he was very much turned on. his dick twitching on your clit made you keel, body writhing. 

then, there was a segue of taehyun reassuring you before your hand was searching for his erection to shove back in. he found your ardor sweet, comical even. he loved it. he loved you.

taehyun leaned down to kiss you, lips relaying quietly of his love for you, as he entered you from below. little by little, he eased himself inside and after a second of accommodating, you gave him the go. it hit you both hard.

taehyun slid in and out, playing with your clit, using the pad of his finger to move in the killer motions that he learned did it for you perfectly, lifting your legs a little higher and further apart. your eyes grew glossy, pupils spacing out and crossing, and the pitchy cries ripped at your diaphragm, but these were signs you were getting closer and closer to falling apart. your thick thighs shook in his hold, the jiggles made some of your stretch marks ripple like water, and he groaned loudly in your ear, revving up the speed and accuracy of the strokes. he was so far in, ramming your sweet spot over and over again, doing a little more to take it a little further. 

“oh, god! keep doing that, please, tyunnie, don’t stop, please, please! oh, my god!” you wailed. he growled, obeying without hesitation, lifting your legs some more to bend at your chest, folding you completely. this position concentrated your thick flesh to get full and to be squeezed between your already thick thighs. your breasts pressed together, tummy rolls just the same, rippling in response to each hard stroke into you. it made him grunt and somehow accelerate. 

your walls were fluttering, squeezing, clit pulsing, nails sinking into his arms and that spot where his tattoo was. 

“f-fuck, i’m close! taehyun, i’m so, so close! i’m gonna come. oh, god, i’m really gonna come!” you grew increasingly loud, breathy whimpers louder and messier, in the way something gets torn to shreds. 

“come on, baby. come for me. i’ve got you, y/n. go ahead, when you’re ready. you’re so beautiful, sweetheart. finish for me, yeah. just like that. you’re doing so well for me, taking me so good, so proud of you. let me hear you. let go when you’re ready — ” you interrupted him when you came. you wondered what more he could have said. in reality, you heard white noise for a minute or two when you did let go, jolting around, hips rocking around, and he loosened the grip on your legs, letting them drift out of his hold. taehyun continued praising you, kissing you, wiping your tears you hadn’t realized had fallen in such large heaps. 

by the time you were returning from your high, taehyun was slowing down. much to his surprise, weakly, you told him to keep going, to please, please come, and to take off his condom, to do it over your boobs or tummy. he whined, smacking the underside of your ass, saying, “fuck, y/n. at let me pull out first!”

his hand stayed on your fleshy hip, fingers digging into the softness of your ass and thumb on your thigh. that sweet look in his eyes had been replaced by something ravenous, dark and lusty. you rutted against him, desperate for him to do something, anything, even if your insides were teetering onto overstimulation. 

“whatever you want, baby, it’s all yours.” he exhaled, smoothing his sweaty fringes back. it was like something in him must have snapped when taehyun began to jackrabbit into you, folding your body even more, body shaking, bed creaking loudly with each movement. your throaty cries were forced out of you with each thrust into the rhythm of momentum, hands grasping at straws, at the mess of sheets underneath you to hang on. 

“fuck, fuck, fuck!” you managed, back arching perfectly, and the familiar clench in your stomach foresaw what was to come. taehyun immediately smirked, gritting his teeth, and went even faster somehow. 

wordlessly, you came undone under him, all but taehyun’s name coming out of your open mouth as a warbled sob. he eased his pace, slowly lowering your bottom half, while the aftershocks lingered and continue to roll through you like the rumbles of thunder following cracks of lightning. the thick flesh on your thighs trembled violently, hips bucking, and your hands fisted the sheets. he cooed, rubbing your tired hipbones.

“i know, baby. i know…” your tired cunt fluttered around him, still, making it harder for him to stave it off any longer. “shit, y/n, gonna cum. that okay? baby, is that okay? where do you want me, baby?” his voice elevated in pitch, feeling the effects of his high running at him faster than he could control. he needed this. he needed you. you were going to be the death of him.

“mmm, stomach, please!” you whimpered. he pulled out without hesitation, one stroke under his hand, to release all over your soft tummy, spurting warm, full strings that decorated the color of your skin. so pretty. some of it fell into the dip of your belly button, and some slipped in the valley of your breasts. every spurt aligned with taehyun’s pitchy groans. it was so good. you felt like your body was numb, on another dimension, and almost like being high should feel like. fuck, your toes were still curled. 

he leaned over you, trying to catch his breath, and once he did, he locked eyes with you and smiled gently at you, fangs hidden behind the seam of his unflexed lips. his hand cupped your face.

“y/n, you did such a good job. so beautiful. my pretty, pretty girl. how do you feel, baby?” he asked, pulling you back down to the current dimension, into the reality you could only think described a dream. 

look at him. look at the way he looked at you, like you were made to be revered.