#HuGOAT

It’s the last meeting for our laboratory class. My lab instructor asked us,

“Nakakita ka na ba ng building na hindi tapos? Anong mararamdaman mo?”

Sayang. Sayang nga, hindi ba?

Tulad ng mga lab exercises na sisimulan lang pero hindi na tinatapos. Sayang.

Ine-encourage ko kayo, tapusin niyo pa rin. Ang mahalaga, nakapagpasa kayo.

It’s a Saturday night. 30 minutes before midnight. 7th of April. I stopped by Ministop to charge my phone. I sat down on one of the chairs near the charging station. A few minutes later, someone sat down beside me. When I looked up. There was you.

Dumbfounded and shocked (like c’mon, what are the odds that we’d encounter each other that late at night?), I blurted out “Uy! Andito ka pala! Gabi na ah”. 

I: “Kakarating ko lang. Nakita kasi kita mula sa labas kaya dumaan muna ako.” *also seemingly surprised to see me there.*

I: “Finals kasi namin kaya ginabi ako. Ikaw ba, bakit andito ka pa?” A: “Nagaantay ako ng sundo. Wala na kasi akong masakyan pauwi.” I: “Ganun ba? Samahan na kita mag-antay bago ako umalis.” 

You stayed and kept me company. We chatted and catched up for quite a bit until the car that’s supposed to pick me up arrived. We bid our goodbyes and parted ways.

The day after, I saw your tweet. 

“Ang ganda niya kagabi. Sana nababalik ang lahat.”

I can’t help but assume that tweet was pertaining to me. (Though I look like a neglected raisin). A part of me regrets on not bothering to ask who it was, or if it was even about me because I’m scared to know. I don’t even have a clue on what I’d respond if you deny it!

A few days later, you posted something again.

“Mga 3 years na, pero affected pa rin ako kapag naaalala ko. Masaya ako sa’yo pero bakit iniwan mo ako?”

I'm sorry for not being there for you more than I should have.

Deep inside, I felt that you were lonely. We both knew it. I just didn't take the initiative to pull it away from you. I was in one of the best positions, knowing that I get to see you often, to make you feel happy and comfortable despite being away from your safe zone.

I'm sorry you had to look for that sense of belonging and happiness somewhere else when I should be one of those people, capable and within your reach, that provided you those needs.

If I were to put the blame on what had happened, I would never point at you. No one should judge you for it because they did not understand what you, alone, were going through.