mia ꕥ

the both of you attended the same high school back in your hometown, jude was still actively pursuing his dream of starting a professional football career one day and for that reason, he had always been popular. not just amongst girls—but he was so outgoing he had the ability to get along with just about anyone. you on the other hand, you were very academically focused and did not take any interest in extracurricular activities. all you cared about were your grades, constantly drowning yourself in your textbooks and study materials to prepare yourself for your final exam—the one thing you were depending on to get you into university, where you can finally begin to pursue your dream career.

while prioritizing your studies was a good thing, it also had it’s negative effects from the way you were practically closing all doors for making new relationships and memories—high school was supposed to be a time of your life where you could look back at it with a smile on your lips, or tears in your eyes. atleast that’s what the books you read as a child, or the movies you’d watched had told you. that your teenage years were supposed to be the best, but yours felt rather bland.

it’s not that you didn’t have any friends—you had a few, but they also had an entirely different part of their lives that did not involve you. this ultimately lead you to feeling left out as you saw the pictures they’d upload of all the fun they’d have at parties, or heard all the stories that they never seemed to run out of—you could only watch and listen from the sidelines.

you were so reserved, it was a way of protecting yourself. but you also failed to see how you were ruining yourself in the process. you still remember when you’d first seen jude on the first day of year 11, you were mesmerized by how pretty a boy could be. there were many words you could’ve chosen to describe how good-looking he was but the one word you’d always choose was pretty. he had a pretty smile, and you knew from that moment you had developed a little crush on this boy from your media class.

but you never once thought you had a chance with him, he was way out of your league. as time went on, you learnt more about jude—but only as an observant from the sidelines. you were not a part of his life, you probably won’t ever be; that’s what you convinced yourself, not wanting to get your hopes up high. he was a part of your school’s football team where his talent in the sport got the recognition it deserved. it was no surprise jude was the captain of the team, he had impressive leadership skills and knew how to carry himself on the pitch whilst leading others. his captaincy had brought several wins for your school in different tournaments, and the name jude bellingham was one that everyone was fond of.

he never let the popularity get to his head however, he was friendly with whomever he crossed paths with. he had good looks, he was talented and he was a nice person so who wouldn’t fall for him? you’d always hear various girls talking about him, some even gathering up the courage to confess to him. but as far as you knew, jude never got into a relationship. it probably wasn’t what he was seeking at that point of his life, he had goals he wanted to achieve and that was where you could relate to him.

you’ve never really had a conversation with jude, but you both had interactions where you’d randomly make eye contact and he would shoot a charming smile your way—it never failed to give you butterflies in the stomach or make your heart flutter. you were observant, but there were many things you failed to notice. like the way jude’s gaze would always follow you when he spots you passing by in the hallway, or during class when he can’t help but occasionally glance at you here and there to find you so engrossed into the lesson. something about you kept catching his eye, and drawing him in. while jude was able to start up a conversation with anyone—he somehow felt too nervous to approach you although his heart picked up it’s pace at the thought of it, like as if it was trying to tell him he was longing for exactly that.

for your final project of the year, your teacher had paired everyone in your class with a partner to work on it together. you weren’t the biggest fan of group projects, but when you found out your partner was none other than jude bellingham—your eyes went wide as your gaze met his which was already on you. this project covered 60% of your grade for the subject that year, you absolutely needed to get a good grade but you weren’t sure how you were going to do that when the boy you were paired up with had such a massive effect on you.

for the rest of the class, your mind had shut down as thoughts about jude were the only thing running through it. up until now, you were content with admiring him from afar. but what you feared the most was how your heart could begin to yearn for more now that you’re actually about to get involved with him. you weren’t the strongest soldier when it came to your feelings, which was exactly why you were so set on shielding them for as long as you could.

after class had ended, jude walked up to your table but it didn’t particularly take you by surprise—a part of you even hoping he would be the one to approach you first. “hey jude, you coming?” it was one of his friends that called out once he had noticed jude wasn’t following along with them. “give me a minute, you guys can go ahead.” he would call out to them before turning to face you, a smile pulling at his lips. such a pretty smile he had.

“hi, y/n.” he would greet you, your name rolling off of his tongue so nicely. “hey, guess we’re partners yeah?” you’d respond back with a smile, and jude would momentarily shut down as he had a short circuit from the way you smiled at him. of course you didn’t pick that up though. “yeah about that, was gonna ask for your number.” he said, passing you his phone. you nod as you typed your number in and handed it back to him. he pressed call right away, and you felt your phone buzz in your pocket before you took it out. “had to make sure you weren’t gonna ghost me.” he would joke with a grin.

it made you snicker at how he’d even say such a thing—especially when any girl would willingly give their number to him. “and how would i benefit from that, bellingham? i care a lot about my grades so you’d better not ghost me, partner.” you challenge him, taking jude by surprise as he was rather impressed by your unexpected response. “you’re compelling, y/n.” he’d say before pointing at your phone, which made you give him a perplexed look at first. but then you realized that he was asking you for it—and so you passed it to him, curious as to what he was upto.

jude made sure to save his number into your contacts, adding his name as ‘jude 🔝🔥’ before he handed back your phone. his choice of emoji’s definitely made you giggle, jude finding your reaction cute. “i’ll make sure to text you later.” he announced before parting from you, not before giving you a small salute paired with an adorable grin.

that small interaction between the both of you sent you into a frenzy—one where you were internally screaming, feeling a ton of emotions at once as the butterflies in your stomach went wild. how were you supposed to work with him when something as trivial as that got you so worked up?

that same night you’d lay in bed, waiting for him to text. and when he finally did—you had to calm yourself down, telling yourself to give it a minute or two before opening it. but your own body betrayed your mind, fingers clicking on the notification of his message as an immediate smile crept across your face.

21:21 PM 08/09/XX

jude 🔝🔥 :

howdy partner

you :

that’s an impressive texan

impression

jude 🔝🔥 :

well, thank ya’ kindly

think you could give me your

best posh impression?

you :

wow

is that what u think of me,

bellingham?

jude 🔝🔥 :

scouser then?

you :

sorry to disappoint u brum

boy

jude 🔝🔥 :

i’m just teasing you

i think you could pull off a mean

posh impression tho

you were smiling like an idiot by this point, your conversation laced with subtle flirting here and there. you’d wondered if jude was a natural pro at this considering how he’d kept the conversation flowing. the both of you talked for hours—losing track of time. that night you’d come to find out jude bellingham was similar to you in a lot of ways. for starters—he understood your sense of humor and you understood his, which he’d claimed that even his mates had a hard time figuring out because it was apparently ‘overly complex’.

you were sure he was just saying anything at that point, but even the ridiculous remarks he made up were hilarious. at one point, the conversation naturally came to be about the topic of your project work. the both of you went over some ideas and brainstormed together before jude sent you off to bed, saying it was too late to be overworking your pretty brain. you’re not sure what he meant by that—but it made you smile at your screen, a rosy flush creeping across your cheeks as you felt them grow warm.

you’d tell him to get a goodnight’s rest before finally getting off your phone and attempting to get some sleep. but instead, you’d spent most of the night thinking about jude—and part of you felt scared that you were starting to become hopeful for something more.

the following day, jude caught up with you after your media class together—suggesting that you both got started on with the work. “my place, or yours? if you’re not comfortable with that yet, we can always go work at a café or something.” he’d let you make the choice, and you ended up with choosing the latter only because you hadn’t prepared yourself enough for the other two options. jude didn’t seem to mind though, he was more than understanding.

“the waffle here is really good, you’re gonna thank me for the recommendation later.” he’d tell you with a grin as you pulled out your laptop and textbooks, placing it in front of you to gather the materials you’d both need. “yeah? i trust you with it so order whatever.” you’d mutter, too focused on the article you were skimming over in hopes of finding some information. “what do you want for a drink then?” jude asked. “anything’s fine. preferably an iced hazelnut latte.” you’d let him know, earning a snortle from the boy sat across from you. “that was very specific.” he’d add before making his way over to place an order.

by the time he’s returned, you’d gathered a decent amount of work materials to get started with. “try it and let me know,” he’d say smugly with a fork and knife in hand before he’d eagerly cut into his share of the waffles—savoring the first bite. “god, it’s so good.” he’d moan, making you stifle a laugh at his dramatic reactions. though, he did do a very good job at getting you curious. you’d take a bite of the waffles, and jude weren’t lying—this just might be the most delicious plate of waffles you’ve ever had. “told ya.” he would say the moment he noticed you going in for a second bite.

you’d have to admit that you had a pleasant time with him, whether it was regarding the food you both ate, the random conversations you’d had or even the amount of work the both of you managed to get done. and you were sure jude felt the same way when he’d offered to walk you home after your little date or whatever it was meant to be.

“listen, the prequels are decent but it surely doesn’t compare to the old films.” the both of you were caught up in a debate regarding starwars—with you implying you enjoyed the trilogy more while jude insisted the original parts before those were better. “the phantom menace was literally life changing, i’m jealous i wasn’t alive during the time to fully experience the hype of that and appreciate it.” you’d huff in response and jude found it adorable how you were adamant on convincing him otherwise. “well then, i guess we’re gonna have to do a starwars marathon to jog my memory. what do ya say?” he suggests with a smile, making you look up at him with a narrow of your eyes.

“bring it on bellingham, i’ll be the one to have the last laugh.” you challenge, your play of dialogue making him burst into laughter—not being able to take the situation serious any longer. “tomorrow, my place then?” he’d ask with a smile when you finally come to a stop once you’ve reached close. “sure, as long as your family doesn’t mind.” you stress, making him chuckle a bit. “don’t worry, i think my mom would rather be glad i’ve finally decided to bring a girl home.” he’d say, making you look at him with suspicion. “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“i have no idea,” he says blankly, his expression hard to read. “i’ll see you tomorrow then? you should head inside.” he continues, but something about the situation had gotten awkward. you don’t say anything but give him a small nod before turning around and walking over to your front door—thoughts about what he could’ve meant with those words making you feel all fuzzy in the stomach.

it was still there at the back of your mind, but thankfully—it wasn’t all that awkward when you met him the next day. the both of you walked over to his place after school that day, and his mother greeted you with a warm welcome. “jude told me you liked waffles, so i made some—hope you enjoy it. there’s plenty of snacks in the pantry if you’d need any so feel free to take them. make sure to treat y/n with great hospitality, jude.” his mother reminded before she left, stepping out of the house for some work. “sorry, i had no idea what else you would’ve liked.” he apologized, a little embarrassed but you appreciated the waffles his mother had prepped up for you.

“no worries, i do love waffles a lot.” you reassure him before digging in—your eyes lighting up immediately. “this is so much better than the ones we had yesterday.” you tell him, not even over exaggerating as you had simply fell in love with it. “yeah? mum’s version is always better.” he’d tell you with a proud grin, grabbing a fork to steal a bite from your plate.

after finishing up your plate, you’d follow him into the living room where you were met with a younger boy—whom was watching some football game on the tv. he looked so much similar to jude, the resemblance was almost uncanny. you immediately guessed he was jude’s younger brother and your guess was proven right from a single interaction between the both. “your time’s up with the tv stinky, go watch it on stream or something.” jude would announce in a bossy manner, stealing the remote as he earned an annoyed groan in return for that. “you’re so annoying.” the boy mumbles before getting up from his comfortable position on the couch, giving you an awkward smile once he noticed your presence before he made his way up the stairs. “that your brother?”

“yeah, that’s jobe. sorry about his rude behavior, he’s an edgy piece of shit so it’s best you don’t expect anything from him.” he’d tell you with a shrug of his shoulders before plopping onto the couch and patting on the space beside him—inviting you over to sit next to him. “i do agree with him though, you’re kinda bossy.” you tell him. “thanks, i consider it as a compliment.”

“well it wasn’t one.”

“it is whatever i perceive it as.”

“you’re delusional.”

jude would grin at that before adding a snarky comment. “yeah? you should try it out sometime.”

the two of you barely got any work done that day, but you had a great time rewatching the films together—bonding over your similar interests and really forming a proper friendship. your heart still picked up it’s pace around jude—but most of all, you felt comfortable with him. you could truly be yourself and let loose, which was something you found difficult to do even around your friends. you were beginning to treasure your friendship with him—and it was the same for jude.

over the next few days, you’d both text a lot more and spent the evenings together working on your project—sometimes at his place and sometimes at yours. you’d gotten closer with his mum and had a few interactions with jobe here and there aswell, but it seemed that it’d take longer than you thought to actually have him be comfortable around you. he was at the start of his edgy teenage years after all. “i’ve got a match this friday, will you come to watch?” jude would ask you as the both of you were seated on the living room floor whilst you worked on your project. “if you want me there, then sure.” you’d reply cheekily.

“yes please y/n, i’d love a chance to show off to you.” he’d say with a roll of his eyes. “you already do so on a daily basis—not sure if i fancy the idea of seeing any more of that, jude.” you were teasing him, even he himself knew that. “i’ll take that as a no then.” he says with a sigh, pretending to be disappointed although he knew you’d come. “i’m just kidding, i’ll be there so make sure you play well and make it worth my time.” but you already knew it would be so worth your time. “you’ve got it.” he accepts with a grin, happy to hear that you’d be coming to watch him play.

he’d been anticipating friday ever since. it was an important match for the team, for him—but for entirely different reasons. well known coaches from bigger clubs were attending to watch, it was a method of scouting young talents so that they could be given a chance to fully nourish their skills and capabilities. if he was lucky enough, they’d think his style of play was notable and he would be given a chance to begin his career as a football player—in a way his entire future depended on this specific match. this was his dream.

but for whatever reason, the only thing on jude’s mind was you. it’s not that he was letting his focus on the game fluctuate on purpose—he just couldn’t stop thinking about you, whether you’d actually show up or not. he’d glance around the audience gathered at the stadium—in hopes of finding you. but there were so many faces; some familiar, some unfamiliar but not the one he was so desperately searching for.

you’d arrived at the stadium just in time for the start of the match—you’d gotten late as your mum had to stop by somewhere on the way to drop you off. you tried searching for his family, but it was hard to scan the crowd with everyone’s focus on the game so you accepted the inconvenient spot you’d ended up in and watched the match. jude on the pitch was something else—he was determined, passionate and intense. his style of play was distinctive, you could tell he had a talent for the sport with the way he skillfully carried himself.

the way he was literally glowing, skin glistened with sweat was a sight to see—you genuinely thought he was the most gorgeous boy you’ve ever laid your eyes on. it wasn’t long before jude scored, causing the crowd you were currently in to erupt with loud cheers and applause—all for him.

a wide smile took over your lips as you watched him run around the pitch as a form of celebration, soon getting tackled by his teammates who’d give him hugs and pats on the back. he truly looked the happiest when he was playing, and your heart felt all warm when it hit you just how deep the boy’s passion goes for this sport.

as the game progressed, you witnessed how skilled of a player jude was—how clever he was with his moves in moments of pressure, showing the crowd what a class performance is like. you already knew he would never disappoint, but he was truly on another level and you were just so mesmerized by him. it wasn’t an easy game, but you could tell that jude had no issues with taking up a challenge—infact seeming even more determined under pressure as he carried himself on the pitch like the expert he was, really dominating the game.

when he’d scored his second goal which was the fourth and winning goal for the team—he’d run over to face the cheering audience, a wide grin on his face as you could tell he lived for this sort of applause. his eyes scanned the crowd and when they met yours, you gave him your biggest smile—giving him a salute, which was something you picked up from him.

jude’s grin only grows wider at that, his eyes lighting up as he realized you showed up to watch him play after all. after the game had ended, you figured you’d look for his family instead—knowing it would be a little awkward to directly approach him while he was surrounded by his friends. his mum was overjoyed upon seeing you, and you could tell she was so proud of jude from the way she spoke about her son’s splendid performance.

jude would make up a quick excuse to ditch his friends—wanting to go find you. he smiled widely once he spotted you with his family, chatting away with his mum. he approached where you were standing at—exchanging a few words with jobe and his dad about the game before giving his mum a big hug, placing a kiss to her cheek. you smiled at that, heart feeling all warm upon seeing how sweet he was to her. you could tell their bond was special, and that he loved her a lot.

“so, was it worth your time?” he’d ask when he could finally have all his attention on you, his family excusing the both of you as his mum said she’d wait in the car with jobe—whilst his dad had gone to have a quick word with his coach. “worth every second of it, i’m glad i didn’t miss it. you were amazing today, really. congratulations on the win?” you’d tell him with a grin, holding up a lunchbox of cookies that you’d baked earlier—specially for him. but of course you wouldn’t admit to that out loud, you just needed an excuse for it.

“means a lot coming from the one i was trynna impress,” those words paired with a wink was a deadly combo—and you felt it right in your stomach when the sensation of butterflies fluttering their wings rapidly took over. “thanks a lot, whatcha got here?” he’d continue like as if he didn’t cause a whole turmoil in your stomach with that.

“cookies.” your voice came out as a whisper, you hated how breathless you sounded in that moment. you didn’t want to come into terms with the massive effect he had on you—if you could, you’d avoid those feelings for as long as you could. “cookies? for me?” he’d ask with a mischievous glint in his eyes as he took the lid off before shoving one in his mouth right away. “don’t flatter yourself bellingham, i was just gonna have these for myself if you didn’t win today. but i guess today’s your lucky day,” you tell him before reaching to take a cookie, but jude immediately brought it out of your reach as he narrowed his eyes at you.

“lucky day? i came here meaning to win the match, you know. and i did exactly that so none for you, it’s all mine.” he’d say before going for a second cookie. “these are really good by the way, did you bake them yourself?” he’d ask curiously, the both of you having started to walk by now. your response was only a hum, slightly annoyed that he wouldn’t let you have a taste of the cookies you’ve perhaps spent too much time and effort into making. jude sensed that immediately, but he thought he could hold up the annoying act for a little longer.

“i didn’t know you could bake, it’s a shame you can’t try these out though—they’re scrumptious.” he’d say with a wide grin. “there’s lots of things you don’t know about me, also please never use that word again.”

“what, scrumptious?”

“yes”

“why? these are genuinely the most scrumptious cookies i’ve ate”

“jude stop—“

“why don’t you tell me about the stuff i don’t know about you then? wanna know all the scrumptious and juicy aspects of your life.” you groan at that, covering your ears in a dramatic manner to physically forbid yourself from hearing the word yet again. “you’re so annoying.”

he’d burst into a fit of laughter at that. “please y/n—you’re comical. what do you have against the word anyway?” he asks, offering you a cookie which you gladly accepted. “it’s the most british thing that’s come out of your mouth.”

he’d walked you to his mum’s car—but you were a little confused when he told you that he wasn’t coming along. “i’ll go home with dad, you guys can go ahead first. coach wanted to have a word with me after the match. mum will drop you off at home, sounds good yeah?” you give him a nod, slightly disappointed that you couldn’t spend more time with him—it was starting to concern you how you were wanting more and more from him with each day passing by.

“thanks for coming today, it really made me happy—the cookies were a bonus.” you give him a smile, heart feeling warm upon hearing those words. that same night you laid in bed, thinking about your feelings for him. you were so confused—from the beginning it was clear you had an attraction towards him. you thought jude was good looking, but honestly who didn’t? but the closer you’ve gotten with him over the past two weeks, you’ve become so fond of him. the both of you hit it off so well with each other, you shared similar interests, you understood each other’s humor and you enjoyed his company so much. you didn’t know what exactly it was that you felt for him, but the thought of risking your friendship was scary.

you didn’t wish to lose the friend you’ve made in jude. what you had with him was real, you felt way more comfortable with him than you’d ever felt with your other friends. you’d become close with his family, and you definitely didn’t want to lose the privileges of having his mum treating you like her own. and so you did the one thing you were best at—running away.

running away from your feelings in this case.

that same week, you’d be over at his house once again—sitting comfortably on the floor of his bedroom as you typed away on your laptop. jude had been quiet for a while now, but you didn’t mind—the silence was quite comforting. the both of you had pretty much finished the entirety of your project, you were currently going through it for an overall proof check before you wrapped it up for submission.

“that’s all done then, think i went over everything?” you mutter, breaking the silence first as you look up from the screen to see jude’s gaze already on you. “yeah? great work partner, we’ve done it.” he offers you a bittersweet smile, bringing his fist towards you for a bump. you roll your eyes at how dramatic he was being about it, but lightly press your fist against his. “i’m just glad we’re done with this now, we better get a decent grade for this. 60% or nothing, m’ not taking any less.” you huff, making jude snicker. “you’re so demanding, the teacher’s just gonna have to give it to us.”

“i’m not demanding, i’m just saying so cause we definitely deserve it.” you tell him with a pout. “are you really glad that we’re done with it now?” he asked, and you could make out that there was something sad in his tone. this was exactly what you were dreading—coming into terms what exactly the both of you were. what you’ll be after this.

“not really, i don’t know to be honest. i’m gonna miss all the fun we’ve had working on it together, but we’ll still be friends after this—yeah?” you ask him with a small smile, but jude doesn’t respond. he’s just staring at you, his expression hard to read.

“what?” you ask a bit awkwardly when he doesn’t respond. his gaze slowly drops to your lips, and you could immediately sense what he was thinking. the tension between the both of you from that point on was obvious—he wanted this. you wanted this. so when his gaze met yours again, words didn’t need to be exchanged. it happened so fast, too fast but next thing you knew—jude’s soft lips were on yours, thumb and pointer finger holding your chin to tilt your face.

he was kissing you.

jude bellingham was kissing you.

your entire mind went blank—you weren’t sure what you were supposed to do, how you were supposed to feel; you momentarily shut down but jude was quick to notice that as he had no issues taking the lead. his lips felt so soft, warm mouth moving against yours so skillfully making you slip into a daze before beginning to move your lips against his.

this was the first time you were kissing someone.

this was the first time you’d been kissed.

and it was with jude.

when he finally pulled away and put some space between the both of you, you didn’t dare look him in the eyes—gaze focused on his lips as you’d wanted to close the gap and feel them on yours once more. jude stroked his thumb over your cheek, taking his time to appreciate the moment and admire how beautiful you were.

confused was an understatement to describe how you felt in that moment, you had no idea what jude was thinking about to be frank—but you didn’t dare meet his gaze. “y/n, look at me.” he would whisper, thumb shifting to caress your bottom lip ever so gently as you lifted up your gaze to finally look him in the eyes. you felt your heart flutter and your breathing picking up it’s pace at the close proximity between the both of you. you’d thought he was going to kiss you again, maybe that’s what you wanted him to do—but his lips never met yours.

instead he began to speak words that broke you. words that’d haunt you for the longest time.

“i’m leaving soon, y/n.” he muttered.

“what do you mean?”

“i’m dropping out of school, i’ve been scouted by birmingham city football club.”

oh. you didn’t know how to react to that. were you supposed to congratulate him? or did you have the right to despise him, even a little for the way he’d just broken the news right after kissing you? you stared at him for a while, your expression hard to read now. jude had begun to feel uneasy at your silence, but you really needed a moment to gather your thoughts.

“when?” your voice came out as a mere whisper, you were afraid he’d hear the tremble in it if you’d attempted to speak any louder. “i won’t be attending starting next week, don’t worry about the project work though—i made sure to let our teacher know to grade you fair.” he’d tell you with a small grin, hoping it did lighten up the mood a little but even his pretty smile wasn’t enough to do that in this moment. you’d wanted to tell him that the project was the least of your worries—but you didn’t dare to speak a word, knowing you’d burst into tears the second you did.

this was exactly why you were so afraid of letting loose—you’d gotten so attached to jude during the time you’ve spent with each other and now he was going away, just like that. you didn’t understand why he kissed you only to break your heart right after. you’d wanted to question him, but you really didn’t have the courage anymore.

“y/n, please say something.” he would whisper, gaze still fixed onto your face as he watched every contortion of your expressions. “congratulations, i’m happy for you. really, you deserve it jude. i know you’re going to be great.” you finally spoke, but jude could sense that there was a glint of sadness behind your tone. “hey, we’re still gonna keep in touch. you know you can text me whenever, you can still come over and we’ll hang out.” he reassures you, but the only thing you can do is give him a nod whilst staring down at your lap. you were scared to expect anything more from him, and you hated how you left his house that day—without speaking a word about that kiss.

to him it could’ve been just a kiss, but to you—it was special. you didn’t even get a chance to tell him he was your first kiss, and you weren’t sure if you were ever going to get that chance now. that night you’d cried yourself to sleep whilst reminiscing about all the moments spent with jude.

that following week, jude stopped attending school like he’d told you. you haven’t visited his house ever since then, the exchange of texts between the both of you progressively getting lesser—mainly because you’d wished to put some distance between the two of you. you’d gotten the 60% for the project the both of you worked on, but somehow accepting it felt bittersweet. you didn’t necessarily feel happy about it, but it did give you the perfect grade and you were thankful to jude for that.

soon enough, weeks turned into months and months turned into years. you’d graduated high school by now, and you were ready to start a new stage of your life with university. throughout the time, both you and jude had drifted apart but it was inevitable. the both of you didn’t text nor talk at all now, but you did follow each other on social media. you were immensely proud of the boy jude was growing up to be, his name was one that the entire city of birmingham knew by now—going to the club really was the best decision for him.

it was difficult at first, but you’ve learnt to move on from jude. though, you weren’t sure how it would be like if you were to meet him someday again. maybe it would be for the better if the both of you didn’t cross paths at all. your life had taken lots of twists and turns after jude’s departure. throughout your final year of high school, you’d finally begun to let loose of yourself a bit more—attending parties with your friends and giving yourself a break from drowning in your textbooks. it was partly a process to fully move on from jude, and it did somewhat work as you managed to get your focus elsewhere and live your life for once.

you’d gotten into a relationship during that year. your first ever relationship—well, apart from jude. but you weren’t sure if you could even call what you had with jude a ‘relationship’. it was a complicated situationship at most, one that fucked up your head. your now ex boyfriend theo was the one who’d made the move on you first. he’d thought you were cute and got your number from a friend—the most typical approach but you’d both started texting and going on a few dates before making it official. you grew to like him, but jude was always there at the back of your mind—you’d often wondered how he’d react to the news of you dating someone. it made you feel guilty that you still thought about him, it felt as if you weren’t being genuine to your then boyfriend.

as months went by, the two of you hit it off well—and you were truly happy with your relationship, at the point you were in your life. but you were sure all good things always came to an end. you’d notice how your boyfriend had begun to change extremely somewhere along the way—but you still stayed with him, wanting to make it work. but it’d reached a point where you felt that he just didn’t care about you now, with the way he was neglecting you continuously.

you were the one to break things off with him, but the both of you ended things on good terms—him even apologizing and telling you that if you were to ever give him another chance in the future, he’d do everything he couldn’t during your relationship. you were thankful for him, but a relationship wasn’t exactly what you needed at that point. it was only going to add more onto the already huge load weighing down on your shoulders—your entire focus had to be on the upcoming exams that would determine your chances of getting into a good university.

it all worked out for you in the end, you’d achieved the ideal grades for your top university choice and the happiest moment of your life was when you’d received the acceptance letter. life was perfect for you, and you were more than ready to start a new chapter.

well, that was until you’d received an invitation for a party from your ex boyfriend. the issue wasn’t that he was the one hosting the party—the two of you had always been on good terms ever since your break up. but it was specifically a high school reunion, and the chances of you running into jude bellingham there were high. you thought about it again and again, wondered why you even found a reason to fear the possibility of that happening. so what if it occurred? you’ve moved on, and you were happy with where you were in your life now—you were sure it was the same for him.

so you attended the party, you were having a pleasant time chatting away with your friends when you’d felt a tap on your shoulder. and when you turned around, you came face to face with the one person you would’ve loved to avoid for as long as you could. he looked different now—his entire appearance giving off a more mature vibe. he’d grown a lot taller than you’d last seen him, you could really tell he’d been hitting the gym often from his muscular form and his face was a lot more defined now—he’d somehow gotten even more good looking. “howdy’ partner” there it was again, you felt your stomach flutter knowing he remembered that little phrase. “i see you’ve touched up on your accent,” you reply whilst offering him a small grin.

the tension was still there, but it was good to know that the both of you could look past it and still converse with the lighthearted humor you shared together. “yeah, i wanted to impress you.” he tells you, but you don’t have a response to his subtle flirting—knowing he’d always been like this. “it’s been a while since we’ve last seen each other yeah? how’re you?” you ask him with a small smile taking over your lips. “i’m great, things have been working out for me well this season. how about you?” he asks.

“well i got accepted into university, my dream choice at that.” you drop the news so casually and jude’s shocked expression was to live for—you really missed how dramatic he could be. “congratulations, i’m so proud of you. i always knew you could do it.” he told you with the widest grin, and you couldn’t help but giggle at that. “thank you jude, seems like we’ve both made it where we wanted in the end.”

there was a delay in his response—he was just staring for a second before nodding in agreement. you’d noticed the tension was coming back stronger than ever now, perhaps now was a good time to part from him again. “i’ll go catch up with some friends then, it was nice seeing you again jude. tell your mum i said hi, yeah?” you tell him before turning around to walk away, jude not moving an inch as he stared at your back as you vanished into the crowd of bodies.

you needed a moment to yourself after that, so you found yourself in the kitchen where no one seemed to be present in that moment. you poured yourself a glass of water, placing a hand over your chest to really feel the quick pace of your heartbeat. you hated how jude still had such a massive impact on you. “y/n?” another voice in the room startled you and you abruptly turned around to see that it was non other than your ex boyfriend who’d just joined you in the kitchen.

“what’re you doing here?” he asked with a frown, and you could tell he’s had a couple of drinks from the way he was slurring on his words. “nothing theo, just needed some water. you should probably avoid drinking any more tonight.” you offer him some advice looking at his state, but it was really up to him if he wanted to take it or not.

“i’ve been wanting to talk to you y/n,” he continued, now walking up to where you were stood. “talk about what exactly?” you asked, curious. “about us, y/n.. why’d we fall apart?” you frowned at that—theo had never acted this way before. but maybe this was how he really felt deep down, drunk words are sober thoughts after all.

“there’s nothing left to talk about us theo, you know why we didn’t work out. it’s better with the way things are.” you tell him with a sigh, not really having it in you to have this conversation with him. “no i don’t y/n—i really don’t. i treated you so good, i loved you so much.. then why?”

you knew he was drunk, but you couldn’t help but scoff at how absurd he sounded in that moment. “you loved me? treated me good? you were neglecting me half of the time theo, you only ever cared about yourself—you didn’t love me at all. i don’t think you had it in you to appreciate me for whom i was, let alone falling in love with me.” your choice of words were harsh, but they were true.

“no y/n—you have no idea how much i love you even now, not a single day that goes by that i don’t think about you. i should’ve put up a fight, i shouldn’t have let you go so easily back then.” he was grabbing your forearm by now, a little too close to your liking. “theo let go of me, you’re drunk and you have no idea what you’re talking about.” you tell him while trying to yank your arm away, but he only seemed to get adamant at that—gripping your arm a little tighter to the point it began to hurt.

“no y/n, you need to listen to me when i say i love you, let me prove it to you please. give me another chance.” he was begging at this point, but he was scaring you with the way he was trying to force himself onto you. “you don’t love me theo, you loved the idea of being seen with me—even now it’s not different. just please let me go,”

“she told you to let go, so let go.” another voice spoke up, a familiar one. next thing you knew, you were free from theo’s hold as jude had stepped forward and grabbed his hand away from you, dropping it at his side as he stood in front of you—as a physical barrier between the both of you. “stay out of this bellingham, this is between me and y/n. you’ve got no business here.” theo seemed upset now, but jude only raised a brow at that—not one bit intimidated. “there’s nothing between us anymore theo, just please stop it. i don’t want to do this tonight, or ever.” with that, you stormed out of the kitchen—ready to burst into tears.

jude was the last person you’d wanted to witness all that. you were starting to think that maybe you shouldn’t have come to this party at all—that way you could’ve both avoided running into him again, and having this encounter with theo. wanting a moment to yourself, you excused yourself up the stairs as you sat on the top stair—away from the music and loud chatters of people. you were familiar with the hallway you were currently seated at, you’d come over to theo’s place countless of times to hang out while the both of you were together.

but thinking back on all those moments, it never felt genuine with him. not the way it felt with jude back in those days. yet again, you were thinking about jude. you always went back to square one. when you heard the noises of someone making their way upstairs, you panicked—the chances of it being theo were high considering how this was his place. and he was the last person you wanted to see in that moment. to your surprise, it was jude who joined you, taking a seat beside you without a word. “what’re you doing here?” you asked him blatantly, making it obvious that you didn’t exactly appreciate his company.

“party was boring, figured i’d have a better time chatting with my partner. but if you want me gone, i’ll leave you to dwell in whatever miserable act you’ve got going on.” you groaned at that, almost offended by his words. “fuck off jude, you’ve no idea what it’s like for me right now.”

“then tell me about it, i want to know. i’m here to listen.” he says with a sigh before turning to face you properly. “when did you date him?” there was twinge of hurt in his voice, one that you intended to ignore with all your might. because you didn’t owe him anything, you didn’t have to feel guilty for that.

“last year of high school, the following year that you left.” you whispered. “what happened then, why’d you break up? he seemed pretty—desperate back there.” you were still upset, but it did make you stifle your laughter at how jude didn’t even bother to be nice about it. this was how he’d always been, and part of you were glad that he was still the same. “lots of things.”

“please elaborate the lots of things, i’ve got all night to listen to you.” he offers, and you finally giggle at that which makes jude smile. “he was good to me at first, we got along well—but i guess as time went by we just didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. but that’s okay, those kinds of stuff will come up in every relationship. it really depends on how you and your partner deals with them. i wanted to make it work, so did he. but as time passed by, the both of us ended up in two places maturity wise. he’d say and do things that hurt my feelings—but he’d never see his fault in anything. it was like he didn’t even realize, everything was completely normal in his eyes while i was being neglected. at one point i started to question that maybe i was the issue, maybe i was too sensitive and making a huge deal out of every little thing,”

“but i had a right to feel that way. he’d flirt with girls right in front of me and always tell me not to take it to heart—that he didn’t really mean the words he’d tell those girls. he never once asked if i was okay with that, he just expected me to understand it. like every other aspect of our relationship. he wasn’t cheating on me, whatever he did happened right before my eyes and even then i couldn’t do a thing. i felt pathetic, comparing myself to those girls—feeling like i wasn’t enough for him. i didn’t want to end things with him on bad terms, so i’d explained to him why i wanted to break things off and he accepted it. up until now, he’d never made a move like that ever since our break up.”

jude had been intently listening to each and every one of your words, a frown evident on his face as he was visibly upset upon hearing how you were treated in your relationship. you deserved better, so much better than that. jude wanted to tell you that, to prove it to you so that’s exactly what he did. “y/n, your feelings are entirely valid. the way he treated you was so wrong—he should not even had the audacity to beg you for another chance tonight. if he really loved you, he’d know and accept that you deserve so much better than him.”

“i’m not so sure if i do to be honest.” you admit to him, you weren’t sure why you were being so brutally honest—but this has always been the case when it came to you and jude.

“don’t say that, you deserve so much better. i know you do.” he tells you, his gaze fixed on your face whilst you were looking down at your lap.

“y/n, look at me,” you lift your head up at his whisper, meeting his gaze as you felt your stomach flutter at how the tension between the both of you grew heavier. this was a dangerous game you were playing, but neither of you wanted to back out. “i’m not sure if i’ve got any right to ask you this, but would you allow me to show you how much more you deserve?” your gaze dropped to his lips as he spoke. you craved to feel them on yours again—you’ve craved it for the longest time.

how could you resist him now that he was in front of you, offering himself to you? you think that you should know better but you didn’t care enough in that moment—you absolutely needed him. so you were the first to give in, responding to his offer by smashing your lips onto his. jude was quick to grab ahold of your face, kissing you back with the same eagerness. nothing about the kiss was nice and slow—you were both hungry to feel more of each other, jude sliding one of his hand down your side to rest at your hip as you dropped yours to his chest.

when you finally pulled away, the both of you were breathless but you didn’t give him enough time to catch up on his breath—leaning right back in to kiss him again, this time using your teeth to nip at the soft flesh of his bottom lip before beginning to lightly suck on it. a sound close to a whimper erupted from deep within jude’s throat at your actions and you felt it right in your core—needing him to make more of those noises. the hand resting on your hip dropped a little lower, spreading right across the curve of your ass before he began to grope the flesh of your arsecheek. it was your turn to let out a moan now, jude taking the chance to slip his tongue into your mouth before entirely pulling away and pressing a kiss to the corner of your swollen lips.

“room, please.” you whispered to him, not wanting your time to get interrupted by someone showing up. something in jude switched the moment he heard your request, a mischievous glint lighting up in his eyes as you knew he’d come up with some dirty idea. “which one’s theo’s room?” he’d ask, and your eyes widened when you realized what he had in mind. you bit your bottom lip to think about, it was so wrong but it felt right in that moment; letting someone else do things to you in your ex boyfriend’s room—but the thought excited you so much you felt yourself getting wet.

“the one at the end.” jude wastes no time as he immediately picks you up, the way he could manhandle you so easily turning you on. once the both of you were inside, he dropped you onto the center of the bed before crawling to slot himself between your legs whilst he trailed kisses down your neck. but you were so impatient and demanding, wanting to feel his lips on yours once more—it made jude chuckle but he gave you what you wanted.

“gonna give you what you deserve pretty girl, let me treat you so good yeah?” he would mumble against your lips and you’d finally let him pull away, meeting his gaze before giving him a small nod. “have i told you how gorgeous you look tonight? how pretty you look in this dress?” he whispered before leaning into leave kisses over the exposed skin of your tits. “jude please.” you whimpered at the feeling of his soft lips on you, he hadn’t even touched you properly but you were so sensitive. “gonna let me take this off of you? or shall we keep it on? i think we’ll keep it on, you look so beautiful.” he whispers before pressing a kiss to each of your hardened nipples peeking through the silk fabric of your dress. “no jude, please—need to feel you.” you whined, slipping your hand under his dress shirt as you ran your hands over his bare torso—feeling the trail of hair and every contour of his abs.

“shh sweetheart, you’ll get what you want later. just let me show you how well you deserve to be treated right now.” he whispered before leaning down to take one of your nipples into his mouth—over the material of your dress as he sucked on it, leaving a wet patch of saliva when he’d pull away. you attempted to rub your thighs together, needing to feel some sort of friction down there but jude held them apart, open wide for him as he took his sweet time to reach where you needed him the most. he left kisses on your stomach before lifting the ends of your dress to pool it around your waist—licking his lips once he saw the mess you’d made of your panties.

he tucked his face in between your legs to press kisses along your inner thigh, the intense teasing getting you so desperate that has you threading your fingers through his hair and tugging on it. he’d look up at you with a wicked grin, knowing exactly what you needed. but he had other ideas it seemed. “tell me baby, what do you want me to do?” he asked, lips just ghosting over your sensitive core as you felt his hot breath against it—making your thighs shudder under his hold. you dipped your fingers between them, pushing the cotton material of your soaked underwear to the side—exposing yourself to his hungry gaze. jude could sense the tightness growing in his own pants as he watched how wet he’s gotten you from just teasing. it was just as torturous for him but he had every intention of making this worthwhile for the both of you.

“here jude, need you here. your lips, fingers, anything. please touch me.” you begged him and he enjoyed every bit of it. hooking his fingers on the waistband of your panties, he tugged it down till it was hanging at your ankles before snatching it off of completely as he shoved it into the pocket of his jeans. “gonna give it back to you only if you could be a good girl for me tonight.” he whispered before leaning in to press a soft kiss to your clit—the action making you moan out his name. that only encouraged jude as he began to lightly suck on the sensitive bundle of nerves before trailing his kisses down to your sopping cunt—teasing you with the tip of his tongue. he continued those motions for a while, getting you close to your orgasm before halting his abuse on your core for a minute and then diving back in to eat you out properly.

he fucked his tongue in and out of you like a starved man, your juices and his own saliva dripping down his chin as he brought his thumb to your clit, moving it in circular motions to help you get there. you were a moaning mess, grabbing at his hair—begging him not to stop. but just as you were about to get there, he denied you of your orgasm once again. you were on the verge of tears, feeling so sensitive and desperate. “jude please, i—i need you to let me cum.” you cried out and he would just hum in acknowledgment. “i know baby, just trust me yeah? i know you can hold on for me a bit longer, promise i’ll make it worth it.” his voice when he spoke was sickeningly sweet compared to his actions. giving attention to your hole this time, he began to rub his fingers up and down your folds before slipping one inside—the feeling of his fingers having you clutching the sheets in your hands.

“that feels good?” you could only nod eagerly as a string of moans left your mouth when he’d started to fuck his finger in and out of you before adding another. you were so afraid he was going to pull away, so you reached down to hold his wrist in place this time—making jude mock you with a chuckle. but he let you have the satisfaction of feeling a sense of authority for a little while, only to snatch it away from you as he pulled his fingers out of you and pinned both of your wrists above your head with one hand to restrict your movements.

“no!” you shrieked a cry, tears streaming down your cheeks by now as he robbed you of your orgasm once more. you were so sensitive, even to the slightest touch and your cunt was clenching around nothing—clit throbbing and begging to be touched by jude.

he smiled, watching how you’d completely fallen apart underneath him. he thought you looked so pretty when you cried, even leaning down to kiss away your tears, hushing your whimpers with a kiss to your parted lips. “shh baby, you did so well. promise i’ll give you what you want really soon. just need to get this off of you, alright?” he whispered, letting go of your wrists momentarily as he motioned for you to raise your arms so that he could slide the dress off of you.

now you were completely naked underneath him—whom was still fully dressed. you thought it was so unfair, so you’d reach to unbutton his dress shirt. jude didn’t stop you from doing so, he was too busy admiring the sight of you beneath him. the look in his eyes made you feel all fuzzy in the stomach, your ex boyfriend never having looked at you with such appreciation. when you finally got a peek of what was under his shirt, you almost moaned out loud as you ran your hand up and down his bare torso—leaning up to place a soft kiss to the patch of hair on his chest.

jude pushed you back to lay down once more, taking his time to unbuckle his jeans before he slid them down along with his briefs just enough to free his cock. he groaned the moment he wrapped a hand around himself, feeling so sensitive from all that teasing he’d put you through. you watched him eagerly—waiting for him to give you what you really wanted. “you want it pretty girl? want my cock in this pretty pussy of yours? filling you up all nice and good, yeah?” his choice of words were driving you insane as you whimpered with a nod. “please give it to me.” you begged one last time. “fuck, yeah i’ll give to you. you deserve it pretty girl, you did so well for me.” he would continue with the praises and dirty talk as he pumped himself a few times before he lined himself along your entrance.

jude took his time to slowly push inside of you, letting your pussy accommodate to the girth of his length—the tightness of your cunt swallowing him in so deliciously had him letting out the filthiest noises that were music to your ears. “feels so good jude.” you moan, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt to pull him in for another kiss. he’d begin to move his hips after a minute of making out with you, his thrusts picking up it’s pace along the way. you were a moaning mess, jude was sure that if it weren’t for the loud music blasting downstairs—everyone would’ve heard you.

“look at you princess, you’re completely falling apart all cause of my cock. m’ making you feel so good, isn’t that right? could theo ever fuck you this good? what do you think his reaction would be, if he found out i was fucking his ex girlfriend on his bed, giving her everything he couldn’t? i would love to see what sort of expression he’d make.” you weren’t even listening to half of the things he was saying, too fucked out by that point as you could feel your orgasm approaching.

“jude please—don’t stop!” you cried, wrapping your legs around his waist to prevent him from denying you of your orgasm yet again, except he had no intentions of doing so this time. but your actions allowed him to reach deeper inside of you with each of his thrusts, the impact of his tip continuously nudging against the sensitive spot deep within you driving the both of you to the edge. “oh god—i’m gonna cum—“ you cried, moaning out so loud jude had to kiss you to muffle them down. when you finally came, you were seeing stars and the way your slick walls clenched around him so harshly sent jude over the edge aswell—filling you up with his load just moments later.

his thrusts grew sloppy as he tried his best to help the both of you ride out your highs, but it was too much—the two of you were so sensitive that he just flopped down on top of you—his entire body weight on you for a moment before he bothered to properly move over. you didn’t mind though, the feeling of his warm skin on yours felt good. but he still had too much clothing on for your liking. “let’s get you cleaned up.” he whispered before placing a soft kiss to your forehead, letting you catch up on your breath. he slowly pulled out of you, a string of whimpers and hisses leaving both your mouths from how sensitive you were. jude tucked himself back inside his briefs and fixed his jeans before reaching for some tissues from the bedside table.

he began to get you all cleaned up before reaching for your panties in his pocket. “would’ve loved to keep them, but you were a good girl for me tonight.” he tells you with a smile, before bringing the piece of fabric to his nose as he sniffed it. “jude—stop it, that’s dirty.” you felt shy under his gaze now. “it’s not. i’m just really obsessed with the way you taste, you’re amazing.” he admitted without a shame before passing you your panties as you got up to dress yourself. but then the reality of what you’ve both just done hit you.

you didn’t want to make yourself believe that you got carried away, because this was in no way a mistake. you wanted this, so did jude. it was about time you both had this conversation. had the long awaited conversation about what you truly were. “now what?” you asked him once you were fully dressed, turning around to face him. “what do you mean?” he questioned, the confusion laced in his tone hurting your heart a little.

“this whole thing, us—what are we jude? what are we supposed to be?” you asked him with a frown but jude went silent, it seemed that he didn’t have an answer for you either.

“y/n, there’s not a single day that has gone by that i haven’t thought about you ever since we kissed back then.” you had to admit you were surprised with those words. “then how come you never bothered to talk to me about it jude? i was so confused, you know. you kissed me.. you were my first kiss and then you just..” your words trailed off, not having it in you to have this conversation—feeling too embarrassed.

but that was a shocking piece of information for jude, he never knew that. “i was your first kiss?” he asked, and you only gave him a silent nod.

the both of you sat in silence for a while, inside your ex boyfriend’s bedroom—on his bed that jude had just fucked you so good. “my club transfer has been confirmed, i’m moving to germany soon.” you knew you set yourself up for disappointment, but this was the worst form you could receive it in. you wanted to cry, you felt so angry—more at yourself than at him. “am i supposed to congratulate you then?” you muttered, refusing to meet his gaze.

“i don’t know y/n.” his response only made you feel worse, what did he mean he didn’t know? he did this to you before, and he was doing it to you again. it was so unfair how he gave you a ray of hope every single time and then shattered your heart. you hated him so much in that moment. “this shouldn’t have happened—it was a mistake.” you told him out of anger, but jude knew that you didn’t mean those words. so he immediately grabbed your wrist the moment you stood up to leave. “let’s talk—i don’t want you to leave upset with me. it was not a mistake, you and i both know that. please talk to me, let’s figure something out.” it was jude whom was begging now, but his words made you laugh. “talk? how’s talking gonna fix anything? this is what you do every single time jude, but this time it was my fault for giving in so easily.” you scoffed, yanking your arm away from his hold.

“i think it’s best we don’t cross each other’s paths ever again—pretend this night never happened, pretend that kiss never happened either.” you made it sound so easy full on knowing there was no way you could forget neither of these times with jude, or all the other memories you’d made with him. the look on his face was hurtful, but he’d hurt you even more. you convinced yourself that he deserved this harsh treatment and with that you stormed out of the room—away from the party, with the intention of officially exiting his life.

you’d blocked him on every social media and his number that night—maybe it was childish and petty of you to do so, but this was what you felt was right. from that point onwards, you forced yourself to move on from jude bellingham—removing every single thing that reminded you of him from your life.

jude had tried to contact you multiple times that night, god knows how many missed calls he had left you—but he figured you’d blocked his number after he saw how you’ve done the same on every social media. he didn’t want to leave things as they were, he didn’t want to have to go with being on bad terms with you. but you closed off all paths for him to reach you, and he figured maybe the best thing he could do for you was to let you move on with your life.

since then months had passed, his name was one that was known worldwide but you could be the least bothered about what jude bellingham was up to. you were having the time of your life at uni, having a new group of friends—focusing on your studies and your own future. for the most part you were able to move on with your life, but some nights you’d lay in your bed sleepless—thinking how different your life would’ve been if you’d given jude a chance back then.

you came to realize that you were being too harsh on him, it wasn’t like he was about to completely ghost you again. he wanted to figure things out with you, begged you to talk to him but you instead did what you were best at—which was running away. jude didn’t deserve that, so you’d unblocked him with shaky hands that night. you thought about sending him a text, but then you thought what was the point of doing so. he seemed happy with his life, and you were content with yours. nothing good ever seemed to come out whenever the both of you got involved anyway.

but you still wondered if jude had noticed that you’ve unblocked him. truth was, he did. he got the notification on his phone that 74 missed calls from the date you both last spoke was not delivered, and that the number was now available. it had been a long time since then, but the fact that he crossed your mind had him feeling some type of way. neither of you knew how frequently you thought of each other.

that summer break, you’d received an offer to take up an internship that would be useful for you in the long run so you immediately accepted it without a second thought. however it was much later on that you’d found out you had to travel to dortmund, germany for it. out of everywhere in the entire world—that was the worst place it could’ve been. it was the same place where jude was currently living in, home to his football club. you couldn’t reject the internship offer now, your professor had adviced that it was a good offer for you. plus you didn’t want to step out of this just because you wanted to avoid running into jude—you were better than that.

although he lived there, the chances of you actually running into him were low anyway. you’d convinced yourself that you had nothing to fear, but you were praying to god that you wouldn’t have to face him there when you’d landed in germany—and all the while your heart was yearning to see him once again.

after a long day of sight seeing with your fellow work mates, you’d ended up in a corner store near the hotel you were to stay at—wanting to buy some snacks before you returned to your room. it was tricky though, you kept staring at the foreign bags of chips—unsure of what to choose.

“y/n?” you looked up with a hum when someone had called your name, only to come face to face with jude’s mum. she was delighted to see you again, but you on the other hand was horrified. you loved his mum, you were glad to see her again after so long but the thought of having to face jude was running around in circles in your mind once again. “gosh, how long has it been? how come you never visited us after that? it’s great to see you here, what brings you to germany?” she bombarded you with a bunch of questions as she walked up to give you a hug, which you gladly returned.

“yeah, it really has been long. i’m here for an internship.” you tell her with an awkward smile, knowing you purposefully ignored one of her questions—only because you didn’t have an answer to give her. “really? that’s great. does jude know you’re here? he didn’t even tell me about it.” she continues with a pout, of course she had no idea. jude wouldn’t have told her about your falling out. “no he doesn’t, we actually haven’t talked in a while.” you tell her awkwardly. “how come? don’t tell me that boy let all that fame get to his head and stopped talking to you?” his mum joked. “no—of course not! it’s just that we’ve been busy to keep up with each other i guess.. how’s he doing now?”

“i’ll accept that if you say so sweetheart.” she tells you with a small laugh. “he’s okay, he got injured during training yesterday so he’s a bit upset he’s going to have to sit out the next match. he never listens to me, he’s always overworking without giving himself a proper break.” you felt a sharp ping in your chest upon hearing that, you understood that jude was passionate about football—but he needed to realize he was only going to ruin himself if he were to play while risking severe injuries.

“i’m on my way home right now, why don’t you come over with me? i’m sure jude would be glad to see you again, the both of you can catch up after so long.” she suggests with a bright smile and you’d feel awful having to reject her. “i would love to but i’m sure jude would think otherwise.” you tell her with a nervous laugh. the worst that could happen was him slamming the door on your face. though you’d accept that, you think.

“i insist, i can’t just let you go after we’ve met after this long.” she requested and you didn’t have the heart to decline her. “alright, but i should probably get something for him.” you tell her, not wanting to show up empty handed. you thought about getting him some snacks but he’s mum told you about how he’d apparently gotten really picky with his selection of snacks. so you decided to get him some flowers instead—both as a recovery gift and an apology. you think he deserved one, although you weren’t sure if you yourself were ready for it.

the car ride there felt shorter than you would’ve liked it to be, time seeming to pass quicker when you’d wanted it to slow down. “gosh i just remembered, jude’s aunt called earlier telling me to pick up some recovery soup she’d made for him. it completely slipped my mind.” his mum told you, but you were more than happy to accompany her—anything to prolong your meeting with jude. “that’s alright, i don’t mind coming along with you.” you tell her with a smile, hoping she’d comply.

“you don’t have to, we’re already here anyway. you can go inside and catch up with jude.” she tells you and now you really feel a sense of panic. you weren’t ready for this at all, day one in germany and everything was already a shit show but this was your life. you reluctantly got out of the car and made your way up to the front door—pressing the doorbell.

seconds later, jude swung the door open—shirtless and dressed only in a pair of grey joggers. “mum, did you forget your keys again—“ he stopped the moment his eyes laid on you, his facial expression contorting to one of shock.

“howdy’ partner.” you spoke up first, and you’d expected him to respond to that phrase—but instead he just kept staring at you, taking a moment to process what he was seeing. “what’re you doing here?” that made you feel embarrassed because you had no idea either. “i—,” you attempted to give him an explanation but there really was none to begin with.

“before anything else, i want to apologize to you jude. the way i got mad at you and pushed you away back then, it wasn’t right. i do admit that it was wrong of me, and i don’t expect you to forgive me but i want you to understand that i was scared. it already happened once and—i was just so terrified of giving myself a chance to have some hope about it again. what i did to you was unfair, i treated you so harshly—you probably hate me and i know it’s outrageous of me to show up at your door after all this time,”

“no, i don’t hate you. and i’m glad you showed up at my door y/n.” he interrupts your explanation with a small smile, simply because he didn’t need one. he understood it completely—he was just glad to see you again. he wanted to bring you into his arms and hug you, but it was awkward.

“jude i—please you’re making me feel like an awful person here.” you groan, breaking out of character for a moment—making him stifle a laugh. “it’s okay y/n, if time was what you needed to sort things out—then i’m more than happy you took this long to reach me again. it’s not too late for us to talk about things even now, i’m always here whenever you’re ready.” you wanted to burst into tears and throw your arms over him when he’d told you that—but perhaps that would’ve been too extreme and dramatic while you both were still standing in his doorway.

you bite your bottom lip and give him a silent nod before pushing the flowers into his hands. “got these for you, your mum told me you were injured. stop being an idiot and rest yourself, will ya?” that makes jude grin as he opens the door wider for you. “there she is—now i recognize you, partner.” he’d say while inviting you inside.

“you still didn’t answer my question, what’re you doing in germany?” he asks you once more, setting the flowers down on the table as he got you a glass of water from the kitchen—which you made sure to thank him for considering how all the panicking had gotten you dehydrated. “i’m here for an internship, my professor told me it was a good offer so i took it up.”

“yeah? that’s great, how’s university going for you?” he asked with a smile. “it’s going good. i guess i don’t even need to ask how things are going for you here.”

“no please do, i would really appreciate a venting session right now.” he tells you dramatically. “no thanks, unless you’re offering to pay me decently.” you joked. you felt a lot better now, knowing he didn’t hate you or despise you—you both were able to get along comfortably like the old times, but you still needed to talk about whatever that had happened.

“i just want to tell you that the night we spent together wasn’t a mistake, i’ve had feelings for you ever since the first time we kissed. maybe even before, but that was when i realized. this sounds silly but even before we were friends, i had a little crush on you. that’s why i didn’t want to get myself so hopeful when we actually became friends, i didn’t want to lose the friend i made in you.” you confessed to him, and jude was sat across from you—listening carefully.

“i know you didn’t mean those words y/n, and truth be told i’ve had these feelings for you since during those days. you always caught my eye, something about you kept drawing me in and when i finally had you as one of my closest friends—if not the closest one during the times we spent together, i was terrified of the thought of losing you. but when i found out i got scouted back then, part of me didn’t feel as happy as i should’ve been. because that would mean i’d have to leave and we wouldn’t get to spend as much time as we were on a daily basis. i let my feelings get the best of me and kissed you that day, because i wasn’t ready to let you go—but it only made things worse.” jude explained the situation from his point of view and it made you feel all fuzzy in the stomach—now understanding what he felt towards you.

“no it didn’t, i’m glad you kissed me. otherwise we wouldn’t be here talking about this. if you hadn’t kissed me, maybe we wouldn’t have talked about our feelings for each other at all. it has been a bumpy ride and things have been messy but—atleast we’ve ended up together now.” you tell him with a smile, reaching to run your fingers through his hair as you admired how pretty he was.

“you’re right. we were so stupid, but look at us now.” he says whilst his lips curved into one of his gorgeous smiles. “yeah? i think you’re still just as stupid though—explains the injury.”

“shut up.” and with that he was kissing you, soft lips moving against yours—loving and appreciative. your heart filled with so many emotions for him in that moment, bringing both your hands to cup his face as you shared the most beautiful kiss ever. “where are you staying at?” he asked the second the both of you pulled away, confusing you a bit. “at a hotel, why?”

“come live with us, you can sleep on my bed.”

“jude—that’s not very appropriate,”

“no excuses, you owe me this much.” he was being adamant about it. “but jude, i can’t just crash at your place. what would your mum think? it would be embarrassing and complicated to explain things to her as it is.” you tell him but jude seemed to be unwavered.

“leave that up to me, and she really wouldn’t mind. if anything, she would be the happiest to have you living with us.”

“but still jude, it’s inappropriate.”

“you know what else is inappropriate? me letting my girlfriend stay at a random ass hotel while she’s visiting this foreign country she’s not at all familiar with. how’s that safe? i wouldn’t rest easy, ya know.”

“oh so i’m your girlfriend now?” you asked him with a grin, completely ignoring the rest of whatever he’d blabbered on about. “would you like me to get down on one knee and ask you to officially become my girlfriend then?” he asked with a raise of his brow. “i would probably reject you.” you joked, making jude scrunch his nose while he dramatically placed a hand over his chest. “m’ just kidding dearest boyfriend, i loved the sound of that.” jude leaned in to gently bump his forehead against yours at that and you were both giggling like high schoolers again.

“i’ll take it as a yes to you staying with us then.”

“well it’s not like you’ve left me with another choice, dearest boyfriend.”

“keep calling me that and we’re gonna end up like this.” he threatened before wrapping strong arms around your waist as he dragged you to lay with him on the couch. “jude, you’re the type of guy to shoot someone in the head and then proceed to tell them you’re gonna shoot them in the head.”

“i don’t get your point.” he did, but he just felt like being annoying. “of course you don’t, idiot.”

“m’ gonna make sure you have the best time during your stay here, gonna take you out on a waffle date tomorrow.” that makes you smile, recalling the first time you’d both went to have waffles. “does the waffle here beat the one’s we used to have back then?”

“nah, those were some top tier shit. i miss having those.”

“yeah, me too. but your mum’s are the best for me.”