Social Power

Going for rank can be both exciting and stressful. There are a ton of factors that can determine if you will make your rank goal or not. 1 being how prepared you are, if your mentally there for it and the support you get from members is vital. If you don’t have big tippers then you need a bigger volume of tippers. But that being said having even 2-3 big tippers can make a huge difference. Your life outside camming can also have a big impact. Sometimes shit happens and if it happens during a Rank month…it sucks balls. The first time I went for top 100 it was like all the stars aligned. It was the most incredible month but I also over worked myself to the point of getting exjtremely ill. It was too much for my body to handle. The next time I went for rank, my goal was top 50. I didn’t end in the Top 50 but I did beat my highest rank of all time. This time wasn’t a happy month for me though. I felt like I was chasing something I wasnt good enough to be chasing. Not being able to make a goal I set for myself caused me mental turmoil. Chasing a number I had no control over put me in a dangerous mental state. I started going back to bad habits. I wasn’t taking care of myself and I was drinking a lot! Bottom line is I wasn’t prepared for the goal I made and I was too stressed to have fun on cam. When I’m not happy I don’t do well on cam…. basically, If I’m not having fun neither does my room. After this month, I had a lot of healing to do to get myself back in a healthy mental state. Last June, I went for rank again, I didn’t make my goal. I almost called off going for rank on this month before it started. The day before June started I got some news that shook up my word. In short, I had to do something that was extremely painful on the 15th of June, the day before my birthday. I was having panic attacks pretty much everyday and I just wanted to hide from the world. Pole dancing actually helped me through my panic attacks. After I dealt with what I had to I felt a weight lifted and I tried my best to get my focus back and to finish top 100 but I just didn’t have enough in me to do it. I did have one of the best birthdays I had in years. I stayed relatively sober this month and I had a bacon penis pasta eating cum show….not too shabby if you ask me. I didn’t make top 100 but I didn’t destroy myself for a number and I ended up at rank 145, which is a great rank to end at. I listened to my body and I made sure to take care of myself…I needed to do this particularly this month more than any other. Its a bit upsetting to realize the only times I’ve made Top 100 I put my body/mind through hell in order to get there. I’m not willing to do that again. As frustrating as it is, I’m more important than my rank. Funny how it’s related to; you are more important than the number of the scale. I have to be careful to not let numbers define me. It’s pretty easy for me to fall back into habits regarding numbers and I don’t want anymore. I didn’t make Top 100 but at least I don’t feel like death. Not a bad trade off. Models:you are more important than your rank! Your rank doesn’t say crap about who you are as a person or define a single thing about you. Your rank shouldn’t give you worth or be there reason you feel happiness. Having goals and drive are great but balance in necessary for happiness.

Mia wrote another story about being on web cam which I reposted at APSense for you to read!