I never thought about it like that. I guess I’ve been so caught in trying to keep my head down to keep them from calling my parents that–I never thought about it. Looking at it like that, yeah I’d say we are. There’s almost nothing we can do that they could. 

I wouldn’t say it unless I meant it. I’m not the type and I know damn well you will. I’ll regret it, but I stand by it. I’m not an asshole, Bash. I look out for my friends, I wouldn’t say we’re there yet, but getting there. I never said I disliked you, but never I liked you either. It’s a grey area. 

Huh, I’ll survive. I used to watch anime with Nick. This’ll be nothing. 

Now you’re getting it. I’m almost proud, like when watching Pavarotti try to escape his cage for the first time.

Friends? Oh, no, Jeffrey. You must be mistaken. I’m just trying to get into your pants. 

So that’s what all of the late-night noises I hear coming from your dorm room are. I have to say, I’m relieved. Hunter and I had a running bet. I thought Nick was trying to learn self defense; Hunter thought you two were practicing your comedy routine. Clearly we were both wrong this time. 

I don’t know, I might get a warning since I’ve been a ‘model student’. Truth is I think they’d take away my scholarship and my parents can’t afford this place. So I’ve kept my mouth shut and suffered through. 

…Thank you, Bash. I’ll bring snacks and–if you ever need a favor, I got you. Seriously, I fucking owe you one. We don’t have to just watch those. I can stomach those foreign films you like with the subtitles. 

Between you and me? They’d be all talk if they threatened that. Dalton needs scholarship students to keep their ranking as an all-inclusive school as high as it is. Without you, Sterling, this place is going under. And my Father’s sizable contributions happen to ensure that I’m in the same position. You and I are practically untouchable. 

Those are big claims. I’d be careful with handing out favors if I were you, because I fully expect to cash in. Really? You’re being awfully generous tonight. Be careful, I might start to think you like me. 

No! I’m calling you a hipster, dude. There’s a difference. 

Well, they’re old, and they take longer to do things, so maybe they don’t get bored as fast? I dunno if I’d want to start over every five years. You don’t really get to know anyone that way. 

Are you telling me to slide into your DMs?

That is somehow worse, thank you for that. I’d sooner die than start collecting records and making my own Kombucha, at the very least. 

Are your neighbors androids?

That sounds like a positive to me. It also happens to mean that you get to meet a lot of different people. Wouldn’t you want to see things outside of this charmingly miserable place?

Well, yeah of course I’ve heard that. People like me? What’s that supposed to mean?

Those who enjoy blisters on their hands.

I’m sure that brings your heart to full capacity since you give me the hating Christmas Grinch vibes. You could really pass on that though and give that attention to literally any other group of people. Yeah, I don’t care about that. 

Color me curious. I guess I’ll bite now. What’s this proposition? And I wasn’t going to ask that. Clearly, I need to remind you on the regular that you’re not my type. 

Oh, it does. I’ve always been fond of Christmas though, actually. Look at us getting to know each other already.

Last I checked you and I have very different definitions of ‘party’, Bash. 

But, I’m willing to hear you out if it’ll keep me from suffering anymore hours with the toddlers. Service hours, it’s part of my scholarship agreement. They leave out the fine print when you win these things. I’m not that good of a person to do it willingly. So, whatcha got in mind? 

What happens if you tell them no? Have you ever tried it? That’s not rhetorical - I’m actually curious.

I have a few different options. While my heart says Scandals, I’ll save you for tonight. Just do me a favor, Chris Parker - don’t get used to it.

So do you not like it because everyone else goes there? Popular doesn’t mean it’s bad.

It’s not on purpose. Our actual neighbors are pretty old. They’ve lived in the same house for 35 years. Crazy, right? I can’t imagine living in the same place that long. Okay, so then what brings the boys? 25 cent lemonade? Snow cones? …Yard sales? Thanks, man! It’s right here. 

Are you calling me shallow, Sam Evans? That’s all I’m hearing from this. 

How do they not get horrible cabin fever? Thirty-five years. I’ll never understand people who can live in the same place for more than five.

It certainly isn’t your clear penchant for giving horribly off-the-wall guesses, I can tell you that right now.

Huh… The Tower. So this is big, something’s coming and because of the position, it’s going to change your life. It’ll be good… probably, definitely a rude awakening though, especially since The Moon is here. You might wanna check your pride, look closer and pay attention. Something’s not right, or someone’s lying to you. Mostly it’s about illusions, smoke and mirrors, you know? It’s usually not good, but it could also just mean there’s more to something or someone than you thought. Like I thought Lord Tubbington was smoking again, but he actually rescued a kitten from a fire. 

I wouldn’t have believed it, but a firefighter caught him and brought him back home and told me. Anyways, Knight of Cups! Page of Swords and Ace of Cups!! Disaster! Unless, you do some real soul searching and heart checking cause some of these are about love. You don’t want to lose something you didn’t even know you were looking for by being a jerk. So a lot of hard work ahead, but happy results. You can try to discredit me, but you can’t discredit the cards, Sebastian. 

I’m sorry, champ, but I find it difficult to fit in soul searching and heart checking in between my daily routine of cursing my enemies and planning my nights at Scandals.

You got all of that from just a few measly cards? Your creativity is on point, I’ll give you that much. If you got all of that from a tarot card reading, I’d hate to see what would happen if you read my palms.

I heard senior year was supposed to be the greatest year yet. When is that suppose to happen? Did I miss the memo or not get the invite? ‘Cause this is not the party I was expecting. Not that it’s bad, just disappointing. 

Well, Jeffrey, if it’s a party you have in mind, maybe I can be of service. 

Ditch the stiffs and come around to my dorm instead. You look miserable babysitting. And I refuse to have you with frown lines for Nationals.

How sweet. Really letting us McKinley people live rent free in your head just like that, huh? Oh god, I literally just threw up in my mouth. Trust me, honey - you’re not mine either. I’d pretty much take anyone over someone who chooses a hairstyle that literally looks like it houses birds on the regular.

Of course - I have a ton of better things to do. Now why the offer at all? 

What can I say? You all hold a special, dear place in my heart. That’s funny, I’ve never had any complaints before. Quite the opposite, actually. 

That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it? 

Well, yeah. I enjoy seeing the hard work pay off. Is that a bad thing?

Yes. Have you not heard of work smarter, not harder? It’s horribly cliche and I want to claw my eyes out at having to repeat it, but that phrase exists for people like you. 

Sam smiled. “Really? Maybe I’m not as drunk as I thought.” His fingers fumbled as he took Sebastian’s hand. “Have you been in Brett’s house before?” The long hallway tilted softly with each shuffled step. “He has so many rooms,” Sam drawled. They weaved between the other party-goers, past the long line for the bathroom and the awkward family photos on the wall. “I don’t think I’ve been in a house like this before. It’s so big. It’s… like a mansion.” He giggled to himself. “A haunted mansion.” Sam still smelled like chlorine and margarita salt. He princess-waved at someone he didn’t know. “No, Sebastian. I’m pretty sure it’s the one where I’m like… ‘Alright, alright, alright. Say hello to my little friend.’ That’s a classic. You should watch it.” 

His own mind was buzzed as he guided Sam through the maze of the house, eyes flickering around the crowd, humming faintly at his words, humoring him as a light smirk curled at his lips. “Once or twice,” he replied, shoulders straight as he ignored the gaze of anyone who thought he didn’t belong here. He still made sure to walk slow enough for people to notice. They soon found themselves in the middle of the hallway. Abruptly, Sebastian stopped and angled his body towards his. “Why would I need to do that?” He used their linked hands to tug him closer while his free one twisted at the doorknob he’d stopped in front of. “When I’ve got you to reenact the whole thing.” Words were lightly sarcastic, not fully intended to be cruel at this exact moment. Though his lips twitched with the urge to correct him, he thought better of it has he let his gaze fall briefly down to Sam’s own mouth. With that thought, though it wasn’t so much of a thought at all, Sebastian pushed the door open with one hand. And honestly, he was really banking on it not already being preoccupied. Maybe the so-called spirit world was on his side and that McKinley Psychic-in-training had been wrong. He let go of Sam’s hand only to motion him inside, following him in last as he closed the door behind them. Sebastian took a few steps toward him, nearing a bit too close. “You sure you remember your lines there, McConaughey?“ He brushed passed him, hand sliding over his shoulder as he walked by, only to sit down on the bed, turning his gaze towards him. “I expect you know how to keep your audience entertained.” 

With too-loud laughter, Sam shook his head. “No, I’m telling you, it—” His words stumbled like his two left feet. “I… I’m sorry. I think I’m,” Sam scrunched his nose cutely, “a little drunk.” He removed the drink umbrella from behind his ear. “Do you, um… want to go somewhere else? I can show you that impression I was talking about?” 

"Really? I couldn’t tell.” His eyes sifted over his clearly not sober form, and Sebastian was bordering tipsy himself, but he'd be damned if he was ever messy. He reached out to smooth the ruffled fabric of the boy’s shirt, patting the right side of his chest as his lips lifted knowingly, eyes glinting in the dimness of the room. “How about I lead the way tonight, Tiger?” He dropped his hand only to outstretch it toward him to take with a raise of his eyebrows. “If you remember which one it is by the time we’re there, I’ll be your willing audience.” 

You snooze, you lose and you missed out on some amazing s’mores.

I can! Do you want me to read yours? I’ll give you a free one since you didn’t get a chance earlier.

Next time.

Like what? Fifteen is a lot. 

They also say milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard, and all I got in mine are raccoons, so I think I’m okay, Sebastian. Yeah, I still sing when I get a chance. I mean, my singing videos aren’t as popular as my shirtless pics, but I still think they do pretty good. I got 21 likes once. 

In terms you’ll understand, all fifteen seasons of Supernatural. Don’t underestimate my distaste for common-folk dwelling grounds, blondie.

Suit yourself. I don’t give my advice to just anyone. Don’t expect it again. But honestly, If raccoons are all you’re attracting, you must have the wrong neighbors. Though if you want my expert opinion? It’s not the milkshakes that’d bring the boys to the yard.

It’s not really an excuse. It’s just what happened.

Yeah someone else suggested that, so I’ve been swapping that and aloe vera out. But I enjoy the work. It was just an accident really. I don’t enjoy them at all, but the job needed to be done. But thanks for the advice.

Absolutely riveting.