RUSSIAN * ROULETTE

her face is beet red. for someone so uncomfortable with her own emotions, she was sure feeling a hell of a lot in that very moment. relief? joy? flustered? embarrassed? overwhelmed? attraction? any of these things on their own would be enough to make kyung power down, and now all of them were flooding to the forefront of her mind at once.

“yeah, well, breathe a little easier now, i guess.” the reply comes clipped and sarcastic, but it’s a defense mechanism– anyone really looking at her could tell it was less of a barb or an attack, and more of a throwaway line to get the attention off of her. “right. maybe i should get your number, then. just for good measure.”

the relief catches nayu and she smiles upon seeing sikyung’s flustered red face, she found it awfully cute, not that she wasn’t already cute enough. she lets the comment pass, knowing that kyung’s personality could stray towards that at moments and continues to grin. “uh yeah it’s xxx-xxx-xxx, give me a call so i can save yours too!” feeling rather proud of herself for letting her worries go and finally asking the girl she’d idolised since they had first met out, nayu decides to go for one last bold move before her surge of adrenaline leaves her and leans in forward towards the other girl and leaves a light, little peck of her cheek. nayu blushes slightly at her actions but continues on, “a little something before we see each other again?”

their  debut  date  was  being  thrown  around  like  a  ball.  in  a  couple  of  months,  maybe  longer,  maybe  sooner,  if  so!ar  needs  them  to  cover  up  a  scandal.  but,  whenever  it  ends  up  being,  yoona  has  to  be  prepared.  she  still  doesn’t  see  the  potential  in  herself  that  so!ar  does,  and  though  she  knows  she  can  sing,  and  sing  well  at  that,  she  doesn’t  believe  that  she  has  the  dance  skills  necessary  to  truly  be  their  center.  and  thus,  to  the  practice  rooms  she  goes.  she  doesn’t  expect  anybody  to  be  there,  but  nonetheless,  she  finds  nayu,  one  of  her  seniors.   “  oh,  no.  ”   yoona  protests.   “  it’s  fine.  you  were  here  first.  ”

when nayu spots the trainee enter the practice room she feels herself warm up a little. she too found herself waiting for valetta’s debut at times, sure it would bring about some rivarly and competition amongst aura and the other girl groups but she also remembered herself as a trainee and how she had felt the desperation of wanting debut. yoona happened to be one of those hopefuls and seeing her around let her loosen a little from the tension she’d begun to build up from the writing process. “it’s fine, it’s fine, do you want to practice something? i can take my writing elsewhere.”

even though audrey did enjoy staying in, away from the world, when she had a break, sometimes it got exhausting. mentally and physically. laying down for an entire day did things to your body. she had decided to be productive and get some practice in. her rapping definitely needed to be polished up and she needed to hit the refresh button on impulse’s old choreographies. she even thought about starting to write her own music to help her group get rid off their old image. after putting on some comfortable clothes, she headed to the company building and without much of a thought, she opened the door to the first practice room she walked up to, unaware that there was someone else. it wasn’t until she heard the voice that she looked up and gave nayu a surprised face. “sorry! no, it’s okay. you were here first, i should’ve knocked or something.”

nayu noticed audrey standing by the entrance of the practice room, the two hadn’t spoken much seeing as she was many years her senior. nayu didn’t find herself too bothered with interacting with people from older groups when she first entered solar, seeing it as rather awkward considering the luminate merger and the competition it could bring. or at least that was her excuse. “it’s okay, besides it’s not like i’m doing anything important here.” finding something inside her to be friendly towards the older girl and also needing a distraction from how badly her lack of writing was affecting her she decided to flash audrey a somewhat wide smile, “what were you planning to do here, not anything too mundane i suppose?”

––––––「   “   oh god, i would’ve been terrified the whole time that they were going to make me do it if that had been me,   ”   she shook her head softly, starting to feel grateful that any actual talents she may have had already been deemed ‘ too boring for television ’  by their company. dahyung couldn’t help but break out into laughter as her companion attempted to whistle her way through one of q-ueen’s songs, knowing that she had done nearly the same thing before.   “   i’m the exact same way,  ”   she replied,   “  how’d you imagine recording  ‘whistle ’  went ?   ”   」

“trust me i was shitting myself during the whole show, in anticipation of the very introduction to our skills.” nayu imitated the voice of the last variety host she could remember when saying that last part. “ah i should’ve chosen whistle, it’s in the name!” she laughed again, “whistling all of happiness was damn hard, recording that must’ve been a pain then!” the two’s conversation had mostly been complaining about the antics of korean variety shows but often nayu had wondered what it would be like if the two had gone on one together. “could you imagine if we went on a show together?”

.・゜-: ✧ :- 𝐈𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐀 𝐇𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐓 to roam around headquarter in order to check up on everyone in the company. having joined solar in 2005—their opening year—he was only twelve, & quickly learned the system like the back of his hand. thus, he made a habit of lending a hand to anyone in the company if help was needed. he especially liked interacting with the trainees, giving them all hope that the best will come. entering the room, he was surprised when finding nayu tucked away, slumped as well. “hey … are you okay ? ” haneul asked, sitting down beside her. “no need to leave, i was just checking in. are you well, though ? you don’t seem too well … ”

seeing haneul sink down right next to her in the corner brought a little bit of peppiness to her saddend demeanour as she gave him a small smile. when hearing him ask whether she’s alright, nayu gives him an exasperated sigh and throws her head back to the wall with a small thud, she found it nice that he cared. “sadly i’m starting to think i’m not.” she points to the mostly empty sheet staring back at her, “i’ve taken my chances in songwriting and as of yet nothing good has sprung to mind, kinda bums me out just a little.”

   he’s been alone for an extended period of time.  normally,  he seeks out the other members of his group.  seeks out one of his favorite people.  does something so the loneliness doesn’t get loud.  today is different,  in part because he does not know if feelings are mutual and it’s better to not be a burden,  going in and out of multiple rooms in the hopes that one will feel just a bit lesslike a lifeless shell than the last.  eventually,  he finds one,  if only because there’s another person.  cheol changes his demeanor,  loses at least a fraction of the weight that was on his shoulders,  presenting with a smile instead of nothing.   “no,  no you’re fine!  company’s always nice to have.  what’s,  uh.  what’s useless?  or is that classified?”  

seeing seungcheol standing in front of her, nayu offers a weak smile. the two hadn’t really interacted much but she found him to be a positive presence at times. “eh it’s just some lyrics i’ve been writing, or not rather.” her laugh fades away into nothing. the room started to seem bleak but her current inability to write wasn’t making her the sunniest person. “would you be able offer any help?” she gives him another smile and looks back down to her empty sheet, even if he couldn’t offer her any advice perhaps he’d cheer her up.

    TAE WAS SEATED OUTSIDE A QUIET AREA HE LIKED TO BE AT, until he was bored enough to go into the building again. what he REALLY wanted to do was go back and go to sleep but alas, he found himself still in the building. he scrunches his nose up at the thought and as he’s walking in there’s someone running over to him and he’s confused the moment he sees her face and his eyebrows raise. “ nayu ? “ he asks bewildered for a moment and before he can even think about what he’s doing he’s enveloped her in a hug. “ oh my god, of course i missed you. “

the hug gave her a warm feeling inside, it’d been a few odd years and just being in physical contact with him again had her a little emotional. “it’s been so long! your life must be a lot better than the last time i saw you.” nayu began to reminisce on the days they shared in the past, talking and ranting ( drunkly, often ) about their parents and their home lives, she often thought of it as an escape and she had begun to really missed those days when he left for so!ar. seeing him here again filled her with a great sense of nostalgia and she couldn’t help but keep the sunny grin on her face.

rosie blushed, waving off nayu’s compliments. “please– i’m happy to do it! i really do hope you like it!” she gushed, bright pink curls bouncing around her shoulders. pursing her lips, she nodded, holding out her hand so she could flip over the cd that nayu was holding, pointing out songs. “this one here was my favorite compass song to perform, and this song was my favorite compass: north song! i didn’t want to put too many of my old songs on here, though. that just felt weird,” she giggled.

in an attempt to play the cd, nayu found herself a music player and inserted the cd inside with cheery music beginning to fill the room. “well you do know i’m rather fond of compass, mostly the songs you’re in but still!” as she started to take in the lyrics she began to understand the words sung by the girl group, although there were a few fast lyrics and some complicated ones, overall she got the general meaning of the song and it made her happy that she was starting to progress in her japanese. “hey i think i’m starting to get it better now!”

kyung’s eyes widened ever so slightly. she wasn’t really used to having girls like her– she lived in seoul, after all. even if she met a girl who was queer, they never were open due to the political climate, so she wasn’t ever really sure if someone was flirting or just being friendly, and she wasn’t really in an place to ask. having a crush not only be reciprocated, but on top of that, having that girl be so bold and upfront with her? it was a new experience, and not at all an unpleasant one.

“i—- oh,” she sputtered out at first– she wanted to hit herself for being so incoherent. “god, i—- um……. yeah, you too.” she sounded like this was her first time speaking the korean language. curse her inability to process emotions. “i– we should go for drinks sometime. or something.”

the minute nayu sees sikyung freeze in the tiniest bit she begins to regret everything she’s ever done in life. nayu knows she can’t handle rejection well and yet she puts herself into situations like this that make her anxiety go through the roof. hearing sikyung struggle to form her sentence doesn’t help the feeling either until she finally hears what the other girl had to say.

jang sikyung, the soloist of so!ar just admitted to liking me too and wants to go out on a date with me? was all she could think about as she tried her best to processes the situation in front of her. nayu finally felt the pressure relieve itself off of her shoulders, “thank god you feel the same way, i was so nervous that you were going to reject me.” now sporting a large grin on her face and now able to make complete eye contact she looked into sikyung’s eyes, “yes i would love that!”

the time had finally come for nayu to move into the so!ar dorms. upon hearing of the merger between luminate and so!ar nayu was mostly excited about it, finally she’d have new ( better ) surroundings and a solid foundation for debut but the one thing she was probably the most excited about seeing her old friend, lee taesong. she hadn’t seen since he’d debuted and the two were quite close, he was even a partial inspiration for her joining the idol world, and speak of the devil he’d just entered the building. immediately she rushed to him with a smile on her face, “miss me?”

@hqnayu liked for a starter

“i have a surprise for you,” rosamie announced as soon as she saw nayu, huge grin on her face as she held her hands behind her back. she’d been so adamant about helping nayu with her japanese, and she figured this could help. nothing brought people together better than music, right? with a dramatic flourish, she pulled out a burned cd, case covered in stickers and decorated brightly. “i made you a playlist! all of my favorite jpop songs!”

nayu and rosamie had become friends over her ( rather desperately ) begging her to tutor her in japanese after being scolded by the public for her lack of knowledge on the language, and thankful rosie was willing enough. when she spotted her she garnered a large smile after seeing her excitement and upon being offered the colourful cd she immediately went in for a hug. nayu never found herself this affectionate but the other girl’s kindness was something she wouldn’t take for granted,“that’s so nice oh my gosh i’ve got to listen to it right away, are any of your old songs on here?”

sikyung chewed on her lip, clasping her fingers together to keep them from shaking with nerves. she could be onstage with thousands of people watching her and be absolutely fine, but in front of nayu right now? she was a doofus. an absolute mess. “uh– good. i don’t know if i’ll ever use this demo, but so far it’s coming together,” she mumbled. she had a whole folder full of unfinished demos that would probably never see the light of day, and some of them were gems, but that was just the way things worked. some songs just weren’t going to be a hit, and she had an ear for that.

raising her eyebrow, kyung cocked her head to the side. “yeah? you good? everything okay?”

the prospect of sikyung rejecting her in this very moment was setting nayu’s nerves extremely high. she started to play with her hair, a nervous trait she never noticed until that very moment. nayu hadn’t realised that she’d never asked a girl out her life, sure she had asked out boys before but that was easy and most of them said yes eventually but with girls it was different. girls were different for her, probably part of the reason why she had more girl crushes growing up than boys. even right now she found herself hesitant in front of sikyung, making eye contact with her was hard and nayu couldn’t help but look to the floor half of the time because of it.

after mentally cursing herself for stalling she took a large sigh and finally decided to just blurt it out once and for all. “i really like you, like i have a massive crush on you!”

––––––「   dani shook her head, unfortunately finding herself relate to the other girl’s comment a little too much.   “   i think any ‘ special talents ’  i might have might make solar lose more money than make any.   ”   it hadn’t even been very long since she had debuted compared to most other groups their company had, but dahyung was already worried that she was running out of patience for the shows she had go on.   “  maybe i should try whistling happiness,   ”   she laughed, already starting to picture what a mess that would be,    “    i doubt i could do any of my own songs anyway.   ”  」

( .. )

she swallowed hard, pulling her headphones down around her neck. “uh– hi,” she mumbled, adjusting her sleeves. “nothing that can’t be put on pause– what’s up?”

now that she was actually in the same room as sikyung, standing directly in front of her, nayu began to think of all the ways out of this situation. “n-nothing much, i just wanted to see how you were doing.” nayu sighed lightly, she didn’t realise how much sikyung could really effect her. she was never this nervous around boys and she found it somewhat annoying knowing that simply an attractive girl could make her mind go all wonk, nevertheless, she cleared her head and thought of the best possible way to let the conversation flow into what she wanted.

“actually i do have something to tell you...” nayu’s sentence trailed off into nothing, for someone so assertive she always thought she would’ve been a lot more straightforward with it.