How Well Do You Know Your Moon

The Atsuko Kumon Hong “suicide/murder” of August 2013

Every August we remember this devastating story.

▲ Atsuko Kumon Hong on fire in the lobby of the Cheongshim Village building at Cheongpyeong.

Inquiry into the recruitment methods and impacts of cults and organised fringe groups – Parliament of Victoria, Australia

The Committee acknowledges that this Report contains sensitive information that may be distressing to read, especially for those whose experiences are directly or indirectly referenced. Please take care of yourself and read this Report with consideration to your own wellbeing. If you or someone you know needs support, see the inside back cover of this report for information of available support services. These are also available on the Committee's website.

Click on the link to see 3 minute video LINK

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Was the real reason the instructions Sun Myung Moon gave to his wife:

“And there is a son named Samuel, who is registered as the son of Bo-hi Pak, who is in Washington. That son is actually Leader Moon’s son. He himself knows this. He is a child born of a woman named Choi Soon-wha.

And how was he born? At that time, Bo-hi Pak’s wife was pregnant, and she went to a military hospital, where Leader Moon earnestly pleaded for her to undergo an abortion, which she did. Then the child taken in at that time (Leader Moon’s child) was registered as Bo-hi Pak’s own child.

That son, Samuel, knows that his real father is Leader Moon. Because of this, various problems have arisen. This is just one example, and I think many more issues concerning women and children connected to Leader Moon will continue to come to light.

Children are the most important thing for practicing God’s love. If that is so, then why did Leader Moon himself demand abortions from women who had previously been his right-hand aides, such as Mrs. Choi (Choi Won-pok)? There must be many such women. Women believers who became pregnant through illicit relationships with Leader Moon were asked by him to have abortions.

This means that when Leader Moon had physical relationships with women, it was not for practicing God’s love or the love of the three-object purpose; forcing abortions proves that these physical relationships were centered on his own sexual desire. How can he be a messiah? There must be many women who suffered as a result.”

(Statement by Hideaki Kamiyoshi of the 1800 Couples, press conference at Makuhari Messe, August 2, 1992) LINK

▲ Pak Bo Hi, Choi Won-bok, Sun Myung Moon, Mrs Pak and Hak Ja Han.

The Little Angels Dance Company was the essence of tears and sweat of the entire Unification Church. How did it become the exclusive object of Col. Pak Bo Hi? If you are a believer of the Unification Church, you need to think about why the Little Angels operate under the rule of Pak Bo Hi’s clan system.

▲ The Little Angels School in Seoul, now called the Sunhwa Arts School.

The members of the Unification Church nurtured the Little Angels by going hungry and working hard with sweat. Even though they struggled, they felt pride and the reward of advancing Korean national prestige through the Little Angels activities. By the way, Pak Bo Hi also established the Korean Cultural and Freedom Foundation (KCFF) in the United States, and was also the one who achieved some success by conducting public relations activities while visiting numerous famous people, including the late Yang Yu-chan, a former ambassador to the United States.

The stated reason behind the Little Angels American performances was as  consolation performances for families who were veterans of the Korean War, and a plausible reason was to boost the prestige of Korea. It was a great success both at home and abroad. Innocent people from all over the world, who do not know that the Unification Church lurks behind the Little Angels, enthusiastically welcomed the Little Angels and the image of Korea was greatly enhanced.

Held for the first time in 1965, the first 100-day performances in the United States were a success.

▲ 1. Col. Pak with former US President Eisenhower in 1965 2. Col. Pak with the Queen of England in 1971 3. The Little Angels at UNESCO in 1973 4. The Little Angels meet unknown 5. The Little Angels with Raisa Gorbachev in 1990 6. The Little Angels meet the Japanese Crown Prince and Princess in 1971

At that time, Leader Moon was doing a world tour during which he sought to establish ‘holy grounds’. LINK Col. Pak paid the enormous travel expenses for Leader Moon’s travels [around the world] with the foreign currency earned by the Little Angels. The money earned by the cute little children was used for such an outrageous purpose.

Pak Bo Hi had a conflict with Leader Moon due to the financial income relationship through the Little Angels. [Or was it connected with his wife?] He quickly returned to Korea and invited the executive staff of the Unification Church Headquarters to the Sejong Hotel. The invited officers came to the hotel to learn about the current status of Leader Moon who was staying in the United States at the time.

At the invitational meeting, Col. Pak declared that he would leave the Unification Church and, as he had planned in advance, he tore apart his own membership form in front of the officials.

The executives were astonished, and the shocking incident was immediately reported to Sun Myung Moon in the US. This was extraordinarily shocking because Col. Pak served as Moon’s right hand man. He was also one of the main couples of the 36 couples who are the core couples of the Unification Church. And Col. Pak was at least the fourth most important executive in the ranks.

In order to persuade Col. Pak, Leader Moon talked with Col. Pak all night in the United States, but Col. Pak returned to Korea without a conclusion following their talk and caused the troubling scene in the the Sejong Hotel.

Col. Pak knew the weaknesses of Leader Moon all too clearly, as well as the inner secrets of the Unification Church more than anyone else. He was a disciple who was always loyal to Leader Moon. Moreover, he even registered Samuel Moon [who was born in Washington, DC] as his and his wife’s son on the US birth certificate (see below). In fact Samuel was the son of Leader Moon and another woman [Choi Soon-wha]. It is believed that Leader Moon and Pak Bo Hi truly shared a common destiny in life and death because Col. Pak was raising Samuel as if he was his own son.

▲ Sam Park sitting on the lap of Pak Bo Hi in about 1972

[Sun Myung Moon had sex with Choi Soon-wha, or Annie Choi, many times in 1965 at the home of Pak Bo Hi in Arlington, Virginia, while he was on his world tour. Moon did not leave the Washington, DC, area until he knew she was pregnant. That explains why he was in the Eastern US for most of the time over about three months. Sam Park was born on January 28, 1966. Mrs. Pak had put cushions under her clothes to fake a pregnancy. The Paks pretended to be the parents of Sam and made false declarations on Sam’s birth certificate. When Sam was about 12 he figured his friendly ‘aunt’, Annie Choi, was his mother and Sun Myung Moon was his father.]

▲ Annie Choi with Sam in the house of Pak Bo Hi.

However, people outside the Unification Church cannot tell whether the Samuel Moon that Col. Pak is currently raising is Col. Pak’s son or the son of Leader Moon. One journalist owns a house near where Pak Bo Hi also lives in Arlington, which is near Washington, DC. The journalist said it seems that the blood relationship cannot be denied because Samuel resembles Moon. But it is difficult for foreigners to conclude with confidence that he is the son of Leader Moon.

▲ Inside the Little Angels School

Eventually, Leader Moon handed over to Col. Pak the Little Angels Company, which had been the fruit of the efforts and devotion of the Unification Church members. It is known that the Little Angels operate under Col. Pak’s rule. There has also been a saying that when the Sunhwa Arts School was founded [as the Little Angels Art School in Gwangjin-gu, Seoul in 1973], Leader Moon supported it with 200 million won.

▲ The Theater at the Little Angels School, Seoul

Behind the Unification Church’s growth into today’s Unification Church, some believers fell and died while working hard on unfamiliar frontiers for the Unification Church; some under persecution from the established churches for being heretical, while others died from inhaling the fumes from coal briquettes. Regarding the suffering of the blood-stained believers, Leader Moon gave a few words of consolation or praise, which did not cost him any money. The leaders and followers thought that was their highest honor.

The fact that a member of the Unification Church had torn up his membership papers was more shocking and frightening than the fact that he or she would go to hell. Given that fact, why did Leader Moon, by talking to him all night long, try to persuade Col. Pak who declared that he would himself leave? Leader Moon is a sociopath who uses and treats well people who dress well, studied well, are capable, handsome, and worth using – but he completely ignores poor believers who were not educated.

▲ Pak Bo Hi with: former President George Bush; Kim Il-sung and Kim Jong-il

_________________________________________ sources: The Tragedy of the Six Marys website page: Identity of Sun Myung Moon

탈퇴를 선언했던 박보희   page 389

LINK: 문선명의 정체! (1)  김명희

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“그는가짜메시아，사기꾼에불과하다” – 홍난숙

박사무엘 비디오의 대본

野錄 統一敎會史 (세계기독교 통일신령협회사) – 1

   박 정 화 외2인 지음 (前 통일교창립위원)

Unification Church leader, Pak Bo Hi, was detained on fraud charges in 2004

Sung-jin Moon sent out letters in 1974: “My father is a fake Second Coming Messiah”

Bo Hi Pak contradicts himself about being the father of Sam Park

Chicago Tribune: “Government Files Trace Church from Sex Cult”

Daikan Ohnuki drove a young Korean woman to see Mr. Moon in a private home in Washington, DC, in 1965

Bo Hi Pak and The Origins of KCFF

Bo Hi Pak and the KCFF scam – and Sun Myung Moon’s ROFA scam

Sun Myung Moon’s secret love child – Mother Jones

The Fall of the House of Moon – New Republic

August 21, 2015 (Friday) 00:31:15

Theme: Samuel Park (the hidden child of Leader Moon) I thought I should jot this down… It’s scary—so scary! (((( ;°Д°)))) So scary! (((((ﾉﾟ⊿ﾟ)ﾉ

Everyone, please be shocked. ((＞д＜))

This is about the background of the mother of Leader Moon’s hidden child (Samuel Park), namely the Choi family.

Leader Moon’s first wife was Mrs. Choi Seon-gil. Her uncle (her father’s brother) was Mr. Choi Seong-mo. Mr. Choi Seong-mo’s wife was Mrs. Lee Deuk-sam, and their daughter was Choi Soon-wha, who gave birth to Leader Moon’s son (Samuel).

What had not previously been connected was the fact that “Choi Seong-mo’s wife was Lee Deuk-sam” and that “Lee Deuk-sam’s daughter was Choi Soon-wha.” These were connected through Leader Moon’s own words.

It is complicated. This is a part that has been erased from the history of the Unification Church.

• Leader Moon’s wife: Choi Seon-gil • Choi Seon-gil’s uncle: Choi Seong-mo • Choi Seong-mo’s wife: Lee Deuk-sam • Choi Seong-mo’s eldest daughter: Choi Soon-shil • Choi Seong-mo’s second daughter: Choi Soon-wha (Soon-hwa) • Choi Seong-mo’s eldest son: Choi Soon-young • Choi Seong-mo’s second son: Choi Soon-gwang • Choi Seong-mo’s third son: Choi Soon-gil

Leader Moon states the following in his words: “Who is Choi Sun-young’s father? (‘Choi Seong-mo!’) Choi Seong-mo is Mrs. Deuk-sam’s husband. In that household, the mother, three daughters, and one son were guided—the son Sun-gwang. Exactly, so a four-position foundation. It is exactly the opposite of Teacher’s family. Centered on the son, three women; Teacher, centered on three men, lost one daughter.” (From Collected Sermons of Rev. Moon Sun-myung, vol. 487)

“Deuk-sam’s daughter Choi Soon-wha was the issue. One of the three had to remain and inherit it. The elder (brother?) went astray, both of them went astray, and with the remaining Choi Soon-wha at the center… Aren’t there Choi Soon-wha and Yoon Jeong-eun?” (From Collected Sermons of Rev. Moon Sun-myung, vol. 416)

(This Yoon Jeong-eun is thought to be Mrs. Yoon Jeong-eun, the wife of Mr. Kwak Jeong-hwan of the 36 Couples.)

“Behind the circumstances of Reverend Moon’s imprisonment were Pastor Han Kyung-jik and another person, Mr. Choi Seong-mo (1909–1976), the uncle of Mrs. Choi Seon-gil.” (From The Source of Suffering: The Truth Behind Rev. Moon Sun-myung’s Imprisonment in Seodaemun Prison, by Yoshirō Takeda, Kwangŏnsa, 2001)

Thus, the mother of Leader Moon’s illegitimate son—who was given up for adoption to Mr. Pak Bo-hi—was Choi Soon-wha, the daughter of Lee Deuk-sam who was the wife of Choi Seong-mo, who was the uncle of Leader Moon’s wife.

Do you understand?

He impregnated a woman who was his wife’s cousin. Furthermore, he even laid hands on his wife’s aunt…This appears nowhere in church history. It was concealed.

It is understandable that Mr. Choi Seong-mo, the husband of Mrs. Lee Deuk-sam, turned Leader Moon over to the police and wanted to attack the Unification Church. At first, I thought Mr. Choi Seong-mo hated Leader Moon because of his niece, Leader Moon’s wife Mrs. Choi Seon-gil, but it seems he was enraged by the relationship between his own wife and Leader Moon and called Leader Moon a “devil.” It is all a complete mess.

(July 15, 1955 Kyunghyang Shinmun article)

In the article it states: “▲ Choi Soon-shil = (female believer) mediation of sexual misconduct.”

This woman was part of the three-position foundation of Mrs. Kim Myeong-hee, the mother of Hee-jin, and she was the eldest daughter of Mrs. Lee Deuk-sam.

(The three-position foundation was: Kim Myeong-hee, Choi Soon-shil, Choi Soon-wha.)

At that time (the 1950s), a three-position foundation for female believers was something granted through having a sexual relationship with Leader Moon.

Leader Moon speaks in his words about the mother who gave birth to his illegitimate child. That illegitimate child was registered as the child of Mr. Bo-hi Pak of the 36 Couples.

“Therefore, you must not forget about the Choi family. Yes, I tried to help that household too, but—aigo!—there was nothing to be done. Blood ties (relatives) oppose things to the very end. Bo-hi Pak apparently lives nearby without regarding Choi Soon-wha (the mother of my son) as an enemy, doesn’t he? (‘Yes.’) Yoon Ki-suk (Bo-hi Pak’s wife)! (‘Yes.’) Can you meet her? (‘Yes, I met her.’) She was one of those who were expelled from Ewha Womans University, but I believe you sent her a gift this time, didn’t you? (‘I took it to her.’) What did she say? (‘She said thank you.’) Gratitude is gratitude. True gratitude.” (From Collected Sermons of Rev. Moon Sun-myung, vol. 370)

“Arizona is the issue. Pak Bo-hi lives in Arizona, and Choi Soon-wha also lives in Arizona. It is a place where patients can be treated.” (From Collected Sermons of Rev. Moon Sun-myung, vol. 409)

Come to think of it, this also appeared in Nansook’s exposé book. “In-jin was furious that ‘Father’ had matched her with Jin-seong (Bo-hi Pak’s son). To her, Jin-seong was an unbearable young man. In-jin had many boyfriends. The Blessing was not even on her radar. She called Jin-seong ‘fish eyes,’ after what she considered the most conspicuous physical feature of someone from the Pak family.

In fact, In-jin was infatuated with a younger man. The previous year, when she attended a Unification Church conference in Washington, D.C., In-jin and I (Nansook Hong) shared a hotel room at the conference venue. Late one night, thinking I was asleep, she phoned this young man in Virginia. She whispered softly and let out girlish laughter unlike anything I had known in her. I heard her flirting with the young man and saying, ‘“Blessed children” are supposed not to kiss, but we’re an exception.’

It was a dangerous romance. At that time, neither of them knew that they shared the same father. The boy was Moon Sun-myung’s illegitimate (out-of-wedlock) child. I had been told so by my mother a year earlier, but from that night’s conversation it was clear that no one had yet told them the truth. That the boy had been born from an affair between Reverend Moon and a church member was an open secret among the “36 Couples.” My mother explained to me, ‘It was not a romantic relationship.’ It was a union ordained by God’s “providence,” a union incomprehensible to the secular world. To avoid all misunderstandings, the boy was, at birth, entrusted to the family of one of Moon Sun-myung’s most trusted advisers and raised as their son. His real mother lived near him in Virginia and, during his childhood, played the role of a family friend. Although Reverend Moon never publicly acknowledged being the father, the truth was told to the boy himself and to the second generation of the Moon family in the late 1980s.” (Nansook Hong, The True Nature of My Father, Moon Sun-myung, published November 25, 1998, Bungeishunjū, p. 177)

That Leader Moon registered a son born from an extramarital relationship as the child of Bo-hi Pak was exposed at a press conference by a former Zimbabwe missionary, Hideaki Kamiyoshi, who had once served the “Black Heungjin” figure. (Video) https://vimeo.com/39941021

From around 28:10 “I also have information that even Leader Moon’s eldest son (Hyo-jin) himself had relationships with as many as ten women in a single day. Ten people. In one day. There are many such problems within Leader Moon’s own family.

And there is a son named Samuel, who is registered as the son of Bo-hi Pak, who is in Washington. That son is actually Leader Moon’s son. He himself knows this. He is a child born of a woman named Sai Junkka (Choi Soon-wha).

And how was he born? At that time, Bo-hi Pak’s wife was pregnant, and she went to a military hospital, where Leader Moon earnestly pleaded for her to undergo an abortion, which she did. Then the child taken in at that time (Leader Moon’s child) was registered as Bo-hi Pak’s own child.

That son, Samuel, knows that his real father is Leader Moon. Because of this, various problems have arisen. This is just one example, and I think many more issues concerning women and children connected to Leader Moon will continue to come to light.

Children are the most important thing for practicing God’s love. If that is so, then why did Leader Moon himself demand abortions from women who had previously been his right-hand aides, such as Mrs. Choi (Choi Won-pok)? There must be many such women. Women believers who became pregnant through illicit relationships with Leader Moon were asked by him to have abortions.

This means that when Leader Moon had physical relationships with women, it was not for practicing God’s love or the love of the three-object purpose; forcing abortions proves that these physical relationships were centered on his own sexual desire. How can he be a messiah? There must be many women who suffered as a result.”

(Statement by Hideaki Kamiyoshi of the 1800 Couples, press conference at Makuhari Messe, August 2, 1992)

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Translated from the Japanese: https://ameblo.jp/chanu1/entry-11552019443.html

Sun Myung Moon used a ‘Honey Trap’ – Choi Soon-yeong explains

Sun Myung Moon’s secret love child – Mother Jones

Pak Chung-hwa interviewed about Moon’s “SEX relays”

How “God’s Day” was established by Sun Myung Moon in 1968

Moon’s theology for his pikareum sex rituals with all the 36 wives

Sun Myung Moon – Restoration through Incest

Ritual Sex in the Unification Church – Kirsti L. Nevalainen

by Dr. Marlene Winell

Religious Trauma Syndrome has a very recognizable set of symptoms, a definitive set of causes, and a debilitating cycle of abuse. There are ways to stop the abuse and recover.

Symptoms of Religious Trauma Syndrome:

Cognitive: Confusion, poor critical thinking ability, negative beliefs about self-ability & self-worth, black & white thinking, perfectionism, difficulty with decision-making

Emotional: Depression, anxiety, anger, grief, loneliness, difficulty with pleasure, loss of meaning

Social: Loss of social network, family rupture, social awkwardness, sexual difficulty, behind schedule on developmental tasks

Cultural: Unfamiliarity with secular world; “fish out of water” feelings, difficulty belonging, information gaps (e.g. evolution, modern art, music)

Causes of Religious Trauma Syndrome: Authoritarianism coupled with toxic theology which is received and reinforced at church, school, and home. This results in:

Suppression of normal child development – cognitive, social, emotional, moral stages are arrested

Damage to normal thinking and feeling abilities – information is limited and controlled; dysfunctional beliefs taught; independent thinking condemned; feelings condemned

External locus of control – knowledge is revealed, not discovered; hierarchy of authority enforced; self not a reliable or good source (not good for your health)

Physical and sexual abuse – patriarchal power; unhealthy sexual views; punishment used as for discipline Cycle of Abuse

The doctrine of Original Sin and Eternal Damnation cause the most psychological distress by creating the ultimate double bind. You are guilty and responsible, and face eternal punishment. Yet you have no ability to do anything about it.

You must conform to a mental test of “believing” in an external, unseen source for salvation, and maintain this state of belief until death. You cannot ever stop sinning altogether, so you must continue to confess and be forgiven, hoping that you have met the criteria despite complete lack of feedback about whether you will actually make it to heaven.

Salvation is not a free gift after all.

For the sincere believer, this results in an unending cycle of shame and relief. It is a cycle of abuse. As one believer said,

“I expected the meetings with my bishop to be compassionate and reassuring. It was more like an IRS audit. I prayed endlessly to be delivered from those temptations. I beat my fists into my pillow in agony. I used every ounce of faith I could muster to overcome this problem. “Lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil” just didn’t seem to be working with me. Of course, I blamed it on myself and thought there was something wrong with me. I thought I was perverted. I felt evil inside. I hated myself.”

Stopping the Cycle of Abuse You can stop the cycle of abuse, but leaving the faith is a “mixed blessing.” Letting go of the need to conform is a huge relief. There is a sense of freedom, excitement about information and new experiences, new-found self-respect, integrity, and the sense of an emerging identity.

There are huge challenges. The psychological damage does not go away overnight. In fact, because the phobia indoctrination in young childhood is so powerful, the fear of hell can last a lifetime despite rational analysis. Likewise the damage to self-esteem and basic self-trust can be crippling. This is why there are so many thousands of walking wounded – people who have left fundamentalist religion and are living with Religious Trauma Syndrome.

Mistaken Identity

Religious Trauma Syndrome mimics the symptoms of many other disorders – • post-traumatic stress disorder • clinical depression • anxiety disorders • bipolar disorder • obsessive compulsive disorder • borderline personality disorder • eating disorders • social disorders • marital and sexual dysfunctions • suicide • drug and alcohol abuse • extreme antisocial behavior, including homicide

There are many extreme cases, including child abuse of all kinds, suicide, rape, and murder. Not as extreme but also tragic are all the people who are struggling to make sense of life after losing their whole basis of reality. None of the previously named diagnoses quite tells the story, and many who try to get help from the mental health profession cannot find a therapist who understands.

What’s the problem?

We have in our society an assumption that religion is for the most part benign or good for you. Therapists, like others, expect that if you stop believing, you just quit going to church, putting it in the same category as not believing in Santa Claus. Some people also consider religious beliefs childish, so you just grow out of them, simple as that. Therapists often don’t understand fundamentalism, and they even recommend spiritual practices as part of therapy. In general, people who have not survived an authoritarian fundamentalist indoctrination do not realize what a complete mind-rape it really is.

In the United States, we also treasure our bill of rights, our freedom of speech, freedom of assembly, and freedom of religion. This makes it extremely difficult to address a debilitating disorder like RTS without threatening the majority of Americans. Raising questions about toxic beliefs and abusive practices in religion seems to be violating a taboo. No one wants to be pointing fingers for fear of tampering with our precious freedoms. For therapists who don’t get it, parents who merely force church attendance aren’t exactly axe-murderers.

book pages 27-28

by Boyé Lafayette De Mente (2012)

Changpi

The Shame Culture

Many people are familiar with the concept of a “shame culture” as a result of Ruth Benedict’s classic book The Chrysanthemum and the Sword, published in the 1940s, in which she delved into the cultural characteristics of the Japanese. As it happens, Korea also has a “shame culture” and for the same reasons – the influence of Confucianism, which makes saving face one of the most important elements in proper, moral behavior. In fact Korea was a “shame culture” before Japan, because Confucianism became entrenched in Korea well before it arrived in Japan.

In its Confucian context shame is regarded as the root of morality, and in shame cultures morality is driven externally. People in shame cultures try to avoid causing emotional pain to others and being subjected to such pain themselves – pain that is caused by being looked down on others, by being embarrassed, by being disgraced in the eyes of others. Shame-centered people do not try to “be good” so as to avoid committing a sin that endangers their soul; they try to behave as is required by their social status and station to avoid losing their reputations.

Historically, the greatest sources of changpi – or “shame” – in Korea were failing to live up to the expectations of the father, the family, the kin, and one’s circle of friends and associates and not being treated as one’s status demanded. In the case of the latter, Koreans were honor bound to wipe out the shame somehow, at some time, taking revenge against the person or persons who shamed them.

In contrast to both Korea and Japan, the United States and other Christianized countries have “guilt cultures.” The primary sanction of the Christian religion is guilt feelings, and the more influence Christianity has on people the more guilty they feel about what they do – or think. Because these guilt feelings are internalized, people who have “sinned” can suffer on their own and in silence to the point that they go crazy – something that is rare in changpi shame cultures.

While Christianity peddles guilt and Confucianism purveys shame, there is a fundamental difference in the effect of the two sanctions. Shame-centered people can get by with all kinds of “immoral" conduct and not suffer any pangs of shame as long as it doesn’t become known to others. In shame cultures it is not doing that is shameful so much as getting caught. Among the many things that people in shame cultures can “morally” do that are considered immoral in Christianized guilt cultures is treat people as inferiors, take financial advantage of people, conceal the truth, use devious tactics, and – for men anyway – engage in premarital and extramarital sex.

It should be noted that some 20 to 25 percent of all present-day Koreans are classified as Christians, which could imply that this large number of Koreans today are more influenced by maume kengginun (mou-may keng-ghee-nuun), or “guilt feelings”, than by shame and are therefore easier for Christianized foreigners to deal with. There is some truth in this belief, but not a lot. Koreans who regard themselves as Christians but were born and raised in Korea are generally Koreans first and Christians second – meaning that they continue to be more influenced by the traditional shame culture than by the Christian guilt culture. Their Christianity is more of an intellectual addition to their beliefs and spiritual or emotional guidelines for behavior.

In male-female relations, in family matters, and in other personal and professional matters that really count, traditional Korean beliefs and behavior generally take precedence over the Christian dogma and customs. Changpi, as it applies to Korean culture, is, in fact, far more powerful as a social conscience than spiritual guilt because it is precisely detailed and is much more visible to the eye. Guilt can be disguised and denied. Shame often stands out for everyone to see.

The one transgression that Koreans cannot accept is being shamed.

___________________________________

from Sin in a Godless Society (pages 43-45) in the book 

…Koreans have traditionally had a very clear concept of choe which is usually translated as “sin,” but choe is primarily a Confucian concept, and sin is a Christian thing. Choe is concerned mostly with outward appearances, and Christian sin with internal thoughts as well as external behavior…

…choe in Korea continues to be Confucian and Buddhist first, and often last as well. The Korean criteria for sin are not based as much on universal absolutes as on the effect actions have on individuals, on the family, on co-workers and friends, and on society at large. Sin is not tied to what may happen to the spirit or soul after death. In fact, Koreans have never really been frightened by the prospect of going to a Christian-type hell.

2026年7月16日 16時11分 米田優人

世界平和統一家庭連合（旧統一教会）信者の後藤徹氏が、ジャーナリストの鈴木エイト氏がニュースサイトに出した記事などで名誉を傷つけられたと訴えた訴訟で、最高裁第三小法廷（渡辺恵理子裁判長）は、後藤氏側の上告を棄却した。15日付の決定。後藤氏が敗訴した二審・東京高裁判決が確定した。

後藤氏は、脱会を強要されたのは違法だとして親族らを提訴し、親族らに賠償を命じた判決が確定している。鈴木氏はこれをふまえ、後藤氏について「12年間に及ぶ引きこもり生活の末、裁判で2千万円をGETした」とする記事を配信するなどした。

一審・東京地裁は、一部の記事を名誉毀損（きそん）だと認め、鈴木氏に11万円の賠償を命じた。しかし、高裁は、後藤氏について継続的に取材していた鈴木氏には「引きこもり」と表現する相当な理由があったなどと述べ、記事などの違法性を認めなかった。

第三小法廷は決定で、上告できる理由にあたる憲法違反などがない、とだけ判断した。

July 16, 2026, 4:11 PM by Yuto Yoneda

In a defamation lawsuit filed by Toru Goto—a member of the Family Federation for World Peace and Unification (formerly the Unification Church)—against journalist Eito Suzuki over articles published on news sites, the Third Petty Bench of the Supreme Court (Presiding Judge Eriko Watanabe) dismissed the appeal filed by Goto. The decision, dated July 15, finalized the Tokyo High Court’s appellate ruling that had gone against Goto.

Goto had previously sued his relatives, claiming that being forced to leave the religious group was illegal; a judgment ordering his relatives to pay damages in that case had already become final. Based on this background, Suzuki published articles stating that Goto had "secured 20 million yen in court after living as a hikikomori [social recluse] for 12 years."

The court of first instance, the Tokyo District Court, found that some of the articles constituted defamation and ordered Suzuki to pay 110,000 yen in damages. However, the High Court overturned this, ruling that Suzuki—who had been covering Goto continuously—had reasonable grounds to describe him as a hikikomori, and thus found no illegality in the articles.

Supreme Court jails Kweon Seong-dong, strips seat in Korea political funds case

Lawmakership forfeited as court upholds two-year term over illegal funds tied to Unification Church

By Shon Duk-ho

Published 2026.07.16. 10:26 | Updated 2026.07.16. 11:08

Kweon Seong-dong, a People Power Party lawmaker indicted on charges of receiving 100 million won in illegal political funds from the Unification Church, had a two-year prison term finalized.

The Supreme Court's Second Division (presiding Justice Eom Sang-pil) on the 16th finalized the lower court ruling that sentenced Kweon to two years in prison and a forfeiture of 100 million won on charges of violating the Political Funds Act. Under the National Assembly Act and the Public Official Election Act, Kweon lost his parliamentary seat.

Special counsel team of Min Joong-ki indicted Kweon on charges that on Jan. 5, 2022, ahead of the 20th presidential election, he received 100 million won from former Unification Church world headquarters chief Yoon Young-ho along with a request for the Yoon Suk-yeol administration to support the denomination.

During the trial, Kweon said he met the former chief Yoon for a meal but did not take money. He also argued that the case is not covered by the Kim Keon-hee special counsel act.

The first and second trials found the charges guilty and sentenced Kweon to two years in prison and a forfeiture of 100 million won. The grounds included an entry in former chief Yoon's diary reading "Kweon Seong-dong lunch - support with one big bill," and that after dining with Kweon, former chief Yoon sent a message saying, "What I gave you today is small, but I hope you will use it helpfully for the presidential candidate."

Earlier, former chief Yoon had his conviction finalized by the Supreme Court on the 9th for handing 100 million won to Kweon Seong-dong and, through Geonjin, providing goods worth about 80 million won to first lady Kim Keon-hee.

...

The Supreme Court found that the lower court did not misunderstand the legal principles.

Furthermore, because these [pikareum sex] rites are carried out under conditions of extreme secrecy, believers who have not yet reached this stage remain only vaguely suspicious or completely unaware of them. Even among believers who actually participated in illicit sexual relations, those who later regretted it and attempted to leave were prevented by the threats of the Unification Church, which feared exposure of its secrets; by the unbearable shame experienced by the women; by their resulting silence; and by the lack of physical evidence due to the secret manner in which the acts were performed. Thus, according to the author, Sun Myung Moon, together with Unification Church officials and senior leaders, continued to satisfy both sexual desire and greed under a thorough and skillful disguise.

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Translated from the Korean

Theological Chronicle “This Is Sun Myung Moon” The True Identity of the Unification Church Leader The Antichrist the Church Must Confront Is the Unification Church

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II. The Leader, Sun Myung Moon The essential teachings of the so-called Unification Church, which venerates Sun Myung Moon as its leader and which the author characterizes as a heretical religion of illicit sexual relations, are as follows.

The reason humanity fell is that Eve, in the Garden of Eden, had an illicit physical relationship, that is, unlawful sexual intercourse, with Satan, who had been the archangel. As a result of this event, Satan’s evil blood has been inherited and flows through the veins of all humanity born thereafter. Therefore, for humanity to return to its original blessed position and condition prior to the Fall, it is possible only by taking exactly the opposite course from the path by which the Fall occurred (the so-called doctrine of restoration). Accordingly, salvation of both spirit and body is possible only by having a physical sexual relationship with Jesus and thereby receiving new blood.

However, two thousand years ago, because Jesus Christ was crucified because of the ignorance of mankind before he could have physical relations with those who followed him, he failed to accomplish the purpose of humanity’s salvation [and father sinless children]. Therefore, in order to complete the unfinished mission, Jesus necessarily had to return a second time, and that returned Jesus is none other than Sun Myung Moon, the leader of the Unification Church.

Accordingly, the mission of the leader Moon, who within the Unification Church is called “Lord,” “Lord of the Second Coming,” and “Father of the Universe,” is concentrated on accomplishing the providence of salvation by entering into physical sexual relations with believers. The act of illicit sexual relations centered on him, the so-called ritual of pikareum “blood exchange” (“changing the blood”) (see NCC Christian Yearbook, May 1972, p. 5), constitutes the core and entirety of Unification Church doctrine.

The origin of this kind of religion centered on illicit sexual relations can already be found, as pointed out in the study of religion, in the examples of the sacred shrines of the goddesses Aphrodite and Astarte on the ancient island of Cyprus, and in the cult of illicit sexual rites associated with the temple of Mylitta in Babylon. In those religions, illicit sexual relations were practiced not as immoral indulgence or sexual excess but as a solemn religious duty (Encyclopaedia of Religion and Ethics, 1918, Vol. 10, p. 680).

In the Unification Church’s ritual of pikareum “blood exchange,” by which believers receive pure blood through sexual intercourse with Sun Myung Moon as the Lord of the Second Coming who came to save humanity physically, a female believer who has had a physical relationship with Moon then has relations with another male believer. The woman who has had sexual intercourse with Moon immediately has her blood purified; then, when she has sexual relations with another man, that man’s blood is likewise purified. That man then has relations with another woman, and that woman with another man, so that physical salvation continually expands. In this way, a single unified extended family centered upon the so-called “Moon Jesus” is continually formed.

Accordingly, Moon does not need to have direct sexual relations with every woman in the world in order to fulfill his mission of saving humanity. Therefore, even among female believers he selects only those who are beautiful and wealthy, satisfying his sexual desires under the pretext of religious ritual (see Dr. Shin Sa-hoon’s advisory article in Korean Gospel News, November 10, 1968).

However, because these rites of illicit sexual relations are thoroughly concealed through a system of double doctrine, the great majority of ordinary believers are unaware of them (see NCC Christian Yearbook, May 1972, p. 5). In practice, the ritual of blood exchange is performed only for believers who have reached the final stage, called “Confirmation” (確定), among the three stages of Recognition (認定), Confirmation (確認), and Final Confirmation (確定) (see Sinhwa Magazine, June 1957).

Furthermore, because these rites are carried out under conditions of extreme secrecy, believers who have not yet reached this stage remain only vaguely suspicious or completely unaware of them. Even among believers who actually participated in illicit sexual relations, those who later regretted it and attempted to leave were prevented by the threats of the Unification Church, which feared exposure of its secrets; by the unbearable shame experienced by the women; by their resulting silence; and by the lack of physical evidence due to the secret manner in which the acts were performed. Thus, according to the author, Sun Myung Moon, together with Unification Church officials and senior leaders, continued to satisfy both sexual desire and greed under a thorough and skillful disguise.

Nevertheless, it is most fortunate that these acts of the Unification Church have been continually exposed by a considerable number of former members. Among the senior leaders of the Korean church are respected individuals who possess firsthand testimony from victims of these acts, and the present author also possesses some such testimony.

As one example, Lee Soon-dae, the stepmother of Eu Hyo-won, divorced her lawful husband because of the Unification Church and engaged in illicit sexual relations with Sun Myung Moon. According to her own account: 1 At the time she believed Moon was God. 2 The illicit sexual act took place with only the two of them present. 3 Therefore, there were no witnesses. 4 Because she was ashamed, she could not bring legal charges against Moon. (See Christian Elite, Seoul National University General Christian Students’ Association, 1970, p. 47.)

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article written in about 1973.

신학춘추

“이것이 문선명이다” ― 통일교주의 정체 ―

교회가 대처해야할 敵그리스도는 통일교

「 영계를 통해 보면 예수님이 선생님께 경배한다 」가르쳐

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Sun Myung Moon used a ‘Honey Trap’ – Choi Soon-yeong explains

Pak Chung-hwa interviewed about Moon’s “SEX relays”

Full Confession of the Contents of Rev. Sun Myung Moon’s “Pikareum Sex Rituals”

Moon’s theology for his pikareum sex rituals with all the 36 wives

Sun Myung Moon – Restoration through Incest

Ritual Sex in the Unification Church – Kirsti L. Nevalainen

Sun Myung Moon explains pikareum

Ewha Womans University sex scandal as told in the 1955 newspapers

Special counsel seeks 13 years for Unification Church leader

Han Hak-ja is accused of political fund violations, bribery-related offenses, embezzlement and ordering evidence destruction.

July 10, 2026 / 7:14 PM

By Asia Today and translated by UPI

Photo: Han Hak-ja, leader of the Family Federation for World Peace and Unification, arrives Thursday at the Seoul Central District Court for the final hearing in her trial over alleged improper ties between religion and politics under the Yoon Suk Yeol government. Photo by Yonhap News Agency

July 10 (Asia Today) -- A special counsel team on Thursday sought a 13-year prison term for Han Hak-ja, leader of the Family Federation for World Peace and Unification, commonly known as the Unification Church, over allegations involving improper ties between religion and politics.

The team led by special counsel Min Joong-ki made the request during the final hearing in Han's trial at the Seoul Central District Court. Han has been charged with violating the Political Funds Act and other offenses.

The special counsel asked the court to sentence Han to five years in prison on the political funds charge and eight years on the remaining charges.

"Han and others used vast financial resources to unlawfully and improperly use public authority in an effort to expand religious interests and influence and realize the integration of religion and politics," the special counsel team said.

The team said the alleged crimes "directly violated the spirit of the Constitution and damaged representative democracy."

"Han and others, as top leaders of a religious organization, privately used donations voluntarily made by believers and improperly colluded with political forces in an attempt to influence South Korea," the team said.

The special counsel also sought prison terms for other defendants being tried with Han.

For a former chief of staff identified only by the surname Chung, the team requested four years in prison on the political funds charge and six years on the remaining charges.

For Yun Young-ho, former head of the church's world headquarters, the team sought one year and six months in prison on the political funds charge and two years on the remaining charges. The team requested three years in prison for Yun's wife, identified only by the surname Lee.

Han is accused of conspiring with Yun and others to deliver 100 million won, about $66,000, in political funds to People Power Party lawmaker Kweon Seong-dong in January 2022.

She is also accused of involvement in delivering gifts to former first lady Kim Keon Hee through Jeon Seong-bae, a religious figure known as Geonjin, while seeking favors related to church affairs in 2022.

Han also faces allegations that she embezzled church funds and ordered Yun to destroy evidence in October 2022 in preparation for a police investigation into allegations that she gambled overseas.

Han arrived at the court at about 9:29 a.m. wearing a black jacket and white pants and using a wheelchair. She did not answer reporters' questions, including whether she had given gifts to Kim.

Special counsel seeks 13-yr prison term for Unification Church leader in bribery case

Chae Yun-hwan National 11:49 July 10, 2026

SEOUL, July 10 (Yonhap) -- A special counsel team on Friday sought a 13-year prison term for Unification Church leader Han Hak-ja on multiple charges that include bribing the wife of former President Yoon Suk Yeol.

Special counsel Min Joong-ki's team made the sentencing recommendation at the Seoul Central District Court after indicting Han for her alleged role in gifting a luxury necklace and Chanel bags to former first lady Kim Keon Hee while requesting favors for the church in July 2022.

4 years after PM Abe's assassination, Japan reflects as Unification Church faces dissolution

July 9, 2026 (Mainichi Japan)

NARA -- July 8 marked four years since former Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe was fatally gunned down during a House of Councillors election campaign speech in this west Japan city. The incident shed light on the damage inflicted on followers and others by the former Unification Church, which lay behind the assassination, and a court order to dissolve the group was finalized in June. •

People visiting the site where Abe, then 67, was shot in 2022 to mourn him on the fourth anniversary said, "The incident must not be forgotten," among other comments.

A 68-year-old woman from Iwata, Shizuoka Prefecture, who identified herself as a former Unification Church follower, quietly pressed her hands together in front of the flower offering stand. "I've closely seen people who had their assets and everything else taken away by the church. The defendant (Yamagami) may have been in a predicament, too, but if he had someone else to turn to, things may have turned out differently. Even so, what he has done is unacceptable," she said, revealing her mixed emotions.

Among the mourners at the site on July 8 was Eito Suzuki, a journalist who has long pursued the social issues triggered by the Unification Church. He has visited the site every anniversary. Speaking to reporters after offering flowers, he revealed that he had met Yamagami recently and expressed his regret, saying, "The dissolution order is one milestone, but had the order been issued much earlier, the incident wouldn't have occurred. It was long overdue. I wonder if it is right to lay the blame solely on him (Yamagami)."

A flower offering stand was set up by a group of volunteers in front of Kintetsu Railway's Yamato-Saidaiji Station, drawing citizens from early on July 8 who offered flowers to pay their respects to Abe. At 11:31 a.m., the time Abe was shot, those concerned observed a moment of silence toward a flower bed created at the assassination site.

Shuji Yamamoto, 68, an employee of an organization from Gojo, Nara Prefecture, pressed his hands together in front of the flower offering stand. Recalling Abe smiling while he munched on a persimmon to promote the local specialty during his time as prime minister, Yamamoto recounted, "I felt honored to find that he was treating even a small municipality carefully. I'm still filled with regret."

In a lay judge trial, the Nara District Court handed down a life sentence in January to Tetsuya Yamagami, 45, the defendant accused of murdering Abe, as sought by public prosecutors. The ruling recognized that Yamagami's family fell apart after his mother entered the Unification Church, formally the Family Federation for World Peace and Unification, and that he shot Abe whom he believed was tied to the religious group. Yamagami appealed the ruling, keeping the trial moving. The assassination has uncovered the realities of damage wrought by the church and the existence of the children of followers, leading their situation to become a social issue.

The Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science and Technology filed for a court order to dissolve the Unification Church on the grounds that it illegally solicited donations from followers. After the Tokyo District Court and the Tokyo High Court issued the dissolution order, the Supreme Court in June upheld the lower court ruling. The focus now is on how far efforts to provide relief to victims will progress through liquidation procedures for the church.

Supreme Court Confirms 1-Year-6-Month Sentence for Unification Church Head

Former leader sentenced in Chanel bag solicitation case involving Kim Keon-hee, People Power Party Rep. Kweon Seong-dong

By Kim Na-yeong Published 2026.07.09. 11:44 Updated 2026.07.09. 13:44

Photo: Yun Young-ho, former World Director of the Family Federation for World Peace and Unification (FFWPU) (Unification Church). /News1

The Supreme Court on the 9th confirmed the actual prison sentence of former Unification Church global head Yun Young-ho, who provided money and goods to former first lady Kim Keon-hee and People Power Party Rep. Kweon Seong-dong and solicited favors regarding Unification Church issues. This marks the first Supreme Court ruling on the Unification Church solicitation case.

The Supreme Court’s Third Division (presiding Justice Oh Seok-jun) dismissed the appeal against the lower court’s sentence of 1 year and 6 months in prison for Yun, who faced charges including violations of the Improper Solicitation Prevention Act, Political Funds Act, and breach of trust.

Yun is accused of purchasing two Chanel bags and a Graff necklace between April and July 2022 as a reward for soliciting favors related to Unification Church issues, then gifting them to Ms. Kim through Jeon Seong-bae, a shaman widely known as Geonjin. He also faces charges of embezzling Unification Church funds during the purchase of these items.

Yun received a prison sentence of 1 year and 2 months in the first trial, but the sentence was increased to 1 year and 6 months in the second trial. The first trial found Yun guilty only of delivering one of the two Chanel bags to Ms. Kim in July 2022. This was because Ms. Kim was not the spouse of a public official at the time of the first bag’s delivery in April 2022. The court also ruled Yun not guilty of breach of trust, as it did not recognize his intent to illegally acquire property (the intent to use or dispose of another’s property as one’s own).

However, the appellate court ruled, “There is no fundamental difference in illegality or criticizability in using religious organization funds under the pretext of providing gifts to the spouse of a president-elect or president to solicit favors, regardless of whether it is before or after the president’s inauguration,” and found Yun guilty of all charges related to the two Chanel bags. Regarding the embezzlement charges, the court overturned the previous judgment, stating, “It is unjust for the establishment of breach of trust charges to vary based on the temporal coincidence that the recipient was not yet the spouse of a public official.”

Yun was found guilty in both the first and second trials of providing illegal political funds worth 100 million Korean won to Rep. Kweon. Conversely, the charge of destroying evidence (evidence tampering) after obtaining police investigation information regarding overseas gambling by Unification Church leader Han Hak-ja and others was dismissed, as it was deemed outside the scope of investigation under the Special Counsel Act.

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4 years after Abe’s death, killer still blames church for woes

By KO SENDO/ Staff Writer July 8, 2026 at 16:18 JST

Tetsuya Yamagami, in the Nara District Court on Jan. 21, listens as the presiding judge reads the verdict sentencing him to life in prison. (Illustration by Eri Iwasaki)

On the fourth anniversary of former Prime Minister Shinzo Abe’s assassination, jailhouse interviews with his convicted killer reveal a man still obsessed with the downfall of the Unification Church, which he blames for ruining his family. 

Tetsuya Yamagami, 45, seems less concerned with his own life sentence and still bears the grudge that led him to kill Abe on July 8, 2022, in Nara, who he believed had close ties to the church.

Yamagami was sentenced to life in prison by the Nara District Court in January for murder and violating the Swords and Firearms Control Law.

He has since appealed the sentence and is awaiting trial at the Osaka High Court.

In three meetings with The Asahi Shimbun since the verdict, Yamagami has remained largely dispassionate.

During a meeting on June 5 at the Osaka Detention House, Yamagami appeared with his hair down to his shoulders. Pushing back his center-parted bangs, he answered questions with his eyes downcast, avoiding eye contact.

When asked how he was doing, he replied only, “So-so.” When a reporter explained the planned article, his responses were a curt “Ah” and “Oh.”

The first post-verdict meeting took place on Feb. 4.

A reporter asked Yamagami how he felt about the life sentence handed down by the Nara District Court on Jan. 21.

Yamagami replied quietly, as if gauging the intent of the judges who reached the verdict: “Well, Mr. Abe is dead. …”

He did not elaborate further, but at times disputed the ruling, saying, “There are problems with it.”

ANXIETY OVER DISSOLUTION ORDER The conversation turned to the court’s conclusion that there was “a leap” between his troubled upbringing—where his mother’s large donations to the Family Federation for World Peace and Unification (former Unification Church) caused family discord—and the circumstances that drove him to murder.

“If my older brother (who died by suicide in opposition to the church) hadn’t died, I probably would have lived a normal life,” Yamagami said.

Regarding the church, he was emphatic: “It is certain that it would be better if they were dissolved.”

His wish has since been realized. Following a Tokyo District Court ruling in March 2025, the Tokyo High Court upheld the government’s dissolution order for the church in March 2026, initiating its liquidation process.

During a subsequent meeting on May 29, while on a different topic, Yamagami suddenly confided, “I was anxious until the dissolution order was issued.”

It was a rare, direct expression of emotion from Yamagami, who throughout his trial and interviews has spoken of himself in a detached, objective manner.

The exchange suggested that for Yamagami, the fate of the church was of greater interest than his own life sentence.

‘NOTHING FROM ME’ FOR APPEAL Currently, as preparations for Yamagami’s appeal hearing at the Osaka High Court are ongoing, his courtroom persona remains unchanged.

In his first trial, he spoke of his circumstances dispassionately, as if they belonged to someone else.

When asked during a meeting if he had anything he wanted to convey to society in his appeal, Yamagami answered without changing his expression: “There is nothing from me.”

According to sources, Yamagami’s defense team has been revamped, with one of the four original lawyers being replaced. The new member is an attorney from the National Network of Lawyers Against Spiritual Sales, a group that combats damages caused by the church.

The defense is expected to re-emphasize the negative influence the church had on Yamagami’s family.

They will likely argue that the church’s practice of soliciting repeated, large donations from believers was a key factor behind the defendant’s crime.

Reformation, Integration and Sovereignty – Blessed Child

Join me on EP 67 while I explain the reformation stage or RIS – Reformation Integration and Sovereignty a journey towards self after leaving a high control group Please reach out to me on instagram at Blessed child to talk about how you discovered ways to self-regulate after leaving a cult!

Japan top court upholds order to dissolve Unification Church - The Japan Times

For those of us who were born into the Unification Church, many of our parents or grandparents gave sacrificially for decades. If your family made donations and you have receipts, financial records, or other evidence of those contributions, please consider looking into the official claims process. Whether you decide to file or not is entirely your choice, but I wanted to make sure anyone who may qualify knows this opportunity exists.

The notion of personal boundaries is an unfamiliar concept for many people as they first embark on a journey of personal growth or recovery from childhood abuse. The need for ‘good boundaries’ has often never occurred to them, receiving mention neither within families nor schools. In addition, poor role modelling of unhealthy boundaries in childhood by parents and significant others means that many individuals reach adulthood with underdeveloped, overdeveloped, or distorted boundaries.

A metaphorical example: If someone stands on your toe, you need first to notice that your toe is being stood upon, to register that it is an unpleasant experience, and to know that you have the right to protest so that appropriate action is taken, in this case the offending party moves away and, ideally, apologises.

If personal boundaries are underdeveloped, the person might even be unaware of the intrusion, or there might be a self-belief that it is not okay to protest the unpleasant experience, maybe even blaming the self (perhaps for getting in the way or for being too sensitive). On the part of the offender, someone with overdeveloped boundaries may not notice the effect of their own behaviour (intruding too closely on another’s personal space and causing pain), or may blame the other (‘your foot should not have got in my way’).

A distorted boundary might say ‘I have the right to stand on anyone’s toe I choose’, or ‘I deserve to suffer’.

What are boundaries? Personal boundaries are the physical, emotional and mental limits that define you as separate from another person. Having healthy boundaries means accepting that you are a separate individual with your own emotions, needs, attitudes and values, and that your husband, wife, child and others are all separate individuals in their own right with their own emotions, needs, attitudes and values. They do not have the right to control you, nor do you have the right to control them. People with healthy boundaries have respect for other people’s feelings and beliefs, even if they are different from their own. They are able to express a personal need to another person and accept a ‘no’ in response should the request not be met favorably by the other.

Having healthy boundaries means taking responsibility for all that is ‘me’ and not taking responsibility for what is ‘not me’. This notion is not always easy to achieve and maintain in practice, even for someone with good personal boundaries, but it is a vitally important intention to hold if we want to honour ourselves and to have positive healthy relationships.

Boundaries preserve our integrity. They guard our outer being and our inner world from harm. They enable us to recognise and fulfil our emotional needs. Defences, on the other hand, isolate us from our true selves and from being close to others. People with good boundaries feel more in control of their lives because they realise they have a choice about the behaviour they will or won’t tolerate from others. It is safer to be intimate with others when we have healthy boundaries.

• Boundaries help define our sense of self 

• Boundaries protect us 

• Boundaries put us in charge of our own lives 

• Boundaries promote healthy relationships

How do we develop boundaries? We all need healthy physical, emotional and sexual boundaries. The best place to learn good boundaries is within families as we grow up. Boundaries are generally least functional where there has been significant neglect, abuse, or enmeshment in childhood. Enmeshment refers to losing one’s sense of self within a relationship. For example, a mother might encourage an overly close relationship with her child to compensate for her own inner emptiness. Such children will feel compelled to deny who they are or what they need in order to please the parent.

The absence of healthy boundaries for children within families means that they will be all the more vulnerable to further boundary violations. For example, a child who is emotionally neglected at home might be bullied at school, or molested by a stranger.

As a result of adverse childhood experiences, children can grow up with so few boundaries that they become stuck in a victim pattern (they are unable to say no), or they may develop an opposite coping mechanism where they have too many boundaries and become emotionally ‘walled off ’ and isolated in an attempt to ward off further hurt (they are unable to say yes). Such persons will have a hard time identifying their own feelings and being close to others. Having overdeveloped boundaries can be as destructive as having underdeveloped boundaries.

Boundaries are easily undone if we have poor self-esteem or hold a faulty belief that other people’s needs and feelings are more important than our own. We will then often not be able to say no to requests that don’t feel right, and we may ultimately end up exhausted and resentful. Healthy boundaries enable us to know what is important to us and to say no appropriately. This can be an extremely difficult set of new behaviours to learn. For many women, for example, being told repeatedly when young that it is ‘selfish’ to think of personal needs, a conviction can form that they must always think of and please others. This can also apply to men. A certain amount of ‘selfishness’ is necessary to having good boundaries. Learning that there is a place for selfishness in a normal person’s healthy repertoire can be a surprising lesson for many.

It is never too late to develop good boundaries. You need to develop awareness about the nature of the boundary deficiencies or excesses that you have learned in childhood and notice more intently their impact on your present life. You can consciously focus on improving your boundaries once you truly know you have a right to own boundaries. Change can start with just noticing when someone has ‘crossed the line’ and intruded on your boundary. Later you may learn that you can set limits, protest an offence, express a personal need, say no, not feel upset because someone you love is upset, or please yourself without feeling guilty. All of these changes can feel very uncomfortable initially.

Remember too that having good boundaries does not mean blaming others for their inappropriate boundaries but taking responsibility for clearly and consistently asserting your own boundaries. Unless we set clear limits we cannot assume others will respect our boundaries. It is also essential that you learn to make your safety your own responsibility and to take whatever action is necessary to safeguard yourself if you are in an abusive situation.

We can also reflect on what we learned or didn’t learn about boundaries in our childhood and teach our children differently.

Further reading: Anne Katherine “Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin” 1993 Simon & Schuster

Maggie Down bio

http://www.counsellingonstirling.com.au/boundaries.html

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Charismatic Authority (authority is not the same as power)

conformity