the little faggot of sweet herbs

Every version of you was necessary. Even the ones you’re ashamed of.

otherwise interesting post ruined by the bold insistence that you can never accidentally abuse someone & that all abusive people are self-aware evil masterminds

the wisdom ive learnt is that becoming part of a friend group 1) takes a long time and 2) involves a lot of feeling awkward and left out at first. there’s nothing terrible about this but if you grew up chronically lonely or have any kind of trauma relating to social isolation this likely feels Really Wrong and activates danger signals. but both fortunately and unfortunately it’s just how becoming close to new people works most of the time

another thing that was not intuitive to me as someone who grew up an autistic loner: basically everyone on the planet is starved for connection all the time and almost everything people do is an attempt to reach out to another. most seemingly illogical interactions and behaviours can be explained by this. you have to take as many of these invitations as you can. even if you're wrong you still attempted to bring more warmth into the world

I took a shower today and thought about how incredibly lucky I am to live in an era where I could have hot water whenever I wanted it. I'd been taking indoor plumbing for granted.

laying in a hammock under a tree on a sunny day after working in the fields all morning is a simple joy and peace that money can't replace

i get to use cleaning and weeding as opportunities for emotional regulation (moving my body + accomplishing a necessary task + getting to zone the fuck out and think. i can even do drugs while i work if i want to). they get to have a clean living space and prepared gardens. we both win.

there's someone here who intentionally cultivated playfulness in their life, and make fun out of any situation. they may make an adult playground that we all benefit from. this is what community means to me, everyone getting to create a life that personally sets them free, while still supporting others in necessary ways.

laying in a hammock under a tree on a sunny day after working in the fields all morning is a simple joy and peace that money can't replace

i get to use cleaning and weeding as opportunities for emotional regulation (moving my body + accomplishing a necessary task + getting to zone the fuck out and think. i can even do drugs while i work if i want to). they get to have a clean living space and prepared gardens. we both win.