DDDNP

I have nice hands

When I start getting like this again the first thing I visibly lose weight in is my hands and I'm happy about that obviously but take it from my tummmyyy why am I bloatedddd

I get a little hungry and then I get so scared like ohhhh there's something terribly wrong with me ohh I'm gonna die I need to recover now now now like calm down

It doesn't even feel abnormal. I'm hardly even aware that I'm doing it. It just feels like slipping back into an old worn coat.

It's so bad again

I'm starting to get scared of my stomach being full. I eat one meal a day and when my stomach feels full from it it makes me uncomfortable and scared that I'm not actually losing weight. I'm doing subconscious body checks that I haven't done in months. I'm a forever patient. I'm so scared of this. I don't know how I got bad again.

Everything is so fucking stupid everything is so fucking cyclical

I really think I'm a forever patient

Not being sought out sexually feels like being grated against a big cheese grater

I am torn to pieces over a guy who does not care about me, does not respect me, and is not attracted to me. Even my friend agrees the way he's acting is abusive. Why do I always do this to myself. What do I even do

I should kill myself

Starting to get frustrated again at the old pattern of all of my parts coming out and having a better time than me while I just work and sleep and work and sleep

Idk why this feels more effective to me than just writing in a journal. Maybe because of the spontaneity of my thoughts?

Why is it whenever I get a new vent blog I start getting anorexic in it

I've been OMADing for like a week and I've started tricking myself into thinking I'm "intuitively eating" by not eating my omad past the point of fullness. Man whatever

Scared of food again #weball