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I promised you a report on the K-pop concert that I, a 44-year-old accountant, went to a couple of weeks ago with my wife and daughter in Toronto. So here it is.

The band we saw were Ateez. They're my daughter's favourite band and my wife's second favourite. I know most of my mutuals are similarly aged like me and may not be familiar with them so let me give you a brief primer on Ateez.

Imagine the most attractive eight men you can think of, just unfathomably beautiful specimens of aesthetic perfection, and make them sing songs that somehow combine the subjects of 'dancing like nobody is watching' with 'we live in a dystopian hellscape that we must all work together to overthrow'. Give them an ongoing music video story lore that literally nobody - not even the band themselves - understand, so that online discussion of their visual motifs looks more like the fevered rantings of a conspiracy theorist, complete with speculation about alternate realities and time being a Moebius strip. There is also a giant sand timer, for some reason.

That's Ateez. That's what you need to know.

Now, K-pop concerts are very different to the gigs I've been going to for the last 28 (!) years. There's no support act, for a start. Also the band perform for like, three hours, with breaks for costume changes and interpretive dance. Furthermore, hanging above everything is the constant looming threat of mandatory military service.

So this being my first such concert, I wasn't sure what to expect. What happened was difficult to explain, but I will try as I am already six paragraphs into this write-up and I'm too invested to stop now. Here goes:

In his Wicked + Divine comics series, Kieron Gillen places modern pop icons as deities, feeding upon and gaining strength from the worship of their fans at the altar of musical performance. I thought I understood that metaphor. I thought I understood it AS a metaphor. I was wrong, because that night Ateez WERE Gods with a capital G and we were their worshippers, a crowd emanating adoration (in the religious and non-religious senses), bestowing strength upon them and gaining their strength in return.

If that sounds weird, it probably is. But as pointed out above, I have lived over four decades and never yet experienced anything like the overwhelming passion of that crowd, the utter abandon with which they conveyed their love for the band.

"But Fuiru, what of the actual music?" you ask. Thinking back, there was a moment in one of their songs - I can't remember which - where I watched the stage, and the people around me, taking it in, and I thought, "Man, I just love Music". But that doesn't answer your question, sorry.

Ateez's music is bloody great. As a tiresome indie/rock/metal kid I'm resisting the urge to add the usual tiresome indie/rock/metal caveat of "...for pop music" because honestly that does it a disservice. They have some genuinely amazing songs. Halazia is an absolute fucking masterpiece that descends into furious hardcore breakbeat. Bouncy is a big, brash racket that somehow is also a perfect pop song. Utopia, Wonderland, and Guerrilla are similarly superb. The obligatory boy band slow number is represented by Dancing Like Butterfly Wings which will make you cry because you will forever associate it with your twelve year old daughter being pointed to and waved at by her favourite Ateez member (Seonghwa) because of her Seonghwa-branded lightstick.

That might just be me, though.

So in summary: being a 44 year old dad at his first K-pop concert rules and you should endeavour to partake in the experience if the opportunity arises.

Finally, for any Atiny reading this: my bias would be San or Seonghwa but my wife and daughter said they were taken so it’s Mingi. My concert outfit (designed and created by my offspring) reflects this.

In the novel, we see everything through Young's rather biting and cynical internal monologue, while in the drama we see other characters through a broader lens. With this different perspective, how does Mi Ae's outing of Go Yeong and the fallout change compared to the novel?

I think for me, this shift that allowed us to see Mi Ae outside of Yeong's perspective enhanced my empathy for her and for the choices she made. Because it all comes back to this quote, originally from the novel and used verbatim in the show:

"Through me, she learned that being a gay man sucks, and through her, I learned that being a woman equally sucks."

Yeong and Mi Ae connected with each other because they were both living outside the accepted norms and were isolated and lonely as a result. The forms of oppression they experienced were not the same, but it was a point of connection and the foundation of their deep bond. They fell in love with each other because of their shared choice to be themselves loudly, and fuck the social consequences. They were each other's most important person, regardless of who they were dating. And so when Mi Ae, shaken up after her abortion and exhausted by trying to fight the social tide, made the choice to stop being true to herself and conform, of course Yeong felt abandoned. And then when she outed him to protect her conformity, betrayed.

In the novel, we learn about Mi Ae (Jaehee) outing Yeong (Young) from him, and it's presented to us as a callous betrayal, because that's how it felt to him. But in the show, we get to see Mi Ae make that decision. We see how cornered she felt when her boyfriend confronted her about the lies she'd been telling, we see his genuine (justified) upset at learning she'd been living with a man he doesn't know, we see her panicking and reaching for something to smooth it over, and we can see that in the moment, it feels reasonable to her to tell her partner the truth. We can see that it wasn't malicious, and she did not intend to hurt Yeong.

But it still hurts, because in making that decision, she implicitly acknowledged that Yeong is no longer her most important person. Someone else, or at least the idea of what he represents, became her top priority, and she protected her romantic relationship rather than protecting Yeong. She still loved Yeong, but she wouldn't put him first any longer, and when she made that choice their relationship as they knew it was over. Mi Ae was ultimately captivated by the allure of social acceptance, and she chose a path of conformity that was not open to Yeong--she is, after all, a cishet woman and able to revert to societal expectations much more easily than Yeong ever could as a gay man who would struggle to pass even if he wanted to. Her choice was confirmation that, in fact, their situations do not equally suck, and she retreated to her privileged identity, leaving him behind.

likely place for kim tae-ri to be

there's a translated scrap of plato that eventually found its way into a letter sent by emily dickinson: "i wish you a kinder sea."

seascape scenes in k-dramas can often be so trite — but love next door's characterization was beautiful. seunghyo pitching seokryu into the water might seem like an act of anger — but it's actually liberation. it's a rebirth; a re-emergence — a place of salt that can settle her tears. water is renewal: a washing place for wounds. a tincture to clear away the bitter and broken; and allow the touch of tenderness.

though seokryu is scared of water; in the sea she is safe: the waves hold the weight of her hurt and desperation as she screams at seungyo. he knows what she needs — he has always known what she needs. he stands still — takes the tips of her fingers striking him as what it is — finally, a surrender to all the emotions she refused to succumb to. a clearing of the air. an opening into a freer intimacy.

there were so many beautiful moments during this episode: the power of a simple "we'll hit rock bottom together." seokryu's ex was heartbreakingly right — what she needed wasn't someone to lift her up, but someone to fall down with her. when someone is in pain you sit with them in the dark; and look up at the impossibility of light together.

this is what seungyo has always understood so effortlessly about seokryu — that this is love: to climb down into the ravine of regret and raw hurt where the person you love has fallen — not to pull them out; but give them company. when people are in agony you must give them the dignity of their deep hurt — you must nurture the narrow, serrated edges of their sorrow. seunghyo taking seokryu to see off her ex — folding his coat around her to create a private hollow to express her heartache: it speaks of a man who understands that grief is not meant to be overcome; but gathered in the hands and given respect. attention. understanding.

this is love: to say "when you cry, it is my eyes that fill with salt. when you scream, it is my throat that burns. when you fall down, it is my knees that bruise in the color of your eyes."

this is love: to wish someone a kinder sea. a clearer day. a warmer hug.

“even when i told you how i felt?” “yes.”

seok ryu's rejection sounds so harsh but it makes perfect sense given how much she thinks loving her is conditional. given the way her parents have always treated her, she's grown up to believe that she cannot allow herself to be a burden, only someone who'll carry burdens for the people in her life. she carries on this belief into her workplace, to the point that people use and abuse her - she only realises she cannot take it anymore when her fiancé's own mental health starts getting negatively impacted by her health issues, which are something completely out of her control.

she says she doesn't need love anymore when she rejects hyeon jun's second attempt at proposing bc she's finally realised that that's what a huge part of love is - being a burden on someone - and she knows hyeon jun is not the type of person who's ready to be on the receiving end of that kind of love right now. what she hasn't realised yet is that not everyone is hyeon jun. or her parents. or her coworkers. but when everyone in your life reaffirms your false beliefs, well, you tend to get biased.

seok ryu's always been there for seung hyo at his lowest. she's always been there for moral support when he had no one else. when she tells seung hyo's coworkers that she practically raised him, it's part bragging, but it's also true from her perspective, she offered him unconditional love like a parent would (like his own parents should have), without ever expecting anything in return. she did it out of the goodness of her heart, bc that's just who she is, that's who she's always been.

but somewhere along the way she convinced herself that that's all she could ever be to him, someone he could rely on. bc he deserves that, to be loved in a way that he could be a burden on her. that's why she refuses his love for her, she even literally calls it imprinting. bc if she didn't offer all that support to him, would he still like her? if the roles were reversed, would seung hyo ever pull seok ryu out of rock bottom? given his quiet and reserved nature? probably not.

but that's not true! at least not anymore! as seung hyo keeps insisting, they're not kids anymore. they're equals now. we see time and time again how attentive seung hyo is to seok ryu's needs, in his own quiet way, how he's always there for her, at arm's length in case she wants to reach out. he knows she's strong and masks her pain with humour, and doesn't like to be seen when she's struggling, so he doesn't offer her his shoulder to cry on. instead, he sits next to her, walks behind her, tries to reach out to her parents and work out issues with them without her knowledge. he's not imprinting on her anymore, he actively takes care of her.

I know the good is yet to come but this might be my favorite episode in the show. (I have so so may thoughts about seokryu's breakdown my God I shall make a post when I have better words) Grief is a strange thing to process for everyone involved.

It burns you inside out from the guilt - guilt that you could've done more, guilt that you could've paid better attention, guilt that you should've known better, should've done better. And you know, sometimes that's true - but, what ifs are the cause of misery and there's enough misery to go around when your loved one has been hiding cancer.

And seunghyo? Seunghyo is drowning in guilt. For all the signs he missed, all the texts he ignored, all the times he pulled away from her because what if one of those times, she unraveled and leaned on him. Maybe he could've done more? They've seen each other's sickness and arguments and embarrassing moments. They've seen the dark and the ugly, so maybe he should've seen this coming, right? Maybe maybe maybe.

We can stand here and call him petty and brash and immature all damn day but we're viewers, we have all the information. Should've picked up that damn call, seunghyo. Should've texted her back, seunghyo. Shouldn't have walked away from her when u saw her with another man, seunghyo.

But, What did seunghyo have? Besides the old pain of unrequited love and the new realization that he's lost her, again. From the day he realized his feelings for her, every poignant moment going forward between them, we see him lose her a little bit more. The knowledge that it doesn't matter if he hides his feelings or declares it into the wind, she will never see him as anything more (she called him a duckling that imprinted on her, come on now). The feeling of constantly fading from her life bit by bit, only hanging on by the claws of desperation to be near her.

At the end of the day, you can love someone to the moon and back but you can never dig out every important detail of their life if they don't want you to. Seokryu did her very best to shield her secret from everyone, much to her own detriment - seunghyo can't read her mind from halfway round the world and they aren't connected by the red thread of fate.

And then I guess tofu had a moment and brands got scared of losing people to trial-and-error and started manufacturing extra-firm tofu you could use to break a window and escape a house fire with.

And the more Americanized brands went that direction while the traditional brands said “no that’s fucking stupid we’re not changing anything” and SOME brands said “what if we do like the middle of that?”

Asking you to grate the tofu on a cheese grater and bake it? Westernized. You want that red brick tofu. You want Whole Foods amount of extra firm or SUPER firm because if that thing has any amount of moisture left in it it’ll disintegrate like Tubby Custard on the grater.

Tofu scrambled eggs? You want the OG extra firm. You want it to hold its form but still have that softness and give unless your goal is to imitate sad dining hall scrambled eggs.

Hello??

Hello!!!???

Shaking your hand shaking your hand shaking your hand???????

He keeps telling seokryu to move on, that they're not the same anymore but he's unable to get over the icy fear that if he does confess, if he does acknowledge his love for her and decide to do something about it, he will lose again. Like that morning in her dorm when he went all the way the the states to confess only to realise he lost her for the first time. Like that time when he got seokryu's wedding invite and he lost her for the second time. And when he overhears her saying "I still love him" and he thinks he's lost her for the third.

last week, i challenged you to "skip the takeout", inviting you to donate to a palestinian family instead. i also asked you to "skip the movie", but i was worried that wouldn't motivate you guys as much, because i wasn't sure people really went out to the movies anymore.

turns out they do!

so, i looked up my local theater, and a ticket for deadpool & wolverine is 13 dollars.

13 USD. less than 18 CAD. about 19 australian. under 12 euro and less than 10 quid. roughly 132 SEK.

deadpool & wolverine had a $200 MILLION production budget and a $100 million marketing budget. as of today, august 23, 2024, it has grossed over $1.154 BILLION. so, for disney, your $13 is a drop in the bucket.

but for a palestinian family hoping to escape the horrific conditions in occupied gaza? your $13 means a lot.

so this week, donate the price of a movie ticket to one of these families.

SHAHAD ABU MUSA

"I work during these times of war, as a volunteer dentist. We try to relieve people’s pain as much as we can, help them, we want them to be fine in the midst of all this destruction, killing, and lack of life... It is enough that we just try!"

MAHMOUD KHALAF

"Setting foot outside Gaza felt like leaving hell and entering a whole new world... My heart skips a beat every time I hear that the neighborhood where my family has been displaced was bombed!"

MOHAMMAD TAYSIR

"Before the war, I worked as a mobile programmer, and my wife was a schoolteacher... We want to provide a dignified life and a better future for our children."

OSAMA AL-ANQAR

"We are gripped by fear, terror, and hunger."

AHMED

"We had a beautiful home... but one night our lives turned into a nightmare."

AHMED HALLAS

"I am still alive after ten months of war. This is my fifth war too. But this war is unlike any other."

YOUSSEF AL-HABEEL

"I hope that every living conscience will help us save our young son’s life and donate any amount you can."

AHMAL ALANQAR

"I fled on foot, just ten days after giving birth. I carried my ten-day-old baby and my other young children, alone, fighting for their safety."

MOHAMMED ALWADIYA

"I had to identify the remains of my martyred sister and her two children. Her daughter survived with injuries... I hope one day I will be able to give her a better life and help her overcome her trauma."

AHMED ALANQAR

"My son Mohammed suffers from motor and hearing disabilities, among other health issues. I used to have a workshop for windows, kitchens, and all aluminum work, but due to the war, my livelihood was completely destroyed, and I can no longer meet our basic needs."

DOAA JADALHAQ

"My father, the owner of a clothing sewing factory, had only one dream – to educate and take care of his family. My brothers have children. The idea that their innocence has been marred by the horrors of war is too heavy a burden to bear."

REHAM ALANQAR

"I believe that goodness still exists and that someone shares our hope for a better life."

AYA ALANQAR

"My children deserve to live a peaceful life free from fear and anxiety."

ETAF AL-QATAA

"The occupation took away their joy."

it truly doesn't matter to me whether you've gone to see deadpool & wolverine, whether you plan to, whether you're waiting until it comes to disney+, whether you're just going to pirate it, or whether you have not and will never see it. there's really only one question i have for you.

always thinking abt those haikyuu bonus panels

ID: [First Image: Timeskip Iwaizumi and Yaku talk about muscles at a table. Text reads: “Muscle Meetup!” The mini comic below shows Ushijima and Yamamoto arriving; Yamamoto says “Yo”, Yaku says: “You Made It!” The two join them at the table.

bit of a different post -- my presentation for hq powerpoint night in the foxglove digest discord! :)

wants to be the photographer friend SO bad and he technically is but like 70% of the pics come out blurry or weird bc there was a monster attack in the middle of them. his instagram is truly so chaotic looking.

literally always has seashells on him someone will ask him for a pencil or spare change and he has to empty all his pockets of shells to find it. drops his backpack and a bunch of shells fall out. kicks his shoes off and sand and shells fly out and his mortal friends are like percy What the Fuck

his eyes glow underwater!! bioluminescent king. no one told him though and he didn't find out until he joined his school's swim team and terrified everyone (he managed to convince them his contacts were having a weird reaction to chlorine lmao)

he really likes art!! he doesn't just pretend to for rachel's sake he genuinely enjoys painting with her. he likes splatter paint, collages and pop art styles the best. one day after splitting some edibles they realized percy could manipulate water colors and went CRAZY with it

will ask to be excused during class and comes back like an hour later with scorch marks all over his face bleeding from one of his ears covered in dust missing three fingernails rips in his jeans and a fat lip and the teacher is like percy what the actual hell were you doing in the bathroom all this time and he's just like uhhhhhh I have ibs

the brand from camp jupiter did unfortunately (for sally) Unlock something in him lmfao he keeps getting shitty little tattoos. usually stick-n-poke but someone's friends cousin's girlfriend's brother has a gun that gets brought to parties every now and then. most of them are sloppy but you can tell what they are HOWEVER he has one that was supposed to be a seal that came out looking like one of those shitty ms paint crying memes. annabeth laughed at him for ten minutes straight when she saw it.

he wanted to dye his hair blue but he was too chicken to bleach his entire head so he just did the tips. his hair is curly though so it looks absolutely ridiculous but he loves it

percy and annabeth get a crusty little yappy white dog in college and he carries it around like a baby lmao

back to his chaotic instagram, he's got so many pics of him like, relaxing at the bottom of the mariana trench or hugging a giant squid or riding on a whale shark and his mortal friends all think he's just really good at photoshop and this is a very specific bit he decided to commit to. they're always like lol percy where do you even FIND these pictures are you subscribed to like scientific journals for the laughs? but no he just took them all on his shell phone

has an ongoing prank war with annabeth's little brothers bobby and matthew but like it's Unhinged. they're playing 5D chess and she has no idea whats going on

weird tshirts!!! he loves them! like

shit like this or those 'women want me fish fear me' shirts, anything with a funny or incomprehensible slogan is going in his closet right along with his band tees lmfao

bought estelle a panda pillow pet when she was born 🥺

can NOT bring himself to eat seafood no matter how many times poseidon has told him its fine. he's like NO these are my FRIENDS JONATHAN WAS TELLING ME ABOUT HIS GRANDDAUGHTERS WEDDING LITERALLY YESTERDAY WHY IS HE ON A PLATTER DAD. they had to give up and just start eating normal land food at the palace every time he comes to visit lmfao

gets into horsegirl antics with hazel she NEEDS to know everything the horses have to say. they spend hours gossiping in the stables.

movie nights in the poseidon cabin were 10000% a thing and when he was missing annabeth and thalia and grover (and a few others) would still sleep in there every now and then and talk about how much they miss him :(

percy and beckendorf had the worlds most elaborate handshake

he DOES impulse buy stuff just because they're ocean-themed. stuffed animals, home decor, school supplies, clothes, you name it he bought it if theres like a fish on it

has more scars from crashing off his skateboard than he does from monster attacks

grover is somehow the only person who's ever noticed percy is severely claustrophobic

has a deep passion for adele. I can't explain this one I just feel and know it to be true.

he and annabeth both proposed to each other at the same time and they were SO mad about it they kept yelling over each other's speeches lmao

he can SING but he doesn't know it. sally keeps trying to record him singing to himself but something always happens to the camera and she loses the evidence

called chiron a brony one time and mr d thought it was so funny he was nice to percy for an entire week

the camp keeps trying to convince him to teach sword fighting lessons to the younger kids but he can NOT bring himself to swing a sword at a 9 year old so he keeps getting injured

has the most complicated iced coffee order in the world his go-to local coffee shop finally just put the damn drink on the menu and named it after him

he IS the quiet kid in the back of your math class that always has his hood up to try and hide his headphones and eats increasingly elaborate meals out of his backpack when the teacher isn't looking. one time someone caught him with a rotisserie chicken in the middle of a geometry final.

he argued that he DID have enough to share with the class

currently obsessed with the image of him knocking back a container of sea salt as if it was a shot and his mortal friends being like hey! what the actual fuck! and he's just like uhhhhh anemia kills!

A school project: book cover redesign for Heroes of Olympus