it always hurts me more and we see it on your face so you look away and i keep driving. you board the plane and turn on your distractions, let’s think about bands and films and people who aren’t us. let’s play the ones she didn’t say she liked, the ones that make us uncomfortable. let’s go away as often as we can so she never catches up. let’s jump in the car and drive miles and miles away. let’s see her face in the rear view mirror and see in her eyes what i’m so scared of. let’s take the first exit and go far away, so far you forget the fear and what you were running from. so far you get back on the highway and drive, drive, drive until she comes back again. she might not now but you know she will tomorrow.

it’s over again like how it usually goes and i hate you again like i usually do. i’m not choosing between you and me because you shouldn’t have even been a choice in the first place and because not one time have i ever been one to you. i can’t even look at you but you’re all i think about. you’re not even there consciously anymore. if im in line at mcdonald’s ordering a happy meal you’re there with me in my head. i know this because i feel a certain way when i think about you (sick to my stomach) and ive felt like throwing up for years. you make me the most miserable girl on this side of the mississippi and i hate you.

will it feel like thunder when the long drive’s over?