Horseing About

So long, so absent again.

Things have been really difficult, there’s no point in glossing over it. My eating disorder is completely ruling the roost at the moment, and I’m knackered.

I haven’t ridden in weeks.

I went out last night for the first time in a long time. Generally, I’m not a going-out-in-winter kind of a person. I hate the cold. I also don’t like staying up really late, which is a year round kind of a problem.

But it was my friend’s graduation party (he used to be a plumber but has just retrained as a teacher) and then someone said it was a casual jeans wearing occasion (rather than tights and dresses, brr brr brr) which kind of convinced me.

Generally, it was actually a really nice people. Bar one person, who is lovely but for some reason makes me feel really insecure (I know the reason, but that’s a story for another day) which I feel bad about because she’s really good fun, I feel a hundred percent safe and comfortable with everybody in the group. They’re superb.

Anyway, at one point they started talking about mental health. One of them had suffered really awful post-natal depression, another had had depression through uni and is being treated for anxiety now, and then she started talking about how our student had disclosed that she had a problem with self harm…

I honestly thought I was going to pass out.

Why can’t I talk about this shit!?

I so wanted to join in and add my story to the pot. I feel like it would be taking a small amount of it off my shoulders.

When my mum tries to probe, I close off. I speak to a couple of friends about it, but in an online context.

Trying to speak face-to-face to ANYBODY about it, I just crumble.

And like I said, even hearing other people discuss mental health makes me feel like I’m going to pass out.

I want to join in so badly, I want to be able to talk about it, I want to be as laid back with my problems as they are.

I just can’t.do.it.

I stayed at a friend's last night (the one with the super globe lamp) which is a hundred percent a safe place. I trust her implicitly.

Still cried myself to sleep last night.

It's pathetic.

Also, I don't recommend drinking beer on an empty stomach. I only had a pint and a half, but...it's making some weird noises this morning.

So long, so absent again.

Things have been really difficult, there’s no point in glossing over it. My eating disorder is completely ruling the roost at the moment, and I’m knackered.

I haven’t ridden in weeks.

I went out last night for the first time in a long time. Generally, I'm not a going-out-in-winter kind of a person. I hate the cold. I also don't like staying up really late, which is a year round kind of a problem.

But it was my friend's graduation party (he used to be a plumber but has just retrained as a teacher) and then someone said it was a casual jeans wearing occasion (rather than tights and dresses, brr brr brr) which kind of convinced me.

Generally, it was actually a really nice people. Bar one person, who is lovely but for some reason makes me feel really insecure (I know the reason, but that's a story for another day) which I feel bad about because she's really good fun, I feel a hundred percent safe and comfortable with everybody in the group. They're superb.

Anyway, at one point they started talking about mental health. One of them had suffered really awful post-natal depression, another had had depression through uni and is being treated for anxiety now, and then she started talking about how our student had disclosed that she had a problem with self harm...

I honestly thought I was going to pass out.

Why can't I talk about this shit!?

I so wanted to join in and add my story to the pot. I feel like it would be taking a small amount of it off my shoulders.

When my mum tries to probe, I close off. I speak to a couple of friends about it, but in an online context.

Trying to speak face-to-face to ANYBODY about it, I just crumble.

And like I said, even hearing other people discuss mental health makes me feel like I'm going to pass out.

I want to join in so badly, I want to be able to talk about it, I want to be as laid back with my problems as they are.

I just can't.do.it.

but not for “the day after tomorrow”

Overmorrow = the day after tomorrow

Ereyesterday = the day before yesterday

Rhotacism (n): excessive use of the letter “R”

Lingible (adj): meant to be licked

Whipjack (n): a beggar, specifically one who is pretending to have been shipwrecked

Yerd (v): to beat with an object with a stick

Roddikin (n): the fourth stomach of a cow or a deer

Balbriggan (n): a type of fine cotton, most often used in underwear

and my personal favorite