once upon a midnight

Someone said to me "Can I ask you something, if you don't mind?"

And I said "Of course."

They proceeded to respond with this (paraphrasing a bit due to forgetting the exact wording) "Why do you share such sad quotes? Your life looks so beautiful and you have so much to be happy about? These make me think you are unhappy."

Happiness isn't always a possible thing, even with a blessed life. There is always sufferings, and life isn't filled with promises of happiness, and contentment. Most lives, on the outside looking in, are cupcakes and rainbows. But do not forget, that cupcakes take time and effort, even some trial and error at times. And even rainbows don't show up till after a storm. So I guess what I am trying to say is, in this life, there will be many sorrows, and we aren't promised freedom from that here on earth, but there is a promise of peace and hope (ask me about that promise <3 ) even in moments where you can't quite figure out where the light went. The light is still there, it's just a little harder to see sometimes, and having a family, or having a beautiful garden, or eating healthy food, or even having nice things, or anything else we as humans strive for, won't protect us from drifting into weariness and sorrow.

It took me awhile to truly feel all the excitement of motherhood. My mind was full of sorrow, for a freedom I took for granted. Time. All the time to do all the things. Time for sleep, when I wanted it. Time for creating, on my terms. All the time, all my terms. A selfish freedom I didn't realize I had.

Exhausted. A mother's constant state.

Quiet is the night,

When little ones rest.

Mama dims the light,

And cares for her nest.

Sleep creeps in slow flight,

mama does her best.

Today I have been thinking about how I always feel as though I can never ever get everything done that I think I need to get done. How I need help more than I think anyone else needs help. Needing help makes me feel like I have failed as a stay at home wife/mother, even though in reality, everyone needs help. We just don't always see the struggles others are facing as they try and get through each day. People share the beautiful, aesthetically pleasing sides of their lives, and try and leave out the mess, the chaos that may be lingering off screen. They don't tend to share that they can't do it all by themselves, just like most of us. So I guess I am trying to say, you aren't a failure if you didn't finish those dishes without help, or if you didn't finish preparing supper without a bit of help with the kiddos. What matters is, your mindset as you try your very best to do what needs to be done to serve your family and most importantly to serve God. Are you thinking about the time wasting away, or the things you may not get to, are you thinking about the negative side of things as you do your duties throughout the day? Or are you thinking about pouring your heart and soul into what you CAN get done so whatever you are able to do, will shine through brightly and be filled with love? Homemaking and mothering needs to be done with the utmost care and be done in such a way that your love for those around you shines through what you do. It's not always about getting it all done as quickly as possible. Sometimes slowing down is what you need, do your work with love and peace, not stress and discontentment.

There is a crispness in the air today,

That still and cool sensation of autumn.

I feel all cozy and in need of relaxation first thing.

No rush, in the hush of the morning, just a time for quiet in the coolness of the breaking day.

The stress for getting it all done in time for this or that, lifted off of my shoulders, and rest curls around me like a cat's desire for attention.

The Lord is good and knows what I need this hour, and every moment in between.

He tells me "Rest now child, for the day is long and the path is steep."

On this autumn day where morning came but rest did also, no rush, in the hush of the breaking day.