Honey Bee

Dear ex boyfriend, It's 1 am and for some reason I had to urge myself to write this. I'm sitting here being reminded on Facebook of throwback memories 5 years ago. It occurred to me 5 years ago today that I discovered my strength while reclaiming my life. You held me hostage for 2 whole years. I was tainted by your painted lies, your hits, your screams, your smashes and throws and calling me every name in the book. I thought it was love. I so easily confused the "I'm sorry baby, it will never happen again I have anger issues." I was so easy to dismiss your actions, to cover up the bruises to smile and nod and tell my friends and family how happy you made me. You blurred the idea of love for me and led me to believe love was supposed to hurt. You twisted my mind and identity which led me to believe this was perfectly normal and I was crazy, too emotional and a bitch who deserved it. You told me to grow up and to stop being a baby when you hurt me. I remember walking in numerous times after class only to find the hidden messages and Webcam chats to various girls. I remember the first time you held me against the wall restraining me and pressing my lips across your hand and telling me to "shut up" and to not tell a soul. I should of known this was the start to the corruption of a monster. I became your chained prisoner for 2 whole years. I wish I had of known how to use my voice, but you silenced it. You led me to believe this was as good as I could get. Love was supposed to hurt , and cause you to continually walk on egg shells while questing your next move of attack. Love was supposed to cause you to sleep with a pocket knife every night for protection. I don't know how I survived and made it out alive. If I could of left sooner, I would but you made the journey difficult and I had to find the light. When you learn live in darkness for so long, the light becomes so dim. I am proud of myself for writing this and for finding what love truly means. I deserve happiness, and I deserve to be treasured and loved. I am worthy ! I deserve life and you can no longer hold me as your hostage. Today, I made the decision to turn a page and live. Today, I reclaimed my life and found someone who provided me with the love I long deserved.