early 2015 victor nikiforov who is desperate for something and goaded by chris opens up his twitter to type āsend me pictures of people and Iāll tell you if Iād smash them or pass themā so of course people send the weirdest things, which include:
a poodle puppy that has victor sob and coo and answer that no, he would not smash this babe, heād pet him softly and sweetly like he deserves to be treated;
a closeup pic of a random modelās ass which has victor turn his head like a dog for a full minute before he even realizes itās an ass (tbh itās a bad picture and itās hard to tell so itās not his fault okay);
a collage of yakovās balding head in various forms and shapes over the season which has victor shriek āPASSPASSIDONāTWANTTOBEBALDā;
and finally some silly pictures of his fellow skaters which quickly turns into a game of āwho would victor nikiforov sleep withā
*victor sees a pic of chris* well, Iād say smashā *chris, off camera* thanks, babe *victor, unbothered* ābut I would like to keep my hair intact and a cat fight for that boy with said boyās fiance could ruin my chances, so ā sorry, chris ā Iāll have to pass
thereās a couple more skaters, and a few girls along the way which gets victor into a IāM GAY BUT YOU ALL DESERVE TO BE SMASHED mood and he cheerily proceeds to smash everyone (except jj, and yurio, and emil, and michele, andā)
and then someone puts up yuuriās picture for a judgement (you can bet your ass itās phichit) and victor squints and victor thinks and victor bites his lip and fans his face, which now has reddened in a beautiful flush, and he just looks up into the camera and says ādamnā
the gifs of that reaction go viral and victor becomes a new meme which he is not ashamed of AT ALL bc have you seen yuuri katsuki? any gay man who does not blush and go speechless at the sight of him isnāt worth their name and victor nikiforov is a Prime Real Estate Gay who will proudly own the statement he has spoken in that blessed video:
āyuuri katsuki, if you ever see this, you need to see me about a seating arrangement bc Iād love to offer my face, thank you, bless you, Iām welcomeā
suffice to say, phichit shows the thing to yuuri whose only question is āhow long did it take you to manip this?ā and he doesnāt believe a word of phichitās assurances that itās realā¦ or, he doesnāt until the night of his and victorās wedding when he crawls off of victor nikiforovās face and victor casually sighs after a job well done āI dreamed of this since the moment I saw your picture and I must say that my imagination did you no justice at all. this was so much betterā and yuuri wastes no time in freaking out bc WAIT, YOU DONāT MEAN TO TELL ME THAT VIDEO WAS REAL?!?!?!
and even though itās like 3am and their wedding night, yuuri grabs his phone and spends like an hour talking to phichit who just keeps on laughing and chortling and hangs up on yuuri mid snort and poor, mindfucked yuuri turns to victor whoās watching him with a smile.
āhello, gorgeous,ā victor says and winks, much like he did that first time he showed up in yuuriās onsen butt-naked.
the sound that leaves yuuriās mouth is inhuman and so is the strangled goose laughter that victor indulges in after yuuri whacks him with a pillow for the fourth time, which starts a pillow fight and a tussle that ends up with them flushed and laughing and kissing bc holy shit that was wild but who cares, theyāre in love? theyāre married? dreams do come true? amazing
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