V.

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Things that are not new: I am tired & nights are spent tossing and turning 💤

Things that are new:

I can’t sleep so here we are…

I still appreciate ✨ all the things ✨

Just feeling overwhelmed for what’s to come

On a related note, I can’t keep living like this…

Will things change? They’re going to have to.

Still alive and currently in my “do something about it” phase…

So that means back on bullshit with meal prepping and trying trying to workout consistently..

I am the HEAVIEST I have ever begin in my entire vida and I feel like I barely was establishing my confidence and routine in 2015-2017 when … the break up of 2018, Covid 2020, home remodeling 2020 (still in the works) , wedding planning 2022, actually wedding 2023, and the new job 2022 all hit me. I’ve said this before but I feel like I live and have lived in a constant constant state of stress. My sister in laws husband (my bro in law too? Or?) had mentioned my cortisol might be high and all out of wack which could make losing weight and managing life all the more difficult.

So just trying to prioritize taking care of myself a little more. Coming to you live from my elliptical. Planning to get my workout & nutrients in and then get to work. I find myself more productive when I start my days this way. I just want to not feel so in the way, so uncomfortable in my body, so.. idk down? I just feel like Brandon also deserves the best version of me and he’s not getting that right now :(

Life lately though…

Well I passed training & probation for work but the first yr out, there’s still a learning curve because they essentially have you do a bunch of things that weren’t taught during training 🫠 so not out of the woods just yet. Which is definitely adding stress but at this point, I’m not willing to sacrifice my weekends and nights over this. Take me or don’t and I’ll worry about it from there

Last update for now… this was supposed to be our year of fun and traveling before we start trying🤰but with the way I like to plan and be prepared, I think I’m willing to give up a lot of that to just feel the security in knowing our home is done and ready and our rental is all fixed up. I would rather invest money in making our current home a vibe than splurge on other things . I think Brandon feels the same way. So maybe maybe no more “last festival” and stuff. But we shall see…

Well that’s it for now. My life is chaotic as always but ummm, I’m doing my best