Homestuck Liveblogs

descentintohomestuck

LAND OF SAND AND ZEPHYR. PAGE OF BREATH IS HERE TO FUCK BITCHES.

imreadingthishomestuckthing

PAGE OF BREATH in the LAND OF SAND AND ZEPHYR

mousathe14

Oh, Hi Tavros… I continue to feel sorry for you.

Having narrowly dodged obliteration, you take your place as the PAGE OF BREATH in the LAND OF SAND AND ZEPHYR.

I guess that witch bothered to help you afterall. That’s good.

descentintohomestuck

Holy shit it’s a canon fantroll!

docliveblogger

HOLY SHIT TROLL ROSE. 

illfinishhomestuck

Bad ass troll Rose, is best Rose.

#thats so awesome

imreadingthishomestuckthing

Oh wow.

manvshomestuck

Ha ha it’s ironic because she actually DOES talk to her ha ha ha

mousathe14

Oh right, of course she’d think they’re trolls. That’s an interesting look for you, Rose.

You have little doubt their victory was because of their leader, a great heroine, the TENTACLETHERAPIST. From what she recorded, it seems the group had very little knowledge of what they were getting into. And yet they appear to have been the only of their kind to have risen to the challenge in a session stacked heavily against them. You are convinced her leadership was the difference.

Leader, psssh, I wish. As far as I know the Elder gods are slowly driving her insane.

It would be nice to have the chance to talk to her. Alas, she’s likely been dead for millennia. Only the incomplete record of a long forgotten quest remains. On the other hand, if you were to discover her quest ended in failure, it might be somewhat disillusioning. But that thought never crossed your mind.

Man, this is so so fascinating.

precisionfstrike

KANAYA

OH MY GOD

THIS DEPICTION OF ROSE IS PERFECT

IT LOOKS JUST LIKE HER DON’T YOU THINK

(kanaya so precious hasn’t even considered what aliens may look like)

this was the best page to begin with tonight. I think this bodes well.

#oh my god #rose #rose is a troll #it is amazing #i can't stop snickering #this is the best #i love it

readinghomestuck

OMG TROLL ROSE! XD

Kanaya, Rose wasn’t the leader. John clearly is, despite being a total derp.

so-i-am-reading-homestuck

Someone’s a tad delusional

treestuck

She’s reading Rose’s guide with her initials in sparkling rainbow thought and Rose is a murderous troll now

SITS IN THE CORNER AND LAUGHS TO MYSELF SOME MORE about how I thought Kanaya was a man originally and then started calling her Accidentally Lesbians for ever after.

Yo! Master

Nice Troll-Rose.

descentintohomestuck

No wait but the trolls came before the humans. How the hell does she have…

wait no I forgot that the furthest ring has very wonky time and space. Carry on Kanaya.

discoveringhomestuck

GameFAQS exists across multiple dimensions?

I now understand why the forums are populated entirely by trolls now

docliveblogger

Omg I just realized she just like Jade an little bit. 

OMFG  she has the guide Rose wrote. 

I can’t * floats up into the atmosphere*

illfinishhomestuck

Wait. Wait just one god damn minute!

I thought we where in the past! But she’s reading a guide from our present, her future. What time travel rules are we following?

Maybe back to the future two. Like when Biff read the almanac and even though he started winning like crazy (altering history without end) the almanac either changed to fit the outcome or games are a time/space constant and are set on a specific path no matter what happens (causing athletes, and possibly video games now that there are almanacs of similar design for Video Games, their lives already “planned” by destiny). 

Ill go with that. Back to the future two rules. 

So we can see that either her guide changes with every new universe that reads it (Because due to the time travel being possible, even if its only reading/seeing the past/future, we can assume that all the possible outcomes did and have happened.) OR the kids have no free will and their course has already been set, making think about all of this fairly pointless.

Im sorry for the long post, but this is how my mind works. Expect that this type of post will probably happen again. <3 just a fair warning. 

imreadingthishomestuckthing

Rose’s walkthrough!?

manvshomestuck

…

Imagine if, one day, we found an ancient signal traveling through space.  The entire world is astounded and amazed.  Entire religions are toppled, the social order is reorganized, philosophies are questioned.

And the signal

is written

in the prose of Rose Lalonde.

I, for one, would kill myself.

mousathe14

I recognize that Gamefaqs, that’s totally Rose’s!

Oh man, I totally did not see the RL over there.

You can only assume this took place a long time ago. This race is likely ancient, preceding yours by millions of sweeps. Maybe billions! You like to try to imagine the adventures of these players. Were they successful in repopulating their race? Did they manage to protect their matriorb and hatch a new mother grub? Could they hold it together, or were they torn apart by the complex social dynamics, the matespritships and moirallegiences and auspisticisms and kismesissitudes that will surely plague your group along the way?

Hmmmm…. Well, the irony is hilarious.

I actually think this is from the future, I get the feeling time is irrelevant to the Elder Gods.

readinghomestuck

OMG SHE READ ROSE’S WALKTHROUGH! 8O

treestuck

Is she reading Rose’s gamefaqs guide?

HAHA GOOD LUCK KANAYA. I READ THAT THING

IT WAS A BIT AWFUL

what-the-fuck-is-homestuck

#Back the fuck up son!! #They don't exist yet! #It was specifically stated right that they don't exist #What the fuck are you doing #lady!! #Stop fucking with time! #The kids are in the past right #Or are the trolls actually in the past #Or #No they exist at the same time because #BACK THE FUCK UP

Yo! Master

Blast from the past (or the future)!

descentintohomestuck

Holy shit is that the server that Rose sent her walkthrough to?

mousathe14

And now for our Rose parallel: Communications with the Elder Gods.

illfinishhomestuck

This is definitely how I feel whenever I talk to a friend.

#im a very sad person haha

mousathe14

There is a lot to do before you enter. There will be a lot of people to talk to and help along the way. No, not meddle with or mediate. HELP, dammit! You are very helpful.

Running interference in the background before getting involved or a guide on how to be Jade Harley.

You have a lot of inside information on what you and your coplayers are about to face. You are jacked tight the fuck into this thing in so many ways we don’t know what to say anymore. And it’s not just cloud visions either.

On the most practical level you really like to do things properly, meticulously by working through the work or service you perform on a daily basis. It doesn’t matter how small or large the task, you take pride in how well you do it. You investigate things before diving in. Once you have all the information required you complete your task to the best of your ability.

-Virgo

Explains the writing style, explains what she’s doing currently.

You have another source.

Jade? Doc Scratch?

descentintohomestuck

Bullshit, you and I both know you’ve got the hots for her. Flushed with red desires, whatever the fuck that means.

Wait what. More weird troll words.

Oh I remember back when I was planning genocide like any reasonable 13 year old.

This guy is a fucking psychopath

Quite possibly the only thing I can agree on.

imreadingthishomestuckthing

Ok, conversation with CA.

They speak with two v’s and two w’s

CA: your no good connivvin fuckin backstabbin girl crush thats wwho GA: Overstating Our Relationship Wont Make Me Feel Very Cooperative GA: Its Paler Red Than That Ok CA: pshhhhhh that is a fuckin laugh and you knoww it evveryone does

Who’s Kanaya’s girl crush?

CA: wwhatEVVER you are so the vvillage twwo wwheel devvice wwhen it comes to auspisticing

What

GA: I Just Said That Aloud Now In Your Silly Accent And Had A Private Moment Of Enjoyment

Oh man, it’s his accent? (I’m guessing CA is a he and CC is a she)

CA: i got clouds and they dont tell me SHIT they hide nothin but misfortune and monstrosities CA: fuckin pain in the ass fuckin clouds CA: so howw do you knoww then

CA is a prospit dreamer?

Orrr is he implying he’s derse because “monstrosities”

CA: ok wwait did she talk to you today CA: wwhat did she say CA: or glub or wwhatevver GA: Something About Longing To Touch You Indiscretely CA: WWWWHAT GA: And That Shes Basically In The Scarlet Throes For You GA: As Deep In The Flushed Quadrant As One Can Be CA: wwait CA: did she actually say that CA: in confidence GA: To The Letter CA: can you copy exactly wwhat she said GA: Absolutely Not

Haha oh wow, does CA have a thing for CC?

CA: kan its hard GA: What CA: being a kid and growwing up CA: its hard and nobody understands

Every teenager ever

mousathe14

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] CA: kan make her talk to me do somethin

Was that English Trollish? Because I didn’t understand a word of it.

GA: Who CA: your no good connivvin fuckin backstabbin girl crush thats wwho GA: Overstating Our Relationship Wont Make Me Feel Very Cooperative GA: Its Paler Red Than That Ok

Kanaya, why would you like Vriska like that? Do you not know her at all?

Also, who’s the douchebag that can’t write properly?

CA: pshhhhhh that is a fuckin laugh and you knoww it evveryone does CA: so help me out tell her to talk to me i think she blocked me you got to

I have been spoiled by so much good writing and punctuation from these trolls I have forgotten what its like to read a sentence from Dave or John.

GA: Why Do I Got To GA: I Dont Got To And Every Time You Take My Help For Granted I Feel Like I Got To A Little Less CA: wwhatEVVER you are so the vvillage twwo wwheel devvice wwhen it comes to auspisticing CA: you cant let a grudge go by you wwont stick your busy stem betwwixt so get wwith the program fussyfangs

GA: If Your Slander Werent So Predictable Id Block You Too For Saying That GA: Has It Occurred To You She May Have Blocked You Because You Are Vvery Ovverbearing GA: I Just Said That Aloud Now In Your Silly Accent And Had A Private Moment Of Enjoyment

Oh god, that’s an accent?

CA: wwho givves a shit wwhy she blocked me or about my fuckin manners come on youvve got a wway wwith her CA: i figure if youre going to auspisticize any twwo brinesuckers wwho sneer at each other a funny wway you might as wwell make it official and be ours right GA: Your Black Solicitation Just Seems Really Indecent

Agreed, throw this sucker back into the briny deep. I no longer want to know about my Zodiacsake.

GA: What Do You Want From Her Anyway CA: she made me somethin per a prior arrangement CA: she wwill delivver it wwhen wwe meet in this game but i dont knoww wwhat the logistics are yet

What is this accent exactly Some sort of weirdo mutation of a New Yorken one?

CA: im tryin to connoiter wwith her here but shes blowwin me off again fickle dirtscrapin landhag GA: What Is It CA: kan stupid wwhat do you think its a fuckin gizmo to bloww up the wworld or somethin CA: ok wwell not that obvviously CA: but somethin thatll kill all land dwwellers wwhat else wwould i be after

You.. Want to destroy all beings that live on the land. that’s what she was building for you. What the hell.

GA: Can You Just For A Moment Entertain The Thoughts Of One Untouched By Megalomaniacal Derangement And Tell Me Why Id Want To Assist You With That CA: wwell CA: im not goin to vvery wwell kill you am i that wwould be fuckin unconscionable CA: wwhat kind of friend wwould i be

You call yourself a friend? Jesus, and here I thought Vriska was despicable. I mean she is but you are somewhere below her and Equius where are obviously worse so far.

GA: Also Speculate For A Moment That Self Preservation Might Not Be What Would Sway My Decision CA: yeah go ahead and kiss us off but therell be blood on your hands CA: you could either play along as our auspistice and do a little mediating like you wwere fuckin hatched to CA: or wwatch she and me devvolvve into fuckin full fledged kismesisses the kind like you dont get once in ten thousand swweeps CA: you knoww thats wwhat it wwould be there wwould be rainboww rivvers runnin through star systems and all nebulizin like liquid firewworks CA: it wwill be beautiful and heartbreaking all at once CA: you should read up on your history instead of poring through that godawwfull sunny rubbish

Make it stop, please make it stop.

GA: Its Just GA: Laborious Listening To This

You and me both, sister.

GA: Im Sorry GA: None Of It Matters CA: yeah it does its important sorry but the fate of the race and purity of the bloodline is important excuse me for being concerned

Oh god, he’s just as bad as Equius.

GA: I Know GA: But You Really Should Know By Now The World Will End Tonight Regardless GA: Land And Sea Dwellers Alike Will All Die GA: Because Of The Game We Are About To Play GA: And I Agree The Fate Of The Race Is Important But Its In My Hands Now GA: All Of Ours Really CA: huh CA: wwell ok GA: Really CA: ordinarily id call bullshit on terrible stinkin bs like that but i knoww you dont really lie about stuff CA: unless its to yourself CA: but thats wwhy i bother evven talking to you i wwouldnt evven be here SAYIN any of this otherwwise

You talk to her because she’s honest, I imagine it’s because the rest of your caste are too busy trying to backstab one another.

CA: so did your clouds tell you that GA: The Doomsday Scenario In Particular

Oh Look, another Jade thing.

GA: No Not Exactly CA: i got clouds and they dont tell me SHIT they hide nothin but misfortune and monstrosities CA: fuckin pain in the ass fuckin clouds CA: so howw do you knoww then GA: I Have Another Source CA: ok wwell you are jacked tight the fuck into this thing in so many wways i dont knoww wwhat to say anymore CA: wwhatevver wwe wwill just play and find out i guess CA: so can you tell her to talk to me anywway GA: No CA: god dammit CA: she and me are teammates wwevve got to havve a powwwwoww or SOMETHING GA: You Arent Actually On The Same Team

Indeed, you racially pure team has lost a blueblood.

CA: fuck CA: fine i get it ill step off CA: you dont wwant to be our auspistice cause you dont wwant to get locked into that sort of relation wwith her i can respect that GA: No Thats Not It CA: yeah it is your real feelins run pretty awwful RUDDY methinks evverybody knowws it CA: especially that assblood karkat he and me havve you so pegged about that its upright silly

You and Karkat talk? But you’re both jackasses on entirely different spectrums!

CA: but its cool its totally fine dont wworry ill leavve you alone and givve you a shot GA: Its Unbelievable GA: Her Patience

She means Pisces chick, how the hell does she deal with you?

CA: wwhat CA: wwhoa wwait wwho GA: Never Mind CA: ok wwait did she talk to you today CA: wwhat did she say CA: or glub or wwhatevver GA: Something About Longing To Touch You Indiscretely CA: WWWWHAT GA: And That Shes Basically In The Scarlet Throes For You GA: As Deep In The Flushed Quadrant As One Can Be

Heheheheheheheheh, nice one.

CA: wwait CA: did she actually say that CA: in confidence GA: To The Letter CA: can you copy exactly wwhat she said GA: Absolutely Not CA: this is bullshit youre bee essing me in some wway awwful

Yes and I think its worth it.

CA: you dont lie but you do tease and ill tranfuse my kickass royal blood out wwith incontinent musclebeast discharge if i wwont knoww wwhen im gettin hooked GA: Yeah GA: Shes Just A Concerned Moirail GA: Looking Out For You GA: Thats All

Can’t see why though, this Aquarius guy isn’t worth a damn.

CA: awwww fuck CA: see im tellin you CA: you got to play your cards right GA: What Do You Mean CA: if youre not savvvvy about howw you define yourself to people CA: you can just splash into the moirail zone before you knoww wwhich wways upwward GA: Oh GA: Hmm CA: kan its hard GA: What CA: being a kid and growwing up CA: its hard and nobody understands caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

Well, now I’ll never be clean of that conversation, time to wash off as much as I can.

precisionfstrike

GA: Its Unbelievable GA: Her Patience CA: wwhat CA: wwhoa wwait wwho GA: Never Mind CA: ok wwait did she talk to you today CA: wwhat did she say CA: or glub or wwhatevver GA: Something About Longing To Touch You Indiscretely CA: WWWWHAT GA: And That Shes Basically In The Scarlet Throes For You GA: As Deep In The Flushed Quadrant As One Can Be CA: wwait CA: did she actually say that CA: in confidence GA: To The Letter

Kanaya

Okay, I laughed aloud at that one. Even patience has a breaking point, and that when she reached hers Kanaya pulled something like that in a perfect deadpan when she earlier (though later in terms of canonical timelines) had to ask advice in approaching Rose’s cynicism? I wasn’t expecting that. And it was great.

I also snorted at this, but for a very different reason.

TYPICAL TEENAGER RIGHT THERE.

#all these characters #making me like them so quickly #stop that

readinghomestuck

Oh hey, it’s that other troll we don’t know yet.

GA: Has It Occurred To You She May Have Blocked You Because You Are Vvery Ovverbearing  GA: I Just Said That Aloud Now In Your Silly Accent And Had A Private Moment Of Enjoyment

Kanaya is a troll.

GA: Something About Longing To Touch You Indiscretely  CA: WWWWHAT  GA: And That Shes Basically In The Scarlet Throes For You  GA: As Deep In The Flushed Quadrant As One Can Be  CA: wwait  CA: did she actually say that  CA: in confidence  GA: To The Letter 

More evidence of Kanaya’s trolling. I am also reminded of a conversation between Terezi and John, but John didn’t do it maliciously like Kanaya ia doing.

CA: kan its hard  GA: What  CA: being a kid and growwing up  CA: its hard and nobody understands 

Typical teenager.

so-i-am-reading-homestuck

Oh I get it!

CA doubles his Vs and Ws because they look like the aquarius symbol

treestuck

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] CA: kan make her talk to me do somethin GA: Who CA: your no good connivvin fuckin backstabbin girl crush thats wwho

THIS is King Fishface? Mister Grumpy?

Mister superior looking sourpants himself?

THINGS I DIDN’T

EXPECT.

CA: im not goin to vvery wwell kill you am i that wwould be fuckin unconscionable

I don’t know what you’ve been making faces at, End, your patron is hilarious.

what-the-fuck-is-homestuck

Eridan you annoying pathetic fishie hipster

#evven more so than I thought

wwhere havve i heard this before 

oh 

#you pussy #weeeh weeh

Yo! Master

"auspisticing" Is that the 4th thing, then? The 2nd black relationship? It sounds like... mediating for 2 other people; not what i was expecting (though i do know interpersonal relationships that could be described thus). Does that make it a threesome, heh? Troll relationships are the latest thing about the comic that's making my mind hurt. Though big part of it is the jargon. P.S. "you can just splash into the moirail zone before you knoww wwhich wways upwward" Well, at least that is a constant, heh.

mousathe14

MY SIGN! I MUST KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU!

Oh what now. What could this guy want? It never ends!

That does not sound positive…

imreadingthishomestuckthing

It sure is.

mousathe14

> Kanaya: Meddle with moirail.

Meddle? Oh god, it IS Vriska, isn’t it?

AG: Whaaaaaaaat. GA: Just Wanted To Know GA: Is Your Lusus Dead Yet You then proceed to have the rest of this conversation we already read, bugging and fussing and meddling through the special and magical union one can only describe as being in moirallegiance with another. At least, you guess that’s how you would describe it. Maybe. Troll romance sure is confusing!

Very VERY confusing…

Yo! Master

*rereads* Yeah, Moirallegiance seems less of a bromance thing than... dunno... mentorship? stewardship? big-sibling-ship? There does seem to be a power differential in the relationship, with one person trying to advise / steer / take care of the other (but not exactly, knowing as we do that it stems in its way from pity) & the other seemingly acting subserviently or at least with an inferiority / underselling themselves style while interacting with the other. Now, why it (& the others other than The Hear) is called "romance" still beats me.

adventures-in-homestuck

It has been forever burned in my mind that Kanaya wants to be a Vampire rainbow drinker and tasted her dead lusus’s blood. 

descentintohomestuck

EW KANAYA YOU ARE NOT A RAINBOW DRINKER. STOP.

imreadingthishomestuckthing

Yeah no shit.

mousathe14

Our Rose Lalonde connection of the day.

so-i-am-reading-homestuck

#IT KEEPS HAPPENING

treestuck

CORGI YOU REALLY LIKE THE WEIRD ONES, DONT YOU

#BLUH

treestuck

Kanaya, don't you dare

descentintohomestuck

That’s just nasty.

imreadingthishomestuckthing

Kanaya no that is the blood of your dead mom

mousathe14

I just realized Rainbow Drinker means Vampire because the rainbow is pectrum of troll blood and vampires drinking their blood would be tasting the rainbow.

Interesting.

This isn’t a Twilight joke, is it? It would explain the bright sunshine.

Yo! Master

And she has vampire fantasies.

discoveringhomestuck

I still prefer the jenga modus

imreadingthishomestuckthing

Matriorb?

mousathe14

You secure the MATRIORB through your CHASTITY MODUS. Safe and sound!

Pfft, Chastity Modus, of course she’s a Virgo.

You will serendipitously discover the key to unlock this card when and only when you are ready to use this item, and not a moment before!

Interesting method, not sure I like it or think its hilarious.