ダンの花

dangit by _Marvelous_

@markiplier  A quick recap of the past week in the Markiplier fandom :’)

I have a big ass theory and it starts like this.

That wasn’t Darkiplier & Antisepticeye

WAIT DON’T LEAVE YET. PLEASE, JUST HEAR ME OUT ON THIS

A lot of people have been noticing how Anti was missing his gauges and his hair was bluer than it normally is, just like how Dark’s hair was a lot more messier than usual and how he was missing his tie.

Mark & Jack INTENTIONALLY did this, but why? 

They’re MOCKING THEM.

Think about it. The video started off serious, but it pretty much turned into a shit-post. Jack and Mark are laughing both at us AND at Dark & Anti. They’re making of them. MOCKING THEM. Disregarding them.

It’s not them. Well...not YET anyway.

We all know how much Anti & Dark (ESPECIALLY Dark) HATE to be made fun of and thrown away like trash. And with Jack’s latest thing of

“N̶̦̳̘̙̥̑̈́ͩö̡͔̪͓̇̓̿̽t̾͘ ̛̱͕͙̼̇ͧ̋̃̅͒̌d̯͔̬̺̐͋͐ͣo̵̜̜̱͈ͥ̃̀́n͍̥̼̰̻̪̄̋ͪͤ̚e͙ͅ ̸̟̀͂̌ͫͯy̐͋̒ͥ͆͛ĕ͖̣͗ͦͪ̀t̶̤͋ͫ̎”

I have fair reason to believe that he’s not just talking about blooper shots.

We might want to get ready for another round of Darkiplier and Antisepticeye.

And I mean a REAL round this time.

A/N: I’m a huge dork who cannot make puns to save her life…oops? (Hence the title) Also, I think prom is kinda stupid, which is kind of why the imagine took the turn it did.

Tag: @ittybittydally (Can I tag you in this?? I know you wanted one)

Prom was one of the stupidest things ever, and your best friend Dallas Winston couldn’t agree with you more. It was basically spending an insatiable amount of money on somewhat decent food, dresses that would only ever be worn once and probably be ruined in the process, and crazy ways to ask someone out, only to watch your entire grade grind on each other, and give the bitchiest girl and her boyfriend bigger egos. 

Though, you did have a respect for it. It was sort of sweet, being able to celebrate surviving four years of hell, along with being able to spend one last night of fun with the people who made life bearable for those hellish years. 

Despite hating school dances, because of the anxiety they provoked, you were actually looking forward to prom, though you would never admit it aloud. You were going to be going with a group of your close girlfriends, dragging along whomever of the gang you could convince to go; basically meaning forcing Steve, Soda and Two-Bit.

Despite not going to school, you had convinced Dally to go with the rest of you, through a bit of bribery, ending up having to resort to blackmail. Though, he wasn’t as upset as you thought he would be. Yes, he grumbled and whined a lot about it, but that was about it. 

He begrudgingly agreed to go dress shopping with you and your friends, surprising the group of you when he picked out which would look best on your friends. He had asked you why you weren’t looking for a dress, to which you smirked slightly, saying that you would wait until they were slightly cheaper, not having enough money quite yet for the silver dress you had your eye on. 

The week before the prom, you had managed to snag the dress you had wanted, and your friends were at your house, deciding which of them would get Soda as their date, them having collectively decided that Dally was your date, much to your chagrin. You had argued till you were blue in the face, saying that he was only your friend, them giving you a knowing look before rolling their eyes at you. You had rolled your eyes at them, laughing slightly as you walked to your kitchen to get a snack, ignoring their antics.

You heard the phone ring as you were in the kitchen, about to go pick it up, only to hear it stop ringing. You shrugged your shoulders, going back to find the secret stash of candy you had, only to find a bread roll instead. Shrugging over your loss, you started to eat it, not really caring that much. 

“(Y/N)!” You heard your name being called, followed by giggling, and you were filled with a sense of uneasiness as you walked back to your room, looking at your friends who were giggling their asses off. “It’s for you.” You took the phone from them, only to have them laugh more.

“Hello?” You questioned, feeling as if you had just walked into a trap.

“(Y/N)?” You heard a gruff voice ask, your anxiety diminishing greatly at hearing the familiar voice.

“Yeah, Dal?” You asked, wanting to know why he was calling. 

“What color should my tie be?” He asked, sounding as if he were looking through a pile of clothes.

“Why do you need a tie?” You asked, feeling completely confused, because you were expecting him to need you to bail him out of the cooler. Again.

“For prom, you dumbass.” He said as if you had some remote idea about what he was talking about. “After all, it was your wonder-fucking-ful idea for me to go.” He said, you ignoring his tone.

“Well, I don’t know. Why the hell are you asking me?” You asked, your confusion from earlier returning back ten times as powerful.

“Man, don’t the guys tie have to match the girls dress and all that shit?” He asked, starting to feel confused himself. If Ponyboy was messing with him about this thing, he would murder the kid.

“We’re going together?” You asked, having no idea what the fuck was happening.

“Aren’t we?” He asked, sounding as confused as you.

“Since when?” You asked. “ I didn’t ask you, and you didn’t ask me.” You said, looking around your room, as if it somehow had the answers to your questions. You waited for a few minutes, hearing no response, wondering if he had hung up on you. “Dally?”

“Shit.” You heard him whisper to himself. “I forgot to ask her.”

When you heard that, you snorted, trying to contain your laughter, though you were unsuccessful.

“Ah, shudap.”

You laughed even harder, before you calmed down slightly. “Okay, I’m sorry.” You lied, with a huge smile on your face.

“No you’re not.” 

“No, I’m not.” You agreed, before breaking into even more laughter, tears starting to fall. “It’s just so funny. Dallas Winston doing something for someone else.” You told him, laughing a bit harder.

“Shadup, before I let you go by yourself.” He said, feeling slightly embarrassed.

“Silver.” You told him, your laughing subsiding into the occasional giggle, biting your lip slightly, waiting for his response.

“Hah?” He asked, feeling confused.

You smiled, biting you lip a bit more, feeling your cheeks heat up. “Your tie should be silver, but I don’t really care. Also, don’t bother with a corsage.” You told him, knowing that he wasn’t entirely sure of what he was supposed to do.

You could practically hear the smirk in his voice, as he said, “Okay doll.” You laughed silently, as you heard him whisper “Yes,” imagining him doing a fist pump.

“See you then, ass.” You said in a playful voice, hanging up, turning back to your friends, them having a knowing look on their faces, getting ready to hear them say they told you so.

Summary: Imagine being a member of the Suicide Squad during Christmas. Expect to see Killer Croc in a tacky Christmas sweater, Rick and June being cute together, Boomerang reunited with Pinky, Diablo is a-ok cause he’s too precious to leave his family, Deadshot gets to spend Christmas with his daughter, Harley decorates some ginger bread men, and Joker can’t help but make an appearance.

A/N: I’m not a overly cheery person when it comes to Christmas, but I really wanted to write something for you guys. I hope you guys like this! Ended up longer than I thought it would.

Warnings: Squad Family fluff, mild swearing.

It’d been almost a year since you and the rest of the Suicide Squad had saved Midway City, and possibly the world.You’d all continued to serve out the remainder of your sentences, all while occasionally going out on Waller’s missions to take years off the multiple sentences you all had. You didn’t mind it all that much, the squad was the closet thing you ever had to a family and if Waller’s little missions gave you a chance to see them all, you were going to participate with a smile.

It was Christmas Eve and you had always been irritated with the idea of the holiday but this year was different. It was special because as a treat you were all allowed out of your cells for the day in order to spend the holiday together. A cafe was secured for the venue and soldiers were posted at all the exits just for extra precaution. The cafe already had a Christmas tree set up and many of the other classic decorations placed about. You were surprised with how giddy you were about the whole thing.

Dating Sodapop Curtis would include…

- Hanging out with Steve and Soda at the DX

- Sitting on the counter while Soda works the register

- Watching Soda fix cars

- Having to deal with Steve and Soda constantly talking about cars

“But Steve did you see it? That thing was a beauty-”

“No that thing was a piece of junk. Did you miss the mustang we saw last week? That was a beauty.”

“You’re crazy. You know-” “Would you both please take a break for three minutes and not talk about cars? I mean seriously, carry on some other, normal conversation, please.”

“…”

“…”

*sigh* “Oh whatever. You two are hopeless.”

- Hanging out at the Curtis’s house

- Soda taking you on little dates randomly

- Making Soda blush because it’s so easy

“You are so cute.”

“No I am not. I’m tuff-”

“You’re like a little puppy. You wanna be all big and bad but you just look so adorable! See, you’re blushing again! Aww you just look so cute!”

- Convincing Darry, Ponyboy and the gang that you aren’t like Sandy

- Dealing with Two-Bit’s jokes

“Hey, can you get me a soda while you’re in there?”

“God y/n, you really love soda don’t you.”

“I mean, yeah it’s alright.”

“How often do you drink soda?”

“Well, um, I mean I don’t really-”

“Shut up Two-Bit!”

“I’m just making conversation!”

“No you are trying to be vulgar so shut it!”

- Reassuring Soda that you don’t care if he’s a dropout

- Getting real nervous when the draft starts and Soda is eligible

- Saving up for years with Soda so that you two can afford a place together

- Coming home to Soda

- Seeing his bright smile every morning

“You have such a pretty smile.”

“You’ve got a pretty face.”

“You’ve got the brightest smile I have ever seen.”

“You are the most beautiful person I have ever laid my eyes on.”

“Oh please.”

“The best view i could imagine waking up to.”

- Trying to win over Ponyboy, who is convinced no girl is good enough for Soda

- Getting angry when other girls flirt with Soda

- Him calling you his baby

- Soda singing to you when you’re sick because you made him one time and discovered he has a real pretty voice

- Sodapop loving to go down on you, just all the time. He doesn’t even ask you to return the favor

“What are you doing?”

“Good morning baby.”

“What are you- ohh, oh God Soda,”

“Just relax baby, let me get my breakfast.”

- Soda admitting through truth or dare that his favorite place in the world is in between your thighs

- Lots of morning sex because Sodapop never fails to wake up with morning wood

- Him being really demanding in bed, always insisting that you tell him exactly what you want him to do before he will start anything

“Come on Soda, please.”

“Nope, you gotta say it.”

“But you know what I need Soda, just, please, come on.”

“Not until you say it.”

- He is really passionate but he can also be very playful and lighthearted when it comes to sex

- He adores the way your legs feel around him, his waist and his neck

- Him absolutely loving blowjobs but never wanting to ask for fear of pressuring you

- You trying to get him to stop being so nice every once in awhile and really say what he wants

“Too nice?”

“Yes. I mean it’s great that you are so well mannered but, I just need for you to tell me what you want ya know. At least pretend like you want to be in this relationship.”

“What do you mean?  I want this y/n I do and you know that.” “Then act like it. Just take something you want for a change and stop being such a pushover!”

“You want me to stop being a pushover? Take what I want?”

“Yes!”

“I want you. I want you everyday for the rest of my life. I want to come home to you in my home. That is enough for me y/n. You are more than enough for what I want in my life.”

- Having little fights with Soda that always seem to end with long hugs with Soda whispering sweet nothings into your ear

- Fighting some of the girls who go too far

- Him never letting you alone with Dally

- Showering with Soda

- Patching Soda up after he gets in a fight with some socs who were trying to hit on you

- Trying to get Soda to stop from going to the rumbles

- Getting caught staring at Soda whenever he is changing

“What are you looking at huh?”

“Something very sexy.”

“What did you just say?”

“Nothing.”

“Did you just seriously say that? In front of everyone?”

“No. I have no idea what you are talking about.”

- Sometimes suggesting that Soda should go with pants for a while

- Soda asking you to start your life with him so that the two of you will never have to be separated.

I am so sorry.

Dating Dallas Winston would include…

- Sleeping over at Buck’s

- The gang thinking you are just another Sylvia at first

- Earning Dallas’s trust and respect

- Only calling him Dallas when you are angry

“Dallas Winston!”

“Oh come on, what did I do this time doll?”

- Becoming friends with the gang after they see that you are legit

- Dallas getting jealous at the smallest things

- You getting jealous when Dallas starts flirting with other girls

- Getting angry when Dallas is dismissive of your feelings

- Getting upset when he gets arrested

- Skirt lifting

“So I was thinking that after the movie we can- DALLAS!”

“What?”

“Stop flipping my skirt up you perv!”

“Oh please doll, you know I love the view.”

- Hickies just everywhere, places people would see them and places only the two of you could see

- Visiting Dallas while he is in the cooler

“What did you do this time Dal?”

“Don’t worry about it doll, I’ll be out before ya know it.”

- Getting mad at Dally and flirting with Socs to get back at him

- Him reluctantly giving hugs whenever you ask

- Waking up to see your hips covered in small bruises

“Really Dally? You just have to leave your mark don’t you.”

“You’ve got to admit, you look real nice with ‘em.”

“Oh shut it. You know what this means right.”

“What?”

“You aren’t gettin’ nothin’ until these heal.”

“What! No that’s not fair!”

“Deal with it.”

- Trying to get Dallas to take you out

- Dallas trying to mess with you under the table

- Having to stop wearing skirts in public

- Coming to the conclusion that you will never be able to stop him from looking for trouble

- Dallas constantly trying to seduce you

“Come on doll, we could go back into my room and have some real fun.”

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?”

“It looks like you’re sticking your hand up my skirt.”

- Sex in Buck’ car

- Sex anywhere and everywhere

- Safe sex because neither of you want to deal with a kid

- Dallas making midnight trips to buy condoms

- Contemplating whether or not he was just using you for sex

“Why should I follow you upstairs? So you can have a good fuck before sending me on my way again?”

“What are ya talkin’ about?”

“Stop lying to me Dallas. This means nothing to you, but why must you hurt me?”

“You’re acting crazy doll. Come upstairs, we don’t have to fuck if you don’t want to.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, come on broad, you know I won’t kick you to the streets after you give me what I want. I’m not that much of a dick.”

- Dally beating everyone who looks at you in a weird or suggestive way

- Patching him up after rumbles even when he’s being stubborn and insisting he’s fine

- Forcing him to dance with you to a slow song that you picked from the Jukebox at The Dingo

“No.”

“It’ll be fun.”

“Not in front of everybody. I gotta look tuff.”

“I don’t care. Dance with me.”

- Stealing his jacket when he takes it off and making him run after you to get it back

- Play fights that actually gets you hurt because he doesn’t know how to go easy

- Being the only one in the relationship who says the words “I love you”

“I love you.”

“I know ya do doll.”

*sigh* “Seriously?”

“What?”

- Dally showing he loves you but never admits it.

- Poison And Wine by The Civil War lyrics’ “I don’t love you but I always will.” being the anthem of your relationship because he swears he doesn’t love you but he always will love you

- Begging Dally to say I love you and him walking out because he can’t because he is scared

- Getting upset when he leaves you and getting your clothes packed to leave but him coming back and kissing you

- Taking what you can get because you believe he will never say it

- Finally taking that he will never say it or ask you to marry him

“I ain’t that kinda man, doll.”

“You aren’t that kinda man or are you too scared?”

- Dally grabbing your arm when you try to leave after sex

- After awhile you start catching Dally staring at you during the weirdest times

- Late night forced cuddles

- Dallas surprisingly being a great boyfriend, once you earn his trust

Ended up being rather long and I am not even sorry

Because we all need a little smut in our lives. If it wasn’t obvious by the title, all the fics in this list are rated M for MMM DELICIOUS;D

All of these fics are wonderful so seriously READ THEM ALL. At the bottom I’ll give a subtle plug to my own M rated fics ~

You can find my normal top 100 favorite sasusaku fanfic rec list HERE.

Some of my favorite smut authors include:

DeepPoeticGirl

WellHowAboutThat

BlushingLotus

Lady Momo

JinnySkeans (although most of her stuff isn’t explicit)

hangmeuptodry

–

Alright, so in no particular order:

1. Wasted - Queen of Pascalities (AU. Multi-chap. Incomplete)

2. Once More, With Feeling - JinnySkeans (AU. Multi-chap. Softcore. Complete)

3. We Did It - DeepPoeticGirl (Drabbles; ongoing)

4. skinny love - theeflowerchild (Post-canon. Oneshot. Complete)

5. In Nine Days - cutecrazyice (Multi-chap. Complete)

6. A Full Circle - Lady Momo (Multi-chap. Complete)

7. Hot Water - WellHowAboutThat (Oneshot. Complete)

8. Folklore - BlushingLotus (Fourshot. Complete)

9. Togetherish - DeepPoeticGirl (Multi-chap. Complete)

10. almost infidelity - hangmeuptodry (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

11. Aftermath - SprayPaintzz (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

12. Rocket Queen - sasukes (AU. Oneshot. Softcore. Complete)

13. parting the clouds - in cages (Au. Oneshot. Softcore. Complete)

14. The Age of Innocence - coconutmandarin (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

15. 200 Days of Summer - cutecrazyice (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

16. Quietus - AngeLhearteD - (AU. Multichap. Incomplete)

17. A Breathless Sort of Attraction - WellHowAboutThat (Oneshot. Complete)

18. Hot Water - BlushingLotus (Two-shot. Complete)

19. love month - Sasusaku Forever and Ever (Oneshot. Complete)

20. We’re Gasoline on Fire - DeepPoeticGirl (Oneshot. Complete)

21. Sick Cycle Carosel - KineticFairy (AUish. Multi-chap. Complete)

22. We Do the Dance Electric - Lady Momo (AUish. Oneshot. Complete)

23. Aphrodisiac: At His Limits - Prodigy Uchiha (No Plot. Just Smut. Oneshot. Complete)

24. Hot Nights - LoveYumi (Oneshot. Complete)

25. In Finis - Sexcaliber (Oneshot. Complete)

26. Laundry Day - rainbow p3nis (Oneshot. Complete)

27. Orgasms - Zephyr Hearts (Au. Multi-chap. Complete)

28. the fire’s out but it still burns - DeepPoeticGirl (Oneshot. Complete)

29. Consume - AngeLhearteD - (Oneshot. Complete)

30. Seducing My Killer - Asha3 - (AU. Three-shot. Complete)

31. Finding Mr. Perfect - Rapture-Taylore (AU. Multi-chap. Complete)

32. Stay - SouthSideStory (Oneshot. Complete)

33. Schneewittchen - angel puppeteer (AU. Multi-chap. Incomplete)

34. Rise and Fall - Details (Oneshot. Complete)

35. Indulge - little sasuke kun (Multi-chap. Complete)

36. Bound - Jav-chan (Multi-chap. Complete)

37. Sakura Crisis - angel puppeteer (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

38. Intimacy - DeepPoeticGirl (Oneshot. Complete)

39. Just Persuasion - Silvershine (Oneshot. Complete)

40. love at first sight - theeflowerchild - (Multi-chap. Incomplete)

41. Kaleidoscopes - twilightdazzle (AU. Multi-chap. Complete)

42. In Times of Peace - SouthSideStory (Post-canon. Multi-chap. Complete)

43. Resentment - Luffoverhate (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

44. Let Go For Tonight - Tsugi no mai hakuren (Oneshot. Complete)

45. Catch the Light - Szki (Multi-chap. Incomplete)

46. One Touch - Clearheart (Oneshot. Complete)

47. Enervis - Kanryu (Two-shot. Complete)

48. Fatuous Resistance - bacatlover (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

49. relax sasuke - Krickitat (Oneshot. Complete)

50. La Petite Mort - Sexcaliber (Two-shot. Complete)

51. Cupiditate - hangmeuptodry (Oneshot. Complete)

52. A Lot Like Love - 3shells (Oneshot. Complete)

53. Study Session - exposedx (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

54. i’ll leave you breathless - DeepPoeticGirl (Oneshot. Complete)

55. Fire Blanket - ohhhthatgirl (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

56. Drabbles. - WellHowAboutThat (Oneshot. Complete)

57. Venom - BlushingLotus (Oneshot. Complete)

58. Risque - river of the sand (Oneshot. Complete)

59. Manscape - neko-hime21 (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

60. One Night of Passion - Hazel Roses (Oneshot. Complete)

61. And He Decided to Stay - Awsaya (Oneshot. Complete)

62. Bullseye - 716799 (Oneshot. Complete)

63. For the Love of the Amaryllis Flower - theClosetPoet7 (Post-canon. Oneshot. Complete)

64. Ferris Wheel Lovin’ - Obscurities (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

65. Magnolia Perfume - Porcelin.Memories (Threeshot. Complete)

66. Salvation - jenl821 (Multi-chap. Incomplete)

67. Close Encounters - Jinnyskeans (AU. Multi-chap. Incomplete & discontinued)

68. Shelters from Ourselves - Szki (Oneshot. Complete)

69. Self Control - the.terrorist (Oneshot. Complete)

70. The Awful Daring - the general girl (Multi-chap. Incomplete)

71. dreamscape - dreamscaprenymph (Oneshot. Complete)

72. Stand My Ground - you.broke.a.promise (Multi-chap. Complete)

73. Change in Direction - Tasha Ashes (AU. Multi-chap. Incomplete.)

74. Haunted - nicthepunk (Oneshot. Complete)

75. Unrevealed Mistakes of a One Night Stand - DeepPoeticGirl (Multi-chap. Complete)

76. make me scream - keiris (Oneshot. Complete)

77. That High School Desk - halfkyuubikat (AU. Oneshot. Complete)

78. you make my heart beat faster - ohwhatsherface (RTN AU. Oneshot. Complete)

79. Brave New World - EWHH its Kenna (AU. Multi-chap. Complete)

80. Time Can’t Heal - ohwhatsherface (Oneshot. Complete)

81. a little death - windsilk (Oneshot. Softcore. Complete)

82. Nothing But Time - Unicorn Paige (Multi-chap. Incomplete)

83. One Touch - Clearheart (Oneshot. Complete)

84. sniffing paints - theeflowerchild (AU. Three-shot. Complete)

85. With Every Beat - halfdemonfan (Multi-chap. Complete)

86. The Last Will and Testament of Uzumaki Naruto - Blushing Lotus (Multi-chap. Complete)

87. Rumor Has It - Nessa67 (AU. Multi-chap. Complete)

88. the rainbow - the blanket (Oneshot. Softcore. Complete)

89. Inconcessus - Strings of a Puppet (Multi-chap. Incomplete)

90. Of Silent Prayers - A m r a k l o v e (Oneshot. Complete)

91. Never Let Me Go - Mrs Scorpius Malfoy (Post-canon. Oneshot. Complete)

92. Gravitation - Kiwako (Post-canon. Oneshot. Complete)

93. Dream - xxredemption-love-and-liesxx (Post-canon. Oneshot. Complete)

94. Yours and Mine - blossom13 (Oneshot. Complete)

95. Surprise Sex - merinxD (Oneshot. Complete)

96. Seven Veils - An Engineer (AU. Multi-chap. Incomplete)

97. House of Cards - JaneDoe39 (AU. Multi-chap. Incomplete)

98. Sisterly and Brotherly Love - K and Jazz (AU. Multi-chap. Complete)

99. Sexcapades - Zephyr Hearts (AU. Multi-chap. Incomplete)

100. Truth or Dare - K-chu (Multi-chap. Incomplete)

–

My own sasusaku smut fics:

euphoria (multi-chap. incomplete)

Beyond This Illusion (multi-chap. incomplete)

first time (post-canon. oneshot. complete)

Maybe Next Time ~

Here you will find all available parts of the Bellamy Blake x reader series ‘Privileged’ :)

Summary: *yn* Kane, Marcus Kane’s daughter, and the rest of the delinquents struggle to survive on the ground and in her eyes, Bellamy Blake certainly isn’t helping. Can they overcome their differences to help keep the rest of the 100 alive and will this bring them closer in ways they never expected?

Part 1

Part 2 

Part 3

Part 4

(gif not mine but writing is)

Trouble at Work

You had lived in England all of your life but after finishing your degree you decided to go somewhere new. Gotham City screamed at you as being the place to be, it was full or history, culture and businesses ready to hire bright eyed and bushy tailed graduates. On your first day of arrival you noticed an ad in the paper. ‘Love to laugh? Secretary wanted. Well paid. Must not be familiar with Gotham City. For interview go to the private room of the Spades and Diamonds Club today.’ After seeing the advert you walked to the Spades and Diamonds Club. Luckily you were wearing a black blouse and pencil skirt and you thought that your outfit was smart enough for a job interview. Before you had left for America, you had printed off some CVs ready to give to potential employers.

You spoke to the barman and showed him the job advert. “Right this way Mam.” he said opening the door of the private room. “Got a pretty little Miss for an interview Mister J.” he called into the room. Well, it certainly was private. The room was very small. In the middle was a little table with a chair either side, facing each other. Sitting on the chair farthest away was a strange looking man. You remember meeting the Joker for the first time. He was wearing a dark jacket and top which was partly unbuttoned. Revealing his collection of tattoos and gold jewellery. His green hair was slicked back and he was red lipstick on his mouth. This was emphasised by his incredibly pale skin. His appearance reminded you of a clown. He smiled, revealing his silver teeth. You nervously sat on the seat opposite him, just about managing a confident smile.

“So you are here for the job, Miss?” he asked. His voice was softer than his physical appearance made you think that it would be. “(Y/n). I have brought my CV with me.” you reply, handing him the stapled pieces of paper. Which he then starts to peruse. “What drew you to this job?” he asked. “Well” you answered. “The ad because I love to laugh, Sir.” The Joker looked up for a second chuckling at your answer. He then  finished reading your CV and set it aside. “So you are a Brit with a good education and this will be your first job. Firstly, even though you calling me Sir makes me feel like I’m in a victorian British detective series, please can you call me Joker or Mister J. When did you arrive here in Gotham? And is you family living here?” he asks. “I arrived this morning. My family are still living in the UK but I plan to contact them regularly and send over some money to them if possible. I am looking forward to them visiting sometime in the future.” you say hoping that your answer was OK. “Perfect” he grinned. “As you would have seen in the ad I am in need of a secretary. Looking at your CV I can see that you are a smart girl so I will tell you everything straight. My business can be busy and you will get to know quite a few people. The conduct might not always be… moral but don’t worry these events will never be caused by you directly. All I need you to do is organise my meetings and keep notes on them. Regrettably your lifestyle will be maintained and quite limited due to the knowledge that you will obtain. So you will be living on site. The main thing that you must remember is the less questions you ask. The better we’ll get along. Of course this is asking a lot of you. Not only to have your first job in a strange city but to change your lifestyle. But I will be rewarding you generously.” He passed you a piece of paper with the salary figure on. Your eyes opened wide as it was incredibly generous. He grinned. You had to think about the whole situation for a moment. You thought about yours and your family’s future. You would be secure. Not just financially but you would feel protected as well. “So what will it be (y/n)?” he asked. When you shook that man’s hand you couldn’t have anticipated just how different your life would be.

Sometimes you did feel that your life was bit more enclosed than it was originally sold to you. You lived in a flat in the building where the Joker did his business. The floor above where you would sit in its reception area. The flat was completely self contained with its own; lounge (which sometimes doubled as a meeting room if the Joker needed to visit to talk about work), kitchen diner, bathroom and bedroom. It was decorated minimally but that is what you asked for, as you didn’t want a lot of expense spent on you. The Joker had a key to your apartment for emergencies and the agreement was that he would always knock before using it. He also had an apartment above yours which he frequently used when he needed to stay close by. You weren’t allowed to watch the news on the television or read the newspaper. Instead a homemade newspaper was delivered to you daily, with what you assume to be a filtered and reduced amount to of global news. You could leave the building if you wished but you would have to be accompanied by one of the Joker’s goons who would chaperone you around. They were under strict orders to never touch you. You felt sorry for them, having to follow you around when you go out to run errands. So you would always try to pick nice subjects to talk about. Like asking how their families were or how their day was going. Despite their appearance and occupation, they were nice guys. If you wanted to go out to specifically meet up with someone. The Joker would have to be notified in advance and personally approve it. If you were ever asked about your job, you say that you work for a people’s services company and most importantly, you do not mention the Joker.

It had now been eight months since you accepted the job. The ad was right, you did laugh a lot. Your relationship with the Joker was something that he didn’t have with any other person. He was more of a protective big brother to you rather than your boss. When he was around you he was always a total gentleman. You were more than his secretary, you were his personal confidant and trusted advisor. You were a positive and non confrontational person. He liked the innocence that you had as it made you the total opposite to himself. Due to this and your sheltered life, the Joker felt like he could talk about anything with you. Kind of like a best friend, but where he pays you a large salary. You probably made a welcomed change from the goons he would see daily. Now he would come round to your apartment after work to watch some TV or talk about how his day had been. There was even one evening where he came round because he wanted you to teach him how to make chocolate chip cookies. You got the feeling that he was kind of lonely because of the lifestyle that he had. It must be difficult for him to trust anyone with who he really was.

Today was just another day. You sit at the reception desk. The day had been quite quiet. You spent most of your time making coffee for the Joker and his goons. You did also organise the odd appointment. You have seen all sorts of people whilst working here. There was quite a few people that left the building a lot more battered than when they had first entered. Suddenly the main doors opened. In walked a woman with blonde hair in piggy tails, one dipped in pink hair dye and the other in blue. She wore a top which was one half red and the other half black along with matching trousers. Her eye makeup was heavy and she wore red lipstick. It was Harley Quinn. She had come in every day this week asking if she could see the Joker but he hadn’t been in. She waltzed up to your desk. “Hey Sweetie. Is Mister J in? I need to have a little chat with him.” she asks with a big smile on her face. “Yes” you reply. “But he is currently waiting for an important client and is refusing to see anyo-” It was too late she had already burst through his office door whilst shouting “Puddin’!” with the door slamming behind her. You immediately hear raised voices. Specifically the Joker shouting “Get out!” “I’ve told you that I am not interested!” and “Leave me alone!” You could also hear Harley’s high pitched voice and she tries to plea with him. They both sounded incredibly angry. You were wondering if you should go in there but you remember the Joker saying that you were only allowed in if you were asked.

After a moment of complete silence, the office door opened again and Harley hurriedly scuttled off through the front. Her eyes were red from crying and she was muttering something like “What’s his problem?” You wanted to ask her if she was alright or if you could help in any way but she ran off before you had the chance. The Joker emerged from his office, walking slowly towards you. The look on his face frightened you as he was the angriest that you had ever seen him. You looked up and his blue eyes burned into yours. You backed away a little as he leaned over the desk. “If that woman ever returns here and asks to see me. Tell her that I am out of the city for a few months. If she persists then get Phil or Dave (his biggest goons) to escort her off of the premises.” he growled. You nodded as you were too scared to speak. He then turned and walked back into his office calling “and get me something stronger than coffee!”

You were relieved when your work had finished and you were back in your apartment. You pitied the clients who had to meet with the Joker after his talk with Harley. Now you could finally relax in your white t-shirt, jeans and favourite pair of pink fluffy slippers. You sunk into your couch and sipped your cup of tea. It was time to forget about the stresses of work and put your feet up. Just as you were about to turn on the TV there was a knock on the door. You open it saying “I haven’t quite finished writing up the notes from yesterday’s meeting yet.” To your surprise it was Harley Quinn. She must have been looking for the Joker’s apartment. “This isn’t Mister J’s place” she said. “His apartment is the next floor up.” you reply and then remembered the Joker’s warning from earlier. “But he has now gone out of the city for a few months on business.” She looks straight at you.

“LIAR!” she screams as she starts to charge towards you. Her eyes were crazy. She gripped onto your arms just below your shoulders. Her grasp was very tight and she dug her nails into your skin. Despite trying with all your might to break free, she was just too strong. She pushed you across your lounge and pinned you up against the wall. Removing her grasp from your arms, she now clamped her hands around your neck. Smiling the entire time. You clawed at her hands in an attempt to loosen her grip but it was no use. She leaned her face towards you so her mouth was right next to your ear. “Answer me this Sweetheart and don’t you even dare lie to me.” she whispered. Her voice was haunting. “Why won’t Mister J see me? Suddenly I’m not good enough for him? Doesn’t he like his little Harley anymore? Talk! I know he tells you all of his dirty little secrets.” She gripped even harder on your neck. You choke at your reduced supply of oxygen. Tears stream down your face. “I don’t know.” you reply, your voice is faint. “I am only his secretary. He doesn’t discuss his relationships with me… Please… You have to believe me… Please… I don’t know.” She looked at your face, her smile fading as she could see that you were being honest. “hmph” she says as she releases your neck. You fall to the floor, gasping for air. She pulls you back up on your feet by grabbing your hair, so you now see eye to eye again. “Tell your boss to come visit his little Harley. I don’t like to be kept waiting.” she says pushing you back onto the floor. She walks out of your apartment, slamming the door behind her.

You stagger onto the couch, bury your head in your hands and begin to sob. The whole situation was just too much. Suddenly there was another knock on your door. You were too scared to move. What if it was Harley coming back to finish you off? After a moment’s silence the door opened and a familiar face walked in. It was the Joker. You tried to act natural but you were shaking so much in terror that you were spilling your tea all over your coffee table. “So Phil tells me that he and his wife are expecting a baby. He asks me to be its godfather. Me? Could you imagine? I laughed right in his face. It doesn’t take a genius to work out that I am not exactly godfather material.” He stopped talking when he looked at you. His smile faded. He rushed over, throwing his jacket onto the floor and sat next to you on the couch. Studying you silently, he could see the dark bruises on your arms and neck. His breathing quickened as he was getting angry. “Who the hell did this to you?” he asked as he stroked your arm. He didn’t sound angry just serious and concerned. You winced at his touch as your arm was sore. You turned your head away from him. You didn’t want things to get worse. He lifted his arm and rested his hand under your chin. Gently guiding it so you faced him once again. “I can’t help you unless you tell me.” he said whilst his blue eyes stared into yours. You took a deep breath in an attempt to steady your nerves. “Harley Quinn knocked on my door asking why you didn’t want to see her. She said that you should visit as she doesn’t like to be kept waiting.” your voice was cracking. You could see that his fists were clenching in frustration. “Oh did she?” he growled. He pulled his cell out of his pocket. “Hey, yeah it’s me. I need you to do something for me. Quinn is getting out of hand.” and with that he hung up.