Saint

Love me like you mean it

2007 © ||| 𝒮 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 Sometimes I get so obsessed that I write ⛧°. ⋆༺♱༻⋆. °⛧ Normally an Ao3 warrior

Love me up and down

pairing: gangsta!riki x stripper!fem reader

synopsis: Where Ni-ki doesn't do anything more than one nights and you just can't forget the blond.

cw: smut, +18 mdni, blowjob, fingering, hickeys, cheating, p in v, unprotected sex, praise & degradation, lemme know if i missed any, smoking, daddy

one | two | three (here) |

After that you didn’t hear from Ni-ki for a while, you were still at the club doing your thing but neither Heeseung or Ni-ki came around.

You kept performing like you always did, letting your eyes drift around occasionally to check for him but each time the disappointment settled in your chest.

One of the nights Baron came back in, you hadn’t seen him in a while, he had his pockets fat with cash and he was stressed by the looks of it, he asked for a private room. When you guys went he begun to talk immediately.

“Crimson, darling you got me in real trouble last time.” He said as you sat on his thigh “Trouble how Baron?” he smiled as his hands roamed your ass “I love your voice” he muttered, you just reached your hand towards his pocket and grabbed the stack hanging off it.

You tucked it into your bra clasp, “You were saying something about trouble” you muttered as you let your hands roam his pants to make it seem like you were interested him and not the money.

Which was a fucking lie.

Not that he would notice anyway, you were just listening to him until he passed out.

“Ni-ki was on my case about you, told me to never come see you again” he hiccuped before continuing “He fucks all these women thinking he is young and all that— you know he fucked half the girls in this city”

You closed your eyes, even when you tried to ignore him the universe made sure you couldn’t “Well, just ignore him honey” you whispered, Baron burped making you turn your head away “He’ll see who’s the real top dog when I finish my plan off- his father didn’t finalize his will, you know! The whole family is hard headed, if he dies, Ni-ki won’t get the organization anyways”

You stilled, what the absolute fuck were you hearing right now, this wasn’t supposed to be no information given out like this you were sure of that, Baron murmured some more bullshit before passing out.

Your mind wondered off to a million places, what did he mean when he said he would show who the top dog was and all that other stuff. You got out the private room and called the madam “He passed out, coke” you explained “Ok Crimson darling I’ll handle it, you go to the back” she said.

You ran to the back and called Ni-ki, his phone rang but never answered, you called again and again, no answer.

“Ni-ki” “This is serious please call me” “Ni-ki” “Hello???” “You fucking prick answer me”

The messages stayed on delivered— fucking fuck.

As the bouncers were taking Baron to the back he called out for you, tried to at the least.

You turned to him, “Crimson doll, you have been with me for so long…” his eyes drifted shut again, you looked at him as the bouncers stayed still waiting to see if he would— could finish his sentence.

“God I love your tits, won’t you be there with me, I would love for him, yes that little shit to see his favorite whore on my arm”

Favorite whore… the words hurt but you knew you’d never be seen as anything more by these men, even your most loyal dog disrespected you.

“Yes Baron, call me”

You said as you approached him, a faint smile on your face as you got his phone and dialed your number on it. One way or another you’d have to tell Ni-ki of what you’ve heard or it would eat you alive.

And there was a small part of you that would have liked to be proven wrong.

Baron reached out to you, there was going to be a “ball” where he would like to take you, apparently that was the “place” he would pull his stunt.

He didn’t remember the part where he confessed his plan to you ofcourse but it seemed weird everything, you still couldn’t reach Ni-ki.

You called him, texted him and yet nothing, the ball was in two days making you even more nervous then you already were.

Baron sent you a dress for the night, a beautiful skin tight red dress that tied around the neck, it had a corset around the waist and was long enough to drag after you, it was backless and he sent a set of diamonds to go along with everything.

“Ou bitch you look gorgeous!” Lyra squeeled, she didn’t know what or why you were going to a ball with Baron none of the less but leave it up to her to support your fucked up decisions.

“You think so?” “I would eat your pussy until my peach fuzz changed color bitch, I know so.”

…

“A simple yes would have sufficed” “Yes.”

You closed your eyes, it was going to be fine, get in and find Ni-ki, warn him and then dip.

Your throat closed up at the memory of the blond, it had been a long time and you kind of missed seeing his face, when you hung up that phone you never really thought that was the end of it all.

There was a loud honk, it was the car sent for you. You got out to the car as Lyra waved you bye. The ride was short and yet your palms were covered in sweat and your heart was to your throat.

This wasn’t your first fancy party and yet you felt the need to impress on this occasion. You swiftly checked yourself out on your phone before the driver opened the door for you.

You stepped out and saw Baron talking to someone, you approached them “Ah yes Crimson doll hello” When Baron moved to the side you saw him.

Heeseung, he had on a black suit, his tie was slightly loose and his hair was disheveled, he looked as if he had just ran a marathon and yet he was still as handsome as ever.

“Crimson”

He whispered with so much shock and disappointment that you doubted everything you thought of doing and just turning around and disappearing.

You’re shoulders slumped as you plastered on a fake smile, Heeseung must have noticed by the way his face turned into a wince and he added on “You look beautiful” you just thanked him with a head nod as Baron placed his hand over your ass.

Heeseung’s eyes traveled over your body and then to where Baron was touching you, he looked into your eyes for anything— a sign to whisk you away from him.

You gave him one, you mouthed ever so lightly “Help me” and with that Heeseung whisked you away by the arm “Baron, I’m going to need her name to be added onto the guest list or we’re gonna have serious problems”

Baron nodded before saying “Bring her back to me, she is my lucky charm tonight.” Heeseung was walking by then, when you guys turned the corner Heeseung looked at you “What the fuck are you doing here dressed like that?”

“Why? Can’t I attend a ball?” Heeseung sighed as he pinched his nose bridge with his hand before lighting a cigarette, he was about to put the pack away before you held his hand.

You took a cigarette out his pack and placed it on your lips, your lipstick smudging around the filter instantly. Heeseung raised his lighter and and flicked it, the light never came. “Fuck” he groaned as you glanced at his lit cigarette.

You raised your hand up to his chin softly trailing his sharp jawline back and forth before grabbing his chin. Heeseung's eyes watched you, he stood there, letting your warmth seep into his skin.

“Don’t” he muttered with the cigarette in your mouth “Don’t play with me baby, please.”

You gently pressed your cigarette onto his lit end but his soft spoken words made you doubt yourself a little making you back up a bit.

Heeseung’s hand flew to the back of your neck grasping it, he pulled you forward pressing the cigarettes onto each other, your heart beated against your ribcage— fuck this man was alluring.

It was his eyes, they never left yours for a second and those lips of his that ghosted over yours “Breathe.” You obeyed, between the two men Ni-ki was more of your type but the obvious attraction you had for Heeseung was undeniable.

You breathed and the cigarette finally lit up, “I’m not a patient man Crimson.” His tone had a cocky note to it as you realized he wasn’t begging because he was afraid he couldn’t take it, he was afraid that you couldn’t handle it.

You took a deep drag, “Missed you” Heeseung squatted next to you as if he was waiting for your next sentence. “I need to see Ni-ki”

“You can’t.”

You looked at him as it to understand why, “This is his engagement party” you stopped breathing, “His what?” You asked.

“Ni-ki needed to make some good alliances for the… company—“ “Just say the fucking Mafia Heeseung.” “—the mafia, so he is getting married to another gang leaders daughter but it isn’t a real marriage. It’s just for the alliance and to fix his image of sleeping around.”

You closed your eyes, holy fucking fuck. The dress suddenly felt too tight and the cigarette didn’t cut it anymore “Baron is trying to kill him.” You say out loud but Heeseung doesn’t panic, he doesn’t freak he just stares at you.

“Say something damn it.” “Crimson, we know”

You look at him with huge eyes, which you’re sure is the reason why he has that shit eating grin on his face. He stands up from his squatting position and looks you dead in the eyes.

“You thought an idiot like Baron could ever mess with us and we wouldn’t know.” You felt a huge relief crash over you as you leaned back to the cold wall.

There was silence before Heeseung spoke, “So you got all dolled up and stood next to a man you hated all to come here and warn Ni-ki huh?” You closed your eyes and bit your lip.

“I feel so dumb.” “Never dumb baby, just naive.”

You chuckled as he asked “Do you love him?” You scoffed “What do I have to love about him— a few insults and one measly kiss?” Heeseung laughed this time “Love doesn’t need a reason, it just happens”

You guys both heard the loud cheers from inside “Do you wanna?” Heeseung asked and you looked at him “Is there anywhere were I can watch without being seen?” Heeseung nodded. “Let me take you.”

He took you to a side balcony of the ball salon, you saw all the glits and the glamour of the filthy rich, men standing away from their mistresses yet watching them. Women doing lines from their clutches and hitting on the men they deemed worthy of the night. Some men getting dragged out because they were passed out from substances.

Heeseung just stood back and watched you. Suddenly the crowd begun to cheer as you saw Ni-ki step out with a beautiful blond next to him, blue eyes and an olive complexion that suited her red dress beautifully.

The same red dress you had on with the same jelwery and the same clutch. Baron was one sick fucking bastard, your gaze landed on Ni-ki, his hair was even blonder and he wore a navy colored suit with a vest, he had black gloves on and he looked like he was enjoying himself by the smile that graced his lips.

You realized that was the first time you saw him smile, truly smile. A man that you had been so hung up on yet you never saw him even smile truly. You closed your eyes and a tear shed. Fuck…

You wiped your tears and sniffled, Heeseung just stood back letting you watch the whole thing as Ni-ki turned towards his fiancee who had a giant rock on her hand big enough to be seen from the balcony.

“Heeseung” “Yes baby” “Take me away from here” “Yes ma’m”

You turned towards the red velvet curtain of the balcony pulling the rope to close it like the rest were. At that moment you saw his eyes snap up and you came eye to eye with him.

Ni-ki’s smile dropped as he saw you, you looked down at him from the balcony, you didn’t know if he could see your tears or not but as his fiancé looked at him and asked him something his eyes dropped down to her immediately, concern flashed on his face.

You closed the window and turned around, “Where is the restroom?” Heeseung opened the door “Down to the left” you begun to walk and then ran to the bathroom.

You could feel the tears trailing down your cheek, fuck this and everything. You turned towards the bathroom and heard some footsteps behind you, not wanting someone else to see the shit show you were tonight you closed the door hurriedly until someone stuck their hand through.

You turned around and the door was flung open, it was Ni-ki standing infront of you, his cologne hitting your nose making your breath hitch. He looked so breathtaking up close, any girl would be lucky to call him hers.

You tried to push past him, he grabbed you by the arms and slammed you back onto the wall, closing the door with his foot “Let me go” you whisper, Ni-ki just looks at you anger and something amist to being hurt flashed in his eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Fuck that deep voice makes you melt, it hurts it truly does and yet hearing his voice makes you feel like the anxious stressed feeling you had over you dissolved into dust.

“I’m leaving now.” You whisper and he says back “No the fuck you aren’t” you try to say something but before you can get a word out his lips crashed into yours, you tried to push him back but he was like a brick wall. His lips melted yours making you move with his.

He took one hand and pinned both of your wrists above your head, you couldn’t breathe anymore, salvia dripping down your chin, he pulled back and you gasped.

You glanced to the side a tear escaping your eye and Ni-ki leaned forward “Why are you crying pretty?” You felt his tongue press against your cheek he licked your tear.

“Fucking piece of shit” you muttered. He clicked his tongue “Such a pretty mouth always spitting something so foul” you grit your teeth “You have a fiancé if you fucking forgot”

Niki bit his glove and pulled it off from his hand before he came eye to eye with you “I don’t fucking care.” You opened your mouth to say something but he stuck his ring and middle finger in, pressing them on your tongue.

He smirked as you just stared at him with angry, wet eyes. “You look so much better in this dress then her.” You didn’t want to admit to how those words made you feel, how they made you happy.

“,,We shouldn’t be doing this” is that what you’re gonna say princess?” He pinched your tongue between his finger “Was gonna refuse me the pussy that begs for me?” You try to deny, try to shake your head no.

“Suck.” He commands and you obey as his knee presses up against your pussy, you whimper and he smiles “Come on baby, I know you want to grind on daddy”

Holy fuck, this was so embarrassing and so humiliating, his mocking tone and furrowed eyebrows made you so weak, he was younger than you and yet he was the one in control.

You shivered as your hips rocked back and forth, he took his fingers out your mouth and slipped them inside your dress, the cold marble pressed against your back and Ni-ki pressed against your tits as his wet fingers rubbed circles around your clit, making you bite your lip.

His mouth kissed all over your shoulders, collar bones and neck, he bit your neck as if to leave traces for whoever next was to see. “You’re so wet for a man who has a fiancé hmm? Atta girl, so nasty so so disgusting for me” you whimpered as he slipped a finger inside.

“I know princess, I know it’s long, I know its thick, I know so shut the fuck up and take it like the slut you are hm?” He said and slipped a second finger inside, his fingers pumped in and out of you making you unable to stand on your own.

He let go of your wrist and his hand undid his belt buckle, he pulled out his cock and you glanced down. He was long and pale, his tip was leaking with precum.

He backed up giving you some space as you slowly got down onto your knees and grabbed his cock. You brought the tip to your mouth, kissing it gently before pushing it down your throat, Ni-ki hissed at the sudden move.

Your hand begun to move with your mouth as his hand fisted your hair, fuck he was big— you fought the urge to gag as the blond man grunted. Your mouth was unrelenting as he threw his head back swallowing his adams apple bobbing up and down.

“So hungry for that dick huh?” He asked as you looked up coming eye to eye with him “Those men at the club couldn’t satisfy this little mouth hm?” You grazed your teeth ever so slightly over his tip.

He yanked your head back by your hair “Careful baby, what would happen if you hurt the cock that’s gonna make you cry all night long” fuck he had a dirty mouth.

“All this talk and yet…” Ni-ki smiled pressing his thumb over your bottom lip keeping your mouth open before he spat in your mouth and then forced your jaw shut before flinging you up from the ground by your arm.

He raised you up making you sit on the sink, his hands undid your dress as his mouth found yours, he kept working his lips against yours, his hands palmed your tits, he massaged them for a few seconds before he pulled away from your lips.

He pushed you slightly back and leaned down towards your chest never breaking eye contact with you as he took one perky nipple into his mouth his thumb played with the other one. You closed your eyes and he pinched your nipple making you glare at him as he glared back.

“Eyes on me.”

His voice was hoarse and fuck his dick was pressing up against yours thigh “Ni-ki fuck me before I find someone else to do it for me.” Ni-ki smirked “We both know that’s a lie baby”

He grabbed your thighs making you spread your legs even further, he slid his dick along your slit, coating it before whispering to himself “Fuck, jesus you’re so wet” you whimpered as his tip kept rubbing your clit.

“So sensitive for daddy” he said before he pushed his tip into you, you groaned, his warm, thick, hard cock entered you inch by inch.

You could feel yourself melting as he let out a groan, he leaned down and kissed you again. His first few thrust were slow before he pulled away from your lips.

He begun to fuck you and you could feel him oh so close to that senstive spot so you pulled back just ever so slightly, you were enjoying yourself but you had pride, this “kid” who was fucking you had to cum before you.

You laid back a bit more and raised your hips slightly to scoot back a bit, Ni-ki was too focused on fucking you with hard strokes that made you want to give in.

And the moment you placed your hips down you slipped, there was some water on the marble, making you slide forward and as you did Ni-ki’s dick drilled into that one spot making you whimper— loudly.

Suddenly Ni-ki stopped and glanced at you as you tried to back up realizing it was too late now, Ni-ki’s hands slid from your thighs to your hips before his fingers gripped them.

“Where are you going princess?”

He asked before he slammed into you again, hitting the same spot he begun to fuck you, hard. He still had the same pace but now he was hitting the right place to make you tear up and moan as your hands went to his neck, your nails digging and scratching the sensitive skin.

Ni-ki didn’t take his eyes off from you even for a second, you raised an arm up to hide your face “Don’t.” His tone was serious almost as if he was offended by the idea of you hiding yourself from him.

You didn’t know what to do as his cock drilled into you, his hot lips kissed all over your tits and his fingers found your clit, tears ran down your cheeks “Ni-ki ‘s too much” he smirked “Hm?”

‘I- ‘m so close fuck Ni-ki” and with that Ni-ki stopped everything making you let out a choked sob “Who’s the baby now, baby?” Your brain short circuited. “Please make me cum please” you cried as your hands pulled his hair, punched his bicep, your nails dug into his back.

“You know what you need to call me to cum baby”

Fuck… cruel bastard.

“Ni-ki please…” “Tch”

He stood there, unmoving… a minute passed and then another, he knew you were hungry for it, he knew you wanted to cum, he begun his soft strokes again but you needed him to go hard again.

“Please, daddy” “Good girl”

He picked up his pace again, every time his cock slid in you could feel yourself coming closer to the edge and as you’re stomach tied in knots you moaned “I’m close”

Ni-ki went harder keeping his pace the same as your legs begun to shake and your moans got breathier, you’re back arched off the sink

“Mggfhm fuck fuck fuck”

And with one final stroke you came, you’re legs shaking and mouth open, the come down didn’t happen as Ni-ki kept fucking you, you tried to speak but only sobs left your mouth, Ni-ki grunted his movements got sloppier.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum inside”

You nodded, wrapping your legs around his waist pulling him closer to you “Fuck look at you baby, want to make daddy a real dad hm?”

One of his hands groped your tit and the other ruffled his hair “Gonna put my kids in you and watch this belly swell hm ? Gonna make me a daddy ? Gonna be a single mom for me ?”

“yes,yes,yes”

It was all you could say as he closed his eyes and grunted his thrust made you close again and he whispered to you “I’m gonna cum” you nodded “I’m close” you whispered his fingers found your clit and he begun to rub fast soft circles and hitting all the right places.

You screamed as he grunted with a few final thrusts you both came you could feel the warm liquid fill your insides as you clenched and unclenched uncontrollably around him. Ni-ki leaned forward and rested his sweaty forehead on yours as you both gasped for breath.

You could feel his heartbeat, you could see him listening to yours, his breathing syncing up with yours, you guys laying skin to skin, your heartbeats catching the same rythm.

He closed his eyes and your hand found its way to his hair gently running your nails through it as Ni-ki closed his eyes, he slowly raised his hand up, intertwining his fingers with yours and raised his head up kissing the hand that played with his hair.

Before raising himself up and slowly pulling out of you, you whimpered at the loss as Ni-ki pushed the cum that leaked out back in, he didn’t say anything yet you understood.

You glanced at his hand, there stood his wedding band showing he was soon to be married. He couldn’t look you in the eyes and you didn’t know what you could say either. You got up and put your dress back on and he just stood there and watched you.

“Y/n”

He called, you glanced back, hearing your real name out of his mouth was a shock.

“Yes?” “Please…” “What are you saying please for?”

…

“Goodbye Ni-ki”

Authors note: Hey y’all 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂 how y’all doing ? So I was wondering— if you guys couldn’t tell I also love me some Heeseung and I was wondering if y’all would be interested in an alternative pt 4 where it could maybe be a 3sum and a time skip of all the men or should I just stop dragging it out and leave it at this ?

pairing: gangsta!riki x stripper!fem reader

synopsis: Where Ni-ki doesn't do anything more than one nights and you just can't forget the blond.

cw: masturbating, voyeurism, choking, stalking, lap dance, kissing

one | two (here) | three

The stage was already occupied with Lyra and her match as you guided Heeseung backstage, his fingers intertwined with yours, following you around without any objections.

“What’s your name?” “Crimson” “The real one”

You just glanced at him over your shoulder, “Crimson, you’re up!” The madam shouted a smirk graced your lips “Lucky timing” you answered as you pulled Heeseung onto the stage. The crowd erupted in screams, the girls were cheering you on as you brought the man to the center of the stage where the chair was placed.

The lights dimmed, the music picked up, you slowly dragged your hand up Heeseung’s shirt, feeling the mans muscles flex, he swallowed, his eyes scanning your figure. You pushed him down, his body obeyed your command, he was completely relaxed under your touch as you slowly turned around and let your hands trace your curves. You then turned towards Heeseung again slowly raising your leg up and placing it between his legs, he spread his legs even more.

He sat there, manspreading and leaned back, arms crossed just watching you with a smirk, you slowly raised your leg up to his chest and pressed it, he grabbed your ankle with one hand and placed a kiss on your leg before trailing upwords towards your knee.

You fisted his hair with one hand and leaned down, your lips brushed against his, you slowly smiled before turning around and sitting on his lap fully, Heeseung’s hands immediately came around your hips, his warm hands tracing your ass as you grinded on him.

You bent over, whining and twerking as his hard on poked you. You wrapped your legs around the chair and let yourself fall back in between his legs, you hair sprawled all across the floor as Heeseung groaned, you let your hand grab a bunch of cash and place it between your tits.

Everyone was watching— you could feel the eyes on you. The attention of men women and him. You couldn’t see him yet you could swear he was watching, you raised yourself back up and Heeseung was waiting for you with open arms, you raised your hips up slightly and Heeseung slammed you down immediately.

You moaned slightly, rocking your hips back and forth, dry humping the guy who was kissing all over your tits was a great way to forget pretty much anything. The track ended and cheers begun, the madam called another girl onstage and you dragged Heeseung to the back, when you guys were alone in the dressing room you guys both looked at each other.

He chuckled first and the you begun giggling before you could name the emotions that were surging through you, you both were laughing. “You are one hell of a woman Crimson” Heeseung whispered “Thank you” you just answered back in a whisper.

Suddenly the door banged open making you flinch, Heeseung lost all his humor as he turned to the door, it was the blond. Ni-ki stood there, his hand was on the door, he looked at Heeseung dead in the eyes— ignoring you “Let’s go” you looked back at Heeseung, he now had a gun in his hand that you didn’t feel on him before.

You’re eyes widened slightly “Later sweetheart” Heeseung said now seemingly angry too, you just nodded as Heeseung passed Ni-ki and walked down the corridor, you turned around to take of your makeup for the night as you looked into the mirror you saw Ni-ki standing behind you.

You gasped, shock coursed over you as his hand wrapped around your throat and your back slammed against his body. He didn’t say anything as his brown eyes searched yours, his hand wasn’t letting go, you felt your breath slowly fading away.

You stepped on his feet with your heel, elbowed him in the stomach and yet he didn’t move even an inch, he just clenched his jaw, he didn’t say anything as he bent his face down towards yours and bit your lip, the same place Heeseung bit you before letting you go.

You turned around ready to scream at his face but he wasn’t there. “Fucking prick” you ran your hands thru your hair but your heart kept beating, there was a pink tint that sat on your cheeks, you closed your eyes— fuck.

Later that night when you arrived home, Lyra had already fallen asleep, she arrived home sooner than you, after the whole situation you had you threw back a few shots at the bar, making sure you had enough for a good nights sleep.

When you got out of the shower your phone rang, you didn’t look at it, drying your hair and applying your night cream first. Only when you got into the bed you checked your phone, it was an unknown number.

“Did you go home?”

You stared at the message, fear and thrill coarsed through your veins, could it be…

“Ni-ki?”

Three dots appeared and disappeared.

“Good” “You know who you’re talking to”

“You’re crazy, how did you get my number?”

“Never do that shit again”

“?”

There was silence from the other side, you stared at the screen for a minute before the message appeared.

“Don’t pull that shit you pulled with him again”

You furrowed your brows, a kid wasn’t going to be telling you what you could or couldn’t especially after kid whom berated you.

“I don’t know what you have confused here Ni-ki, stripping is my job and I’d be fucking damned if I stopped for a 19 year old kid.”

“20”

You scoffed in disbelief as you threw your phone somewhere on the bed, you didn’t care for whatever the fuck he had to say anymore, what a weird kid.

Your phone vibrated with a few more messages before it begun to buzz, you ignored it once, twice, the third time you reached for you phone to put it on dnd.

“Answer the phone” “Last time I’m warning you Crimson”

You answered the phone, Ni-ki was silent, you just sighed before muttering “What do you want Ni-ki” he chuckled, his voice was deeper over the phone you closed your eyes a shiver ran down your spine, “I still haven’t heard you say it” you rubbed a hand over your face “Say what?” He answered in a heartbeat. “Say that you won’t be fucking entertaining random men on stage kissing them” you sighed.

“That’s my job Ni-ki, those men pay my bills, those men fund my life style” it was Ni-ki’s turn to scoff “You know, I’m far more capable of doing that and more compared to any man at that club” you laughed, it wasn’t a cute laugh— you didn’t intend for it to be. “How old were you again” you asked “Twenty” he answered, you laughed some more.

“You think I’m gonna stop working and let a kid take care of me?” There was a silence that made you feel even more giddy “You think twenty is a kid?” You chuckled “Sorry, a baby” you corrected yourself. “You were offering to give a baby a lap dance then?” His tone was mocking, you felt that weird feeling in your gut again.

“That was my mistake, you’re right. You looked young I shouldn’t have.” Ni-ki clearly didn’t expect this answer out of you. “In the end it all happened with Heeseung anyway so it all worked out but I won’t approach you anymore.”

Ni-ki scoffed “Even if you approached me nothing would have happened— I don’t date, much less strippers.” You could hear the anger in his tone “So what you just sleep around with a girl and fund her life?!” His answer came in fast “If I want to yeah, mostly sleep around.”

“Goodbye Ni-ki.”

With that you hung up the phone, you were fuming— you put your phone on airplane mode and closed your eyes, you were going the fuck to bed. Fuck a blond asian men with dark brown eyes and deep voice. You knew men never took you and the girls who worked in the industry too seriously but it didn’t make you much less of a human then any other highly educated lady.

Whenever you talked with him, it made you insecure, the feeling never really went away, you didn’t understand what it was. His sharp eyes and cold demeanor or his ego that made you so interested in him. Was it his voice that made you get wet or was it the reminder he left on your neck, soft bruises that were throbbing now that you focused on it.

Was it his soft warm lips that made you slip your fingers inside your panties or his brooding height that made you imagine how being under him would look. Your fingers rubbed circles around your clit as your eyes fluttered closed. You could smell his cologne, hear his voice, feel his strong hand around your neck, you fastened your speed up “oh fuck, ni-ki” you whispered. His name slipped out so easily, your back arched off the bed and your breath was knocked out your lungs.

You closed your eyes and sighed, what a fucking asshole, making you cum even when he wasn’t there.

Ni-ki could forgive you for hanging up the phone to his face after that little show you put on, just for him.

pairing: gangsta!riki x stripper!fem reader

synopsis: Where Ni-ki doesn't do anything more than one nights and you just can't forget the blond.

cw: smut (in part 3) wc: 1k~

one (here) | two | three

You were covered in glitter, your wig sat tight around your head and your dress— if you could even call it that hid nothing.

You slipped your feet into your pleasers as the madam called you “Crimson, baby come on!” You smiled at her before getting up.

“It’s full tonight” you whisper she just nods before leaving, your song begins so you take a step onto the stage as you approach the pole a few whistle and a few chant your name.

You were notorious, known and desired.

You worked in one of the elite luxury strip clubs, the sentence seemed ironic whenever you said it aloud but it was true.

The elite loved the girls they deemed lover then them, CEO’s, criminals, actors and actresses, singers, directors etc.

You grabbed the pole and slowly raised your leg, wrapping it around the pole before doing a few spins, as the song picked up you begun to work the pole as you pleased and the money begun coming in.

You smiled as the dollar bills and euros begun to land on you, grasping everything and throwing it in the air before clanking your heels together.

The set was three songs and then you were going to do lap dances and private rooms, as you finished up one of your regulars waved you over, you smiled at the man before turning around.

“The old bastard.” You muttered as you placed all of your money into your money pouch, “The one with the limp dick ?” One of the girls asked “Ew” you muttered as your friend Lyra giggled “It’s true one of the girls walked into a private room and saw him trying to get it up but failing to do so” you gagged.

As you got out of backstage and started walking around the men begun to get handsy with you, you looked for your regular but he wasn’t where he was a moment ago.

Instead you saw someone else in the back, a seemingly young looking guy with a grey zip up, he was wearing jeans and a wife beater, his hood was up but se of his blond strands were falling, he was facing you although you weren’t sure if he was looking at you.

He had on expensive shoes but other than that he was at the wrong place or at least he looked like it, you approached him.

He didn’t move as you walked closer to him stopping only when he looked up and god fucking damn was the kid hot.

He had a baby face in the sense that he looked young 21 at most but he was handsome, a sharp jaw and even sharper eyes, he looked angry his brows were furrowed and his lips were full, he smirked as he spoke but his tone was angry “Yes..?” You smiled, fuck his voice was deep.

“Anything I can help you with ?” You ask, he scoffed. “Nothing you can help with” your smile never left as you turned around “Your choice” and you suddenly saw your regular approaching you or so you thought before he spoke “Ni-ki, son how are you ?” You glanced back over your shoulder only to come eye to eye with the guy

Niki answered, his eyes never leaving yours “Fine, you owe me an explanation Baron” your regular glanced at you nervously before muttering “Crimson darling maybe another day” you giggled “Ofcourse, call me when you need me” and as you walked away you heard their footsteps also disappear behind you.

The guy stuck to your mind for some reason— blond hair and dark brown eyes, he seemed so out of place yet so confident. “Still thinking about the kid ?” Lyra who was also your flatmate asked from the kitchen, she only had panties on, her hair wet and the towel she slung around her neck was covering her tits but nothing more.

“No…” you said from the couch you were in a sports bra and some short shorts and Lyra just looked at you with a soft sigh “…maybe” you mutter. “Girl— you know the kid is young” she said “I know, I know” Lyra smirked “But the mother fucker is handsome” you just giggled as she sat next to you “Plus you’re not granny status yet” she muttered

“I’m 25 and you’re the same age as me” Lyra laughed “I’m not 25 yet there is still a month left” you groan “Oh my god Lyra” she threw her legs over your thighs and muttered “You know I’m joking— and if he ever were to you know get it on with you” she slowly raised her leg up and pushed you back “I’d be down to join” you smiled “I miss when we used to go crazy in collage” she muttered “We can always do it again Ly” she smiled at your answer.

The fallowing nights you saw him, sometimes in all black and sometimes in a hoodie, he was always at the very back, he always watched your set and then disappeared to the back of the club, you realised later on that he was some sort of dealer or somebody in a crime organization by the way the men watched him.

He never approached them, they came up to him. You put on your show every night making sure that it was your “best one yet”— you didn’t know when it started, your crave for his affection, for his gaze to land on you and stay.

After a week there was a party being thrown at the club, a party meant one of two things either you were going to make a lot of money or you’re gonna run back home, the men were even more barbaric during the parties, they didn’t ask for sex, they assumed that it was given— sure for some girls it was true they saw the opportunity and took it, it was a good way for quick cash but some refused it which never really ended up sweetly.

The club gave every girl an S.O.S. Bracelet to use whenever they were in danger, if you press it a signal would be sent and the bouncers would come get you, if you didn’t want help just don’t press it was the most they offered.

“You girls are gonna bring a guest to the stage and give a lapdance to whomever it may be, make a show out of it” the madam announced, this wasn’t anything new.

What was new was the blond man’s appearance, you never saw Ni-ki at a party ever now or was it that you simply never noticed him ? As the music and the lights changed you kept spinning, the money fell all over the stage and as the madam gave you guys the signal from back stage, everyone begun to scatter around the crowd trying find the person they’re supposed to dance on.

You looked around the crowd for someone to choose before you could even take a step, Lyra pushed you full force— you flung forward, until a strong hand held you, you looked up it was the blond, your heart picked up, his eyes drifted all over you as he took a deep breath his jaw tightening.

“Come to the stage with me” you blurted out and he just gave you a stern “No” you felt your heart sink “Shy ?” You asked but not because you actually thought that he was shy, because you didn’t trust your voice not to break, his short answer felt like a rejection to everything even though there was nothing to reject, it felt like he rejected your mere idea of finding him attractive.

You didn’t know hot to explain the sinking feeling in your gut as he let you go abruptly and just looked down at you, you’re pleasers were shorter this time. He suddenly felt like a giant and you stomach churned “Maybe I just don’t want to be on stage with a cougar” he glanced sideways before exhaling, done with the conversation.

You sucked in your stomach and stood taller, he noticed— there was a smirk to show that he did. “Insecure ?” You felt your throat close up now fully. You turned around and took a step, Lyra was waiting for you with a smirk but as you approached her she realised that there was something wrong “Never. Do that ever in your fucking life ever again.” You just whispered to her but there was hurt in your voice “I- fuck I’m sorry” Lyra said, she tried to grab your arm but you brushed past her, it wasn’t her fault and yet you felt too embarrassed to even face her.

It was time to get on stage and yet you didn’t have anybody to go to stage with, you closed your eyes and took a deep breath, you didn’t even want to dance after that, sure you were objectively a beautiful and desired woman and yet when the guy you craved attention from didn’t give it to you it all felt… empty.

At that moment someone else entered the club, you glanced at the man entering because you were already standing by the door contemplating going outside for the whole thing. The man was tall and had dark hair, he was also dressed casually seemed to be the same age as you or younger, a cigarette was hanging from his lips, great another one was your first thought before the man looked at you, his cologne made you want to take another deep breath.

He took a drag before taking the cigarette from his lips and offering it to you, “You look like you need it baby” you chuckled at first but the laughter came out of no where— it sounded wrong, you were so frustrated you just started to laugh but he didn’t budge, he just stood there letting you get your steam off and when you were done with your semi manic laughter he just took a quick glance at the cigarette as if to urge you.

You slowly bent over, wrapping your lips around the filter, taking a drag— you look up at him “… fuck” the guy bit his inner cheek and looked away as you straightened up letting the smoke drift from your mouth

“What’s your name?” “Heeseung” “Wanna come to the stage with me Heeseung?” “If you keep saying my name like that I might do anything you want from me baby”

pairing: singer!niki x situationship!reader

cw: MDNI, fingering, abuse (from parents), angst -no happy ending-, unprotected sex (don't), cunnilingus, nipple play, lemme know if i forgot any

You glanced around in the rain waiting for Riki to come, you both didn’t meet a lot this month so now you guys were meeting up to go to an arcade close by, small enough that no one would come in and large enough for you guys to have fun, you were wearing his favorite hoodie that he left at your place, mascara double coated and your lips glossy, “Hey” you heard a deep voice and nearly flinched, you turned around only to see him, Riki- in a large hoodie, grey sweats and a mask, glasses covered his eyes and yet- he glanced around nervously “C’mon lets go” he hurried you, you got up and stood next to him, your hand brushed against his, you pulled away before he grabbed your hand as if to say that it was ok. “You look unrecognizable” you muttered “Why are you this paranoid ?” He grunted- squeezing your hand harder, you could feel his warmth radiate off to you. You closed your eyes a bit and smiled “Never mind” he chuckled seeing how you let things go with a little affection made him happy, you were so easy sometimes. When you guys reached the arcade you both practically ran in and visiting all the machines, laughing and giggling was you do so. He had amazing luck and you had amazing aiming skills it seemed, “How do you even get so lucky ?” you asked and he smiled over his mask “Because luck is like a currency and I happen to use my luck wisely, little by little and not like you who just wishes for something so bad and spends all of their luck getting it” he was talking about the four leaf clover charm you were trying to win from the spinning wheel and something else that you told him was your biggest wish, then he asked for the hundredth time “What did you spend all of your luck on ?” You answered jokingly “Well I used all mine up on something very special, you know this stop asking.” he furrowed his brows “I know that part, on a special what ?” you giggled.

“Luck isn’t a currency dumbass.” You corrected him and he laughed “You’re wrong but I have something for you” you looked at him as he pulled out a four leafed clover out of his bag- he won that for you ?!  You suddenly beamed at him “It’s so cute!” You hugged him and he hugged you back resting his chin on your head, you glanced at his evil eye charm that you had gifted him hoping no evil eye would ruin his luck or anything he ever wanted to be honest. Suddenly two girls entered the arcade speaking loud enough that everyone would hear “He is so hot I’m gonna lose my mind!!!” One said making both you and Riki glance over at the girl, her long red wavy hair fell down onto her back and she had freckles all over her face, her green eyes shone with light and she had a body that was toned beyond belief, she was beautiful “You and that idol” the other girl murmured she also was gorgeous, blond hair and blue eyes she was tall and skinny like a model hell did you see her on a magazine once ?! “Not just and idol it’sNi-Ki, c’mon I told you like a million times.” When Riki heard his name he grabbed your hand and dragged you out of there.

“I told you this was a bad idea” he said, his tone cold and angry he glared at you as if you explicitly told those girls where he was. “Riki they didn’t even-“ he suddenly pressed his hand against your mouth, “Shut. Up.” You looked at him feeling your heart break a bit, why did it always have to be like this. Always under cover always under pressure…

He called over a taxi and before you knew it you guys were back on your way to his house, the familiar streets and houses made you sigh, at least the date wasn’t over, when you guys went inside of his house he angrily threw off his clothes and ran a hand through his hair, refreshing his phone as if he was waiting to find a huge scandal on it, he doesn’t.

“It will be fine Riki, promise”

“You don’t know that.”

“Riki trust me no one saw you’re face you had a mask and glasses and plus you are an idol you have fans of course I don’t know what it feels like but I’m trying to make you feel better, I-“

“Someone who doesn’t know jack shit about my world wouldn’t be able to understand or make me feel better. So can you do me a favor and shut the fuck up for once in your life and let me handle it.”

Ouch…

You turned your back towards him going into the kitchen to pour yourself some water, you could feel his footsteps shuffle behind you and as you got a glass he hugged your waist. You tried to pry his hands off “C’mon don’t… do that” Riki whispered and you stopped trying. Tears ran down your face while you tried to find excuses for him in your mind. He turned you around- you were eye to eye, he was still young, still counted as a boy, he was angry you think to yourself. He wiped your tears and kissed you cheek “God, your short…” you mumbled to him and he slightly pinched you.

You laughed and before you even finished laughing his mouth is on yours, he kissed you gently, he lifted you up and sat you on the counter. He rested his chin between the dip of your breasts, you kissed his forehead, he smiled that stupid charming, boyish smile and you felt your heart soften. He looked at you his eyebrows relaxing, his mouth gently kissing you again after you peppered kisses on him everywhere but his lips. He unclipped your bra and palmed one your breasts,  his thumb playing with your nipple while he grinded his clothed erection against you, you moaned and he closed his eyes groaning “Kiss me baby” he muttered, he pulled away and his eyes settled on your lips, you hesitated before you placed a soft kiss on his lips and in return he peppered kisses over your neck, your shoulders, your stomach until he was on his knees in front of you and his mouth hovered over you pussy.

You closed your eyes and he pressed his tongue all over your cunt before he swiped it across your slit “So sweet” he whispered before his tongue begun to work you the same way he always did, making you grind yourself onto his face, his tongue sweet and rough, getting you all close and slowing down after you came never stopping, he sucked your clit with the right amount of pressure before slowly easing a finger into you and then the second, it was all too much “I’m close” you muttered “Riki…” he pulled back drawing a huff from you “Come with me.” He said.

He pulled his boxers down as his mouth sucked your breasts, you stared at his length, he was not so thick and yet he was long… “Condom” you muttered trying to get up and he looked around “Don’t have one.” He dragged his tip on up and down on your slit, making you stop what you were doing “Riki-“ he kissed you again making you shut up and you felt your brain melting as he eased the tip into you, his touch- so soft and sweet, so passionate. He slowly entered you inch by inch making you unable to breath. “Breathe, pretty girl” he whispered into your ear.

He took his time to make sure you were ok, to make sure you felt pleasure and not pain. You pulled back, your eyes getting blurry from the tears you felt so cared for he was so sweet and gentle, he kept hitting that one spot that made you weak, you hugged him burrying your face on the crook of his neck and he chuckled before he arms wrapped around you “Such a pretty girl” he whispered into your ear “So soft and gentle, so caring” his strokes were becoming faster now. “Loot at me, sweet girl” he said when you shook your head no he just smiled and stopped, pulling out. You whined from the loss of him “Please baby, look at me I want to see your beautiful face” he added “I want to see your eyes, your nose, your lips especially your lips” how could you say no to that.

You looked back up, coming eye to eye with him, he pressed his forehead against yours, “Better ?” You asked a bit of anger n your tone, he thrusted and answered at the same time “So. much. better.” and with that you both lost yourselves, coming together, his phone rang abruptly. You both made eye contact and he gave you an apologetic smile before he rushed to it making you sit on the kitchen counter with him dripping down your legs, you looked down as a hundred and one things went through your mind, holy shit, you got up or at least tried to get up.

Suddenly he shouted happily and you looked at him “I got it!” He rushed over to you and kissed you everywhere making you giggle a bit making your anxiety ease for a second “What happened ?” You softly pushed him away to breathe, “You know the role I wanted- that new drama- I got it.” you lit up too “Riki, that’s huge” you smiled “I know!” He lifted you up and spun you around laughing with you before he put you down “Well let’s order something and watch a movie to celebrate” you suggested and he smiled “Your the best, best friend I could ever have I swear.”

You halted

The world slowed down

Your happiness died out.

…

“Yes” you muttered “I know” 

You loved Riki ever since he was a child and you were a child who both went to the same pre-school and happened to be neighbors, you grew up with him and shared everything with him, quite literally. He was your neighbor who heard every fight you had with you parents, how your father liked alcohol more then the usual guy and how your mother ripped your clothes up when you got skinnier than her, he was there through the years where your father got meaner and meaner and your mother got angrier and bitter, he was the one consistent light you had in your life, checking up on you and bringing you medicine when you were sick to taking the blame for you sneaking out, lending you money when you needed it. All of that lead up to one night where you guys hooked up at a random party and from then on this was your new normal. You didn’t want to loose him knowing how much he liked this set up and how hard he was working, his image as a celebrity was as important to you as it was for him so you moved with caution and never pressed him for anything more, knowing he was busy, knowing he had something special with you or at least that was what you thought and he never asked for more or less.

You went to the bathroom to clean up yourself up and he ordered food, you looked into the mirror. Naked with his cum dripping down your thighs, the word best friend rang in your ears, tears fell. You wiped them quickly but they didn’t stop, you kept crying, your heart ached, your bit your bottom lip hoping to keep quiet as you crouched down, used and discarded, you felt disgusting. In the shower you scrubbed yourself raw making sure to wash everywhere and chug a lot of water to keep yourself clean, the feeling didn’t go away. You looked at yourself, eyes red and soft remains of your mascara were making your under eyes black, you tried to clean your face up hopefully he wouldn’t notice it.

Would he even notice it ?

You washed your face and got out changing into a fresh new set of clothes, you hanged your new charm on your bag and then sat beside him, he threw an arm around you, you guess favorite movie was on and the food was set up on the table infront of you guys. Everything was fine and you were content.

And that was until the next day where you got a call from him, your finals were coming up so you were studying all of your textbooks open in front of you as you tried to highlight the chapters which the teacher deemed more important then the rest, you opened the call with a pen in your mouth looking at the papers that seemed gibberish, there was silence for a moment before you hear Riki say

“Hello”

“Hey what’s up ?”

“Nothing just studying for the finals you ?”

“Shit, right you had finals”

“Yeah we have those- what happened ?”

…

“We can’t see each other for like a year”

“What ?”

There is silence

“For the movie, there is something like a press tour but in Korea and I’m under a strict contract where I can’t be seen with anyone or take a break from this tour.”

“So what- we’re just not gonna meet up for the next year ?”

“Yeah…”

You didn’t know if it was his tone of indifference or something else that made you feel this way, your throat closed up, you could feel the tears that burned your eyes. You took a deep breath but nothing filled your lungs- you felt like you were drowning. When he realized how silent you were on the phone he sighed,

“I’ll promise I’ll make it up to you princess” he was smiling you could hear him “Come on your my best friend you know that right, don’t break my heart like that.”

You went on, you went on to disappoint yourself again, you went on breaking your own heart again, you went on like the stupid love sick girl you were putting your pride aside.

“Yeah” you make sure to say it with a smile “I hope you do amazing.”

He thanks you laughing relief filled his voice. “I know you can’t focus when shit like this happens but study for your finals, take care bye.”

And with that he hangs up, you let your head fall onto the desk, ouch.

The next week you were at school, waiting for Riki’s film poster to be released, your friend Jia who sat next to you asked you “Did you hear anything about the actress who is going to work with him ?” You shook your head no “I heard she is a huge fan of him, she talks about him being her bias and all that stuff” you looked at her, a weird feeling creeping up in your gut “Isn’t that unprofessional ?” You asked her and she shrugged “Well, I don’t know but her family is really powerful so there is probably some type of scheme there, they may have even paid for her to be casted” your phone buzzed and you lunged at it, “Calm down” Jia said but she also was staring at the screen and when the page loaded you heard your breathing stop.

Riki looked like a man, his clothes were tailored to his body and with his hair slicked back, the front two strands were colored white and he was holding a woman by her waist… The same woman who came into that arcade, the red haired, freckled girl. But she looked like a woman on that cover, a breath stompingly beautiful one at that. You felt something bubble up in your stomach coming all the way to your throat, “Are you-” was all Jia could say before you got up and ran to the bathroom, entering one of the stalls, Jia came after you and you were done you looked at her and weakly spoke “Jia this was the girl from the arcade” and you could also see her face drop, “No” she muttered and both of you looked at each other “Oh I’m so sorry” she said before hugging you and you felt like screaming crying and throwing up again.

“Hey, you looked good in the movie cover”

“Think so ?”

“Yeah why would I lie”

“Well I was really nervous but Lilly helped me through it, turns out she was an actress since she was a child”

“Oh that’s s cool”

You looked at the messages fighting the urge to throw your phone against the wall, you never deemed yourself as the insecure type and yet… Something felt off, well sure Lilly could have a bias it didn’t mean anything, there was a line of professionalism that needed to be kept and also they were actors, they were supposed to sell the story but her word from the arcade rang in your ear along with her looks, she and you were not the same at all.

That’s what you kept telling yourself over and over again as you looked at the poster trying to cope with the fact that your whole world was crumbling as your finals approached

Time was passing by and day by the you talked less and less with Riki, He was traveling all over Korea and during he and Lilly posed for the paparazzi, they held hands, walked on the street lovingly, shared ice cream, were scene at public spaces through it all, you saw how happy Riki was walking around the city without having to cover his fee, being seen with somebody and even getting praised for it. Riki told you it was all done for the movie promotion. All the wile you were studying like your life depended on it or at least trying to- fixing your messed up GPA wasn’t easy at all and this was quite literally your last chance but it wasn’t easy. Jia’s scream got you out of your trance “A man is not worth your future now study!” You bit the pen harder, trying to focus on the book in front of you but before could even read the first sentence your phone rang.

“It was done out of necessity” you looked at the text from Riki, your heart dropped and you went to search his name you clicked the newest vide.

“How do you feel about your co star ?” The interviewer asked him and he smiled looking over at Lilly and suddenly grabbed her waist pulling her towards him and kissed her, they pressed into each other so softly, when he pulled back Lilly added “Does that answer you question ?” The comments were flooded 

“OMG THEY SUIT EACH OTHER SO MUCH!!!!!” 

“Finally”

“They should have done this wayyyyyyy before.” 

…Is the last comment you see before your stomach doubles over. You felt your heart breaking, you knew what Lllly felt when Riki’s soft lips pressed onto hers, how his arms felt around her waist and how he tasted, she also knew what you knew about him and maybe even more.

You ran to the bathroom and puked your stomach out, Jia held your hair but you could also see her face etched with a sad look, she wanted to comfort you but she wasn’t sure how to so you knew this wasn’t a dream. After that it all begun your messages got left on delivered and your finals started, you hated every moment as two and a half months pass you barely turned on any device or went out onto the street everywhere being filled with him and her together. You had finals and you had projects to finish from different lessons and then undone home work along with clubs you had to take care of and yet you mind was everywhere but on school.

You bought your fifth pack of cigarettes of the week and drunk away your worries about your responsibilities, life and how much you had failed at it. You begun to decline you looked rougher, silenced all of your notification except his, your room was a mess, your head was a mess, you were a mess and yet…

…It was all bearable until your father screamed your name one night, you snubbed out your cigarette and walked towards the living room and when you arrived you saw him, your father and he was livid.

Suddenly your weren’t numb, fear, so strong and potent, you realized how bad you fucked up, your throat closed up and he raised his hand to show you… your final results. “What are these ?” He asked he already knew and you already knew what was about to happen this was just inevitable… you swallowed, “Dad-“ you didn’t get the chance to explain yourself before the first punch came your way, you found yourself on the floor before he pulled your hair screaming. You sobbed trying to brace yourself to the impact he was causing trying to stop him from hurting you as your father crushed you “Stupid girl waisting all my money to grow up to be nothing but failure” he punched your face over and over, you were under him writhing and wriggling you looked at the living room entrance only to see your mom was standing there, this whole time she was watching not stooping your father or even pitying her daughter.

“Mom-“ she closed the living room door slowly, shaking her head with a deep sigh and your father landed a wrong punch to your nose making it crunch as you screamed, you were all alone.

When your father was done with you, you layed on the floor bloody, hurting, aching and you could taste your own blood, snot and tears in your mouth “Get the fuck out of this house.” He commanded and when you didn’t move- you couldn’t he called your mom to pack your stuff, when she was done he threw them in front of you and your mom went to kiss his cheek “Calm down dear”

What a disgusting, pathetic, worthless life.

Your father grabbed you by the arm and threws you out himself, you sat at the front door for what feels like hours before you mustered up enough energy to raise yourself up, the cold air bit your body making it harder to flex your fingers, you opened your bag to see that your mom had put everything inside including your cigarettes. You looked at your four leaf clover charm, you didn’t even have the heart to throw it away, a drop of your blood fell on it and you wiped it, she didn’t even say anything about you smoking bout why would she, you weren’t her daughter anymore. You called him, Riki…

He openned on the last ring “Yes ?” He asked as if… he didn’t expect to hear from you “Riki- I- how are you ?” you say your voice breaking “I’m fine what about you ?” he asked and you meekly told him “I’m okay- its just I need a small favor” you muttered not wanting to scare him with the current state you were in although your head rang and your mouth was filled with blood, you heard a sigh “What you’re gonna ask for some money or something ?” He asked and you were shocked “No! Riki why would I-“ you said before his phone was snatched from his hand you heard the shuffling before you hear a feminine voice, her voice “Is this your little best friend ?” The voice asked giggling, it was Lilly… Riki asked her to give him his phone back but you could hear him smiling, “Heyyy little bestie, did you know your friend is an amazing actor ?” She laughed “You know if you are here to ask him for some money you really are a shitty ass best friend” 

“Give the phone back to Riki”

“You call him Riki ? I call him RiRi”

You heard the phone get snatched back before you heard Riki again “Come on say what you wanna say I need to go somewhere” Riki told you and you told him “Riki, I need you to come get me, its my dad, he was really angry-“ “I can’t come right now, I have another event for the movie” he said before you heard Lilly scream “Liar! It’s my birthday party” Silence.

You hung up.

You blocked Riki.

You took the charm out of your bag and threw it.

Looking up at the sky, you didn’t cry or scream you took a cigarette and lit it, and you begin to walk, you walked at night, in your bloody state, with your bloodied pjs, your ankle hurting, your wounds bleeding and your heart turning into ice. You walked to the ER, you checked yourself in, police came to interrogate you due to the state you were in and you didn’t utter a single word about your father, you didn’t say anything about your mother,  you just slowly closed your eyes as the police officers tried to do something, anything… When you woke up you saw a message from Riki’s manager “Sorry, he was busy” with a picture of Lilly and Riki laying down together passed out in a bed and people are passed out around them on the club floor. You blocked him too. You had to get a nose job and spent two weeks in the hospital trying to recover.

When you got out of the hospital you stopped going to school, you started looking for a jobs, you reached out to Jia only for her parents to open the phone and tell you that they couldn’t let their daughter be friends with a girl who doesn’t care about her future or her grades that dropped out and you just listened to them berate you before you hung up the phone, knowing them Jia probably had her phone taken away before they deleted you off from it before telling Jia to cut you off, you deleted social media and blocked all of your contacts.

A year passed

 The movie was out, the reviews were great and people loved everything about it. Riki was even more famous than before now living his very lavish, public relationship with his new lover and you… you were who his management team was trying to burry, some of his fans noticed he never spoke of his best friend anymore and they asked questions which he never answered.

“Three beers” the man said and you snapped back to reality you nodded filling the cups, finding work here wasn’t hard especially after your nose job, it gave you a very doll like look, you missed your old nose and you old self, people around you didn’t care about that, the club only hired extremely beautiful girls and you were the youngest amongst them making you special to rich men or woman so tips were high but the pay was even higher so you worked. Every night and every day taking on double or triple shifts earning money, saving money doing everything you could to have something for yourself enduring the harassment, 

Jia got into one of the top universities, you saw her at their website introducing new students, the best you could do was to send her flowers so you did, not attaching any of your new number or socials to it but she knew it was you, you looked at the university site again after and in her introduction text she wrote a little speech and she ended it with “Thank you to my parents, family and my guardian angel who watches over me even though I can’t talk to her anymore” it almost made you cry.

“What a beautiful girl like you doing here ?” The man asked as you turned to him “Working of course” you muttered and he looked at you “That eager to make money huh ?” He asked and you raised your eyebrows a bit “What a girl to do when she has nothing left ?” He raised an eyebrow before asking you “Not even one small little thing ?” You smirked “What is your name sir ?” You asked and he told you “Just call me uncle” you roll your eyes a bit but it was all playfull “Not even a single thing uncle” you answered. “A big party is coming everyone” your manager interrupted your little chat announces “The club will be shut down in order to host them and you guys will work until morning with bonuses, that clear ?” Everyone nodded as the man you served adds “Look at that things are turning up” he leaned in as if to tell you a secret “You’re getting a bonus” and you didn’t know if it was the fact that no one had tried to joke with you in a while or the fact that rather than hitting on you the man approached you like an uncle but you truly laughed at the older guys poor attempt at cheering you up. 

The man stared at you “You know you look very different when you laugh, just an uncles observation” he muttered and you just gave him a solemn smile before saying “I know uncle”. Suddenly the club  was filled to the brim… “Riki!” The man that was sitting in front of you got up and there you saw him. The world stopped, you gasped and the man turned back towards you when you made a dash for it towards the back exit that led to the alley way and when you opened those rusty exit doors the cold night air hit your face and the garbage smell. 

He was nothing like you’d imagine, he changed, so drastically that you couldn’t believe your eyes for a second, he now had muscles that filled his clothes, his voice had deepened over the year and he walked with so much poise, his hair shined and his facial structure like his cheek bones and jawlines were more prominent now, his eyes now had a certain look to them that radiated with confidence rather than his boyish look he had, his perfume was so overpowering that you could smell him from across the room and he… he was next to Lilly holding hands.

You fumbled with your pockets trying to find your pack, taking a cigarette and lighting it, you took a long drag letting the smoke flow away from your mouth, the broken street light buzzed and flickered and you could feel the bitter feeling one your tongue, how was he even here out of all the clubs and bars…

“I think your who my mentor was talking about” you heard him- Riki, behind you, “He told me about a girl with sad eyes who’s beautiful when she laughed, he told me to meet you” God his voice, still so familiar and rich despite his change in tone, you felt yourself legs weaken again like all those times you two talked on the phone for hours, like all of those times he talked you through it, like all those times he told you stories about his life excitement dripping from his voice.  “What’s your name ?” He asked and you took another drag, you didn’t look back you stood there as your old memories crashed into you like cold waves.

“Hey, maybe you don’t know me, I’m Ni-Ki, also known as Ni-“

You slowly turned around slowly, you were in a mini skirt, your hair done, makeup done in full glam, your jelwerry decorating all over your body, your perfume radiating off you and yet you didn’t feel beautiful or happy you just felt disgusted.

He looked at you for a few seconds before squinting eyes… only after that he realized who you were.

He realized “who the girl with sad eyes who is beautiful when she laughed” is, he realized and got white as a ghost. He took a step towards you and you didn’t move before he took another and then another until he was face to face with you, “You-” he says softly “I-“ he stumbled over his words while you took another drag and he glanced at the cigarette angrily “Why are you smoking ?” He asked and you didn’t answer, his eyebrows furrowed “Why couldn’t I reach you the past 8 months ? You never answered may calls or messages and I couldn’t get in touch with anyone that knew you even Jia, she blocked me and refused to talk to me” Your heart swelled when you heard how your friend stood on your side even through it all and it made you feel warm, you had one person backing you up at least and the one person made a big difference to you.”

“Princess, what happened ?” He asked changing his tone seeing that you didn’t answer, he took you in again with his eyes from head to toe

“Nothing.” you answered, he flinched at your voice, you didn’t know what he flinched at when this is how you have been talking for the past eight months. 

Your voice deeper and raspier with all the cigarettes you smoked and how your father ruptured your vocal cords by choking you hard enough.

“Why did you change yourself ?” He asked looking at your nose, no answer.

“Why did you change your number ?” No answer

“Why did you block everyone ?” No answer

“Why do you work at a night club ?” No answer

“Do you…” he looked at your skimpy outfit “… sell yourself ?” You slapped him so hard his face flipped sideways under a second, leaving a huge read mark.

“Why didn’t you look for me if you wanted to see me that bad ?” You asked and he suddenly looked at you shocked before anger crashed into him, “You know I was worried about you but you’re still the same as ever, selfish. You know I was working on the film with Lilly, you were supposed to be the one who texted me and called me.”

“I did you fucking prick, you never answered.”

Silence stretched

“Is she your girlfriend ?” 

“Yes.”

Your thew your cigarette onto the floor crushed it with your heel and rain started pouring down softly, 

“You took her out to public dates ?” He looked at you confused “Why does that even matter ?” He asked before you looked up at him, you guys no longer stood eye to eye, he was taller now.

“What was I to you Riki ? You asked, this was what the girl you were a year ago wanted to know, this was what you owed to yourself to hear from his lips what you knew and yet never dared to think about in order to not break your own ♡ 

“Seriously is this what this is about ? You were my best friend- you are my best friend”

He said “are”

“Was I your best friend when you looked at me and asked me to be your prom date ?” He looked at you and you saw, he knew what you were about to say. “Or was I your best friend when you came inside me ? Was I still your best friend when you came over every year for valentines day to give me a plushie and chocolates ? Or when you cried on my shoulder about the future, when you were drunk and then kissed me ? Were you still my best friend when I limped over to your house because my dad broke my ankle and you helped tend for it ? Were you still my best friend when I asked you to be gentle because it was my first ? Were you still my best friend when I asked you to kiss over my wounds that my father created because I failed at math ? Was I still your best friend when you said “I know love is unconditional because I have you in my life” ?” You had. Tears running down your face “Was I still your best friend when you kissed her ?”

He took a step back and you realized you were shouting, he looked around.

To see if anyone heard before replying to you .

“You were- fuck! You’re still my best friend!” He addeded “Those things didn’t matter we were young, stupid kids who didn’t know better look I know you thought that you loved me but it was all in your head- it was never like that for me and if you looked close enough you would realize that you also weren’t in love.”

And that cut you to you core, suddenly a sob broke out of you before you could even stop it “You want me to act like a normal friend and go inside and greet your girl friend because we are still best friends ?” You screamed and he screamed back “Well why can’t you ? Those memories didn’t mean anything, I love Lilly, she is perfect in every sense she isn’t overly sensitive, she doesn’t ask for attention all day everyday, she can stand up for herself and she knows how to support me, properly.” He was talking about you and all your faults and with the way he spoke you would think he was talking about decades ago when only a year ago he would have kissed you gently and apologized.

Wait,

Would he have apologized ?

Now that you thought about it

“Because I was youn, Riki, because I was young and in love with you ever since our first kissed, I loved you when you cried about falling off your bike, when you chased your dreams, when you came to my door every time I needed you, all those times you yelled at me because you were frustrated, when you didn’t tell your friends about me because you were ashamed to mention what happened between us ashamed about me, I loved you when I delivered you soup when you were sick and you threw up all over and I loved you when you came inside me and ran to the phone straight afterwards, I loved you when you gave me those stuffed animals and when you didn’t talk to me for days after you didn’t get the role you wanted, I loved you when you slept with another girl next to you and I loved you still when my father beat the shit out of me, kicked me out of the house and I had nobody else but you to call and you still ignored me when I needed you” 

His eyes widened

“2 broken bones, one being my nose and a chunk of my hair missing, hearing damage, concussion, my vocal cords were damaged, my whole body was yellow and purple, cuts all over my body, yet I still loved you, I tried to call for you in that state, twanted hold me gently again because I was young, I was stupid, so stupid to love a fucking guy who knew I loved him and yet he used me to satisfy his loneliness and sexual needs”

“I’m so sor-“

“Remember at that arcade I asked how you were so lucky and you said you used your luck wisely and asked me what I used mine on- that one big special wish.“

You lit another cigarette “You” you took a drag “I used all my luck on you, put all of my cards on the table, I bet everything on you, I loved you and ı spent everyday and every ounce of luck I had standing next to you hoping that I had enough to make you love me but the problem was that you were right, I wasn’t wise and now you shine under the stop light and ASK ME İF ı sell my body you piece of shit”

Your tears dry up “You know I loved you until the day I called you and asked for you to come help me and you didn’t and now I realize, there were a lot of people who hurt me in my life time, my father who beat on me every chance he got, my mother who ignored my pain for her husband, nit picking everything about me, my boss who tried to rape me before I came here Jia’s  family who told me that I wasn’t worthy enough for their daughter but no one and I mean no one hurt me as much as you. See you, you have such a special way of making me feel so weak and pathetic that makes me feel like I should have taken my life long ago.”

You looked at his expression, anger maybe sadness, a tear rolled down his face and yet you didn’t feel anything towards him, you even wondered if he was acting.

“But I never loved you” he weekly muttered “But I don’t want to loose you” 

He said it like he was a small child who didn’t understand why he was getting scolded

“You already lost me long ago.”

He shook his head like he didn’t want to believe.

“I hope you fall in love exactly how I did and I hope you pay for it. And if I have any luck left let me see it with my own eyes.”