What a catch

What if everything gets better in 2016

once you notice half of all memes are just a picture of a black person with unrelated text over them you really cannot unsee it

I think that if you had enough daughters AND played your cards right you could spring Mambo Number Five out at the EXACT right gathering and shatter your entire family's trust forever

The secret is to name them out of order with the lyrics so by the time anyone catches on it's too late

For me personally the ideal gathering would be my funeral

you're not allowed to bring wireless devices into classified areas and a security guy noticed a square phone-ish shape in my pocket so he asked me to show him what it was and i had to show him my can of pocket herring :/

We really went from "free the nipple" to "um the public didn't consent to you wearing a choker"

Around the same time as we went from "We need comprehensive safer-sex education in school because some non-negligible percent of teenagers will choose to have sex even if they're told not to" to "25 year old minor" and "17 year olds worried that they're pathological sex addicts for being horny while underage" and "11 year olds worrying that they're pedophiles because they're attracted to kids their own age."

"hear me out" and it's a picture of the most fuckable building you've ever seen. c'mon now.

“hear me out” and it’s the fucking dildopolis

I find it very amusing how much people are like "no free feet pics" and like, censor out their feet lest someone be turned on as if every single aspect of the human body isn't attractive for someone.

Time to chuckle about this again. This post is brought to you by someone censoring their feet on a video of them putting on a corset. You know the famously fetishized undergarment?

thank you ao3 for being an archive and not an algorithm. thank you for letting me like things without consequences, thank you for being free with no ads, thank you for having lawyers to defend our freedom of speech. thank you tag wranglers. thank you to all authors and thank you ao3

can't believe the only options are 30 minutes early or 10 minutes late. if only there were some other way. but what can you do

I wish depression were an emergency. I wish someone could take one look at how sick I am and go “oh my god, we need to get you to a hospital!” and then when we get there I get rushed into surgery and the surgeons say “it’s a good thing you brought her here when you did, this is a seriously advanced case” and then they put me under and spend the next ten hours pulling metres of long, sticky black strands of gunk out of my body, throwing it immediately into an incinerator so that it can’t infect anyone else. And then they could stitch me back up and I could rest a few days, and when I leave the hospital everyone can see how much better I am and they congratulate me saying “well done, you’ve been so brave, I’m so glad you’re ok. I love you.”

Going to make a bold claim that the push for IMAX to be the ‘intended viewing’ of certain films contributes to cinemas dying.

No it's not. Poor people food rules everywhere else. The British have no excuse.