Hoe Tips

A few months ago, you said I looked “objectively really hot, actually, you’re definitely the hot one of us.” I laughed and thanked you because we have the kind of relationship that allows for that kind of banter. Your phrasing amused me. I took a little bow.

You asked me why girls get upset when guys comment on their bodies, and wondered why my reaction to you was different than, say, a girl’s reaction to a random guy on the street. Why I was mildly flattered, instead of scared or angry. You honestly didn’t understand, and wanted to know.

I tried explaining, but I think I left you more confused than I found you.

I have a better explanation now.

The first time I can remember a guy staring at my boobs, I was in eighth grade. I didn’t even notice; I was still a kid and was largely oblivious to such things. My dad, however,didnotice, and started glaring at the twentysomething stranger ogling his thirteen-year-old.

I couldmaybehave passed for fifteen back then. There was no way anyone would have mistaken me for an adult. That wasn’t the issue, though. To that guy, it wasn’t about who I was or how old I was. I was a set of boobs to him, not a person, certainly not a child.

My experience is pretty common. Girls start getting unwanted attention at a young age, and it happens for the rest of our lives. Men yell things at us on the street and invade our personal space on the bus or trolley when there are plenty of other seats. They try to look up our skirts when we sit down. They don’t listen when we try to rebuff them. We see reports of yet another girl raped on her way home last weekend, another woman whose body was found in a ditch. We’re told not to go out alone at night, to take someone with us even if we’re only driving to the store or the library or the gas station. We’re told to carry our keys like weapons, to park in the lot instead of the structure because it’s better to get rained on than raped and murdered. We’re told not to walk alone even during the day. We’re told close friends might rape us if they’ve had a bit to drink because they’re men, that it’s wrong, but it happens sometimes and we should be on our guard.

Imagine hearing that from the age of five. Imagine being told from childhood that men are more likely to hurt you than women are. Imagine knowing that, though you might be smart and well-trained, men will almost always be bigger and stronger than you, and you wouldn’t be able to beat most of them in a full-on fight. I can best my brother at arm-wrestling, yeah, but that doesn’t have many practical applications.

Now imagine that one of the people you’ve been taught to regard as a threat to your body says he wants your body. If he really does, you’ll have a hard time stopping him, and people will treat you as an object lesson for others, like you’d done something wrong for “letting” him hurt you. They’ll ask why you didn’t do more to protect yourself, why you wore that dress, or walked into the parking lot at that time, or talked to that person. Why you went out after dark or flirted with someone at a party.

I’m not saying all men are awful. I’m saying that decent men should be the norm, but there are a lot of men who aren’t, and who make us feel unsafe in our normal lives. We can’t tell the difference between decent people and potential rapists by looking.

What you said to me was meant as a compliment, and I took it as such. That’s because I’ve known you since we were kids, and I know you didn’t mean any harm. We have the kind of relationship where words like yours are appropriate, and you’ve never strayed outside the bounds of what’s okay. I don’t have that kind of relationship with the car full of drunken guys I walked past on the way home from D&D last weekend.

Girls get upset when guys comment on their bodies because we’re being treated like sources of pleasure, not people. We get angry because we can’t go about our business without having to worry about sexual predation. We get scared because, when it comes down to it, if a guy tried to act on his shouts of “Hey baby, nice tits, keep it up” we probably wouldn’t be able to stop him, and some would blame us.

- get rid of everybody in your life that makes you feel like shit about yourself. whether it’s a homegirl or a boyfriend they gotta GO honey. if this is not an option, at least try limiting contact. it’s hard to be confident when somebody is shitting on you (directly or indirectly) all the time.

- remind yourself every morning that you look good as fuck. you’re a baddie. you’re a queen. you’re the best thing since fuckin sliced bread, bitch. whether you believe it or not doesn’t matter. the more you tell yourself these things, the more you will begin to believe it.

- pamper yourself regularly. exfoliate. take long ass baths. get a pedicure. get a facial. whatever makes you and your body feel good (that’s safe and legal) do it, and do it regularly. take care of yourself. love yourself. you deserve the best.

- adopt a “no bullshit” attitude. do not tolerate disrespect of ANY kind. i’m not saying to pounce on everybody you come into contact with, but check people when they need to be checked. you teach others how to treat you. like i said, it’s hard to be confident when somebody is constantly disrespecting you.

- dress in a way that makes you feel confident. wear things you love. 

- wear cute panties and bras often, even if you don’t plan on having anybody else see them.

-also wear lingerie. whether it’s for yourself or somebody else. just wear it.

- don’t compare yourself to others. just because you see another girl that’s pretty doesn’t mean you’re not pretty. why can’t you both be pretty at the same time?

-build healthy positive relationships with other women. it’s always good to have girlfriend(s) to lean on when you’re not feeling your best, and it really helps to have a support system of women. stunt together. 💅

THIS SHIT WORKS OKAY, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.

The last time I saw this on my dash, I didn’t think it would happen, so jokingly I wished I could go to a fun. concert.

AND GUESS WHAT, I WENT TO A FUCKING FUN. CONCERT.

I SAW THIS ON MY DASH THE OTHER DAY AND THOUGHT “ITS WORTH A TRY” SO I WISHED I COULD GET A 3DS

LITERALLY LIKE 4 DAYS LATER MY DAD SENT ME A PICTURE OF THE 3DS XL HE BOUGHT FOR ME WHILE I WAS AT SCHOOL

GUYS.

HE FUCKING CALLED ME 20 MINUTES LATER

20 FUCKNG. MINUTES. LATER.

“They see as stunningly beautiful woman and they cannot peel their eyes away from her but then ….”

I’m going to start by stating the obvious!

Men LOVE a CONFIDENT Woman! 

In one of my most popular posts ( The Three Layers of Confidence ) I talked about how the surface layer of confidence is how you portray yourself … and this all boils down to your body language.

The way you walk, the way you gesture, your facial expression, your smile and your voice are just a few of the things that encompass what the rest of the world initially sees.

I’ve been a dating for quite some time now and what I’ve found is that men (SD’s) value this a lot more than women and women tend to underestimate the importance of this. A lot of the time women are too busy thinking about the way they look, the way they dress and what type of men are around, that they forget all about their body language. If only these women knew the amount of men ( POTs and SD’s) thats I’ve spoken to who have experienced the following situation: They see as stunningly beautiful woman and they cannot peel their eyes away from her …. but then the see her move … she walks around with a slouch and all her energy points towards the ground! Suddenly that woman becomes unattractive. Her physical features have not changed but the man’s perception has done a complete U-turn, simply because the girl looks unconfident and doesn’t own her presence.

The advice I’m about to give doesn’t just apply to women, it applies to EVERYONE!

1)      Hold yourself the right way.

When you walk around, one of the most attractive things you can do is carry yourself right. Keep your shoulders pointed back and push your chest up, (as if a string was pulling your chest from above). Maintaining a strong frame communicates to other sub-concious that you are a woman to be taken seriously.

2)      Don’t be afraid to gesture when you talk. 

Standing there all rigid isn’t going to get you the attention of any interesting or affluent man! Be fluid with your hand movements. It shows power and confidence. Open palm gestures are better over ‘closed palm gestures’, simply because they’re more welcoming, and that is what you want. You want to be approachable.

3)      Stop crossing your arms. 

This is something I learned from the age of 16 when my mentor pointed out to me how defensive I look when I cross your arms. People often cross their arms when they are angry or hurt or defensive: they come off cold and closed. I understand that sometimes, when we are in a stressful or uncomfortable environments, we cross our arms,( and often we do it subconsciously) :ut I want you to become more aware of your body. Try to notice those moments when you cross your arms and stop! Practice makes perfect. Now I’m 20 and I can’t fathom the idea of crossing my arms unless I’m cold.

4)      Don’t clutch your bag around your shoulder when you are walking. 

It’s a nervous sign and you look like you are hiding something. Just Relax! … If you find yourself in a tense situation, a really great thing to do is to breathe slower. Shifting your breathing to a more controlled and slower level will immediately relax you. I often do this when I’m in a lecture theater with over 100 people and I’m about to be the first one to ask a question. I put my hand straight up in the air and in the few seconds before I am called on, I zone out, slow my breathing down and then ask my question. That way when everyone turns to stare at the ebony, Irish/American acented girl who just asked a daring question.. I can hadle my classmates eyes burning into my soul!. And because my body language is on point, everyone who turns to look at me now sees a confident girl. In one brief moment, I have shaped their perception of me to my advantage. You won’t believe how many times this has helped me stand out to a potential mentor/boss/interviewer, before I’ve even spoken directly to them.

Now that you’ve got the basics down, we are going to work on how body language changes through every interaction.

At the beginning of the interaction you want to have a fun, energetic and an exciting persona. If you are an SB and you are freestyling, what you want is for men to be approaching you. If you are a business person and you are networking at an event, again, you want people to be approaching you. So approachable body language plays a key part at the beginning of this type of social interaction.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that this is just down to you…. No, no, no! This is down to you and your friends or team mates or whoever you keep in your company. 

For example, you’re out in the city and you’ve struck gold. You and your friend have stumbled upon the perfect 5 star bar that is just flooded with potential men/clients/mentors. 

Now if you and your acquaintances are all standing close together facing each other in a near circle-like formation, you have immediately made it very difficult for anyone to come over to you! What you want is to have your associates standing side by side, similar to a V- Formation (this is perfect for smaller groups). This way you can still have a conversation with your company, while making it open and easy for someone to join the interaction. Even better, at the  same time you can be scanning the room to find your next interest.

 Do this and you will find a lot more people will approach you. Ladies, never forget that one of the hardest things a gentleman can do is approach a beautiful woman when she is out with her friends. Not only does he have to walk all the way over , interrupt your conversation, risk being rejected or even laughed at, and then have to do the potential walk of shame back to his friends/affiliates. So it’s your job to make it as easy as possible for him to approach you.

As you move through the conversation, don’t be afraid to slow things down. Especially if you are trying to seduce a potential sugar daddy or date. You want to slow things down a bit and make the interaction a bit more sensual. Slow down your gestures, if you are drinking something, increase the time it takes for the glass to meet your soft lips. Make more eye contact. Play with your expressions and don’t be afraid to squint your eyes a in a flirty yet seductive manner (you know exactly what I’m talking about).

Do keep in mind that this isn’t about being overly sexual: there is nothing more unappealing than a woman that is trying too hard to be sexy.

Try these steps in your everyday life and you will soon notice they will become an integral part of your physical essence. The more you practice, the better you get and it won’t be long before people look at you and  immediately percieve tha you are a high value, confident person.

Xxxx

BronzedSugarUK

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