a cautious look, glacial eyes lowering to the glove, there he knows diluc once harboured the delusion. he could still feel the residual remnants of the abyss that might never leave his brother after using it for so long. ' ... how is your hand ? '
🔥 — though it seemed to be quite rare for one to catch master diluc without a crease in his brow, a soft little line giving the general public a glimpse of how he carried his stress, there was one common thread between each time dawn's features relaxed: his brother. diluc's skin smoothed over, no lines in his forehead or beside his nose, giving an even more youthful appearance to a man who had only entered adulthood several years prior. despite the fact that kaeya put a vast amount of effort into being a thorn in diluc's side, and that he seemed to find immense amounts of glee in truly living up to the 'annoying little brother' title that was so affectionately bestowed upon him, he was also diluc's safe haven, a home to return to when hope was lost and nerves were frayed. sometimes acknowledging how much he cared for kaeya left his chest aching with a pain that not even a sword between his ribs could compete with — it was a sharp reminder that everything in this life is temporary, and he should not get too comfortable.
kaeya's voice, gentle though it was, severed diluc's thoughts at the root, and while it took a moment for the redhead's empty gaze to break away from the wall behind frostwind's shoulder, life returned to fiery eyes upon meeting kaeya's own. ❝ hm? ❞ regarding his brother with a look of mild confusion, dawn took a moment to replay the words over in his mind. 'how is your hand?' ah, that. now that he was more attentive the words finally sank in, and diluc realized quite belatedly that he was massaging the back of the hand in question, little back and forth movements with his thumb between the metacarpals. normally he'd have dropped his hands to his sides, shrugging off the question and using it to change the topic, but instead now noctua opted to be honest. this was kaeya, after all, and kaeya was the most observant man diluc knew — and after everything they'd been through together, he could be sure that attempting to lie to his brother would simply drive them further apart. diluc was a poor liar, of that he was well aware, but he also knew kaeya to be someone who gave what he got, and if diluc started hiding things kaeya was likely to close himself off as well.
❝ i think i've overworked it this week, ❞ mouth curved into a soft frown, and he tugged at the wrist of his glove, pulling it to fit snugly once more. ❝ nothing major, not at the moment. ❞ memories ran through his head as if they were stills in a kamera, one by one coating his thoughts in thick, viscous ooze, a feeling he now related so closely to the insurmountable rage he once held within. it had been quite some time since diluc had used that delusion, but the toll it had taken was irreversible. he'd wielded that weapon with great strength and blinding accuracy, and it had taken to him like a loyal companion; the ease with which dawn had struck down the lives of fatui across snezhnaya might only be thanks to that power. despite how alluring it was to hold that much capability in one's hands, not bestowed upon him by celestia but rather by fate itself, the relationship kindled between diluc and his father's delusion was anything but symbiotic.
it had taken too long for diluc to acknowledge that the device was harming him, devouring his vitality with its endless, insatiable maw, and longer still to come to terms with the idea that he would need to let it go or the consequences would be innumerable. ❝ i think about it, sometimes. ❞ his voice had gone quieter, a little less sure — he'd never really detailed the effect it had on him aloud. ❝ the delusion, i mean. it felt like the most important thing in the world for so long, i think i lost a lot of myself to it. ❞ for a moment, dawn hesitated, glancing up to kaeya as he considered whether or not he should continue. ❝ and i... i still feel it, as if it's left behind a residue that won't come clean — sometimes i think my hand is the least of my concerns. ❞ swallowing thickly, he resumed the rubbing motions with his thumb. ❝ i get this eerie feeling in the back of my mind that the cost may have shaved years off my life. ❞