hi there-

He found himself at this hour in the spell of her body, in the complex architecture of her past.

An aim in life is the only fortune worth finding. - Robert Louis Stevenson

The best way out is always through. - Robert Frost

There’s so much more to life than finding someone who will want you, or being sad over someone who doesn’t. There’s a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way, and it doesn’t need to be painful or empty. You need to fill yourself up with love. Not anyone else. Become a whole being on your own. Go on adventures, fall asleep in the woods with friends, wander around the city at night, sit in a coffee shop on your own, write on bathroom stalls, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others, smile a lot. Do all things with love, but don’t romanticize life like you can’t survive without it. Live for yourself and be happy on your own. It isn’t any less beautiful, I promise.

You don’t need another human being to make your life complete, but let’s be honest. Having your wounds kissed by someone who doesn’t see them as disasters in your soul, but cracks to put their love into, is the most calming thing in this world.

there is something to be said about the moments that we wish we could do over — from the small embarrassments to the wounds that we allow ourselves to marinate in for decades i used to fasten myself tightly onto the idea that if i had just not met that one person, or made that one mistake, my pawn in the game of life would win this time i will tell you what would’ve happened if i really had not met that one person, or made that one mistake i would’ve missed years of getting myself entangled with new lives, creating a messy web of different frequencies and heartbeats entertwined somehow with one another i would’ve missed years of planting roots and trees, chewing bubblegum, buying a souvenier i love from a museum i hate, trying variations of mango smoothies, writing letters with permanent pens to temporary people i would’ve missed years of consuming knowledge i would gain from losing an ex-lover, littering their things in the fireplace, and eventually allowing my heart to swell up again for someone else and i would’ve missed years of committing sin, committing time, learning to someday commit myself there is something to be said about dumb assignments that ask you to write letters to your past self, as if you could do over something, as if you should. you are meant to marinate in these mistakes for decades, to learn from them, to soak up the ounces of hate and love and soon-to-be-forgotten memories so here is my message to my past self: i hope you fuck up; i hope you unforgettably, grotesquely, royally fuck up.