Not So Blindsided

I’m feeling much less bitter today, less nauseous. We had a slight emergency with our two year old though and it pained me not to be able to just sink into my husbands hug after it was over with. It felt like physically being ripped in half. You want to feel the comfort but on the other hand if he even touches you it instantly makes you want to vomit all over again or punch him in the face. Oh the joys of being on the road to divorce 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s been about a year since we walked out of the mediators office and he changed his mind about the divorce. I guess I was naive enough to think he’d been trying all this time to make things better. As per usual he started getting more and more distant recently then bam “I’ve really been trying and sometimes I can’t imagine being without u and other times I want to be as far away from you as possible. I think we’re in love with the idea of our family but I’m not happy.” Shoulda fuckin seen that coming 🙄 and it’s not like I didn’t I just wish he wouldn’t have wasted the last year pretending cause he sure as hell wasnt “trying.” So now after spending the day having feelings about the end of our ten year relationship 4 married, I’ll fix my boss bitch crown and get shit done. I won’t lie I’m relieved. We have two kids and I’m sick of playing mom to him too cause he can’t do shit for himself. This post is a fucking word vomit mess and it’s all over the place, my apologies I just needed to vent. The best part of this day is when he asked if I was going to speak to him with attitude and resentment for how ever long we still live together...no bitch I promise it will be even longer 😏