i can be perfectly fine with the imperfect life i have

do not be afraid to care deeply

When it comes to relationships, give yourself (and others) a chance. You can't be sure that others will leave or find you unlovable or "weird" the moment you'll start showing your true self unless you try (and even if they would, it doesn't mean they won't accept you. And if so, better people will come); and tbh even people pleasing won't save you: your mind might tell you otherwise, like "I'm always doing/saying what they want and therefore they need me/cannot hate me or leave", but the thruth is they can actually leave anyway. You cannot know if someone cares or not if you never ask for help/try to be vulnerable but try to do everything on your own (you know, trusting and vulnerability are a strenght sign, much more than being so independent); you cannot be sure that you'll be forever alone, unless you keep fearing to be abandoned, not be vulnerable and real (which is kinda needed in an healthy relationship, no matter what your emotionally immature/unstable caregivers have taught you in your childhood), and not putting yourself out there: you're the one blocking yourself. And if you feel like you cannot do it alone, you cannot sort this childhood trauma on your own, seek for help. Do it for yourself, and nobody else. You deserve to experience a good life and healthy relationships.

(through gritted teeth) i love being out of my comfort zone it is necessary for my personal development