*fox mulder gender envy*

not knowing how to react in social situations so he relies on scripting and gesture (re: the thumbs up)

hyperfixation on trees

special interest in tibet

dressing almost exactly the same way everyday (part of this is probably because he’s an FBI agent but still)

constantly infodumping

having trouble recognising humour and sarcasm (“you’re making a joke!”)

highly specific eater (we see this with his love of coffee and pie, his extremely detailed breakfast order)

extraordinarily detailed and observant

trouble expressing feelings (“i am honoured beyond my ability to express myself”)

meditation as a way of dealing with overstimulation

time to elaborate on this one boys;

set before the events of twin peaks, but a few weeks AFTER the murder of theresa banks

pretend the x files started like a few years before it did - this is set in between seasons 1 and 2

because of the disappearance of agent chet desmond, the blue rose division is being seriously downsized from the tiny budget it already had

to kill two birds with one stone, the x-files department and blue rose task force are being compartmentalised instead of being shut down- that way they don’t have to reassign mulder and can keep them all busy on limited funds

gordon cole, respectively is assigned to work alongside skinner, both attempting to combine normal fbi work with the weirdos in the basement they are partially responsible for

coop, albert, mulder, and scully are all shoved into a tiny office off of the beaten track with a bunch of cold case x-files and expected to stay there for a good long while

albert and scully are basically psychically linked but disagree about literally everything and are at each others’ throats constantly - the only time they agree on anything is to disagree with coop and mulder

mulder and coop talk once and instantly become obsessed with each other and impossible to separate (cooper spends a good amount of time at mulder’s apartment and neither of them acknowledge it- he gets a key dropped in his hand two weeks later and almost cries)

while not technically quitting, their idea of “working for the government is basically using the fbi’s money and doing whatever the fuck they want

just imagining albert and scully starting a betting pool about when mulder and cooper are going to sleep together already

denise is too good for this world and absolutely covers for them when they do dumb shit, after spending twenty minutes explaining how and why they fucked up- once she gets promoted, she helps their funding and is basically a legend

albert absolutely does not understand what the fuck mulder is doing 90% of the time (“i gotta say coop, i thought you were the weirdest guy i’d ever meet with all your tibet bullshit, what the fuck is this?” “shh, albert, it detects alien activity- you’ll disrupt it” “what kind of backwater shitsville methodology-“ “albert, quiet!!!”)

at some point scully points out the fact that none of them are straight and from then on they exclusively call themselves the “fruity bureau of investigation”, though never around other people

scully meets denise for the first time and instantly falls in love (everyone does because,,, cmon,,, it’s denise)