to be loved and to be in love

Louis' pov

2 months in and I've started living with the lingering emptiness..

Even the emptiness seems to fade every time I am with Zayn or Liam or Niall or my family. I told them about the breakup a month ago. Liam was with me when I told them. That helped a lot as he was there to make sure I didn't back out. I didn't want to do that. Back out and lie to them.

They were disappointed but managed to hide it pretty darn well but I knew, it's Harry ofcourse they were not happy about me breaking his heart.. neither was I.

I am getting used to the new normal. I am not over Harry, and I don't know if I ever will be able to do that. Is it really possible to get over the love of my life who also happens to be my first love. I don't know. Maybe or maybe not.

Lately I've started to think that maybe we just needed time off and ending the relationship was not the best decision. Maybe there is still a chance. I just hope that he will let me fix what I broke.

I should probably get ready. Niall convinced me to go out with him tonight. Not sure if that's a good idea but I'm bored at home and I feel like there's nothing left on Netflix for me to watch. He will probably get here soon.

2 hours later

*3rd person pov*

Louis and Niall reach the club and get in with no issues. They are immediately escorted to the VIP area before people start recognising them. They start enjoying themselves. Louis starting to feel like he doesn't have to stay caged up in his house anymore. After about an hour passes, they hear some increase in the noise coming from the dance floor.

"Wait here lou, I'll ask what that's about"

"Hmm sure" says Louis who feels a bit too tired to get up to check it out.

A few minutes later Niall comes rushing back

"We've got to go now. Come on mate"

"But why? Is something wrong?"

"Umm yeah, I think people have started to notice that we are here. "

"Oh shit. Come on ni. I really do not feel like dealing with the paps right now"

They get out of the VIP section which was conviniently located near the back exit probably to allow celebrities to sneak out without having to deal with the fans or pappartzi.

" Hey lou, there is no cell phone reception here. I'll go figure out a way to call the driver. Will you be okay waiting here?"

"Yeah sure. No worries"

Louis who was more drunk than Niall did not mind being able to sit while Niall who had just finished a glass of beer figure out how to get them home.

About two minutes later he hears the door open and before he turns around to check who it is.

A voice he knows very well says "Louis?"

Louis turns around to see Harry standing there, shocked and speechless.

He feels himself sober up in seconds and all he can think of are the words "haz... I am so sorry for everything. Is there any way you can forgive me and give me another chance?"

He feels the words pouring out of him with no filter or pause button.

Harry opens his mouth to say something. Tears threatening to fall out but before he can say anything, the door opens and a woman comes out and looks at Louis her expression changes into a frown and just as quickly into a fake smile as she turns to harry.

"Baby, come on in. Everyone is waiting for you hun"

Harry gives him an apologetic look but Louis doesn't see it, still in shock he walks away without looking back at harry or the woman and bumps into niall with tears streaming down his face and no words to tell niall about what happened. Surprisingly Niall doesn't ask any questions or even seem surprised.

It's here!!!!

Louis' pov

It's been a week since I broke up with Harry..

My formerly clean apartment is now filled with empty takeout boxes, bottles of beer and a bunch of other other drinks... I know I look bad but.. I don't have the energy to clean myself up.. i can't remember the last time I drank water.. I wouldn't be surprised if it was a week ago.

Liam came here once or twice but I didn't let him in.. I think Niall came once, I don't remember, I was probably too drunk to remember. I don't think anyone at home know about this. Unless Liam called them, which he probably didn't.. yet..

As I'm trying to decide if I want to get a glass of water, I hear a knock..

It's probably Liam again.. I'll have to open it sometime.. might as well get it over with.

As I walk up to the door and open it, I can barely see anything because my eyes are used to the darkness and the hallway is brighter than I want it to be. But as my eyes get used to the light, I see Zayn?

"Oh dear I really am drunk aren't I.. "

"What?"

"Wait.. Zayn? You're really here?"

"Yeah Louis.. "

"But.. how? Wh-"

Before I can finish the sentence, I see Liam getting out of the elevator .

"Did he tell you?" , I ask Zayn

"Yeah"

While I'm trying to process everything happening, Liam and Zayn manage to get into the house.. and that was probably not the best decision. Considering the fact that the place looked like a blizzard hit it.

I walk in behind them expecting pity and disapproval but. I see Liam taking groceries out of the bag in his hand that I hadn't noticed and getting ready to make something and Zayn starting to clean up everything.

I don't really know what to do right now..

Should I ask them why they are here or how Liam managed to get in contact with Zayn or how he agreed to come or help them?

After a while they must have noticed me just standing there and Zayn walks towards me.

"Louis"

"Hmm yeah"

"You smell.."

"What?"

"You smell.. go take a shower while we finish up here"

I don't know if the situation is just weird or the amount of alcohol in my body is making it more confusing than it is.

"Umm okay?"

And I hear Liam walking towards me And saying

"Here, drink water before you go" while he hands me a glass of water.

I feel very disconnected but I've been feeling like that for a while so. Guess I should take a shower.

30 minutes later

After getting out of the shower, I walk into a room that is completely clean and i see Liam and Zayn finishing up on the food.

How did Liam manage to bring Zayn here?

What is happening?

Why am I hurting?

Reality seems to be creeping in and yet I feel the disconnect lingering.

By the end of the night, Liam and Zayn had managed to clean the house, feed me and get me to a much more presentable condition.

I am still confused about how Liam pulled this off but I might have an idea considering how much he is flirting with Zayn. Or atleast trying, that boy really needs to get better at flirting. But I guess he is doing something right . Zayn seems to be giving him heart eyes constantly.

Well atleast they are at a better place than I am. As much as I'm hurting, I can't resist being happy for them.

A few hours later

It's almost 11pm . I should probably put some effort into feeling better, maybe fixing my sleep schedule will help with that.

"Okay lads ,I should probably go to sleep now. You are welcome to stay if you want"

"Oh yeah it is getting late isn't it.. no Lou go to sleep, me and Zayn will get going. Zayn has a plane to catch and I should probably get home too."

"Well okay. Goodnight and thankyou for .. everything I guess. I never did not realise that I needed a friend and you did that for me. Thank you for realising what I didn't"

"Come on man. You know I don't need a thank you. And take care okay. I'll try to come over tomorrow"

"Thanks Li. It means a lot "

"Goodnight Lou. call me okay soon. Or I will" ,Zayn interrupts before Liam anwers

"Goodnight man. I will and thank you for coming over and knocking some sense into my head. Both of you"

"Goodbye Lou"

"Bye "

And I'm

Louis' pov

I don't want to do this..

I don't want to hurt him, but I'll only hurt him more if I don't do this..

I have to do this, protect him from me..

I hear footsteps and turn around to see him standing there. The tear stains now gone and for a second I forget about everything and feel love.. just pure love and eventually that love reminds me of reality..

Before I can say anything, I hear him talk..

"Lou, I'm sorry.. I'm so so sorry. I know that you are not cheating on me with her and I was just being paranoid and jealous and.... I don't know"

And he starts walking towards me.

"I should not make a big deal about her and I know that but everytime I see pictures or videos of you together, I just feel so irrelevant and I hate that feeling"

Is he apologizing for being human.. oh Harry.. he can't possibly think this is his mistake or that he is in the wrong here.. no. I won't let him suffer.. I won't let him blame himself. I have to fix this..

"Harry .. I don't want to do this... But I have to. I'm sorry baby, but I don't think this is working.. you deserve a relationship where you don't have to pretend or feel irrelevant.. I love you Harry and I don't know how I'll survive without you but I can't hurt you anymore.. we were friends first and as a friend, I have to let you go"

Silence

I finally look up and see his face and no expressions.. until a single tear drop runs down his face.

"But why Lou? Don't you love me anymore? Am I too emotional? Because I can fix that.. I won't fight over these things Lou.. please.. I love you"

"No Harry , I love you.. I love you more than anything in the world which is why I have to leave. This relationship is hurting you and I know it doesn't feel like it but...you're better off without me"

He didn't say anything and I get him a glass of water. Go into my room and bring out the bags I had finished packing only an hour ago and give Harry one last kiss.. I don't want to go, leave, stop kissing him. But eventually I pull away and see the tears running down his face..

"It'll get better Harry, and maybe someday we can be friends again. I love you. And I'm leaving because of me okay, not because of you... Bye curly"

I kiss his forehead and walk out the front door with my bags and head towards my car but I can't really see anything because of the tears so I call Liam..

He rushes here to see me in my car, crying and drives me to my empty apartment that hasn't been used in ages .. and he has questions but doesn't ask any.. I tell him to go when he insists on staying with me for a while and eventually he leaves ..

Emptiness.. haven't experienced that in a while.. 

What are they do adorable for

Prologue

Louis' pov

Darkness

All I can see is darkness.

That's odd, Harry usually opens the blinds

Oh, yesterday.. I forgot about the fight. Why did we have to fight, again.. we love each other.. or atleast I love him, I've started to doubt if he loves me too..

The memories from yesterday are all rushing into my mind. It feels so distant, so unreal.

Was I even there? Was it all just a bad dream? Oh I hope it was just a nightmare. It felt like one.

I look around the room and see no signs of Harry. The place next to me on the bed is cold. The nightmare has started to shift into reality.

Maybe he's just making breakfast or maybe he went for a run. Atleast I hope that's it.

I find the energy to get up and go to the kitchen, and it's empty. No Harry, no note, nothing.

Where is he, I need him. I need to know that he is okay, because I am not and I don't think he is either.

He always looks so strong, so okay, so happy but he isn't always so strong which is okay and I love every part of him except nobody realises that he is suffering and he never gets any help offered to him.

I frantically run around the house looking for him and, is that a Disney movie? Where is that sound coming from?

I walk into the guest bedroom and there he is. Asleep, he looks so small.

All I want to do is run in there and hug him and tell him I am sorry and make him feel better but. Something tells me not to.

Maybe it's the fact that something in my head keeps saying that I'm hurting him, that he deserves better.

So I turn the tv and cover him up with a blanket and I can see the tear stains on his face and..

Yes, he deserves better than me. He deserves more than what I have to offer..

I promised to protect him but never knew that I'd be protecting him from myself. Nevertheless, I plan on keeping my promise no matter what.

Okay so I'm gonna be posting the prologue soon.. please feel free to give me suggestions... Or evem ask questions...