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@hikarudi3d
#HIKARUDI3D — independent and selective hikaru indou & "hikaru". heavily au based. 21+ only. affiliated and exclusive with thesumm3r. triggers will include but are not limited to: body & psychological horror, death, suicide, gore, derealisation, cannibalism, internalised homophobia.
⋆₊ prompts. ⋆₊ inbox. ⋆₊ pinterest.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐃 & 𝐁𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐆𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐃 — independent and selective ivan & till from VIVNOS' alien stage. managed by levi & dirk. 21+ only. consume me. yes, me.
@thesumm3r — “i just like having you around. that's all.”
hikaru's face does this funny thing. it's when he tries to do three expressions at once, some mix of disbelief and amused derision and the way someone looks when they're about to say duh. “er, yeah,” he says after a beat, lips furrowed, eyebrows smeared across his forehead because they're trying to raise and bunch at the same time. “i'm yer best friend. no ‘that’s all' about it.” their bond is a fireforged thing, even now. maybe especially now, now that there's this big secret pressing in on them both. maybe it should be more surprising that yoshiki still likes his company. hikaru's never doubted it before, and there's enough of him left that he figures he's still somewhat pleasant to be around.
oh. a thought hits him like a sharp gale, dropping the solid foundation of his stomach out from under him. kinda selfish, huh? he'd been assuming this whole time that yoshiki loved him enough to make no matter and hadn't spared a thought for the alternative. he worries his lip between his teeth for all of a moment, eyes shifting to the sky. “'s good havin' you around, too. 's like… i need you, you know?”
kevin can eff himself sentence starters (pt three)
living in new england is just like that. warnings for emotional abuse, murder, kidnappings. feel free to change wording and pronouns as needed.
"she's trying to play the victim here?"
"we have to make it look like none of this ever happened."
"this isn't normal. none of this is normal."
"we'll fix it together, okay?"
"you're too good for him."
"i think it's technically kidnapping, not hostage taking."
"i was made for politicking."
"it seemed justifiable. but it wasn't, and it's not."
"he's tied up and bleeding. we did that."
"the only thing serious about me is my heart condition."
"he's a distraction, alright?"
"i've never hurt him before."
"he's not a complete idiot. he just wants you to think he is."
"i always knew you'd take after mom."
"you're a useless piece of shit just like dad."
"isn't that what you wore last night?"
"it's not my fault. i get overwhelmed."
"he laughs when you bleed."
"it's terrible being sick and alone."
"i know you don't like her, but you really don't know her."
"i don't know why I'm bothering to try and make you care."
"you always do what she says."
"this self-destructive bullshit is just playing the victim again."
"people who show up at front doors without calling are very intense."
"you have the general vibe of a sad dog in a cone."
"if you want to stay here, you can stay here."
"do you want me to stay?"
"no one wants to read about me."
"i don't want to be me anymore."
"we really can't make out at a funeral."
"ever since i started talking to you, i don't think i've had one day that's felt normal."
"i don't want to think about it, i don't want to talk about it. i just want to pretend like it never happened at all."
"you don't have to pretend to like something just to make someone happy."
"i'm not very good at fun."
"if you want to have fun, you have to be ready to haul ass at any moment."
"if i were to get you a nice surprise, what would it be?"
"what do you want to do for your birthday?"
"it makes me very good at sex."
"i kind of miss having a little noise in my life."
"i need a death certificate."
"how long have you and that guy been having an affair?"
"a lot of people would say i should get a divorce."
"he messed up, and i fixed it."
"are you actually helping?"
"these are your people."
"should i go somewhere else to smoke?"
"no one's ever thrown me a party before."
kevin can eff himself sentence starters (pt four)
living in new england is just like that. warnings for emotional abuse. feel free to change wording and pronouns as needed.
"you didn't finish something. how is that news?"
"i have figured out a way to take back my narrative."
"you didn't tell me you were coming over."
"do you want to move in with me?"
"i just like having you around. that's all."
"you might be the best thing in my life, and i want to spend all my time with you."
"i think it could be really good for both of us."
"maybe that stuff was worth it when i thought we might actually be together."
"i don't think it'll be any less sketchy with the lights are on."
"that was a very interesting sex story that you just told me."
"that makes it even sexier."
"stop trying to act so brave."
"i swore i'd never talk to a cop without a lawyer present."
"funniness is my greatest strength. that and my muscles. and everything else, including my brain."
"you're too hot to have a sense of humor."
"it'd just make me feel better if you'd admit this might not be the best idea."
"i'm so glad that you're back from your little crying thing."
"it's weird wanting something so bad and finally getting it."
"do i look like a man who lives by a clock?"
"you can use me to rebel all you want."
"i just feel like i don't know how to have any fun."
"you must laugh all the time with a guy like that."
"you deserve to be satisfied."
"i shouldn't read into this, right?"
"i've been really shitty to him lately."
"having sex with me is weird and stupid?"
"i don't want to have to worry about him."
"i can't be stupid about this."
"she's wrapped up in something bad."
"there's a reason drinking rhymes with thinking."
"i'm trying really hard not to care."
"how about i take you home?"
"that's a problem for you."
"i've never been a problem for you."
"she did this because she thought it would fix everything, not because she wanted to."
"she wants to be found."
"you've been a jerk to me for forever, i think."
"i don't think you're the enemy."
"what is so wrong with staying where you grew up?"
"i want to sit out there and smoke and not worry about what anybody else needs."
"i really thought it was the right thing to do."
"who says i want to leave?"
"if you're offended by what i said, i was just joking."
"i'm gonna talk, and you're gonna listen."
"you'll be back, begging for help or money or attention before you know it."
"babe, you're not capable."
"i will fucking destroy you."
"how about you stop being a fucking idiot and you call me back, okay?"
"let's die alone together."
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@hikarudi3d asked : "it feels good to be sad." / from "hikaru"…
"gets old fast." if hikaru's temporary death had done anything, it was giving yoshiki's emotions the wake-up they'd needed. he spent the months before numb, muted in ways he hadn't noticed until the fog lifted. even when he found his body, he'd struggled to react; the physical sensations washed over him long before the emotional ones. lately, though, he feels. and he mostly feels negatively. he hasn't yet decided if the positive feelings make it worthwhile. he misses the miserable stillness of the village. he kicks his foot against the side of "hikaru's" and studies his face. same face as always. "are you sad?"
“eh. i never really know, ya know?” it's funny, how limited this vessel really is. there's a timeless knowledge sitting deep somewhere in the mass of it, nebulous and ever-folding inside and out. accessing what should be second nature proves harder than most anything. it doesn't know if the indou boy is pushing back against the confines of the mind, caterwauling and protesting against the yawning cavern that is the truth of them, or if the mind it stole is just too simple for the full scope to be clear as it would like. either way, it only drinks deep when it can, and soaks up the rest passively. “i mean, i can cry. i know what's supposed to be sad. but there's this shape inside me.” the creature gestures with both hands, holds an imaginary ball at chest-height. all a ruse to cover the sharp kick to yoshiki's ankle. “the shape is empty.”
@hikarudi3d asked : "would we survive in a horror movie?" / from hikaru
he peeks up from where he's buried in his pillow, his latest attempt at sleep thwarted again by hikaru's midnight musings. he's tired. he thinks about it, though, and he thinks their odds of survival are pretty low. they'd probably arrest him for the murders before the killers could get to them -- half the village thinks he's a budding psycho anyways. and hikaru ... he can't imagine hikaru anything other than this, bright and loud even when whispering by moonlight, but hikaru isn't a horror movie type of bright. "i think you'd be one of the last to die. but you'd still die."
it's not what he wanted to hear. hikaru crows indignantly, sticking his head above the mess of blankets he's made of himself. all his hair stands to attention, sticking in clumps of static, all balled up like a half-blown dandelion. he doesn't disagree, necessarily, but the poking is half the fun and most of the reason he asked. “what? you don't think i got it in me? i'm fast!" nimble, too, dancing through life enough that everything seems to scrape on by. all his limbs coil like spings, like he's ready to dart across the room and prove it despite the hour, despite the promise that he'd quieten down now the day is asleep. “and i got you backing me up. we'd look out for each other.”
@thesumm3r — “has anyone ever taken care of you?”
it has been given gifts for almost as long as it has been given form. thinking back to the earliest step, the moss-drenched knees of the indou man that wept and begged, it can see the shape of care; love, fear, the way the two dance like butterflies. the body's head tilts, some gesture of curiosity, or perhaps confusion. yoshiki feels like that, sometimes. a desperate thing laying a desire before it, asking for penance or peace or relief. without question, it will accept. the nature of being is to grant and give. “what, like a baby?”
@thesumm3r — “i don't want to be interesting, it's too hard.”
“drama queen.” hikaru feels his whole head move with the words, jawing as literally as possible against his crossed wrists. the only reason he ain't showering yoshiki with projectiles is he's comfortable where he is, a lounging cat in the sprawling sunspot of their sun room. half-free from the hands of sleep, he buries his brows into the crook of his elbow to muffle a yawn. “you think bugs try and be interestin' to ya? they just are, and people that like ‘em just like ’em no matter what.” it's the best he can do with what he's got, the bubbling uncertainty low in his stomach. hikaru doesn't often spare himself the time for thoughts like this. “everyone's interestin' to someone.”
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤwhat if the stars tied us in secret knots?
what if i am fated to rediscover you each time i return?
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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got ahead of myself and was too lazy to do verse tags "because i don't need them". incorrect
vii. before. 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙤𝙮 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙖 𝙗𝙤𝙙𝙮.
viii. together. 𝙪𝙜𝙡𝙮 𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙖𝙗𝙞𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙮.
@thesumm3r — how many girls have you said that to?
“'s always about girls with you, eh?” ain't like he's much of a ladykiller, despite all of the so-called interest. hikaru's insistent he can sniff it out - his second sense, he calls it, more powerful than taste and touch combined - but yoshiki's the one asking all the questions. the answers don't interest hikaru as much as they do him, it seems. “all i said was i'd help her out if she needed it. smart girl, she said she ain't interested in some halfwit lookin' over her shoulder.” something to that effect, anyway. maybe not at all. he wasn't really listening. “look, point is, you need to teach me up. i'm losin' out here ‘cause i don’t know anything! ain't fair for you to keep all that knowledge up there for yourself.” lightly, hikaru raps his knuckles across yoshiki's forehead, grinning all the while. “let me in there. i wanna look around.”
𝗣𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗧 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗦 - 𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗧 𝗢𝗡𝗘.
various starters taken from my pinterest homepage. feel free to adjust/edit as needed.
"we kissed in my dream."
"they tell me i'm fussy."
"kind of a shithead, but at least he's gay."
"just let me know that you're mine."
"i want to be your dog."
"he loves you, darling boy."
"sometimes, you need to let it all out."
"violence aside, he's actually a really nice guy."
"i knew i was wrong ten minutes ago. i'm just trying to piss you off, now."
"he's a joy to me."
"i don't want to be interesting, it's too hard."
"if i don't kill you, you'll kill me."
"hearing 'don't start' gives me a thrill. makes me really want to start."
"i'm fuckin' angry, man."
"let me light your cigarette."
"has anyone ever taken care of you?"
"do you think anything else under heaven really matters?"
"thanks for being nice to me."
"do you still love me?"
"how many girls have you said that to?"
"people never say that to a lucky person."
"you're a fucking star."
"there's no harm in kissing."
"i would've married you, if you stuck around."
"i want you. you scare me, a bit."
"what's the point in just being hurt on the inside? it should bloody well show."
"being in a bad mood is so humiliating."
more thoughts. i'm not necessarily presenting hikaru's wish to live as a selfish thing. it's more that he knew he had so much left to do and so much left to take care of. if he were to die, his mother would be all alone and vulnerable to the impurities that would be free to crawl down the mountain and pick at the people around her. she's immune thanks to being an indou, sure, but those she loves aren't. he has a responsibility thanks to being the youngest indou man as well. his grandfather is old and already hardworking enough. hikaru can't abide the thought of him coming up the mountain to keep nounuki-sama at bay because he has no choice. if he dies now, he fails to repent for the indou family's sin, leaves the remaining members of his family to shoulder that burden, and potentially dooms the rest of the village with them, as far as he understands. he needs to live to do his duty. dying is too close to giving up.
yoshiki, of course, is a huge factor. with everything happening with his family, hikaru is very aware of how isolated and watched he feels, and how he won't open up to any of the others about those feelings. the idea of leaving yoshiki alone and not only at risk of the impurities but at risk of shutting down completely is scarier than shaking the hand of the god his family has sworn to keep at bay. his love for yoshiki and the need to make sure he isn't alone is still a major part in the wish he makes, just tweaked slightly. a huge part of hikaru's character to me is the selflessness of the wish he makes and the desire rooted in protecting those around him from his decisions, and i want to make sure i'm preserving that characteristic here.
tags <3
i. study. 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙥𝙖𝙮 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙪𝙧𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣.
ii. hikaru. 𝙞 𝙖𝙢 𝙜𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙙𝙤 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙮𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛.
iii. nounuki-sama. 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙨𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙡 𝙤𝙛 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙝.
iv. yoshiki. 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙬𝙖𝙮. 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙖 𝙗𝙧𝙪𝙞𝙨𝙚.
v. inbox.
vi. dirk chat.
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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
taking a little break from graphics to yap (many such cases). the hikaru & “hikaru” here are very much different entities. the au explored on this blog has them sharing the body, both consciousnesses inhabiting the mind simultaneously, with varying degrees of control from moment to moment. let me be clear; this is explicitly an act of possession, a bargain struck by a dying hikaru in a moment of desperation and fear. i in no way intend to “borrow” or integrate any references to dissociative identity disorder into this portrayal. i don't have did myself and i'm icky on implying that alters are monstrous or inherently supernatural or anything like that. “hikaru” is 100% a strange, eldritch mountain-god brought into being by belief, suffering, loss and bargaining. it is an otherworldly being that slotted in to hikaru's dying mind to both grant his wish and serve its own goals.
cheezbot post pspsps
